Toast Jokes
162 toast jokes and hilarious toast puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about toast that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you ready to laugh bready? Toast Jokes is here to fill you up with laughter. Get ready to chuckle at our cheesy puns about French toast, avocado toast, and even burnt toast. We've even included some croissant jokes and jokes about the perfect spread for your toast. Grab some toast and let's get started!
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Funniest Toast Short Jokes
Short toast jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The toast humour may include short bread jokes also.
- A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar..... The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".
- Two slices of bread got married. The ceremony was going quite well until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.
- A toast Wife at the dinner table: Please toast some bread for me.
The lazy husband raised his wine glass and said, "To bread." - I am not sure how I feel about having toast for breakfast. On the upside, it's buttered.
On the downside, it isn't. - So if guns don't kill people, people kill people Does that mean toasters don't toast toast toast toast toast?
- My wife made me dinner the other day. She got offended when I put down my knife and fork and said, "This dinner is disgusting" then my wife said, "Well, boil your own toast next time then"
- I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster. I was making synonym toast.
- Toast at a Wedding "May you live as long as you want and not want for as long as you live." That's an Irish toast.
"cinnamon, eggs, bread, and maple syrup." That's a French toast. - My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
- What happened at the cannibal's wedding party? They toasted the bride and groom...
My 7yo told me I had to post this. Enjoy the giggle!
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Toast One Liners
Which toast one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with toast? I can suggest the ones about soup and meal.
- Wife: I regret getting you that blender for Christmas Me: *sipping toast* why?
- A toast to wives, girlfriends, and lovers. May they never meet.
- Saw a falcon eating avocado toast. Guess it's a millennial falcon.
- My dad's bread factory burnt down Now his business is toast
- Did you hear about the fire at the bakery? No one was hurt but business is toast.
- Last night, a guy tried to stab me with a butter knife He said i was toast.
- what is an English teachers favorite cereal? Synonym toast crunch
- What do cars eat on their toast? Traffic jam.
- When my toaster broke, my wife left me. I guess she was lack toast intolerant
- I put one slice of toast in my toaster and got two out... Must have been mitoastis
- What do you call toast in a cage? Bread in captivity.
- What do you call a person who gets mad when they don't have bread? Lack toast intolerant
- What do aliens spread on their toast? Space jam.
- Today is Bread day... I would like to propose a toast.
- What happens at a cannibal wedding? They toast the bride and groom.
Toast Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny toast day jokes and even better toast day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend's grandma had two ovens and stored bread in one of them... One day she preheated the wrong one
All the bread was toast - How do you congratulate a slice of bread on his wedding day? Toast him
- How do you start a rave in Africa? Glue toast to the ceiling.
(Apologies if repost, I found it funny and wanted to share it with you guys. Have a great day! :D ) - One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.
- Apparently I forgot to celebrate National Bread Day yesterday. . . So in honor of that I'd like to propose a toast!
Buttered Toast Jokes
Here is a list of funny buttered toast jokes and even better buttered toast puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- This morning i sneezed all over my toast while eating it... I can't believe it snot butter...
- Peanut butter was driving his toast when suddenly... ..there was a jam
- I used to work at a restaurant, but I wasn't a good cook. I could make some good toast though. It was my bread and butter.
- What is the same with spreading butter on a toast and getting a woman to spread her legs?
It is possible with a credit card, but much easier with a knife. - Dont butter the WronG LoAF! Why cant Mom toast have be with Son Toast?
....
Then they will be InBread
And would be in quite the jam
The father would get jelly
So just loaf your siblings out of it. - I like my women like I like my toast Hot, and consumable with butter
- What does the boy from Manila spread on his toast? Filipeanut Butter.
- If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
- Why was the umpire relieved after accidentally dropping his toast? Because it landed Butter Up!
- get the butter out hillary is toast!
Burnt Toast Jokes
Here is a list of funny burnt toast jokes and even better burnt toast puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call someone who can't eat burnt toast? Black toast intolerant.
- Don't cry over burnt toast That would just make it soggy.
- What's worse than 1 slice of burnt toast? The holocaust.
- I have a medical condition that means I can die if I have burnt bread.. I am black toast intolerant
- How do you know when you honeymoon is over?
When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast. - Toast A slice of toast took his kid to the doc.
Apparently they'd been outside and his son burnt. - What do you call burnt bread? Toast
Wedding Toast Jokes
Here is a list of funny wedding toast jokes and even better wedding toast puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went to a cannibals wedding last weekend. All was going well, until they decided to toast the Bride and Groom.
- A man stands up to give a toast at his best friend's wedding He says "I was told that a wedding toast should only last as long as the groom lasts in bed. So goodnight everyone!"
- I met my new wife while vacationing in France Her father gave a heartfelt speech at the wedding.
Needless to say, that was the best french toast I've ever had. - "I'd like to have a toast" said the father-in-law at his daughters wedding "Add some jam on it," he continued
- Give a man some jam and he can enjoy a nice piece of toast Teach a man to jam and his Phish cover band will ruin your wedding
- What does the best man at a French wedding do? Make French Toast!!!..
