The Best 80 Toilets Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Toilets jokes. There are some toilets restroom jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these toilets toilet seat puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Toilets Jokes and Puns

In a small town in the middle of nowhere...

Recently, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a crime occurred which totally perplexed the local authorities. It seems that somehow, in a daring daylight robbery, an unidentified perpetrator managed to sneak into the crowded police station and systematically steal all of the toilets.

The cops have nothing to go on.

The Magic Mirror

In this public toilet, there's this magic mirror. Whenever you say something untruthful you disappear.

A red head walks into the toilets and says "I think I have the best legs in the world" and puff...she's gone.

Next a brunette walks into the toilets and says "I think I have the most sexist eyes" and puff...she's gone

Finally a blonde walks into the toilets and says "I think..." and puff she's gone!

Breaking News: It has been reported that last night someone broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets in the building.

Police have issued a statement saying that at this moment they have nothing to go on.

Toilets joke, Breaking News: It has been reported that last night someone broke into the local police station and

Why did Scotty check all the toilets of the Starship Enterprise?

He was looking for the Captain's log.

A bunch of toilets were stolen from the police department...

They have nothing to go on.


Someone stole all the toilets from the local police station

Detectives have nothing to go on.

A horse walks into a triangular bar of dimensions X,Y, and Z, where X and Z are perpendicular. He asks the barman where the toilets are.

"Y, the long face."

Toilets joke, A horse walks into a triangular bar of dimensions X,Y, and Z, where X and Z are perpendicular. He as

Couple police jokes

1) A hole has opened up on the motorway, the police are looking into it.

2) Someone has stolen the toilets at the police station, the police have nothing to go on.

3) A lorry carrying hair gel has tipped under suspicious cirumstances, over scattering it's content all over the road. The police are combing the area.

Did you hear about the mishap at the Asia Summit?

The Chinese government is seeking answers after the recent Beijing Conference. Apparently, several of Obama's and Putin's private bodyguards were the last to use one of the royal toilets before it was reported clogged.

Obama announced that he will ask congress to create a commission to investigate the incident while Putin denies that his forces ever entered the bathroom.

I have invented a new game.

You lock yourself and 9 other friends in a house that has 2 bathrooms. You all then take a load of laxative and fight over the toilets.
I call it 'Game Of Thrones'

A local police department was broken into tonight - reports say all the toilets were stolen.

Police say they've got nothing to go on.

(This joke courtesy of my dad)

You can explore toilets cubicles reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean toilets lav dad jokes. There are also toilets puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do public toilets and homeless shelters have in common?

They're both full of bums

What do toilets get in their menopause?

Hot flushes.

A limerick my Dad told me as kid

In days of old

When nights were cold

And toilets weren't invented

You laid your load beside the road

And walked away contented

Several toilets were stolen last night.

Police say they have nothing to go on.

Did you hear some expert thieves stole the toilets from the police station?

The police were left with nothing to go on.

Toilets joke, Did you hear some expert thieves stole the toilets from the police station?

All the toilets have been stolen from Scotland Yard

The police have nothing to go on

Is it true that you can get an STD from public toilets?

Only if you sit down before the last guy has gotten up.

Scientists have discovered a new way to get AIDS from toilets

You sit down before the other man is done.


What do toilets yell when they ride roller coasters?

Weeeeeeeee!!!

Did you hear that someone stole all the toilets at the police department?

The police said so far they have nothing to go on.

I was in the public toilets today and as I sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi, how are you?".

Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine".
The voice said "So what are you up to?".
I said, "Just doing the same as you - sitting here!
He said "Can I come over?".
Annoyed, I say "I'm rather busy right now".
Then the voice said, "Listen, I'll have to call you back, there's an i.d.i.o.t in the cubicle next to me answering all my questions".

A shoplifter was caught in the toilets of a local greengrocers this morning.

He was trying to take a leek.

"Ladies and Gents"

That concludes our tour of the toilets

Young Bubba run up to his Mum and says,

Momma, momma... At skool today, in the toilets, I learnt I got the biggest pee pee in fifth grade.

That's nice Bubba, she says, but you are 26 years old.

A rather bold robber...

Broke into the local police department and stole all of their toilets.
Cops report that they have nothing to go on.

A blonde asks the doctor: Can you catch aids in toilets?

Doctor: Yes you can, but there are more comfortable places.

Disabled toilets.

Ironically, the only toilet stalls big enough to run around in.

"Doctor, I heard one can get AIDS in the public toilets! Is that true?!"

"Doctor, I heard one can get AIDS in the public toilets! Is that true?!"

"Yes, it is possible, but quite uncomfortable."

The local police station got broke into today and they stole all the toilets...

The police have got nothing to go on

Man still not caught after stealing police station toilets.

Officers say they have nothing to go on.

Investigation underway after all public toilets mysteriously disappear...

Police say they have nothing to go on.

One woman to another:

"Wow, you have impressive thigh muscles!"

"Yes, I've been using public toilets quite often recently."

My local police precinct had the toilets stolen.....

Police say they have nothing to go on.

John: Doctor I heard you can get AIDS in the public toilets. Is this true?

Doctor: I mean... yeah, but it's uncomfortable.

Our local police station has had the toilets stolen and the Police Chief has put out a press release. ...

Quote... At this time the detectives have nothing to go on....

I Know It's Bad Politics but...

I've secretly been running a smear campaign on all the toilets at work.

Why is stealing toilets from the police station the perfect crime?

Because the cops have nothing to go on.

At the amusement park's Haunted House, the toilets are three inches taller than normal.

They like to keep visitors on their toes.

A burglar broke into the Police Department and stole all of the toilets . . .

The police are investigating, but they have nothing to go on.

Did y'all hear about...

Did y'all hear about the guys that broke into the police headquarters last week?

