Told Interviewer Jokes
44 told interviewer jokes and hilarious told interviewer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about told interviewer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Told Interviewer Short Jokes
Short told interviewer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The told interviewer humour may include short interviewer jokes also.
- In an interview the boss asked me Do you have any experience? . I told him yes, this is my 20th interview .
- During an interview, the interviewer told me to describe myself using 3 adjectives. My response was... "Lazy."
- I went for my interview to be a bus driver I told them 'Sorry I'm late'
They said 'you're hired' - At a job interview I was asked if I can perform under pressure... I told them no, but I'm really good at Bohemian Rhapsody.
- At a job interview, they asked me how well I could perform under pressure. I told them I could hum a few bars, but I was more of a fan of Bohemian Rhapsody.
- So I got a new job, and at the interview they told me I would be making millions... I'll be working at the U.S. Mint.
- Just left an interview and they told me there'd be a drug test. I'm not worried, though. I know a lot about drugs, so it should be a pretty easy test.
- I had a job interview today. They asked how well I performed under pressure.
"Not bad", I told them, "but I'm much better at 'We Will Rock You'!" - I applied for a job as a Photographer Despite a negative interview, the boss told me that he can develop my talent in the dark room.
- I got asked during a job interview if I was responsible. I yes.
When asked to provide examples, I said anytime something broke, or a shipment went out late, I told them I was responsible.
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Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Told Interviewer Jokes
What funny jokes about told interviewer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean teller jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make told interviewer pranks.
The secret to a long marriage
A reporter was doing a human interest story for a local newspaper, and was interviewing an elderly couple celebrating sixty years of marriage. The obvious question the reporter posed was "What's the secret to a long marriage?"
"Oh," the man started. "It's all about perseverance. On our honeymoon, we went to the Grand Canyon and rode on mules down the trail. Well, my new wife's mule bucked her off, and she fell on the ground. She just yelled, 'That's ONE!' and got right back on. A couple minutes, the mule did it again, and she yelled, 'That's TWO!' and got right back on. When the mule did it a third time, she yelled, 'That's THREE!' and she took out a gun and shot the mule dead."
The reporter was shocked at the story, and asked, "How does that relate to a long marriage?"
And the man replied, "Well, I told her that was no way to treat a mule, and she looked at me and said 'That's ONE!'"
A man and a woman are applying for a job at the CIA...
They both get to the end of the interview process when they are told there is only one test left. They are brought into a room where the interviewer says to the man:
"Through this door is your wife, I need you to take this gun, go in there and shoot her."
So the man goes through the door... and about a minute later he comes out saying, "I couldn't do it i love her to much."
Now it's the Woman's turn. The interviewer says: "You have the same test, i need you to take this gun, go in there and shoot him"
So she goes in the door... and about a minute later they here two loud bangs, some yelling, a couple thuds, and then a body hitting the floor.
When the woman comes out the interviewer asks what happens, she says: "Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks, so i had to beat him to death with the chair!"
The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her. The first man said. You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife,
The agent replies, Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. I tried, but I can't kill my wife. The agent replies, You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.
Finally, it was the woman's turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, b**... on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.
my black friend just got denied an interview for a job. they told him straight up they wouldn't hire a black man.
I said in disbelief, "which company was that? we must report them!"
he replied, "It was an audition for the role of Queen Elizabeth"
A New York Times reporter is interviewing some people
The first question asked is "What is your honest opinion about the shortage of meat in the world?"
The interview was a huge failure...
The African asks "What does meat mean?".
The American asks "What does shortage mean?".
The Chinese person asks "What does opinion mean?".
The Russian asks "What does honest mean?"
The North Korean just waits. The reporter asks again, and is told "The Interview is no good!"
A Job Interview... "What is your biggest weakness? What is your biggest strength?"
In my job interview, the interviewer told me I had done very well, and he had two final questions for me...
1) what is your biggest weakness?
2)what is your biggest strength?
I said "Well my biggest weakness is that i have trouble discerning between real life and fantasy"
The interview said "okay then, and what is your biggest strength then?"
I replied " Hmm, either that I can fly, or that I can turn invisible."
I had an interview today. The guy interviewing me asked me where I saw myself in 5 years...
I told him I didn't have 2020 vision.
A mathematician, an engineer, and a statistician are all interviewed for the same job...(my statistics teacher in college told the class this joke)
Each of them are brought into the bosses office individually and asked only one question.
The mathematician comes in and is asked "what is 2 + 2?" To which he answers "obviously it's 4"
The engineer is asked the same question. "Well it's hard to say for sure, I'd have to make a few calculations, draw up some graphs. Let me get back to you in about a week."
Finally, the statistician is brought in.
"What's 2 + 2?"
The statistician then casually closes all the blinds in the room and slyly asks "what do you *want* it to be?"
Job Interview
I was at a job interview, and the interviewer asked me 2 questions, what my biggest flaw is, and were I see myself in 5 years.
I told him that I don't have 2020 vision.
I had a job interview today.
I was offered the job and told the salary was £7.50 an hour for the first three months and would then go up to £15 an hour.
The guy asked me when I could start.
I replied "In three months."
I got a job interview for a truck driver position
They called and told me the office was 30km away from me I said forget it I don't want to drive that far.
My Job Interview.
I was interviewed today by a Far East Sultan to be a e**... to guard his h**... of 365 women.
Alas, the Sultan told me I wasn't cut out for the job.
I was at the job interview today and my interviewer told me I was a bit old-fashioned for his company.
On the other hand, he did like my tunic and fedora.
When interviewing the police officers involved in Tiger Woods' arrest, they told how they came to suspect he was under the influence.
"Simple" The officer responded. "It was the straightest drive he's had in years. We knew right away something was up."
An interviewer asked how I do under pressure.
I told him I'm like a rock: given enough time and pressure, I fold.
I told my job interview that I studied philosophy at school.
He said, "Was that useful?"
I said, "I don't know. Was it?"
I wanted to become a boxing referee so much that I was shaking.
The interviewer told me to relax and count to ten.
I was asked in a job interview how well I understood theoretical physics.
I told them "I have a theoretical degree in physics.
I was confused as to why my interviewer gave me a blank stare when I told her my best quality was my flexibility..
I guess she's never seen a man put both his legs behind his head before.
My friend told me to start actually showing Up to job interviews.
That's pretty weird, i did it and they barely payed attention to the movie.
I went to a job interview today and I was told they were looking for someone responsible
I said "I'm the perfect guy for the job, when my parents split, they wouldn't let me forget I was responsible"
"Progression is a big thing for me," I told the interviewer.
"Give me an example of how."
"I was up all night trying to complete a mission on Call of Duty."
My friend was worried about his upcoming interview
I told him if you don't feel like you're impressing the panel, drop your trousers so they can see how well you handle yourself in tough situations.
Guys I'm so nervous I have a job interview in 10 minutes
Nobody told me being an interviewer is this stressful
Job interview
I lost my job few months ago and no interviews until the last week.
At one stage the recruiter told a joke about work. I laughed, but in fact I didn't get it.
John went for a job interview
The boss told John he had the job and asked is there any more questions he'd like to ask before he starts.
John replied "So what will my salery be"
Boss "youll start of on 20k a year and later you'll be on 40k"
John "No problem, I'll come back later so"
Apple's Hiring Practices
Apple realized they needed new programmers, so they began putting out word that they were seeking experienced workers. Unfortunately, due to the incompatibility between Microsoft and Apple products, they decided is was best to refrain from hiring former Microsoft employees. Their solution to w**... them out was very simple:
The first question they would ask in an interview is for the candidate to count from 1 to 10.
[Obligatory not my joke, rephrase or one my Programming teacher told us]
I'm feeling quite confident about that job interview. The interviewer said they want somebody responsible.
***Oh I'm totally your man***, I told her, whatever problem came up at my last job, they always said I was **responsible!**
During the job interview they told me that the pay wouldn't be great at the beginning
During the job interview they told me that the pay wouldn't be great at the beginning but it would get better later.
I thanked them and told them that I will apply again later.
I went for a job interview
And at the end they asked me, So, last question: what would you say is your worst quality?
Worst quality? , I replied, well I've been told that I often jump to conclusions...
Hmm, ok. Well, thanks very much for coming in, we'll be in touch
No problem! See you Monday!
Oldie but goodie
During a job interview, the interviewer asked me if I had any impressive qualities? I said, "Yes, I'm very fast with math!" Suspicious he asked me to prove it. He told me to solve 327x49. I said 34,567! He pulled out his calculator and put it in. With a confused look on his face he says, "That's not even close!" I said, "Yeah, but it was fast though!"
No idea where the original came from but this one gets me every time.
I was at a job interview yesterday and they asked me if I can perform under pressure
I told them my 'go to' is Bohemian Rhapsody
had an interview last week for a job as a farrier...
Had an interview last week for a job has a farrier.
The guy asked me "Have you ever shoed a horse?"
I said "no but I've told a donkey to f*c**... off"
The job interviewer asked me, what my weakness is.
So I told him that I am brutally honest.
He acted surprised and said he sees this as a strenght, not as a weakness.
But after that I was thrown out of the building only because I replied that I am not interested in the opinion of an incapable fat bald man.