The Best 27 Tobacco Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Tobacco jokes. There are some tobacco cigaret jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these tobacco smokin puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Tobacco Jokes and Puns

What do you call a train that has a tobacco addiction?

A chew-chew train.

How near was the boy to his dad's tobacco stash before getting busted?

Close... but no cigar.

If you see a Kentucky man driving down the road...

How can you tell if he's married? If he's married there'll be tobacco juice down both sides of the car.

Tobacco joke, If you see a Kentucky man driving down the road...

Why does a girl who uses chewing tobacco give the best head?

Because she's knows what to spit and what to swallow.

If I ever ran a tobacco company...

... I'd name my cigarettes "heretics". So anyone could burn his own heretic every single day.


How can you tell if a good ole boy from North Carolina is married?

There are tobacco spit stains on BOTH the doors of his truck.

A man goes in a tobacco shop...

and asks for a packet of cigarettes. The owner gives him one with the following warning label:
"Smoking causes erectile dysfunction".
So the man says:
"Whaaaat!!! Take that back and give me one with lung cancer! "

Tobacco joke, A man goes in a tobacco shop...

Police nearly apprehended a drug dealer selling cocaine in a tobacco store.

They were close, but no cigar.

Apparently Bill Clinton is so

sure that Hillary is going to win that he stopped at the tobacco store and bought a box of cigars. He has interviews scheduled for his new interns all day.

Tobacco companies kill their best customers

And condom companies kill their future customers.

To be blunt

I'm gonna need some tobacco leaf and some marijuana

You can explore tobacco cigarette reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean tobacco marlboro dad jokes. There are also tobacco puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My best friend tried to hide his drug dealing through a fake tobacco company and glass manufacturer.

It was all just smoke and mirrors.

Columbus Day is a really sore subject for me. It's so hard for me to honor the holiday while ignoring one of the biggest crimes in human history...

The introduction of Tobacco into western society.

My hands are too small to smoke cigars

I blame big tobacco

A tobacco shop burned down last week.

It was a slow burn. A little earthy, but nice overall.

Did you hear about the guy who tried to enter the chewing tobacco competition?

He ended up being the first ones out because he bit off more than he could chew

Tobacco joke, Did you hear about the guy who tried to enter the chewing tobacco competition?

I like my women like I like my old timey tobacco pipes

Curvy and remind me of grandpa.

How do you tell a redneck is married?

There are tobacco spits on either side of his pickup truck.

Redneck wisdom

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonnaΒ  divorce the wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."

Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over; women like that are hard to find."


Tobacco causes cancer

Alcohol causes dancer

I want to open a Christian tobacco store.

I'm going to call it Holy Smokes.

How can you tell if a red neck is married?

Theirs tobacco stains on both sides of his pick up

I once knew a rapper who used cannabis infused citrus as chewing tobacco

He spat some dope limes

If only the monkeys would stop smoking tobacco...

They could finally achieve a planet of the vapes movie

Why was the department of alcohol tobacco and firearms created?

To regulate the 3 leading causes of death in rural America.

An old man is eating some breakfast at a diner when three bikers walk in.

The first biker puts out his cigarette in the old man's pancakes.

The second biker spits out his tobacco in the old man's coffee.

The third biker takes the entire meal and shoves it off the table.

The old man, without saying so much as a word, gets up, pays the waitress, and exits the diner. The bikers laugh and sit at the old man's table. "Not much of a man, was he?" says one of the bikers.

"Not much of a driver either," says the waitress. "That man just drove his 16-wheeler over three bikes."

I just found out The Spice Girls were paid off by the tobacco industry to hide subliminal pro-smoking messages in their songs.

I couldn't believe it, so I put on one of their records, and it made me really really really want a cig or cigar.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the tobacco kush jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working tobacco hookah piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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