Today Match Jokes
27 today match jokes and hilarious today match puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about today match that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Today Match Short Jokes
Short today match jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The today match humour may include short tennis match jokes also.
- I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls. But these are just miner details.
- Today I saw two guys on the street in matching outfits so I asked them: Are you gay? They arrested me.
- Today I saw a letter in the kitchen from my girlfriend. "Morning honey! I left your food on the stove. All you have to do is light the match, I started the gas when I left. Love you!"
- Today I saw a man who was being savagely beaten by a group of four guys, so I decided to help He really was no match for the five of us...
- I saw this dude getting jumped by 3 other guys today. I decided to help. He was no match for all 4 of us
- I went to see a hanging race today It was a close match, the two contestants were tied neck and neck
- Today I saw a guy in a store window matching my outfit so I asked him: Are you gay? But ,It was my reflection and I was having a existential crisis
- I never realized it until today, but the song "Endless Love" by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie is about... ...a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles.
- There was a water fight at our local park today... ...and I won!!!
Nobody is a match for me and my kettle!
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Today Match One Liners
Which today match one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with today match? I can suggest the ones about soccer match and football match.
- Today I asked Google how to start the world's biggest wildfire I got 37,000 matches
- Today I Google cigarette lighters I was shocked when I got over 15 million matches.
- My Computer Beat Me At Chess Today It was no match for me at kickboxing though.
- Today was the opening World Cup match. Or as the Italians call it: Thursday
- Today's FIFA match will be played by Austria and Hungary Me: Against whom?
- From today's match onwards... ... We decided to boycott baguettes.
Today Match Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about today match you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean today date jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make today match pranks.
A joke originally told in Arabic
The doctor asks him what is that dreaming problem.
"Every night I go to sleep," the man says. "I dream of a soccer match between a team of elephants and a team of ants"
"Ok, take this medicine," the doctor says. "It will fix the problem."
The man refuses though and says:
"Can I take it tomorrow though? Today is the finals"
In today's European Championship soccer match, several players from the Czech Republic were seen slipping on the grass repeatedly in their loss to Denmark, while their Danish opponents didn't seem to have an issue at all.
Must be an issue with Czechs and balances.
Two men are sat at a cup final with an empty seat between them.....
The younger man says " I cant believe there is an empty seat here on a match of this importance"
"It was my wife seat, but she recently passed away" replied the older guy.
"oh im sorry to hear that, didnt you have any friends or family that wanted to come with you today?" Said the younger man.
"No" said the older guy.........."they are all at the f**..."
Sadly today we left our beloved grandma in the capable hands of the Undertaker...
He hit her with a tough clothesline and a chokeslam to boot, and finally hit her with the Tombstone piledriver for the win, best match I've ever seen!
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A man suffering for weeks from terrible nightmares goes to the doctor…
Man: Please doctor, you've got to help me with these nightmares!
Doctor: What type of dreams are you having?
Man: Well, I always dream of these awful rats playing football. Seeing them crawl, tackle, squeal night after night—it's terrible! Do you have a remedy for me?
Doctor: I've got the cure for you right here. This pill is so strong, so powerful, you will never have nightmares!
Man: Ok great! Can I take this pill tomorrow night?
Doctor: Yes, but why don't you want to start today?
Man: Well, it's just that the championship match is tonight.