Toast Day Jokes
39 toast day jokes and hilarious toast day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about toast day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Toast Day Short Jokes
Short toast day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The toast day humour may include short turkey day jokes also.
- My wife made me dinner the other day. She got offended when I put down my knife and fork and said, "This dinner is disgusting" then my wife said, "Well, boil your own toast next time then"
- My friend's grandma had two ovens and stored bread in one of them... One day she preheated the wrong one
All the bread was toast - I went to the zoo the other day I saw a piece of toast in a cage. The sign said it was bread in captivity...
- How do you start a rave in Africa? Glue toast to the ceiling.
(Apologies if repost, I found it funny and wanted to share it with you guys. Have a great day! :D ) - Apparently I forgot to celebrate National Bread Day yesterday. . . So in honor of that I'd like to propose a toast!
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Toast Day One Liners
Which toast day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with toast day? I can suggest the ones about laughter day and teacher day.
- Today is Bread day... I would like to propose a toast.
- How do you congratulate a slice of bread on his wedding day? Toast him
- Today was national bread day... And I would love to take a second to make a toast
- One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.
Toast Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about toast day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean toast jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make toast day pranks.
A German boy never uttered a single word growing up.
Then ,one day, aged 5, while sitting at breakfast, he looked up from his plate and said in perfect German - 'The toast is burnt'...to which the family were amazed at. 'You can speak, that's amazing, why have you never spoken until now?'
He replied: 'There was nothing wrong until now'
An old man stumbles into a bar after having had a few already...
Once inside, he slides up to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. "To the class of '55!" he yells, holding the glass aloft. Next to him, an old drunk raises his glass, "To the class of '55!"
"Where you from?" asks the first man of the second after they both toast.
"I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania."
"You don't say?! I'm from Pittsburgh!"
The two men drink to their hometown.
"What high school did you go to?" Ask the second man as he orders them another round.
"St Ignaius on Lombard Street."
"You're kidding me, I went to St Ignaius!" The two toast the coincidence and sling an arm over each other's shoulders as they begin to fondly reminisce about the old days.
A bar regular walks in and calls out to the bartender, "Hey Steve, what's going on?"
"Oh nothing," Steve replies, "The Johnson twins are drunk again."
The wife
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Best toast in all of Ireland
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
Life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of
The night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside
Me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street
Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
Night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's
Only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by
The ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".
Egg timer
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer...
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said,
"Here'sto spending the rest of me Life,
Between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best
Toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the
Prize for the Best toast of The night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said,
"Here's to spending the rest of me life,
Sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
Buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled
Leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit
surprised myself. You know, he's only been in
there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by
the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell
asleep".
A man goes to a restaurant and sees a sign by the door
The sign reads: "Order anything you want, if we cannot make it, you get $300."
So, when the waiter comes he orders steamed elephant t**... with fried giraffe tongue on toast. The waiter goes to the kitchen and gives the cook the order. The kitchen staff is frantic and scrambles to find what the man had ordered. After a few minutes the chef walks out to the man, hands him $300 and says: "You had to order toast on the day we ran out of bread, did you...?"
A Scotsman goes into a bar...
Sits at the table and orders 4 pints of Innis & Gunn.
Waiter says: 4 pints?
Aye, me lads have all moved away and we toast each other by drinking a pint for each of us.
A few days later he comes back in and orders 3 pints.
The waiter says oh no sorry for the loss of your friend.
The Scotsman says Ack, no nobody died, I just quit drinking.
I hate polish jokes
I went into a deli the other day and I ask for a polish sausage. The deli man says " oh you must be polish"
I said "what why would you think that because I'm polish, I gotta order a polish sausage?"
I says "if I guy came in and ordered German potato salad, would you consider that guy a German?" I says "if I guy comes in and ordered french toast, I suppose you'd think he was a Frenchman"
I said " I think it's outrageous that just because I come In here and order a polish sausage that you just assume I'm polish"
I said "why would you think I'm polish just because of that?"
He says "because this is a hardware store."
Not my joke credit to norm
Man Raises a Toast at the Bar
He toasts, "Here's to spending the rest of my life between my wife's legs!" The crowd hoops and hollers and declares that he won Toast of the Night.
Man goes home and says, "Honey! Honey! I won Toast of the Night!"
"That's great dear!" Says his wife. "What did you toast?"
"Here's to spending the rest of my life going to church with my wife!"
Next day, Wife is out in town and runs into one of her husband's bar buddies. The buddy snickers and asks if she heard what her husband toasted last night.
