The Best 88 Toast Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Toast jokes. There are some toast bread jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these toast crumb puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Toast Jokes and Puns

Wife: I regret getting you that blender for Christmas

Me: *sipping toast* why?

Jesus Crust

A priest and a Zen master are making toast.

The priest says "look, there's an image of Jesus in my margarine!"

The Zen master replies "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"

What's a thesaurus's favorite cereal?

Synonym Toast Crunch

Toast joke, What's a thesaurus's favorite cereal?

An older couple is watching tv...

And the man stands up and says, "I'm going to the kitchen. Do you want anything?"
His wife answers, "yes, please get me some chocolate ice cream with sprinkes."
The man starts to leave, when his wife says, "Honey, are you sure you don't want to write that down, your doctor said you may need to in order to remember."
"no, no, I'm sure I'll remember what you asked for."
A few minutes later, he returns with fried eggs and toast.
His wife says, "well, see, you did need to write that down. You completely forgot my bacon!"

An old man stumbles into a bar after having had a few already...

Once inside, he slides up to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. "To the class of '55!" he yells, holding the glass aloft. Next to him, an old drunk raises his glass, "To the class of '55!"

"Where you from?" asks the first man of the second after they both toast.

"I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania."

"You don't say?! I'm from Pittsburgh!"

The two men drink to their hometown.

"What high school did you go to?" Ask the second man as he orders them another round.

"St Ignaius on Lombard Street."

"You're kidding me, I went to St Ignaius!" The two toast the coincidence and sling an arm over each other's shoulders as they begin to fondly reminisce about the old days.

A bar regular walks in and calls out to the bartender, "Hey Steve, what's going on?"

"Oh nothing," Steve replies, "The Johnson twins are drunk again."


Why did the toast drop his ice-cream?

He had butterfingers!

I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage.

The sign said "Bread in captivity".

Toast joke, I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage.

A Jehovah's Witness Came By Yesterday

A Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday, so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in he said, "Yeah, okay."
I said I've put on a pot of coffee, do you want some? He said, "Yeah, sure."
I said I've just made some toast do you want a slice? He said, "Yeah, why not."
I then motioned toward the kitchen table and we both sat down. We sat and looked at each other awkwardly for a moment. Then I asked him, "So what now?" He said, "I don't know I've never got this far before..."

How do you start a rave in Africa?

Glue toast to the ceiling.

Everyone thinks..

Everyone thinks Jesus is soooo good, feeding an army with 3 loaves of bread and a fish.
Hitler's not such a bad guy, he made 6 million jews toast.

Persuading girl into having sex with you is like spreading the butter on a toast.

It is possible with credit card, but it makes more sense using a knife.

You can explore toast spread reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean toast salute dad jokes. There are also toast puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


For me, having sex is a lot like spreading butter on toast.

It's possible with a credit card, but so much easier with a knife.

I wanna make a toast to blind hookers

you really gotta hand it to them.

A toast

Wife at the dinner table: Please toast some bread for me.
The lazy husband raised his wine glass and said, "To bread."

what do you call a liberal humanitarian with a broken toaster

lack toast and tolerant

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer...

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said,
"Here'sto spending the rest of me Life,
Between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best
Toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the
Prize for the Best toast of The night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said,
"Here's to spending the rest of me life,

Sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
Buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled
Leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit
surprised myself. You know, he's only been in
there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by
the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell
asleep".

Toast joke, John O'Reilly hoisted his beer...

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar.....

The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".

Best toast in all of Ireland

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
Life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of
The night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside
Me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street
Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
Night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's
Only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by
The ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

At an Irish wedding...

...the bride stood to make a toast. She asked, "Would all the married men here stand next to the person that has made your life worth living..."

The bartender was nearly crushed to death.


I really hate people who never have bread for breakfast...

You can say I'm lack toast intolerant

I'll ^see ^^myself ^^^out

Last night, a guy tried to stab me with a butter knife

He said i was toast.

A boy and his father are playing catch

A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.

"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."

Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without butter for a week."

The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast (no honey or butter.)

Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it.

The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or
should I"?

The wife

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. 

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!  

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!  

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table. 

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck. 

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?" 

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

Egg timer

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. 

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!  

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!  

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table. 

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck. 

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?" 

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

Toast at a Wedding

"May you live as long as you want and not want for as long as you live." That's an Irish toast.

"Cinnamon, eggs, bread, and maple syrup." That's a French toast.

Christians always go on about the time Jesus fed five thousand people with five loaves and two fishes...

What about Hitler? He made 6 million jews toast.

Toasts are like parents...

If they are black, you have nothing to eat

What do people with huge penises eat for breakfast?

Well, I had toast.

My friend's bakery burned down last night

Now his business is toast

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time"...

So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

-Stephen Wright

Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish

But Hitler made 6,000,000 jews toast

Did you hear about the fire at the bakery?

No one was hurt but business is toast.

An Atheist...

Walks up to the Pearly Gates. God says, "I will let you in if you can make me laugh."

The Atheist asks, "who is the greatest Jewish baker of all time? Hitler. He made over 60,000 Jews toast."

God looks at him and says, "A holocaust joke? That is not really funny."

The atheist replied, "Eh, I guess you should have been there."

Brexit fallout: my French Toast has just surrendered to my English Muffins. Germany is sending in the Luftwaffle... these events could engulf the entire continental breakfast.

and my Irish coffee is drunk. Again.

My dad's bread factory burnt down

Now his business is toast

How do you start a rave in Uganda ?

Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling

I put one slice of toast in my toaster and got two out...