- My buddy came up with this toast for a wedding She offered her honor
He honored her offer
And all night, he was on her and off her - A toast for a hopeless romantics wedding One word "Finally"
- A zoomer was invited to his millennial friend's wedding, and was asked to give a toast. He didn't avocado.
- You know Marie Antoinette killed Humpty Dumpty at his own wedding? She made a French toast
French Toast Jokes
Here is a list of funny french toast jokes and even better french toast puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time"... So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
-Stephen Wright - Why did the french toast go on strike? They were tired of being in the syurpeon union.
- French toast I saw on the menu at a small restaurant 10% more French in your toast and I asked the waitress what that meant and she said. "We swear at it"
- When I was 7 my Dad left to get some eggs and bread at the store and never came back. I was devastated, I was really looking forward to the French toast.
- Why did the piece of Toast give up? Because it was French Toast.
- What do Islamist extremists eat for breakfast? French toast
- What did the Muslim man say when he ate French toast? Challah hu Akbar!!!
- What do you call a grenade thrown into a restaurant in France? French Toast.
Charming Humor Toast Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about toast you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pizza jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make toast pranks.
Jesus Crust
A priest and a Zen master are making toast.
The priest says "look, there's an image of Jesus in my margarine!"
The Zen master replies "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
An older couple is watching tv...
And the man stands up and says, "I'm going to the kitchen. Do you want anything?"
His wife answers, "yes, please get me some chocolate ice cream with sprinkes."
The man starts to leave, when his wife says, "Honey, are you sure you don't want to write that down, your doctor said you may need to in order to remember."
"no, no, I'm sure I'll remember what you asked for."
A few minutes later, he returns with fried eggs and toast.
His wife says, "well, see, you did need to write that down. You completely forgot my bacon!"
An old man stumbles into a bar after having had a few already...
Once inside, he slides up to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. "To the class of '55!" he yells, holding the glass aloft. Next to him, an old drunk raises his glass, "To the class of '55!"
"Where you from?" asks the first man of the second after they both toast.
"I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania."
"You don't say?! I'm from Pittsburgh!"
The two men drink to their hometown.
"What high school did you go to?" Ask the second man as he orders them another round.
"St Ignaius on Lombard Street."
"You're kidding me, I went to St Ignaius!" The two toast the coincidence and sling an arm over each other's shoulders as they begin to fondly reminisce about the old days.
A bar regular walks in and calls out to the bartender, "Hey Steve, what's going on?"
"Oh nothing," Steve replies, "The Johnson twins are drunk again."
Why did the toast drop his ice-cream?
He had butterfingers!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Jehovah's Witness Came By Yesterday
A Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday, so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in he said, "Yeah, okay."
I said I've put on a p**... of coffee, do you want some? He said, "Yeah, sure."
I said I've just made some toast do you want a slice? He said, "Yeah, why not."
I then motioned toward the kitchen table and we both sat down. We sat and looked at each other awkwardly for a moment. Then I asked him, "So what now?" He said, "I don't know I've never got this far before..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everyone thinks..
Everyone thinks Jesus is soooo good, feeding an army with 3 loaves of bread and a fish.
h**...'s not such a bad guy, he made 6 million jews toast.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Persuading girl into having s**... with you is like spreading the butter on a toast.
It is possible with credit card, but it makes more sense using a knife.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For me, having s**... is a lot like spreading butter on toast.
It's possible with a credit card, but so much easier with a knife.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wanna make a toast to blind h**...
you really gotta hand it to them.
what do you call a liberal humanitarian with a broken toaster
lack toast and tolerant
If guns don't kill people, people kill people,
Then it must also be true that toasters don't toast toast. Toast toast toast.
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer...
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said,
"Here'sto spending the rest of me Life,
Between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best
Toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the
Prize for the Best toast of The night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said,
"Here's to spending the rest of me life,
Sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
Buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled
Leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit
surprised myself. You know, he's only been in
there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by
the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell
asleep".
Is toasting with deaf people offensive?
Hear hear...
"Now then" said the warden addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot.....
"I would like to know two things: First: why did you revolt? Second: how did you get out of our cell?" One of the three men stepped forward "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful". "I see. And the cell, what did you use to break the bars?" "Toast" replied the leader,
Best toast in all of Ireland
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
Life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of
The night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside
Me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street
Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
Night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's
Only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by
The ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".
At an Irish wedding...
...the bride stood to make a toast. She asked, "Would all the married men here stand next to the person that has made your life worth living..."
The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I really hate people who never have bread for breakfast...
You can say I'm lack toast intolerant
I'll ^see ^^myself ^^^out
A boy and his father are playing catch
A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.
"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."
Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without butter for a week."
The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast (no honey or butter.)
Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it.
The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or
should I"?
Good friends are like toasters...
If you throw them down the stairs, they probably won't make toast for you anymore.
If I can't find any cheese this sandwich will be toast!
The wife
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Egg timer
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend "Jesus wasn't that special"...
After he said that I say "but he made thousands of people bread"
He turns back to me and says "so what, h**... made 6 million Jews toast"
What do termites put on their toast?
