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Toilet Paper Jokes

120 toilet paper jokes and hilarious toilet paper puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about toilet paper that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Toilet Paper Jokes

Short toilet paper jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The toilet paper humour may include short toilet roll jokes also.

  1. How do you make your wife scream after s**...? Wipe your d**... on the curtain.
  2. From my 7yo Nephew, Why should you always bring toilet paper to gatherings? For all the party poopers!
  3. I had a breakthrough today and got in touch with my inner self. That's the last time I use cheap toilet paper.
  4. What's four inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy? An empty toilet paper roll.
  5. Toilet paper is sort of like the Starship Enterprise it circles uranus looking for Klingons
  6. Wife and I fight over the right way to hang the toilet paper. So our therapist suggested we try the other person's way for a week.
    You know, roll reversal.
  7. I was so poor growing up, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper… Now those days are behind me…
  8. I've run out of toilet paper and started to use old newspaper instead. The Times are rough
  9. I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone's bathroom... but after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.
  10. I think I really connected with my inner self today… That's the last time I use cheap toilet paper.

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about toilet paper can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of toilet paper puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Toilet Paper One Liners

Which toilet paper one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with toilet paper? I can suggest the ones about paper towels and tissue paper.

  1. I got in touch with my inner self once... Never buying single ply toilet paper again.
  2. I ran out of toilet paper so I started using old newspapers The Times are rough
  3. I asked arnold schwarzenegger where the toilet paper was He said Aisle B, back.
  4. To the genius who invented 1ply toilet paper.... I wanna shake your hand.
  5. What's the quickest way to get in touch with your inner self? Single-ply toilet paper
  6. Do you know how to cook toilet paper? No, but I do know how to brown it on one side.
  7. Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road? It got stuck in a crack
  8. Using single ply toilet paper is the best way of getting in touch with your inner self.
  9. I just got in touch with my inner self Man, how I hate this cheap toilet paper at work
  10. Why did the toilet paper have trouble crossing the road? It got stuck in a crack
  11. Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
  12. What's the best way to get in touch with your inner self Cheep toilet paper
  13. Today, I got in touch with my inner self... I will never buy cheap toilet paper again
  14. I got really in touch with myself this morning... I need to use a better toilet paper.
  15. What is a math teacher's favorite kind of toilet paper? The kind that has multi ply's.

Toilet Paper Shortage Jokes

Here is a list of funny toilet paper shortage jokes and even better toilet paper shortage puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • 1973 joke by Johnny Carson You know, we’ve got all sorts of shortages these days. But have you heard the latest? I’m not kidding. I saw it in the papers. There’s an acute shortage of toilet paper!
  • First, we bought toilet paper for a respiratory virus because we lack common sense. Now, we have a nationwide coin shortage, which means we lack common cents!
  • Why, despite all the shortages, was the toilet paper in East Germany always 2-ply? Because they had to send a copy of everything they did to Moscow.
  • It was no wonder there was a toilet paper shortage. Given the number of a**... in the country.

One Ply Toilet Paper Jokes

Here is a list of funny one ply toilet paper jokes and even better one ply toilet paper puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My roommate rapes me daily Not physically, he just buys one-ply toilet paper
  • What do Daniel Day Lewis and one-ply toilet paper have in common? "There will be blood."

Hilarious Toilet Paper Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about toilet paper you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean piece paper jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make toilet paper prank.

I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......

......... The Times are really Rough!!!

My six year old daughter was watching me shave this morning..

"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.
"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.
"Does it hurt?" she asked.
"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."
"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.
"No, I just stick a little piece of toilet paper on any cuts." I told her.
"But don't they just fall off?"
"No, sweetheart." I replied. "They're held in place when I put my underpants back on."

Ellen jail joke

Ellen DeGeneres coronavirus jail joke - Today, I am filming this in my living room because all the other rooms in my house are filled with toilet paper !
One thing that I've learned from being in quarantine is that people this is like being in jail, is what it is !
It's mostly because I've been wearing the same clothes for 10 days and everyone in here is gay.

It was revealing when Americans bought toilet paper at the start of the COVID-19 Crisis

It goes to show in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, The Average American only cares about his own a**....

Scientists claim its impossible to fold a piece of paper 8 times.

They have obviously never seen me wiping my a**... when there is only one sheet of toilet paper left.

