Toes Foot Jokes
87 toes foot jokes and hilarious toes foot puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about toes foot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Toes Foot Short Jokes
Short toes foot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The toes foot humour may include short toes jokes also.
- I got frostbite and had part of my foot amputated. Then my girlfriend left me. She was lack-toes intolerant.
- When god created man Gods assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.
Gods assistant: Why?
God: For furniture.
Gods assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me it'll be funny - I dropped a huge bottle of ketchup on my foot yesterday.... It caused severe pain To-ma-toes.
- What's the difference between a camera and a foot? A camera has photos and a foot has five toes.
(Told to me by a 9 year old child I work with) - I cut off the end of my foot but the Doctor wouldn't treat me. Turns out he was lack toes intolerant.
- My friend walked out on his date when she told him she had a deformed foot. I told him he shouldn't be lack toes intolerant.
- Yesterday, I saw a guy harassing a diabetic who recently had parts of his foot amputated. I guess the first guy was lack toes intolerant.
- My sister trod on my foot… My sister trod on my foot so hard that part of it split off and formed an exact replica of me.
'My toe Sis!' I yelled. - I broke up with my girlfriend when I found out she only has 4 toes on each foot.... Turns out I'm lack-toes intolerant..
- My girlfriend asked me if I would mind if she lost the end of her foot I said "Sorry, I'm lack-toes intolerant."
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Toes Foot One Liners
Which toes foot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with toes foot? I can suggest the ones about feet and big toe.
- There's an actual medical term for when your foot falls asleep. It's called 'coma toes'
- My gf broke up with me after I licked her toes… …i guess I got off on the wrong foot.
- If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get? Missile toe.
- What do you call a woman who does not have all her toes on one foot? Normal
- If athletes get athlete's foot, what do candy makers get? Tic tac toe
- What has five toes but isn't your foot? My foot.
- What do you call an unconscious foot? Coma-toes!
(I made up this joke when I was 10.) - What do you call it when your foot falls asleep? Coma toes.
- I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot. It caused immense pain to ma toes.
- I hate guys who've lost part of their foot in an accident I'm lack-toes intolerant.
- What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot? OUCH! MY-TOE-SIS!
- What did the cell say to its sister when she stepped on its foot? Ouch! My toe, sis!
- I hurt my foot driving the other day . so I called the toe company
- My foot's gone to sleep Totally coma toes
- I don't like foot amputees. I'm lack-toes intolerant.
Toes Foot Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about toes foot you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean toe nail jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make toes foot pranks.
A Foot And A Half
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a v**.... So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.
Don't worry, Maria, says the mother, all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!
Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.
So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!
Stay here and stir the pasta, says the mother.
This is a job for Mama.
What do you call a robot with bad breath who's sister lives on its foot?
HAL-i-toe-sis
I hurt my foot a few days ago
Tripped over the stairs and partially separated my left big toenail. It's getting better, but it still hurts a fair bit.
Yesterday I was walking to class with a female friend of mine who's a cell biology major. I hadn't told her yet about what happened, so eventually she said "So why are you limping, anyway?"
I turned to her, looked her straight in the face, and without missing a beat, I said:
"My toe, sis!"
Archeologists discover a pyramid made entirely of human toes.
It's about a foot high.
A guy at work lost his thumb and had to replace it with his big toe. (True Story)
Now we ask to get "your foot off the table" when he's eating.
My friend had to amputate the front of his foot so I punched him in the face.
I'm lack toes intolerant.
A double foot amputee hobbles into a yogurt factory and is immediately escorted out...
They were lack toes intolerant.
Did you here about the guy who had a wifi hotspot put in his foot?
He wanted "web"bed toes.
Dude got his foot cut off, poor guy had to give up drinking milk.
He lacked toes.
the main use of the tiny toe (the smallest toe in your foot)
is finding corners of furniture in the dark
I found a T.O.E.
It's on the end of my F.O.O.T.
What do you get when you foot falls asleep?
Coma-toes.
My foot feel asleep
I'm coma-toes
Dancing wizard and a blistered foot.
What spell does a dancing wizard cast on a blistered foot?
Heal Toe!!
What's a foot's favorite food?
Chee-toes!
I hurt my foot in a car accident
So I called the toe company
Ever since my mate lost a foot I've found him really annoying
Guess I'm just lacks-toes intolerant
Racist White man with a f**......
Hates drinking milk and is black toes intolerant
Went on a date with a girl. The date lasted until I found out she had lost all of the toes on her left foot in a horrible accident.
I guess you could say that I'm lack toes intolerant.
What do you call a Rockstar that broke his foot?
Toe Jam.
What's the difference between the little toe on my left foot and my s**... life?
Everything wants to bang my little toe
I sold my foot that had the Tic-Tac toe today...
I heard collectors pay more for items in mint condition.
One thing I regret
Is that I left my girlfriend after she lost her foot in an accident. I am just lack toes intolerant.
I once dated a foot amputee
After we'd been going out for a while I started finding him really irritating and we broke up.
Turns out I'm lack toes intolerant.
I found out one of my friend is missing all his toes on his right foot
I had to end the friendship because I'm lack-toes intolerant
You haven't lived until you develop a f**......
Its toe-tally life changing.
My wife recently lost her foot...
I hope I'm not lack-toes intolerant.
How do you describe a racist that only has one foot?
Lack toes intolerant.
My Girlfriend was born without her pinky toe and the sight of her foot makes me physically ill.
My therapist says I'm lack toes intolerant.
My girlfriend abruptly broke up with me
She found out that I was missing a toe on my left foot.
I had no idea she was lack toes intolerant.
I will never s**... on toes
That would be taking it a foot too far
A man loses his toe in an unfortunate accident and calls 911.
They rush him to the hospital, where he is brought to the operating room for surgical reattachment.
He wakes up some hours later in the recovery room and sees the doctor waiting at the foot of his bed, looking uncomfortable.
Doctor? How'd it go? he asked.
Well... I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we confused your toe with a piece of candy. The good news is that the surgery was successful.
What are you saying, doctor?
You have a Tic-Tac toe.
What do you call a goth with a f**...??
Edgar Allan Toes
When I found out my Tinder date was missing a foot, I nearly threw up.
I'm lack-toes intolerant.
My Dad dropped his beer bottle on his foot and broke his toe
I told him a long time ago he should have switched to light beer
I dated a girl until she showed me her right foot
I dated a girl until she showed me her right foot. She lost 3 toes in an accident as a child, so I had to run away. What else could I do? I am lack toes intolerant.
My friend has a f**... and his crush asked him out last night
She told him to meet her on Sunday but he already had plans with me and some friends
He decided to come with us and told us you know I wouldn't ditch you, bros before toes!
I can't stand people that have foot fetishes.
You might even say I'm lick toes intolerant.
A man accidentally dropped his kitchen knife onto his foot and unfortunately lost his toe.
The Doctor said "I have good news and bad news"
Man.. "Whats the bad news Doc?
Doc.. "Well, you see, they had to replace your toe with a piece of candy."
Man.. "Candy? So what's the good news?"
Doc.. "You now have tic tac toe"
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
My friend asked me if I s**... all the toes or just the big one
I told him I treat all toes fairly, I just don't wanna start off on the wrong foot.
What's the difference between a foot and a camera?
The foot has five toes.
The camera has photos.
A woman was forced to choose between two suitors to wed.
The first man was about 4 foot 5 tall and ran a very successful store that sold many fruits and vegetables.
The other man was disgusting. He was covered head to toe in boils and bedsores and smelled awful. He had not ever even seen a bath. He was pretty much the most foul human you could imagine.
Yet the woman wed the second man.
Because no matter how g**... you pictured him to be...
The first man was just a little grocer.
What do you call a k**... with a f**...?
Black toes intolerant
Put your foot in it eh?
I came home from work to a note from the wife saying;
"I've left you because you are s**... and bigoted".
I'm not s**..., I'm dyslexic and its not my fault I've got big toes!
Proud Dad Moment
My daughter has two in-grown toe-nails, one on each foot. I was preparing some nice warm soaking water for her while my wife asked our daughter how her feet were doing and the conversation went like this:
Mom: How's your toe doing, you have two toes right?
Me/Daughter (at the exact same time): I have ten toes!
My wife gave the necessary groan and laughed, but my daughter and I shared a truly special moment.
I was most proud.
I once had a girlfriend who lost half her foot in a terrible car accident. I had to break up with her though
Because I'm lack toes intolerant.