Tires Jokes
105 tires jokes and hilarious tires puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tires that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tires Short Jokes
Short tires jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tires humour may include short flat tire jokes also.
- If you run in front of a car you'll get tired... But if you run behind the car you'll get exhausted
- I'm tired of all these forced gender neutral terms The girl I'm going out with insist on calling me just friend instead of boyfriend
- I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day. I'm tired of being fat every day.
- Why do the guards around Big Ben always look so tired? Because they're working around the clock.
- Did you hear that auschwitz had to ask visitors to stop playing Pokemon Go? They got tired of people pretending to be Ash.
- I'm really tired of people complaining about the price of everything. $2 for coffee, $3 for coat check, $4 for an hour of parking..... ......I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house.
- How many Broncos does it take to change a tire? One. Unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up.
- Had to stop at the gas station to fill my tires… They raised the price to $1.50. I just can't believe the cost of inflation these days.
- I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit. I think it's time to make a stand.
- My girlfriend thinks I'm cheating on her, and I'm getting tired of it. She sounds just like my wife
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Tires One Liners
Which tires one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tires? I can suggest the ones about rubber and goodyear tire.
- What do you call a tire made out of 365 recycled condoms? A Goodyear
- A judge asked a wife why she stabbed her husband 75 times. She said her arm got tired.
- What vegetable do you need when you get a flat tire? A-spare-I-guess.
- I finally disabled autocorrect on my phone I was getting really tired of its shirt.
- Scientists watched the earth rotate for 24 hours and got tired, So they called it a day
- I saw a homeless man living in a tire today, so I popped it Now he lives in a flat
- I just flew in from a Ravioli convention. Boyardees arms tired.
- Why didn't the bike go to the car show? Because he was two tired.
- Why did the woman divorce the grape? She was tired of raisin' kids.
- Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? Because it's two-tired.
- I just flew back from a Transformers convention And boy are my arms tires
- When do Canadian sleep? When Canadian Tire
- Mechanic: "When were your tires last rotated?" Me: "On the way here, silly."
- I'm so tired of hearing Law and Order jokes. They've all been done done.
- Tired? There's a nap for that
Cheerful Fun Tires Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about tires you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shoes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tires pranks.
This guy walks out of the bathroom when...
This guy walks out of the bathroom when a woman says, "Excuse me sir, but your garage door is open."
The guy then replies, "Oh, really? Did you see my Harley?"
She says back, "No, just a small bike, with two flat tires."
So I watched a documentary on tires yesterday.
It was gripping.
What do people in the South do when they don't feel like egging someone's home?
They slash the tires on the houses instead
What do you call a gang of tires?
A rubber band
Car son talks to car dad about a dance.
A car child goes up to his car dad and says "hey dad I don't know what tires to where to the dance" and the father says "don't worry son it's just attire.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the new Italian tires?
d**... here, d**... there, and when d**... flat, d**... w**... w**... w**....
My car is supposed to have self-inflating tires.
I don't believe it though. I think they just talk a big game.
To tell me my zipper was open, a girl tells me, "your garage is open"
I said, "did you see my ford mustang gt super sport?"
She said "No, but i did see your mini cooper with two flat tires"
Recently reconciled with my brother after a long conflict.
I apologised for slashing his tires, and he regretted breaking some of my home appliances.
But hey, it's all water under the fridge now.
What did the police officer say to Tom Brady during a routine traffic stop?
Your tires are low.
I heard the New England Patriots were going to be a little late to the Super Bowl
Someone deflated all of the tires on the team bus.
A blond has just purchased a set of tires...
...and asks, "do I ever need to change the air?" the technician chuckles and says, "no.. these new tires should never need new air. But you should rotate them every 10,000 miles."
The blond thinks for a moment and says, "Don't they spin while I'm driving?"
Optimus Prime does stand-up:
"I just flew in from Cybertron, and boy, are my arms tires!"
You know what's great about jewish tires?
They don't just turn on a dime, they pick it up too
Why is there no market for white tires?
Because black tires makes your car run faster
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What brand tires came of h**... new car?
BFGoodreich
My dad was literally trying to kill me when he brought me my first car.
It had all sort of problems gas leak, worn tires but mostly it was cheap so that he could use the rest of his money to put a hit on me.
Did you hear the one about to car that lost its tires?
Apparently it was in a wheel hurry.
My dad doesn't see why he should pay a mechanic to rotate his tires.
He says they're rotating the entire time he's driving!
I slashed my Postal Delivery Driver's tires today
I wanted to be sure *all* of my last minute packages had flat rate shipping.
I turned into a transformer last night...
And boy are my arms tires
I used to take naps on a bike until someone stole the tires
They really messed with my sleep cycle.
Why are rubber tires black?
So the police know what to shoot at during a chase
If you think your job tires you...
...try working for Goodyear
I like my truck tires the way I like my toilet paper...
10 ply and puncture proof..
#Tiresomejoke
How much a rapper likes an other rappers song?
Only a little beat.
I was driving through Liverpool when I got a flat tire...
I was driving through Liverpool when I got a flat tire, so I pulled up on the side of the road and got out to change it. While I was changing it, a stranger came over and opened my bonnet.
I asked "What are you doing?!"
"Well, if you're having the tires, I'm having the engine"
What's the difference between snow tires and slaves?
Slaves sing when chains are put on them.
PS - im going to church today to beg for forgiveness
How are you today?
Context - It's extremely early in the morning, I'm getting new tires put on my vehicle...
GF: How are you today?
Me: I'm wheel good.
^Please ^Help ^Me
What did the grocery store owner say to the customer that asked him if he sold tires?
He shrugged and said, "I've got asparagus."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Putting dogs on product packaging increases sales by up to 25%.
Unless you are trying to sell tires or s**... toys.
What's the difference between black people amd snow tires?
Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them.
If you had a wooden car with a wooden engine and wooden tires
It woodent work
What it is called when u put smaller size tires on wider rims?
Stupidity. It's called stupidity
The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...
She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation."
I just had to pay £1 at the garage to pump up my tires.
That's inflation for you.
A priest and a pastor are standing on the side of the road
They are holding a sign that reads "The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!"
A passing driver yells, "You guys are nuts!" and speeds past them.
From around the corner they can hear screeching tires- then a big splash.
The priest turns to the pastor and says, "Do you think we should just put a sign up that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"
All these people complaining about the price of air for tires..
They need to realize that's it's just inflation
Think New Yorkers don't get along? I just saw two complete strangers share a cab...
One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio.
Buying implants is like buying tires.
Never get an odd number.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Told my boss he needs winter tires
Got fired. Apparently that's something offensive to say to people in wheelchairs.
A group of criminals decide to rob an apple farm
They leave with hundreds of apples in the back of their truck. The owner calls the cops and they quickly set up spike strips further along the path. The criminals hit the strips and their tires are shredded instantly. However they make it back to their safe house and unload the cargo. It was truly a tireless effort, but the results were extremely fruitful.
How do you change a plane's tires while it's flying?
You high jack it.
I got a flat tire recently...
I was lucky enough to have spotted it before I was able to drive off to my local bowling alley. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have any extra tires on me, nor was I willing to go to my local auto shop and get one.
Fortunately, I did have the bowling ball and 10 pins I was planning on bringing with me, so all I had to do was knock down 9 pins with the bowling ball, and then knock down the last one to get a spare.
How do you install snow tires?
Hope this gets traction.
Ever wonder why tires are so expensive these days?
They have to adjust for inflation.
What do you call a person who rides a mountain bike with smooth street tires?
A bicyc-sual.
I saw a taxi that said "Low Flat Rates" on the side
They must have good tires.
What lives in a jungle and has a trunk?
A elephant.....*screeching tires*
WRONG ANSWER!
A baboon with carry on.
A group of scientists and engineers teamed up to create the best and more responsive set of Breaks and Tires. That's like 120 km/h to 0 km/s in 2 seconds...
... now they need to create the strongest windshield.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Johnny Carson Classic
The air quality in Los Angeles is so bad...
How bad is it?
When locals want to breathe fresh air, they s**... the air out of tires from cars with out-of-state license plates.
A friend of mine just told me he replaces his tires every year. Can you believe that?
I usually get a goodyear or two out of mine.
What do you call a thief that steals car tires?
Vulcanized robber.
I put thin tires on my car...
...Because I like to keep a low profile.
Is it tiresome living next to the Autobahn?
NEEEEEEOOOOOOooooooo
Why does Thanos Car have top of the line tires?
The hardest choices require the strongest of wheels.
When you get new tires and accidentally drive over a pile of nails the next day..
The struggle is wheel.
How can you tell if Thanos stole your car tires?
Only two tires will be left.
Buying my girl an engagement ring was a lot like getting new tires for the truck..
Even though she looks the same, she rode much better afterwards.
I finally made a table out of my old car tires.
It took a good year or two.
Have you heard of Firestone's new tires?
They're called Firesteins. Not only do the stop on a dime, they pick them up too.
New Kind Of Car
At the bar, Tom and Bill were talking. My uncle tried to make a new kind of car. He took the wheels from a Cadillac, the radiator from a Lexus, and tires from a Ford," said Tom.
What did he get?" asked Bill.
Two years, said Tom
What do you do with a bike when one of its tires breaks?
You re-tire it.
I gave my rims and tires to a friend and he sold them.
He's a wheeler-dealer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Took my car to a mechanic the other day...
I said "Can you fix my headlights?"
They reply "No!"
I respond, "Well, can you check my radiator?"
Again, "No!"
I turn to him and say "Well, what **do** you do,then?!"
He responds "We're a front for the IRA!"
"In that case..." I say. "... Can you blow up my tires?"
A little boy and his sister were taking a bath
They both looked down and said, "what's this?" So the girl came to her mom, and pointed down saying,"what's this?" Her mom replied, "that's your garage, dont let any boy park his car in it. The boy came to his dad, and pointed down, saying, "what's this" the dad said, "that's your car, you park it in a girl's garage. The next day, they took a bath again and the girl came out covered in blood. The mom asked her, "OH MY GOSH, WHAT HAPPENED!?" The girl replied calmly,"oh, it's ok mommy, he tried to park his car in my garage, but I popped his back 2 tires."
Sorry I wrote this on mobile.
Did to hear about the theif who was stealing the tires off of police cars?
They're working tirelessly the catch him!
Did you hear about the table made out of tires?
It probably took a good year or two to make it
Why did the old car with bald tires stop working?
It was re-tired.
A man forgot to zip his trousers...
so a lady told him politely...
Sir your garage is open.
The man gave her a naughty smile and zipped his trousers and asked..
Did you see my Range Rover parked inside?
The lady smiled back and said..
No, just one small Toyota with two flat tires.
My SUV needs all 4 tires replaced at a total cost of $800. That's more than the stimulus they gave us and so the wife freaked out a little.
I told her that it's no big deal and we can just rent a SUV for a day and it would only cost $50.
She said I was an idiot and that we would need an SUV for more then 24 hours.
Then I explained to her that it's more then enough time for me to swap the tires.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some y**... had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart.
We may not have as much experience as y'all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a tire out of snow is a pretty dumb idea.
We'll keep our tires made of rubber, thanks.
My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires
When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said "that's inflation for you".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mechanic tried to scam me because he didn't think I knew about cars
I took my car to get an oil change and they were like would you like us to rotate your tires? I was like Ummm. I rotated them a bunch on the way over j**...!
There was once a blind finn, deaf dane and a swede, who was in a wheelchair.
They found a bottle whose spirit promised everyone a wish.
The finn wished first, and soon yelled: I CAN SEE I CAN SEE!
then the dane wished, and soon yelled: I CAN HEAR I CAN HEAR!
Then the swede wished, and soon he yelled: NEW TIRES NEW TIRES!
"Oh no, the rubber ripped!"
\- Alissa (21 y.o.) panics and runs into bathroom
\- Alfred (24) needs new tires
\-Lara (27) now has no pony-tail
\- Ben (28) holds his mask to his face
\-David (29) watches his friend during bungee-jump
Why are tires getting so expensive?
Inflation
Just flew in from a vehicle weaponization convention
And boy are my tires armed
Did you hear about the guy with square tires?
Couldn't get around
Sorry if this is a repost, thought it could've been an original joke...
Groaned a whole store with this one.
I was buying new tires for my car. While I was discussing my options the person down the counter was flustered at the prices she was being offered. To this she loudly asked:
"I put the same ones on my husbands Jeep last year! What happened? Why are they so expensive?!"
To which I looked at over and loudly stated. "Inflation."
The guys behind the counter laughed. The rest of the room groaned out a chorus of dadjoke music that should have been filmed live in front of a studio audience.
