Toaster Jokes

And Jesus said unto them, "Come forth and you shall receive everlasting life."

We all know how John came fith and won a toaster, but Joseph didn't even come and he got a baby!

Appliances

My wife has made me buy an electric bread maker, electric stove, electric blender, electric toaster and other appliances. Now she's complaining that we have too many appliances and nowhere to sit down. So I bought her an electric chair.

God said to John, "Come forth and recieve eternal life."

But John came fifth, and received a toaster instead.

I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.

It was a shock to the cistern.

A lady goes to the store to buy a hook

..to mount on a wall to hang her coat. She walks up to the counter with it but doesn't have a screw to mount it to the wall. The checkout guy says "do you want a screw for the hook? She answers ""No but I'll blow you for that toaster."
(A version of an old Andrew Dice Clay joke)

And Jesus said unto John...

And Jesus said unto John come forth and I shall give you everlasting life. But John came fifth so he only won a toaster.

The lord said to Abraham, "Come forth and I'll give you eternal life."

Abraham came fifth.
He won a toaster.

what do you call a liberal humanitarian with a broken toaster

lack toast and tolerant

My friend asked me why I carry my gun inside my house

I told him 'Decepticons.'
He laughed, I laughed, the toaster laughed.
So I shot the toaster.
It was a good day.

Come forth...

God: John,come forth and you shall receive eternal life!
But john came third and won a toaster.

Jesus said unto John, "Come fourth and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Jesus tells Peter, "Come forth and you shall have eternal glory!"

Peter came in fifth and won a toaster.

And so, Jesus said unto Peter "Come forth and win yourself eternal glory"

But Peter came fifth and won himself a toaster

Then God said, come fourth john, for you will have eternal life...

But john came Fifth and won a free toaster

What do you put in a toaster joke

Spell roast five times, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t.
What do you put in a toaster?
I usually put bread in a toaster.

God said to peter come fourth...

But Peter came fifth and won a toaster

Managed to sell a toaster with Norton Antivirus today

Told the customer it would guard against popups

The Lord said unto John, "Come forth and be awarded eternal life"

John came fifth and was awarded a toaster

I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend and re-wire the toaster.

She was shocked.

What do you call a s**... toaster?

A crumb dumpster

Two toasters are sitting on a counter. One toaster turns to the other and says, "Do you sometimes feel empty?"

To which the other toaster replies, "OH MY GOD! A talking toaster!"

My dad asked why i have a gun in my house

Is said because of the decepticons, i laughed, my dad laughed, the toaster laughed, i shot the toaster, it was a good night.

Jesus said "come forth unto me and recieve enternal salvation!"

Paul came fifth and won a toaster.

And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life"

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.


*Last post of this was 6 months ago from my quick search, reposting because it is hilarious.*

John met god

and God said "John come forth and you will receive eternal light" sadly John came fifth and won a toaster

What do you call a rogue toaster?

A rebel appliance.

Did you hear about the auntie who plugged her electric blanket into the toaster?

She kept popping out of bed

A woman walks into a hardware store and says, "I want to buy a hinge."

The clerk says, "Do you wanna screw for that hinge?"
The woman replies, "No thanks, but I'll blow you for a toaster."

Jesus told John

Come forth and receive eternal life.
But poor John came in fifth and received a toaster.

What do my toaster and I have in common?

We both like to be in the same bathtub at the same time.

God said, "Peter, come forth..."

But he came fifth and got a toaster instead.

When I heard that my toaster wasn't water resistant...

I was shocked!!

A toast!

Had to throw away my toaster because it kept burning my toast. I guess you could say I'm black toast intolerant.

What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?

"I'M BREADY TO DIE"

"Come forth and I shall grant you eternal life", said God unto John.

But John came in fifth and won a toaster.

My wife asked why I brought a gun home

I told her it was in case the decepticons attacked. She said that's the silliest thing she's ever heard and that I didn't need a gun. My wife laughed, I laughed, the toaster laughed. I shot the toaster.

'Come fourth, John' Jesus said, 'and I will give you eternal life.'

John came fifth and won a toaster.

And God Said To Adam

Come forth and yee shall receive eternal life. But Adam came fifth and got a toaster.

God said to John ' Come forth and i'll give you eternal life '.

John came 5th and got a toaster instead

The Hardware Store

A woman goes into a hardware store and tells the the proprietor that she would like to buy a hinge. The proprietor asks her if she would like a screw to go along with the hinge. The woman responds: No thank you but I'll blow you for that toaster in the corner.

My favorite lame joke

And God said unto John: Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life.
But john came fifth, and won a toaster.
I know, it's s**... and overused, but it's my favorite...

Hey dad, why did you and mom name my sister Rose?

"Because a rose petal fell on her head when she was a baby, dear son," replied the Dad.
"Oh, thanks for telling me Dad!"
"No problem, Toaster Oven."

I found out today that my toaster is not waterproof.

I was shocked.

How do you make 50 toast at once with only one toaster?

Kick the toaster in a swimming pool.

And lord told upon John "come forth and get eternal life"

...but John came fifth and won a toaster

Jesus said unto Peter

"Come forth and you shall receive everlasting life"
But Peter came in fifth and received a toaster

The Lord said: "come forth and gain eternal life"

But instead he came fifth and won a toaster

I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again

I think it might be comatoast.

And the LORD said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life."

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
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Old but gold.
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Stolen off the internet. Enjoy

Went shopping at Macy's the other day

Salesman was very helpful. He carefully measured my inseam several times
I told him it wasn't necessary but he insisted
I almost just left but bought the toaster anyway
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"Come forth and gain eternal life" said God

Dave came fifth and won a toaster

Toasters...

were the first form of pop-up notifications.

Thanks for playing, John

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life".
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John came fifth and won a toaster.

Top ten places to put a toaster in your bathroom.

Number three will shock you!

I s**... identify as a toaster

You put bread in me and it comes out brown.

It turns out my toaster isn't waterproof

I was shocked.

And the Lord said to John; come forth and you will have eternal life...

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And the Lord said unto John, Come forth and you shall receive eternal life.

But John came fifth and received a toaster.

And The Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life"

... but John came in fifth and won a toaster.