Two men are standing in line in Russia

One says to the other "What is this line for?"
"Toilet paper" his friend replies.
"I'm SICK of these endless lines just to get the basic needs of life! ", he says. "I'm going to go kill Putin."
He leaves, but comes back within a couple of hours. His friend is still standing in line for toilet paper. "Why are you back?", he asks. "Did you kill Putin?"
"No", the man replies, "The line for that was longer than this one!"

I really got in touch with my inner self today.

I should probably start buying thicker toilet paper.

I got in touch with my inner self today.

Note to self, never get the 1 ply toilet paper again.

What does the USS Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus in search of Klingons.

A woman tells her friend: "Hey, yesterday I bought a toilet brush".

Her friend replied: "Alright, so?"
Her: Well I think its great invention, but I'd much rather use toilet paper.

My grandpa was telling me about when he used to hunt tigers.

He said, "this one time I was alone in the jungle when out of the bushes, right in front of me, a huge tiger leaped out suddenly and went RRROOOOAAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!! Kid, you won't believe it, I s**... myself."
I raised my eyebrows. "You bet I believe it, I'd have s**... myself too if that happened to me."
"That's not what I mean g**..., go fetch me some toilet paper."

My wife bought a toilet brush.

I tried it. Too rough. I'm going back to using toilet paper.

Recently a new supermarket opened nearby

It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg counter, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more…

Why do Buddhists always buy 1 ply toilet paper?

Because they like to get in touch with their inner self.

Do you know what the difference is between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

Oh. So it's you then.

A drunk enters...

...a confessional booth. The priest is waiting for the sinner to speak up, but the drunk doesn't say a word. After a while the priest coughs... nothing... he coughs again... nothing. The priest was patient until now, but enough is enough: he starts b**... on the wooden grid. The drunk finally speaks up:
"You're knocking to no avail, buddy... there ain't any toilet paper here either..."

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To reach the bottom.
As told by my 5 y/o cousin.

I got in touch with my inner self this morning.

That's the last time I'm buying the cheap toilet paper.

The toilet brush

A man walks into a store looking for a toilet brush. The store owner shows him a variety of brushes at various pricepoints. The man thinks for a little while, then buys the cheapest one.
The next day the man is back at the store. "Were you unhappy with your purchase?" asks the shopkeeper. "We have other models that might work better."
The man agrees and buys a little more expensive one.
The next day the man is back yet again. The shopkeeper, visually puzzled on how a toilet brush can be such a big deal, asks "What's the matter, didn't like the new one either?"
"Well" replies the man. "To be honest it *was* pretty effective. But I gotta say, I prefer toilet paper!"

My wife said she'd like us to save money for her to get breast implants

I told her, Why? All you need to do is rub some toilet paper between your b**... every day.
She said, What the h**... is that going to do?
I said, I don't know but it seems to have worked wonders on your a**....

Stock Market Report

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.
The market for raisins dried up. Balloon prices were inflated. And toilet paper touched a new bottom.

So there was a shopkeeper who didn't liked Chinese

One day a Chinese man came to him and asked:
-I want buy dog food.
-I won't sell you dog food unless you come with dog.
-But I not want to come to shop with a dog.
Later he came with his dog and got his dog food.
The next day he came again and said:
-I want buy cat food.
-I won't sell you cat food unless you come with a cat.
-But I not want to come to shop with cat.
Later he came with his cat and got his cat food.
The next day he came with a paper bag:
-Put hand inside.
-Why?
-Just put hand inside.
-OK.
-Warm?
-Yes.
-Soft?
-Yes.
-I want buy toilet paper.

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.

He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.
She said, I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.
Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.
She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, If I told you, you would only laugh.
No, I wouldn't, he said.
She said, I sell tampons.
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, See, I knew you would laugh.
That's not what I'm laughing at, he replied. I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!

How does a blindman know if he is done wiping his a**... ?

It starts to taste like toilet paper

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack.
(This joke was my daughters suggestion)

The bathroom had no toilet paper, and all I had to use was the money in my pocket.

So I did what had to be done.
It was tough, and a little messy.
But for a clean a**...?
it was the best 43 cents i'd ever spent.

Pigeon Droppings

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head.
"Yuck!" yells the woman. "Get some toilet paper."
"What for?" replies the man. "He must be half-a-mile away by now."

I just got some sudoku toilet paper

Sadly, I can't complete it because I can only fill it with 1s and 2s.

A wife is looking in the mirror at her b**......and sighing. The husband asks what's bothering her, and she tells him she wished she had a larger bosom...

He says, "well here's what you should do. Every day, take some toilet paper, ball it up, and rub it between your b**...."
Excited...she asks, "and that'll make them bigger?"
"It might" he replies. "It sure worked for your a**...".

What do the USS Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for klingons.

What does a roll of toilet paper and the U.S.S. Enterprise have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for klingons.

What does toilet paper and the Avatar have in common?

They disappear when the world needs them most.

This guy goes through the checkout line of the grocery store…

and he's got, like, a stack of frozen dinners, a six-pack of beer, a big 'ol bag of chips, and a single roll of toilet paper.
The cute checkout girl says, "Well, I know *you're* single!"
The guy says, "Well, yeah—how'd you guess?"
She says, "You're ugly."

Cardboard is a lot like 1-ply toilet paper. It's not really good at absorbing,

But it's really good at moving s**... around.

Did you hear about the guy who mixed up sandpaper and toilet paper?

His woodworking looked like s**....

My wife wanted to get a b**... job but it's expensive

I said try rubbing toilet paper between your t**.... She said will that make them bigger. I said, well it worked on your a**....

I tried changing up the way I use the bathroom, so I wiped with my left hand today!

I really wish I used toilet paper instead, though.

My girlfriend left me because of the way I face the toilet paper. I told her I can't help it...

That's just how I roll.

What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They're both en route to uranus to wipe out the klingons

So I finally got in touch with my inner self today...

Never buying cheap toilet paper, again .

I was feeling lonely, so I bought some stocks...

It's nice with a little bit of company.
Found this on a "toilet paper" at my college.

It's a Saturday evening...

It's a Saturday evening. A man goes up to the register in a supermarket, bearing a six pack of beer, a bag of chips, some dip, a pint of ice cream, and toilet paper. The cashier says, "Single, huh?"
The man laughs and says, "Yeah, how can you tell?"
The cashier says, "Because you're ugly."

Joke I came up with when I was ten

So a student walks into his classroom early and approaches the teacher.
He says: "I just wanted to tell you that I couldn't do my homework last night"
The teacher asks: "Why not?"
The students replies: "Because I ran out"
Teacher: "Of notebook paper?"
Student: "No, of toilet paper"
Teacher: "What does that have to do with anything?"
Student: "I had to improvise"
It's a really bad joke but I remember my parents thought it was funny.

Due to rising costs, I stopped using toilet paper. Instead, I'm using newspaper now

Man, The Times are rough.

My wife's small b**...

She's complained for years about them being small.
"Try rubbing toilet paper between them, they'll get bigger."
"How do you know it will work?"
"Look at you a**..., it worked for it."

What do toilet paper and the USS Enterprise have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons!
Happy Star Trek day

Do you know the difference

"Hey, do you know what the difference is between window curtains and toilet paper?"
"No."
"So it was you then!!!"

Why can't you use the Daily Mail as toilet paper?

Because it's already covered in s**....

A man goes into the bathroom to take a dump.

When he's done, he realizes there's no toilet paper. Knocking on the stall next to him, he asks, "Hey, do have an extra roll of toilet paper?"
"I'm sorry, but I do not."
He knocks again. "Do you have a newspaper?"
"I'm sorry, but I do not."
He knocks again. "Do you have an old handkerchief?"
"I'm sorry, but I do not."
He knocks again. "Do you have change for a five?"
Got this one from my grandpa.

A drunk staggers out of a bar and into a nearby cathedral.

He eventually stumbles his way down the aisle and into a confessional. After a lengthy silence, the priest asks, "May I help you, my son?"
"I dunno" comes the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"

All this panic buying has led me to using alternative methods for toilet paper...

Last week was tree leaves this week it's lettuce. And that's just the tip of the iceberg!

Why is the USS Enterprise like toilet paper?

It circles Uranus and wipes out any Klingons.

I hate it when I run out of toilet paper

and I have to make the trip to the grocery store in really small steps.

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack!
Just a dad with some dad jokes.

My wife complains I use too much toilet paper and I should only use three sheets.

Now she complains that the bed linen stinks.

The Covid 19 Toilet Paper craze was a lot like the Stock Market c**... of 1929

But this time, instead of everyone dumping their stocks, they're stocking for dumps

jokes about toilet paper

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these toilet paper jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.