No? Well they stole all the toilets. The cops have no leads and nothing to go on.

I don't feel comfortable using the toilets at chinese restaurants....

because of the Peking duck.

Did you hear about the lawsuit over backed up toilets?

There was a lot of sue-age.

A sign in the gents at work reads, 'Please leave these toilets as you'd like to find them'

Does this mean I have to walk out the door backwards?

Early this morning thieves stole the toilets from all the police stations in the city.

Right now, detectives have nothing to go on.

Did you hear that all toilets are becoming feminist?

They say that cisterns are doing it for themselves.

I bought a new toilet paper.

It give me all the latest news on toilets.

Somebody broke into the police station and stole all the toilets, but no clues were left.

The cops have nothing to go on.

In the land of poker, different people had different toilets. The peasants had toilets that flushed clockwise, and the nobles had toilets that flushed counterclockwise. The king had neither.

He had a royal straight flush.

Russian Joke (Obama and Merkel meet in private)

Obama tells Merkel:"Listen, I have three buttons, red, green and yellow. If I press the red button, there is no more China, if I press the red button, there is no more Russia, if I press the green button, Europe is gone".

Merkel says... "That may be, however, my grandmother had three toilets. A gold one, a silver one, and a delft one. However, when the Russians entered Berlin in 1945, she crapped herself in the hallway.

Toilets in power plants are always built on level surfaces...

to prevent rolling brown outs.

There was a burglary last night at the Los Angeles Police Department headquarters.

The thief or thieves stole all of the toilets.

When asked about the investigation, and LAPD spokesman said they have nothing to go on.

A penguin goes into a pub...

At the bar the peanuts say:
"Nice tie Mr!"
In the toilets the condom machine says :
"You look stupid in that tie"
So he complains to the barman. The barman says :
"the peanuts are complimentary but the condom machine is out of order"

This was the best joke of my birthday cards this morning, so thither I would share.

Why do the toilets at the border only have pissoirs?

Because they are duty free.

Someone broke into our local police station and stole all the toilets.

The police are looking for suspects, but for now they have nothing to go on.

What type of toilets do pirates prefer?

Port-a-potties.

I'll sea myself out.

Last night a thief broke into Scotland Yard and stole all the toilets,

Police say they have nothing to go on.

Don't believe everything you read in public toilets

Don't believe everything you read in public toilets. Sharon is not up for a good time. What an awkward phone call that was...

A software tester walks into a bar.

He orders a beer, -1 beers, 50 beers, nuhriuh beers, NULL beers. The barman happily fulfils the orders he can, and declines the ones he can't.

A software user walks into the same bar, and asks the barman where the toilets are. The barman explodes, the bar burns to the ground, and the building collapses

Where do toilets come from?

They grow on toiletries..

Somebody robbed the police department yesterday and stole all the toilets

Sadly, the detectives have nothing to go on

One of my dads faves

Burglars have broken into Scotland Yard and stolen all the toilets

Police say they have nothing to go on

Two drunks are in a bar

First one says to the other: do you know they have golden toilets here?

Second drunk says: no way! You're drunk and making stuff up.

Drunk 1: I swear, go check it out. End of the hallway, second door on the left.

Drunk 2 comes back from checking it out and says: I knew you were pulling my leg. It's just a regular toilet.

Drunk 1: hey bartender, tell this guy I'm not making it up. I was here yesterday and I swear to god you had a golden toilet.

Bartender talking to his boss at the other end of the bar: hey boss, I think I found the guy who took a dump in your tuba.

Don't believe everything you read in public toilets

Sharon was not up for a good time and it was a very awkward phone call

Beer doesn't make you fat

It makes you lean; against walls, doors, toilets, etc.

A spy has infiltrated an enemy military base in search of illegal weapons. His coordinates for the expected weapons are a little off and he ends up in the ventilation shaft above the toilets. Command contacts him and asks if he's found anything incriminating yet.

He replies hastily.. Well, possibly something biological and I don't see any missiles but.. I C BMs.

To the people that have 5 different toilets:

Get your shit together.

I just told my boss I'm fed up of working in a shit hole: the toilets are never cleaned, there's mould in the fridge, there's never any hot water and the place hasn't been hoovered once

Apparently he can't do anything about it if I work from home

I hate when i have too use the toilet really bad and i have to use the public toilets.

Like i don't want a reminder that i seriously need to clean my house.

What do you call musical chairs with toilets?

Game of Thrones

Sir John Harrington, the inventor of the flush toilet, is well remembered for two reasons.

Number 1 and Number 2

(Note: Ancient civilizations like the Mesopotamians and Minoans can also lay claim to inventing flush toilets too, I guess)

I was desperate for a piss at the pool....

I was at the swimming pool last week, and you know when you're absolutely bursting for a piss but the toilets are way over there?

I thought: "weeelllll..... everyone else does it..."

So I decided just to let one slip out in the pool.

The lifeguard must have spotted me though. He shouted at me so loud I nearly fell off the diving board.

Why does Drax avoid automatically flushing toilets?

They flush early when he stands still.

I saw a sign that made me piss myself today, it said:

Toilets closed

Someone stole all the toilets from my local police station

Investigators have nothing to go on.

In tonight's news...

Seattle police were astonished to find that all the toilets in the central precinct had been stolen overnight.

When asked about suspects, the Chief stated that they have nothing to go on.

It's my job to fully test the functionality of newly-manufactured toilets and urinals.

I go where no man has ever gone before.

What would you do if all toilets stopped working?

Depends.

Just got arrested for blowing up my school's toilets.

I mean, what did you really expect, building a high school next to a Taco Bell?

I used to clean the toilets when I was in the army

They called me loo tenant

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the toilets toilet bowl jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working toilets toilet roll piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes