Titanic Jokes

What are some Titanic jokes?

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink

No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre

A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...

The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That's ridiculous; an iceberg sunk the titanic!". The Chinese man responds, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Silverberg, you're all the same".

My grandpa tried to warn everyone The Titanic was gonna sink.

When everyone just ignored him, he yelled at them three more times, eventually they got irritated and kicked him out of the theater.

What's a horrible icebreaker?

The titanic

I downloaded all the music to the movie Titanic.

It's syncing now.

What's the difference between the Titanic and my ex?

The titanic only went down on 1,000 people

My grandfather predicted that the Titanic would sink.

He tried to warn everyone that it was going to sink, but the fools wouldn't listen. Being the good man that he was, he kept on urging people to heed his warning, right up until he was escorted out of the movie theatre by security.

What does titanic and the sixth sense have in common?

Icy dead people

To think the unthinkable

The thtory of the titanic.

What connects The Sixth Sense and Titanic?

Icy dead people.

What does an iPhone 7 and The Titanic have in common?

The end has no Jack.

What's the difference between the Titanic and Kim Kardashian?

The number of people who rode the Titanic is known.

A Korean and a Jew

Jew: Hey... weren't you people responsible for Pearl Harbor?

Korean: Uh... that was the Japanese. I'm Korean.

Jew: Pffft, Japanese, Chinese, Korean. What's the difference?

Korean: Well wait, weren't you people responsible for sinking the Titanic?

Jew: Uh... that was an iceberg.

Korean: Pffft, Rosenberg, Goldberg, iceberg... What's the difference?

What's the similarity between 6th Sense and Titanic?

Icy dead people.

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with The Titanic?

About half way..

Titanic sank 103 years ago...

...making it the only thing your mom didn't go down on! Hi-YO!

A Jewish man and a Chinese man strike up a conversation

Before long they're arguing.

Jewish man: "You know what? I hate you."

Chinese man: "Why?"

Jewish man: "Pearl Harbor!"

Chinese man: "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!"

Jewish man: "Japanese, Chinese what's the difference?"

Chinese man: "Well, you know what? I hate you."

Jewish man: "Why?"

Chinese man: "The Titanic!"

Jewish man: "An iceberg sunk the Titanic!"

Chinese man: "Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

A man is standing on the bow of the Titanic as it is sinking, holding a glass of whiskey.

He says: "I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous"

My grandfather saw the Titanic and he warned everyone that it would sink, but no one listened

He told people a few more times and then he was kicked out of the cinema

My grandpa knew the Titanic was going to sink. He said it loudly countless times...

Then he got kicked out of the theater.

Imagine the Titanic with a Lisp

It's unthinkable

What do the iPhone 7 and the Titanic have in common?

There's no room for jack, on both of them

Maybe the Titanic really was a ship of dreams...

and its dream was to be a submarine.

Did you know Avatar is a sequel to Titanic?

It picks up where Titanic left off, in the sense that half the cast is blue and dying.

Obligatory

TITANIC

Sorry that was a terrible ice breaker

The Sixth Sense and Titanic are the same movie.

Icy dead people.

What do the Titanic and The Toronto Maple Leafs have in common...

They both look great until they hit the ice.

Now I know it's the 100 Aniversary of the Titanic and all...

But aren't the Italians going a little far with their tribute

What do the Hindenberg, the Titanic and Hillary Clinton have in common?

Going down on any of them would be horrifying.

What do you get if you cross Titanic with Sixth Sense?

Icy dead people

I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic. "Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.

"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"

Did you know, after all these years

the pools on the Titanic are still full.

My great grandfather got to see the Titanic

He told everyone it would sink, no one believed him. He said it again, they shut him up. For the last time, he warned everyone that it would sink. They have had enough and he got kicked out of the movie theatre.

The Titanic was recently visited by a diving crew with a robot submarine. What they found out was completely amazing.

Even after 100 years of being sunk, all the pools are still full.

Not everything on the Titanic was a failure

The pool is still full to this day.

What's not a good ice breaker?

Titanic.

Did you know?

The pool on the Titanic is still filled with water.

I heard the titanic got a new job...

She sells sea shells down by the sea floor.

I hear it's a pretty high pressure job.

Mexico and the TITANIC

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

Most people don't know that back in 1912...

Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City.

Mexicans were crazy about the stuff.

The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate ("desperados") at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning.

It's known, of course, as... Sinko De Mayo.

I tried uploading a picture of the Titanic to OneDrive

... But it just kept syncing.

Why should one not talk about Titanic with a stranger?

Because it can't break the ice

TIL the pool on the titanic is still filled with water to this day.

Oh wait...

How many people died on the Titanic?

A boatload.

Did you know?

The swimming pools in the Titanic are still full

Titanic be like

"I nominate all passengers for the ice bucket challenge!"

Clinton on the Titanic

Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic.

The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly.

Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc.

Reagan shouts: "Women and children first."

Nixon goes: "Screw the women!"

Clinton replies: "Do you think we have time!?"

The Titanic disaster happened 106 years ago today...

Just let that sink in

Why are Titanic themed parties so awkward?

They lack good icebreakers!

I was going to tell you guys more jokes about the Titanic passengers

but I think they've gone overboard

the world's best cloud storage service was released today, called Titanic.

It's always synching

The titanic was built to last......

let that sink in.

Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I avoid telling Titanic jokes because

they're terrible at breaking the ice.

A Jewish guy walks into a bar. The Chinese bartender asks him his name...

"I'm Max Goldberg", he says, "what's yours?"
"I'm Wei Zhang, it's nice to meet you."

Mr. Goldberg says, "I'll never forgive you people for bombing Pearl Harbor."
"I'm Chinese. That was the Japanese."
"Chinese, Japanese, all the same to me."

Mr. Zhang says, "I'll never forgive you people for sinking the Titanic."
"I'm Jewish, that was an iceberg."
"Goldberg, iceberg, all the same to me."

My grandfather knew before the titanic sank that it was going to happen.

He kept yelling and telling peope over and over but no one listened. They then threw him out of the theater, he's not allowed back.

Two old men on a bench

An old korean man and an old jewish man are sitting on a bench.
Suddenly the jewish elderly slaps the korean and says "that's for pearl harbour"

The korean replies "I've got nothing to do with that, it was the japanese, and I'm korean"
To which the jewish replies "well, japanese, chinese, korean, you're all the same to me."
Hearing that, the korean slaps the jewish, saying "that's for the titanic"
"I've got nothing to do with that, it was an iceberg"
"well, iceberg, rosenberg, all the same to me"

Right before colliding with an iceberg...

The captain of the Titanic got ready to make an announcement:
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Fun fact, this ship weighs about 52 thousand kilograms. I'm gonna let that sink in..."

My great-grandfather knew that Titanic would sink and tried to alert people 3 times

The third time, he was expelled from the movie theater.

What do Apple and Titanic have in common?

They both killed Jack.

Canadian and a American watching a movie

Canadian: Lets watch a movie.

American: Have you seen Titanic?

Canadian: What's that about?

American: Yes, it was. A big one that sank.

I just changed my iPhone's name to "Titanic"

I just changed my iPhone's name to "Titanic" and plugged it in.

It's syncing now.

I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist here, but are we truly to believe that the Titanic sunk after being hit by an iceberg?! Do they think we're stupid fools!?

I've been throwing lettuce at the window for hours now and it hasn't even scratched, let alone put a hole in it.

Say what you want about the structural integrity of the Titanic

At least the pool is still full

A Jewish guy and a Chinese guy are sitting on a bus

The Jewish guy turns to the Chinese guy and says "man I really hate Chinese people." The Chinese guy goes "why?" And the Jewish guy goes "because you guys bombed Pearl Harbor!" The Chinese guy says "that wasn't us that was the Japanese!" The Jewish guy replies "Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese you're all the same!"

So the Chinese guy thinks about this and then says "well you know what? I really hate Jewish people!" And the Jewish guy goes "why?" And the Chinese guy goes "because you guys sunk the titanic!" The Jewish guy says "that wasn't us! That was an iceberg!" The Chinese guy replies "iceberg, Weinberg, Steinberg you're all the same!"

The Titanic weighed about 52 tons...

I'm gonna let that sink in

Earlier today I had a Titanic thought.

It was *unthinkable*.

How to make Titanic jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Titanic to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Titanic? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Titanic pick up lines to share with friends.

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