Must have been mitoastis

People think Jesus was so great...

But all he did was give fish to a thousand people.

 

You forget that Hitler made 6 million people toast.

My bread factory burned down.

Now my business is toast.

As I spread my girlfriend's legs I thought to myself...

This is the strangest thing I've ever had on toast.

Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures.

It was bread in captivity.

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?

Nail a piece of toast to the ceiling.

Did you hear about the bread-less klansman who couldn't drink milk?

He lacked toast and tolerance.

A toast to wives, girlfriends, and lovers.

May they never meet.

What do my toaster and I have in common?

We both like to be in the same bathtub at the same time.

When my toaster broke, my wife left me.

I guess she was lack toast intolerant

Jesus fed 2000 Jews fish and bread.

Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.

Jesus Christ may have fed 2000 people with bread and wine...

But Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast

My Gran fell asleep last night with a cigarette in her hand. That woman was the best thing since sliced bread.

Now she's toast.

Today is Bread day...

I would like to propose a toast.

My best joke.

During the second world war there was a camp leader who out of the kindness of his heart rescued 160 Jewish people and provided them with warmth, shelter, bottles of water and loaves and loaves of bread. You think this was a kind gesture? You should of seen Hitler; he made 6 million Jews toast!

What makes Hitler better than Jesus?

Jesus could only feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish. Hitler made 6,000,000 Jews toast.

How come Jeff Bezos spending 13 billion makes the news?

I spent 13 billion dollars last week at Whole Foods as well and all I got was some vegan avocado toast.

What do cars eat on their toast?

Traffic Jam.

Spreading stuff on toast?

That's my jam.

Frank's been drinking too much at the dinner party and decides to give a toast to his wife

"To my wife, the love of my life, and the sexiest woman I know. But it's too bad only one of those three is here tonight!"

There was a burst of laughter from the crowd, but Frank's wife took it in stride, raising here glass for a toast of her own.

"To my husband, a good provider, and the father of my children. Too bad only one of those could make it."

Jesus fed a 100 people bread

Hitler made 6 million jews toast

At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.

I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'

'It was bread in captivity' she replied.

My wife made me dinner the other day. She got offended when I put down my knife and fork and said, "This dinner is disgusting"

then my wife said, "Well, boil your own toast next time then"

Jesus fed 6 people with 4 loafs of bread and 2 fish.

However adolf hitler made 6 Million jews toast

Saw a bird eating a piece of avocado toast.

Guess it was some kind of millennial falcon.

@sarahemclaugh

Jesus and Hitler both were tasked with making a meal for the poor

Jesus made 2,000 people fish and Hitler made 6 million people toast.

Why do Irish people only put 239 beans on their toast?

Because one more would be two farty. 😊

Saw a falcon eating avocado toast.

Guess it's a millennial falcon.

I'm not really in the mood to laugh, today my friends bakery burned down...

Now his business is toast :(

Why is hitler a better person than Jesus Christ?

Jesus Christ fed 2000 jews with 5 loaves of bread, while hitler made 6 million Jews toast

My Buddies bakery burnt down last night....

His business is toast.

A man stands up to give a toast at his best friend's wedding

He says "I was told that a wedding toast should only last as long as the groom lasts in bed. So goodnight everyone!"

Drunks

Drunk guy: "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before
the devil knows you're dead!"

Drunk girl: "What's that mean?"

Drunk guy: "It's an Irish toast."

Drunk girl: "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."

Drunk guy: "Huh?"

Drunk girl: "That's

So if guns don't kill people, people kill people

Does that mean toasters don't toast toast toast toast toast?

So my bakery restaurant burned down yesterday

My business is toast

The MC at an Irish wedding made a toast. "Can all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made their lives meaningful".

...The bartender was subsequently crushed to death.

Every time my mom burns my grilled cheese sandwich I get a stomach ache...

I guess I'm black toast intolerant.

My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting

I suspect he's got black toast intolerance

I ordered some Avocado Toast at a cafe, but imagine my surprise when I was given 602214076000000000000000 pieces of toasts. It was then I realized...

...I'd accidentally ordered Avogadro's Toast.

Yoda: Dark it is, the other side

Luke: Shut up and eat your toast.

Just sneezed all over my toast

I can't believe it snot butter.

My friend's grandma had two ovens and stored bread in one of them...

One day she preheated the wrong one

All the bread was toast

A toast for tonight!

2020 is hindsight!

Happy New Years!

A guy walked into his local bar on New Year's Eve and ordered a drink.

A guy walked into his local bar on New Year's Eve and ordered a drink. As midnight approached he raised in glass in a toast, "Let's all begin this year standing beside the person who has made this past year worth living." The poor bartender was nearly crushed to death.

What do flat-earthers call global warming?

Toast

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?

Synonym Toast Crunch

Broken Toaster

Toaster is broken and I'm pissed. I'm lack toast intolerant.

A Tibetan monk was making his morning toast when he saw, in the margarine, the face of Jesus. He gasped and said,

"I can't believe it's not Buddha."

I went to a cannibals wedding last weekend.

All was going well, until they decided to toast the Bride and Groom.

What do you call toast in a cage?

Bread in captivity.

I didn't have any toast this morning, and I'm very angry about it.

I think I might be lack toast intolerant.

A German boy never uttered a single word growing up.

Then ,one day, aged 5, while sitting at breakfast, he looked up from his plate and said in perfect German - 'The toast is burnt'...to which the family were amazed at. 'You can speak, that's amazing, why have you never spoken until now?'


He replied: 'There was nothing wrong until now'

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the toast butter jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working toast roast piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes