Tissue Jokes
75 tissue jokes and hilarious tissue puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tissue that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud at these funny jokes about tissue paper, tissue boxes, and more! From tissue boogers to connective tissue, we have the best hilariously absurd jokes about the anatomy of tissue that'll leave you in stitches. Don't forget the zinger about violent buttocks and cancerous tissue - it'll leave you roaring!
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Funniest Tissue Short Jokes
Short tissue jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tissue humour may include short tumor jokes also.
- There's a big difference between a boy or a girl saying I got through a whole box of tissues when I found out my 18 year old sister was adopted
- What's the biggest difference between men and women? What they mean when they say I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie .
- I came into a bit of money recently. [](/thatsnothowyouspellpinkiepie) I was out of tissues.
- I was told to bring a box of tissues with me when my friends and I watched Bambi. You can imagine my disappointment.
- Just had a stack of toilet rolls fall on me in the supermarket I'm ok though, just soft tissue damage
- A friend of mine lost 200 pounds of excess fat and obsolete tissue in a matter of months. Better still, he felt great about the divorce.
- Noses and Boyfriends Boyfriends are like noses...
People get disgusted when you blow them in public.
Especially if you're caught without a tissue - hannah Montana DVD: $15, Tub of vaseline: $3, XL box of tissues: $2, Look of disgust from the cashier:Priceless.
- My mom's favorite joke [clean] Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a lil boogie in it. - Good news! I read that people aren't hoarding toilet paper anymore, Guess we wiped out that tissue, I mean, issue.
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Tissue One Liners
Which tissue one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tissue? I can suggest the ones about muscle and blood.
- What do men and women have in common? Both need some tissues after watching a good movie.
- Guess what came in the mail today I did, I ran out of tissue.
- I just came into a lot of money Normally I use tissues
- I came into a lot of money today, which is weird. I usually use tissues.
- I'm really in touch with my inner self today. Really need to buy 2 ply tissue.
- I came into some money yesterday. I couldn't find the tissues.
- What do you call a tissue that is sleeping? A napkin
- What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? A slow swimmer.
- What kind of tissues do mathematicians like? Multi-ply
- I just ran out of tissues... Lately, it's been coming in handy
- What did the tissue say to the fan? Blow me.
- I carry tissues around with me so I never get an STD I always have kleenexes
- "Where would I be without my mom?" Probably, wiped off on a tissue and thrown away
- man that sneezes without tissue takes matter into his own hands -Confucious .
- My son is a real hand full. I didn't have any tissues handy.
Tissue Box Jokes
Here is a list of funny tissue box jokes and even better tissue box puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's going to be ok... Yesterday I ended up in the hospital. Tripped over a box of Kleenex. Thankfully it was only tissue damage.
- A box of tissues is mingling with a roll of toilet paper at a party. Tissues to toilet paper: so that's what I do. It's so embarrassing. What is it that you do?
- I've just read that the pollen count is exceptionally high this year. That would explain why my 14 year old son is getting through so many boxes of tissues, poor little mite.
- There is a big difference... between Men and Women when they say : "I finished a whole box of tissue watching that film last night..."
- Should I bring a box of tissues to the new 'Fifty Shades of Grey' film? I hear it's very sad.
- Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues?
Because he had a stinking cold.
Tissue Paper Jokes
Here is a list of funny tissue paper jokes and even better tissue paper puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My kid asked me what was I doing in my 20's. I told him that I used to throw his siblings on tissue papers.
- Why couldn't the surgeon 3D print a new pair of lungs? He ran out of tissue paper.
- A man had trouble trusting people However, everytime he used paper towels to clean his nose, he was perfectly fine.
He had trust tissues. - I dropped a whisky bottle on the kitchen floor I started cleaning it with paper tissue, then I realized I'm just wasting paper
Connective Tissue Jokes
Here is a list of funny connective tissue jokes and even better connective tissue puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Which member of the Justice League has loose connective tissue? The Marfan Manhunter!
Tissue Booger Jokes
Here is a list of funny tissue booger jokes and even better tissue booger puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Finger Brutality is real against boogers It's a civil rights tissue
Cheerful Fun Tissue Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about tissue you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean body organ jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tissue pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy sees that his pet turtle isn't moving...
