Toes Jokes
147 toes jokes and hilarious toes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about toes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From nine toes to webbed toes, crusty soles, and more, check out the funniest toes jokes around! Whether you think long toes are funny or you love to laugh about shoe-clad footsies, these jokes will have you rolling on the floor. Get ready for some toe-tickling hilarity!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Toes Short Jokes
Short toes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The toes humour may include short toenails jokes also.
- I got frostbite and had part of my foot amputated. Then my girlfriend left me. She was lack-toes intolerant.
- When god created man Gods assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.
Gods assistant: Why?
God: For furniture.
Gods assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me it'll be funny - My daughter painted her toenails black for winter formal tonight... I told her "I hope you don't run into anyone who's black-toes intolerant."
- Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"... …have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
- I dropped a huge bottle of ketchup on my foot yesterday.... It caused severe pain To-ma-toes.
- My new girlfriend dumped me when she found out I was missing a toe Apparently she's lactose intolerant.
- What's the difference between a sock and a camera? One is for five toes, the other is for photos.
- Why did dad divorce mom after hiking Mt. Everest? Mom got frostbite, and had toes amputated.
Dad's lack-toes-intolerant. - Lost three toes in a wood-chopping accident and my girlfriend dumped me Said she's lack-toes intolerant
- My dad works for a company that focuses on the health of the lower 3/4 of the body, and yesterday he just became the CEO. Now he's the Head of Shoulders, Knees, and Toes!
Share These Toes Jokes With Friends
Toes One Liners
Which toes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with toes? I can suggest the ones about big toe and toe nail.
- Why can't lebron james stand on his tippy toes? He gets no support from his Cavs
- Jesus Christ was supposed to be named Franklin.... Until Mary stubbed her toe.
- Why did the Redgaurd's toe hurt? His Hammerfell
- There's an actual medical term for when your foot falls asleep. It's called 'coma toes'
- Why do ballerinas dance on their toes? So they don't wake up the audience!
- What do cannibals use to freshen their breath? Men toes
- I dislike people who are missing toes… You could say I'm lack-toes-intolerant!
- How do cannibals freshen their breath? Men toes.
- If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get? Missile toe.
- What do you call a woman who does not have all her toes on one foot? Normal
- What is the brown sticky stuff between an elephant's toes? Slow natives.
- What do you call it when you create a copy of your enemy's toe? Foe Toe Synthesis
- What do you call a Spanish man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
- If athletes get athlete's foot, what do candy makers get? Tic tac toe
- My wife is a demanding ballerina She keeps me on my toes.
Toes Foot Jokes
Here is a list of funny toes foot jokes and even better toes foot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I cut off the end of my foot but the Doctor wouldn't treat me. Turns out he was lack toes intolerant.
- What has five toes but isn't your foot? My foot.
- What do you call an unconscious foot? Coma-toes!
(I made up this joke when I was 10.) - My friend walked out on his date when she told him she had a deformed foot. I told him he shouldn't be lack toes intolerant.
- I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot. It caused immense pain to ma toes.
- My girlfriend asked me if I would mind if she lost the end of her foot I said "Sorry, I'm lack-toes intolerant."
- When I found out my Tinder date was missing a foot, I nearly threw up. I'm lack-toes intolerant.
- I sold my foot that had the Tic-Tac toe today... I heard collectors pay more for items in mint condition.
- I hurt my foot driving the other day . so I called the toe company
- A guy at work lost his thumb and had to replace it with his big toe. (True Story) Now we ask to get "your foot off the table" when he's eating.
Long Toes Jokes
Here is a list of funny long toes jokes and even better long toes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dad said if he practiced yoga long enough he could pick up a pencil with his toes. He then proudly mentioned he would be writing footnotes.
- My Dad dropped his beer bottle on his foot and broke his toe I told him a long time ago he should have switched to light beer
9 Toes Jokes
Here is a list of funny 9 toes jokes and even better 9 toes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend hates people with less toes... My friend hates people with 9 or less toes. He is lacktoes intolerant.
