Toilet Flush Jokes
101 toilet flush jokes and hilarious toilet flush puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about toilet flush that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Toilet Flush Short Jokes
Short toilet flush jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The toilet flush humour may include short flushing toilets jokes also.
- I suspect that my son has been flushing his blunts down the toilet. No wonder my water bill is so high.
- Why does Marx's toilet play a sonata when flushed? Because of the violins inherent in the cistern.
- Sir John Harrington, inventor of the modern flush toilet is well remembered for two reasons: Number 1 and Number 2
- I got so mad at these uncomfortable wooden shoes that I tried to flush them down the toilet. Worst clog ever.
- New bathroom I was shopping for a new bathroom this week, and was shown an amazing toilet that plays abba songs when you flush it.
What a loo. - Why does Karl Marx's toilet play music every time you flush it? Because of the violins inherent in the cistern.
- My wife got mad at me for buying $10,000 worth of toilet paper. She said i was flushing all of our money down the drain.
- My wife told me I have a bad temper, so I flushed a GPS tracker down the toilet. That way I'd never lose my sh*t again.
- Why does Drax avoid automatically flushing toilets? They flush early when he stands still.
- My girlfriend left stains on the toilet bowl. I thought she'd be easier to flush than that.
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Toilet Flush One Liners
Which toilet flush one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with toilet flush? I can suggest the ones about toilet and flush toilet.
- How do you watch nascar without a TV? You flush a bag of M&M's down the toilet.
- In Holland you aren't allowed to flush children down the toilet. Too many clogs.
- I complimented the toilet. It flushed.
- Mum, can I lick the bowl? No! Flush the toilet like everyone else.
- Did you hear about the prince who plays poker on the toilet? He always has a royal flush
- What do you call a king on the toilet? A royal flush
- What happens when the Queen is done visiting the toilet? A Royal Flush.
- Why did the janitor flush the toilet? Because it was his duty.
- What did one toilet say to the other? You look flushed
- What happens when the king uses a toilet? He gives it a royal flush
- A toilet beat me at a game of Poker. I had a straight; it had a flush.
- What happens after the queen visits the toilet? A royal flush
- What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
- "Daddy, can I lick the bowl?" No, you can flush the toilet like normal kids!
- Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she walked past the toilet, it flushed itself.
Toilet Flush Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about toilet flush you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean toilet bowl jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make toilet flush pranks.
Yo mamma is so poor when people ring the door bell they hear the toilet flush.
I thought about my ex-girlfriend today, then I wiped my ads and flushed the toilet.
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people on this planet.
So a blind man walks into a bar...
So a blind man walks into a bar in Texas. He feels his way up to the counter and pulls himself into the chair and exclaims, "WOW! these barstools are huge!". The bartender then replies, "yep, everything is bigger in Texas."
The blind man then orders a beer, so the bartender brings him over a mug of some ice cold beer. The blind mind exclaims, "WOW! this mug is huge!". The bartender then replies, "yep, everything is bigger in Texas."
After a few drinks the blind man asks to use the toilet. The bartender tells him its to his right and its the second door on the left. So the blind man feels his his way over to the first door, but he trips and stumbles past the second door. He then opens the next door he comes to and ends up falling into the bartender's personal pool screaming, 'DON'T FLUSH! DON'T FLUSH!"
How do you make a NASCAR race?
Throw a handful of skittles in the toilet and flush.
"You know, honey, when i'm old and very ill, i don't want to live like a vegetable..
i don't want to depend on any machine or any other fluids that are supposed to keep me alive". As i said that to her, she looked at me dearly, then she went on to confiscate my phone, laptop and flushed down the toilet all the beer i had.
Nihilistic Kindergartners
David Bloom gained notoriety for his book Piscus Terminus: How to tell your five year old you flushed his fish down the toilet. Noted for its brute realism, the book's message led many kindergartners to spiral into a nihilistic despair, which contributed to the phenomenon of so called Kierkegaardeners , whose existential search for subjective truth in an otherwise meaningless world made birthday parties kind of a downer.
One day an elderly Chinese grandfather gets a phone call from his son
"Come quick, I'm about to be a dad!" says the son.
So the grandfather rushes down to the hospital to see his daughter-in-law going into labour.
"It's twins!" says the son excitedly.
After many moments of screaming and pushing, the son is holding a beautiful Chinese boy.
"What a handsome boy!" says the son proudly. The father can't help but agree as he admires his first grandchild. The wife prepares to deliver the second child as the first baby is laid down in a crib.
After more agonising shouts and clenches, the son is holding a beautiful African boy.
"Well, it's not what I expected" says the surprised son, "but he is still a handsome boy."
The grandfather, however, grabs the African baby and runs to the bathroom.
"Dad! What are you doing?!" the son exclaims.
The grandfather opens the lid of the toilet and dumps the baby inside.
"Son," he says, "ancient Chinese proverb been told in family for many generation..."
He pushes the flush button and says "If it yellow, let it mellow..."
Yo' daddies house is so old. . .
. . . that when you ring the doorbell the toilet flushes. Booyah!
A pastor uses the church's restroom before morning service begins.
As he's finishing up in the stall, he hears fast breathing and grunting in the stall next to him, and realizes that whoever's in there is m**.... He exits his stall and washes his hands, then he hears the toilet flush and the culprit steps out of his stall. It's Jim, an 11 year old boy.
The pastor sighs and pulls Jim aside after he's finished washing his hands. "Jim," he says, "I don't mean to embarrass you but I think it's my job to tell you that good Christian boys save it for marriage. Do you understand what I mean?"
Jim blushes but nods, "Yes."
A few weeks later the pastor sees Jim walking down the hall and he pulls him aside again. "So, Jim, have you been working on what we talked about last time?"
Jim beams, "Yes, sir! I've saved up almost a quart!"
[Racist] What does a black women do after having a water birth?
Flush the toilet.
Mommy, mommy can I lick the bowl out?
Noooo...just flush the toilet like a normal person......
A policeman searched me last night...
A policeman searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs.
"It's not my fault," I said, "Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again."
"Do you really expect me to believe that?" he laughed.
I said, "I'll prove it to you if you want me to!"
"Go on then." he smiled, handing me the bag.
After flushing them, he looked at me and said, "Well, show me your pocket then."
"What for?" I asked.
He said, "The drugs."
I said, "What drugs?"
How can you tell when a toilet is embarrassed??
It gets flushed and bowled over.
Two intestinal bacteria get flushed down the toilet, one says to the other: "Started from the bottom now we here"
What do toilets get in their menopause?
Hot flushes.
Hey buddy I was reminded of you this morning.
But then I flushed the toilet and went on about my business.
Have you thanked your toilet today?
I did, he was so embarrassed his face got all flushed.
Some Chuck Norris Jokes
- Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
- Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded.
- When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it without a single remark.
- Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
- When Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy, Chuck Norris caught the bullets with his own bare hands. JFK's head exploded simply because he was so overawed.
A man was caught by a cop with drugs in the bathroom
The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."
The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
Why did the superhero flush the toilet?
It was his duty!!!!
told to me by my 7yo son
Sometimes i have a feminist in me...
...but then I go to the toilet, flush it and its gone
Why do soldiers always flush the toilet?
They always take care of their duty.
I found these drugs in your pocket, what do you have to say for yourself?
Officer: I found these pills in your pocket.
Suspect: Officer I swear, I don't know how they got there. Every time I flush them down the toilet, they end up in my pocket.
Officer: Yeah right.
Suspect: Officer, I swear, every time I flush them down the toilet, they end up in my pocket. Let me show you.
Officer: Okay, fine, show me.
The suspect throws the pills into the toilet and flushes them down. The officer waits.
Officer: Okay, now what?
Suspect: What?
Officer: Where are the pills?
Suspect: What pills?
I like my men like I like my c**......
White, chopped into a fine powder, and flushed down the toilet once the police realize what I did and bang on my door.
I was bullied at school. They always stole my dinner money and gave me wedgies. One day they flushed my head down the toilet
It was then i decide to give up teaching
I tried to flush a wooden shoe down my toilet.
It got clogged.
Why did the superhero flush the toilet?
It was his doody!
When they flush the toilet in Australia,
the water goes the opposite way as the Northern hemisphere.
That's bound to make a terrible mess.
How do they live with it?
What common object is the best at poker?
The toilet. It gets a flush at the end of every deal.
"Is your toilet blushing!?"
"Nah, he's just flushed."
What do you call an embarrassed toilet?
"Flush-t**..."
Why'd I flush my pencil down the toilet?
It was a number two pencil.
I just made love to my girlfriend
She asked, "If I get pregnant, what should we name the baby?"
I took off my c**..., tied a knot, and flushed it down the toilet.
"Well" I said, "If he can get out of that, we'll call him Houdini".
What do you call it when a king uses the toilet?
A royal flush
How do elephants flush the toilet?
They just pee in it.
I was really on my game today. Then the toilet clogged.
Now I'm all flush-t**....
What's the best hand in a game of toilet poker?
A straight flush.
In the land of poker, different people had different toilets. The peasants had toilets that flushed clockwise, and the nobles had toilets that flushed counterclockwise. The king had neither.
He had a royal straight flush.
Donated to my favorite charity after attending it for only 10 minutes...
Then flushed the toilet and continued my day.
Did you hear about the toilet that wouldn't flush?
What a s**...-show.
Why did Prince Charles stick his head down the toilet?
He was looking for a royal flush.
My automatic toilet is the absolute worst. Sometimes it flushes before I even use it.
It suffers from p**... evacuation.
If you ever see an baby owl in a toilet don't flush...
Because you aren't supposed to flush moist owelettes.
Why did the king go to the toilet in the middle of the poker game?....
Because he had to do the royal flush.
Why does Queen Elizabeth play poker on the toilet?
So she always gets a Royal Flush.
Why does Queen Elizabeth's toilet do so well in poker games?
Because it's got a royal flush.
"How much money would it take for you to drink out of a non-flushed toilet bowl?"
"A s**..."
What do a poker player and a l**... on a toilet have in common?
They can both have a nut flush.
I was thinking of you today. I even made a sculpture of you.....
Then I flushed the toilet.
A plumber told me an interesting thing, the best call he ever went to was when some kid had dropped a pear down the toilet.
He said it was the easiest call he'd ever been to, all he had to do was flush the toilet, and it cleared the block.
Because a flush beats a pear every time.
A police officer caught a man in possession of drugs.
The man, named Steve, claimed to be innocent.
Steve: "I have never bought c**... in my life, they just appear in my pockets at random."
The police officer is suspicious and tells Steve to prove it.
Steve leads the officer to a public bathroom and then proceeds to flush the crack down the toilet.
.........................................
After a couple of minutes, the officer asks when the c**... will show up again.
Steve: "What c**...?"
When I was a teenager, I used to flush my anti-depressants down the toilet.
Not good for my my mental health, but the Dog was never happier.
Bought a Magic toilet
At first i accidentally flushed my silver necklace down the toilet.
The next day i found silver jewelries on the bathroom floor.
Then i decided to flush down my gold ring.
The very next day, gold jewelries everywhere in bathroom.
I realized that my toilet is magical so i took out a 1 dollar bill,a 5 dollar bill and a 100 dollar bill out of my wallet. I flushed down a total of $106. Nothing happened throughout the day.
That night i woke up to the sound of loud noises coming from the bathroom. When i opened the door i was shocked and i couldn't believe my eyes.
Abraham Lincoln and George Washington was out of breathe trying to pull out Benjamin Franklin from the toilet.
A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub
The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"
The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."
So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
My wife didn't like the wooden shoes I made for her, tried to flush them down the toilet.
Now the d**... thing's clogged.
I Think My Toilet Has anger Issues
Whenever I flush it, it completely loses its s**....
I was sitting on an automatic toilet when it malfunctioned and abruptly flushed underneath me…
Scared the s**... outta me.
Sir John Harrington, the inventor of the flush toilet, is well remembered for two reasons.
Number 1 and Number 2
(Note: Ancient civilizations like the Mesopotamians and Minoans can also lay claim to inventing flush toilets too, I guess)
A police officer stopped me and searched my pockets. Found a bag of w**....
"What have we here?"
"It's not mine officer."
He scoffs.
"I'm serious! I was cursed by a leprechaun, you know what scallywags they are. Now, every single time I flush this chronic down the toilet it magically reappears in my pocket."
"b**...."
"Try me!"
He frowns, but follows me as we head to the bathroom in this cafe. I take out the cannabis and flush it down the c**.... He checks my pocket and asks,
"So where's the bag of w**...?"
"What bag of w**...?"