"Yes, and I think it's a bit odd he'd toast that. It's only ever happened twice. The first time he fell asleep, and the second time I had to y**... his ear to make him come."
Two blondes are at a bar celebrating
as soon as the drinks arrive, they give a quick toast, exclaiming **21** then turn up their glasses. The bartender thought this was odd, considering they both looked to be close to 30. Time passes, another round ordered, and other celebratory cheers stating **21**. The bartender again ignored them and moved on. On the third occasion with the same celebration, the bartender decided to ask what the big occasion was. Was it 21 years as friends? 21 some sort of big number for work? 21 months married? What. One blonde was all too happy to explain that it was none of those. She went on to say "we just finished one of those puzzles that said 7-10 years and it only took us 21 days."
Morning s**...
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T shirt she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lift up as I thought, "I'm either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards, she said "Thanks," and walked back to the stove, her T shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?" She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Morning s**.......
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?" She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
John wins best toast of the night
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
Irish Humor
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife !"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night ! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep."
Poor ol' John O'Reiley...
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife !' Now that won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, ' I won the prize for the best toast of the night.' She said 'Aye, did ye now, and what was your toast?'
John said, 'Heres to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife'. Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of Johns drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said,' John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary' She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know,
he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.
Morning s**...
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only
the tee shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming
or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, 'Thanks', and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, What was that all about?"
She explained, The egg timer's broken."
Morning s**...
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the t-shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly "you've got to make love to me this very moment."
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this us going to be my lucky day."
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave her my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "thanx," and return to the stove, her t-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzle, I asked,
"What was that all about?"
She explained, *"the eggs timer's broken"*
A Toast
Every Friday night, at the local pub, the regulars gather, enjoy each other's company and 'toast the night away'…
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of The night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's Only been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
An Irishman walks into a bar...
...and says to the bartender, "Give me three pints of Guinness, lad". The bartender obliges, and the Irishman lifts two of the three glasses to the air, as if toasting some invisible person. He then set them down, and finished all three glasses by sipping from one, then the next, and the next until it was empty. Bartender, naturally curious, asks what's up.
"Oh, me two brothers all live about. Since we can't meet and have a pint together, we do it from afar like this."
This continues for a few more months, until finally, one day, the Irishman only orders two pints of Guinness. Bartender notices this and says solemnly, "Only two today? I'm sorry. Did one of your brothers pass away?"
"No, no, nothing of the sort. I've quit drinking!"
Patrick was drinking heavily on a Tuesday night at his local pub.
He raised his glass and proclaimed, in toast, "here's to spending the rest of me life, layin' in bed next to me wife."
The toast was met with raucous cheers and applause. Patrick was given the toast of the night award, given out on every Tuesday at the pub.
When he brought the trophy home to his wife Patty she asked him what he said to get the prestigious award. Treading carefully, he replied "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sittin' in church next to me wife."
The next day Patty was shopping in the market when she ran into Patrick's best friend, also named Patrick. "What a great toast Patrick had last night" Patrick said excitedly.
Patty agreed, albeit a little confused, "yeah but I don't know where it came from, we only do that twice a year and when we do I have to pull Patrick's ear to get him to come."
The Best Toast of the Night
Patrick O'Reilly hoisted his beer at his regular pub and offered the following toast: "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me lovely wife!"
That won him top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and proudly told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
"Aye, did ye now," said Mary. "And what was your toast?"
Thinking quickly, Patrick said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, Patrick!" said Mary.
The next day, Mary ran into one of Patrick's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "Patrick won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
"Aye, he told me," said Mary, "and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he'd only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
Best toast of The night.
VOTED BEST JOKE IN IRELAND
Paul O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's
to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs
of me wife !"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best
toast of the night !
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the
prize for the Best toast of The night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled
leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit
surprised myself. You know, he's only been in
there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by
the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell
asleep".
Morning s**...
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Morning s**...
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Blonde Breakfast Dilemma
A man watches as his blonde girlfriend comes downstairs to make breakfast.
At first she attempts to lift the stove, struggles, and sighs.
Next she tries lifting the microwave, again to no avail. Finally she lifts the toaster and smiles, makes toast and eats her breakfast.
This goes on for a couple of days before her boyfriend finally asks what in the world is going on.
The blonde replies, "My new medication doesn't allow me to operate heavy machinery and the toaster is the only thing I can lift."