Cheerful Fun Toes Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about toes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean feet jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make toes pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call the slimy stuff between dinosaurs' toes?
Slow cavemen.
What do I think about my toes?
They couldn't be further from my mind.
How do you keep men on their toes?
Raise the urinals
What do you find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just thought this when making a coffee, I'm sorry...
I've grown a f**... where I love to lick milk off white women's feet, I've been labelled a racist though... it's not my fault I'm black toes intolerant.
Thank you, thank you very much *hangs head in shame*
Why do cowboys always want to die with their boot on?
So they don't stub their toes when they kick the bucket.
I was rescued after being exposed to the elements...
I couldn't feel my fingers or toes, so I got the doctor to tell it to me straight.
His reply: "Once they go black, they never grow back."
What do you call the red mushy stuff between the elephant's toes?
Slow moving natives.
Source: one of the all time great TV shows
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate people with club feet...
I'm lack toes intolerant.
Why does floyd mayweather have "TGIF" written on his boxing shoes?
To remind him that "Toes Go in First."
What did the developing embryo say to his fraternal twin sister?
"My toes, sis'!"
I have a new co-worker, who only has seven toes. I instantly hated him.
Turns out I'm lack toes intolerant.
I like to date intelligent girls who are taller than me.
It keeps me on my toes.
What you call toes that taste like mint?
Tic-tac-toe!
My 8 year old daughter made this one up.
I have a diabetic racist uncle who doesn't get on with milk.
He lacks toes and tolerance.
My friend accidentally shot off his toes.
He told me to take him to the hospital,But I can't I'm Lack-toes-intolerant.
Ever since my wife had her toes amputated I can't stand to be around her.
I guess I'm *lack toes* intolerant.
Why couldn't the infant insect without toes drink milk?
He was lack toes and toddler ant
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dude got his foot cut off, poor guy had to give up drinking milk.
He lacked toes.
Marine biologists were baffled by why Jaws would always swim away after chomping off swimmers' legs.
Turns out he's lack toes intolerant.
joke of the day
A question on an internet forum:
Q: Please help, I have this great itching between my toes.
A: Well, that depends. If the itching is between all toes, consult a dermatologist. If the itching bothers you only between your two big toes, consult a gynecologist.
Why do ballet dancers always stand on their toes?
Could they not hire taller dancers?
I tripped, and my buddy and I strangely interlocked toes.
We're sole mates now.
What do you call a cat that has boils on its skin and can't feel it's toes?
A leperd
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Mexican with 11 toes?
Juan toe many!
12 toes?
Toe mas!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a dwarf with a birth defect, is broke and can't drink milk?
Lack toes and tall or rent
Why are ballerinas so vigilant?
They are always kept on their toes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Cannibals Are Sitting Around A Dead Body...
One says "you start at the toes, I'll start at the head".
After a little while he asks the other cannibal, "how is it going?"
"Oh, I'm having a ball!"
"...You're going too fast."
What do you call a man who can't see his toes?
Fully Clothed.
What goes "Chest, Chest, Chest, Chest"?
A T Rex doing "Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to a Chiropractor to work the kinks out.
I still like to lick toes.
Shoulders, Head, Knees and Toes, Knees and Toes!
Stop that! Sing it right Quasimodo!
How many appendages am I holding up?
This was an on-the-spot joke made by my dad at the dinner table:
>Dad: I can see everything
>Me: How many fingers am I holding up below the table?
>Dad: No more than five.
>Me (thinking to include toes): How many appendages am I holding up?
>Dad: That's disgusting.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jeffrey d**... didn't like Tic Tacs or gum.
He preferred men toes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Would you rather feel the pain of your toes bring crushed in an instant, or spread out over a few years?
In other words, here are your brand new safety shoes.
What do you call a man with three feet but only ten toes?
Blessed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yesterday, I saw a guy harassing a diabetic who recently had parts of his foot amputated.
I guess the first guy was lack toes intolerant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Terrible diseases...
A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other n**... for the first time.
The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, "I had tolio as a child."
The wife asks if he means polio. He says, "No, it only affects the toes."
He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees. He admits, "I had kneesles, too."
Finally, he pulls off his boxers. In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no -- smallcox, too!"
At the amusement park's Haunted House, the toilets are three inches taller than normal.
They like to keep visitors on their toes.
When the marine biologist discovered the first ten legged squid with toes, he said...
Ten-toe-cles
I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.
A hospital patient became violent when told he needed to have all his toes amputated.
It turns out he was lack-toes intolerant.
Hear about the man who needed to use his fingers and toes to count to 20?
He was thrown out of the casino when he pulled his pants down while playing blackjack
Joe and his friends went to the costume party...
Joe and his friends went to the costume party and were really enjoying themselves.
Then a woman came in. She was wearing nothing at all, but was body-painted in white from head to toes.
The guys struggled to guess what that meant but after few drinks Joe gathered courage and went to ask.
"Excuse me, madam, we were wondering what are you dressed up as? Can you please tell us?"
The woman spreads her legs and says:
"Tooth decay, silly!"
Why do women wear high heels?
Keeps them on their toes
you hear about that puny book title?
"Fingers and Toes" by Phil Angies.
What do you call a frostbite victim who hates milk
Lack toes intolerant
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Man and Woman are getting it on for the first time
She takes his socks off and notices his gnarly toes
"What happen to your toes?" she asks
he says " when i was a child i suffered from Toelio"
She says "you mean Polio?
He says "no it's like polio but of the toes"
She isn't willing to let this stop her. And she slides his pants down and notices his oddly colored weirdly shaped knees.
"What happened to your knees?" she asks
"in my teens i had the kneesles" he says
She said "you mean the measles?"
he says "no it's like the measles but of the knees"
Still this won't stop her. She slides his boxers down. She giggles and says "let me guess...smallcox"
A man with no toes walks into a bar...
...the bartender looks at the man's feet and says "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here."
The man is confused. He asks a nearby customer what the bartender is talking about. The customer responds:
"He's 'lack-toes' intolerant."
What is green and has 4 toes?
An avoquadtoe
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes Go in First!
I made a song with my toes.
It would make a great ring-toen.
Ants can float on water using their toes. But why can't larger ants float on milk?
Because they lack toes in taller ants.
I hate when people have missing toes!
You might even say I'm...lack toes intolerant.
(Is this a dad joke? The gf is pretty baby crazy lately and i dont know if im ready yet)
My friend stopped talking to me after I lost 3 of my toes to frost bite.
I didn't know he was lack toes intolerant.
If you have 200 ice cream sandwiches, and you eat 175 of them,
How many toes will you have left?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How can you tell if amputees are vegan?
They lack toes.
Why can't cows tippy toe?
They lack toes
How can you tell if an amputee hates milk?
If he lacks toes!
My son was born without any lower phalanges.
Diagnosis: Lack toes in toddler.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently filmed my wife w**... me off with her toes...
Got some decent footage.
My Girlfriend was born without her pinky toe and the sight of her foot makes me physically ill.
My therapist says I'm lack toes intolerant.
It's been 10 years since I quit bitting my nails.
Once I hit my mid twenties I was no longer flexible enough to reach my toes.
I could never date a girl with no toes.
I'm lack-toes-e intolerant.
I can't stand people with parts of their feet missing
I guess that means I'm lack toes intolerant
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Goth with a f**...??
Edgar Allan Toes
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I really don't like toe amputees
I'm lack toes intolerant
What's a spider baby's favorite nursery rhyme?
Head, shoulders, shoulders, knees, knees and toes toes, knees, knees and toes toes.
I like to randomly throw things at ballerinas.
Keeps them on their toes.
I asked the blonde why she had TGIF written on her shoes even though it's Monday.
She replied, "Toes Go In First".
I was fat
and had a beer belly so big i couldn't see my toes. so i prayed to be able to see my toes again.
i can now proudly say i am the record holder for the largest feet in the world
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend has a f**... and his crush asked him out last night
She told him to meet her on Sunday but he already had plans with me and some friends
He decided to come with us and told us you know I wouldn't ditch you, bros before toes!