"Mommy, my turtle is dead," wailed the little boy to his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.
His mom said, "That's all right. We'll wrap him in a tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a lovely burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for a yummy big ice cream, and then get you a great new pet, like a puppy!" Just then, she noticed the turtle move. "Look! Your turtle isn't dead after all!"
"Oh," said the little boy, "can we kill it?"
Sandpaper and Tissue
A sheet of sandpaper and a tissue were talking. The sheet of sandpaper says, "I'm very jealous of you." The tissue replies, "Why?" The sandpaper explains, " Because I've had it rough all my life."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Direct from my 8-year old:
How do nursing babies blow their noses?
With breast tissue.
I fell over a toilet roll display at my local supermarket
I cut my leg badly and was rushed to hospital. I said to the doctor, "what's the damage" He replied, "just some torn tissue".
Today in the stock market...
Feathers are down, while escalators have continued on their slow decline. The market for raisins has dried up. Scott Tissue reached a new bottom, while paper remained stationary. There is is some good news, however: helium is up, and elevators rose, as well.
My 8 year old niece told me I could share her joke with you guys, but I had to give her the credit. Her name is Brooklyn.
Do you know how to make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
What's softer than tissue?
^^^^^tissue
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(AP) New York - A baby delivered without eyelids had surgery today at Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan, NY. Doctors successfully removed the child's f**... and were able to use the tissue to successfully form eyelids. Doctors said the child will be fine.
Just a little cockeyed.
I read my horoscope today...
It said I was gonna come into some money... which is weird because I usually just come into a tissue...
I got kicked out of a massage parlor the other day.
Apparently the prostate isn't considered "deep tissue."
How to get a date with a Clinton supporter today...
Baby, want a tissue?
What did the tissue say to the baby?
Just be glad you didnt end up on me
She: I love movies where you need a tissue at the end
Him: So do I
I saw a dead baby gohst laying on the ground this morning.
Turns out it was just a tissue.
I was walking behind a girl late at night
I open silently the bottle of chloroform so she doesn't freak out.
I put out my tissue,
put chloroform on it,
*sneezing*
clean my nose,
and pass out
I'm not a smart man
What does Hannibal Lector use to blow his nose?
A tissue.
My wife always wanted a nose job.
So she became a tissue designer.
In the stock market today....
Northern Tissue touched a new bottom, and millions of investors were wiped clean.
The best friend of us is tissue
Next to you in grief
Next to you at the peak of pleasure
A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother gently massaged cold cream on her face.
*"Why are you rubbing that on your face, Mommy?"* he asked.
*"To make myself beautiful,"* said his mother.
A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
*"What's the matter?"* he asked.
* "Are you giving up?"*
What do you call human tissue that is associated with drug traffickers?
Cartel-age
Massage Humor
A Jewish man walked into a massage clinic looking for deep tissue. They bring him back and afterwards, he comes out looking disappointed. They ask him why and he replies, "She was too gentile."
Tissue?
I hardly know her
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Men are more susceptible to the covid19 coronavirus
Men could be more susceptible to Covid-19 because testicular tissue generates proteins the virus likes to latch onto.
It's got you by the b**....
What do cannibals use to clean their noses?
Nose tissue.
Life after Corona have become crazy
I went to the bathroom at a restaurant. I washed my hands, open the door with my elbow, I raised the toilet seat with my foot, I switched on the water faucet with a tissue then opened the bathroom door to leave with my elbow and when I returned to my table I realised....I forgot to pull up my pants!!!
A dumb billionaire walks into a bar and orders a pint. The female bartender notices how attractive he is and slips him her number on a tissue.
" Preposterous! I could get laid for this much!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy and a g**... a first date.
Guy: "So, what kind of movies do you like?"
Girl: "I like movies where I need a tissue."
Guy: "Oh my god! Me too!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lawyer, an environmentalist and a teacher were going the bathroom.
The lawyer gets done, washes his hands and uses the entire roll of tissue paper to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be thorough.", he said.
The environmentalist washes his hands and uses his own kerchief to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be environment friendly.", he said.
The teacher walks out without washing his hands. "I was taught not to p**... on my hands.", he says.