Door jamb.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do people with huge p**... eat for breakfast?
Well, I had toast.
Jesus made 6 thousand people bread,
but a guy in the 1940s made 6 million people toast.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Atheist...
Walks up to the Pearly Gates. God says, "I will let you in if you can make me laugh."
The Atheist asks, "who is the greatest Jewish baker of all time? h**.... He made over 60,000 Jews toast."
God looks at him and says, "A holocaust joke? That is not really funny."
The atheist replied, "Eh, I guess you should have been there."
Brexit fallout: my French Toast has just surrendered to my English Muffins. Germany is sending in the Luftwaffle... these events could engulf the entire continental breakfast.
and my Irish coffee is drunk. Again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the bread-less k**... who couldn't drink milk?
He lacked toast and tolerance.
What do my toaster and I have in common?
We both like to be in the same bathtub at the same time.
A toast!
Had to throw away my toaster because it kept burning my toast. I guess you could say I'm black toast intolerant.
What does Michael Jordan like to put on his toast for breakfast?
Space Jam
My Gran fell asleep last night with a cigarette in her hand. That woman was the best thing since sliced bread.
Now she's toast.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My best joke.
During the second world war there was a camp leader who out of the kindness of his heart rescued 160 Jewish people and provided them with warmth, shelter, bottles of water and loaves and loaves of bread. You think this was a kind gesture? You should of seen h**...; he made 6 million Jews toast!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What makes h**... better than Jesus?
Jesus could only feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish. h**... made 6,000,000 Jews toast.
How come Jeff Bezos spending 13 billion makes the news?
I spent 13 billion dollars last week at Whole Foods as well and all I got was some vegan avocado toast.
Spreading stuff on toast?
That's my jam.
Frank's been drinking too much at the dinner party and decides to give a toast to his wife
"To my wife, the love of my life, and the sexiest woman I know. But it's too bad only one of those three is here tonight!"
There was a burst of laughter from the crowd, but Frank's wife took it in stride, raising here glass for a toast of her own.
"To my husband, a good provider, and the father of my children. Too bad only one of those could make it."
What do niceguys put on their toast?
Marm'lady
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's a car c**... victim's favorite breakfast food?
Coma toast.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the toast say to his partner while they were doing sixty nine?
Babe, I'm gonna crumb!
Roses are red
Violets are blue,
I have Alzheimer's,
Cheese on toast
I'm not really in the mood to laugh, today my friends bakery burned down...
Now his business is toast :(
I made some toast to eat while watching my favorite anime
But when I sat down I realized there wasn't even-jelly-on
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make 50 toast at once with only one toaster?
Kick the toaster in a swimming pool.
How does bob marley like his toast?
With Jamm in
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Unexpected morning s**...:
I stumbled into the kitchen to see my wife cooking our usual breakfast of soft-boiled eggs and toast.
Barely awake, I thought perhaps I was dreaming when she suddenly took off her gown and demanded I make love with her there and then.
Soon finished, she turned back to the stove and said thanks . I said, My pleasure, dear, you seemed so inspired, thank you!
Dryly, she drawled, Don't get used to it, the egg timer's broken.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At a wedding reception, the groom's grandfather stood up to make his toast. Having been married for 60 years, he wanted to pass on his secret to the newlyweds. The grandfather addressed the happy couple, saying the tip to a happy and long lasting marriage is to beat your wife up every morning.
An uncomfortable silence followed. The grandfather continued, yes, I beat my wife up every morning. I get up around 6:30 and she gets up around 8.
I think I might have a slight drinking problem...
My friend asked me to toast some bread... I got up, raised my glass and said: "Here's to the Bread"
What do breads do at the dinner table?
Toast
Drunks
Drunk guy: "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before
the devil knows you're dead!"
Drunk girl: "What's that mean?"
Drunk guy: "It's an Irish toast."
Drunk girl: "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."
Drunk guy: "Huh?"
Drunk girl: "That's
My friend and I were late for a meeting
My friend and I were late for a meeting
We'd never been in that particular building before and we were lost.
My friend opened the wrong door and it turned out to be for a wedding reception.
After he closed the door, he seemed embarrassed and I said to him, "You look like you've seen a toast."
Every time my mom burns my grilled cheese sandwich I get a stomach ache...
I guess I'm black toast intolerant.
I ordered some Avocado Toast at a cafe, but imagine my surprise when I was given 602214076000000000000000 pieces of toasts. It was then I realized...
...I'd accidentally ordered Avogadro's Toast.
What's the difference between toilet paper and toast?
Toast is brown on both sides.
A toast for tonight!
2020 is hindsight!
Happy New Years!
A guy walked into his local bar on New Year's Eve and ordered a drink.
A guy walked into his local bar on New Year's Eve and ordered a drink. As midnight approached he raised in glass in a toast, "Let's all begin this year standing beside the person who has made this past year worth living." The poor bartender was nearly crushed to death.
What do flat-earthers call global warming?
Toast
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Broken Toaster
Toaster is broken and I'm p**.... I'm lack toast intolerant.
