Tires Jokes
105 tires jokes and hilarious tires puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tires that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tires Short Jokes
Short tires jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tires humour may include short flat tire jokes also.
- If you run in front of a car you'll get tired... But if you run behind the car you'll get exhausted
- I'm tired of all these forced gender neutral terms The girl I'm going out with insist on calling me just friend instead of boyfriend
- I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day. I'm tired of being fat every day.
- Why do the guards around Big Ben always look so tired? Because they're working around the clock.
- What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is called a Goodyear, and the other is called a great year.
- Im sick and tired of people calling America the stupidest country in the world Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world
- Did you hear that auschwitz had to ask visitors to stop playing Pokemon Go? They got tired of people pretending to be Ash.
- I'm really tired of people complaining about the price of everything. $2 for coffee, $3 for coat check, $4 for an hour of parking..... ......I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house.
- How many Broncos does it take to change a tire? One. Unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up.
- Why have sumo wrestlers began shaving their legs? They were getting tired of being mistaken for feminists
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Tires One Liners
Which tires one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tires? I can suggest the ones about rubber and goodyear tire.
- Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
- What do you call a tire made out of 365 recycled condoms? A Goodyear
- Never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp, she's probably thick and tired of it.
- Don't make fun of fat people with lisps... They're thick and tired of it
- A judge asked a wife why she stabbed her husband 75 times. She said her arm got tired.
- What vegetable do you need when you get a flat tire? A-spare-I-guess.
- I finally disabled autocorrect on my phone I was getting really tired of its shirt.
- Scientists watched the earth rotate for 24 hours and got tired, So they called it a day
- I saw a homeless man living in a tire today, so I popped it Now he lives in a flat
- Putting air in your tires used to be free now its costs a dollar... Its called inflation.
- Stop making fun of fat girls with lisps They're thick and tired of it.
- I just flew in from a Ravioli convention. Boyardees arms tired.
- Why didn't the bike go to the car show? Because he was two tired.
- Why did the woman divorce the grape? She was tired of raisin' kids.
- What do you do with 365 used condoms? Roll them up into a tire and call it a Goodyear!
Cheerful Fun Tires Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about tires you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shoes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tires pranks.
The dog is dead.
My dog wanted to go out and do his business, but I didn't have time to walk him. So I let him out to run around on his own. A few minutes later I heard screeching tires and a thud. I ran to the window and yelled "NO!". A thousand times I had told that dog not to drive my car. I'm going to kill him.
Edit-spelling.
A priest and a pastor...
... are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, 'The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!'
They hold up the sign to cars passing by.
"Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" yells the first driver as he speeds by.
From around the curve they hear screeching tires and a big splash.
"Do you think," says the priest to the pastor, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"
This guy walks out of the bathroom when...
This guy walks out of the bathroom when a woman says, "Excuse me sir, but your garage door is open."
The guy then replies, "Oh, really? Did you see my Harley?"
She says back, "No, just a small bike, with two flat tires."
So I watched a documentary on tires yesterday.
It was gripping.
I just drove in from a Transformers convention...
... and boy, are my arms tires!
Slaves and snow tires
What's the difference between a slaves and snow tires? Snow tires don't sing when you put a chain around them.
I remember a time when my dad used to roll me down the hill in his old tires...
...Those were good years.
Did you hear about the new Italian tires?
d**... here, d**... there, and when d**... flat, d**... w**... w**... w**....
Did you hear about the new Italian tires?
d**... through snow, d**... through mud, d**... through water but when d**... flat d**... w**..., w**..., w**...!
To tell me my zipper was open, a girl tells me, "your garage is open"
I said, "did you see my ford mustang gt super sport?"
She said "No, but i did see your mini cooper with two flat tires"
Recently reconciled with my brother after a long conflict.
I apologised for slashing his tires, and he regretted breaking some of my home appliances.
But hey, it's all water under the fridge now.
I heard the New England Patriots were going to be a little late to the Super Bowl
Someone deflated all of the tires on the team bus.
Optimus Prime does stand-up:
"I just flew in from Cybertron, and boy, are my arms tires!"
You know what's great about jewish tires?
They don't just turn on a dime, they pick it up too
Why is there no market for white tires?
Because black tires makes your car run faster
My dad was literally trying to kill me when he brought me my first car.
It had all sort of problems gas leak, worn tires but mostly it was cheap so that he could use the rest of his money to put a hit on me.
I turned into a transformer last night...
And boy are my arms tires
I used to take naps on a bike until someone stole the tires
They really messed with my sleep cycle.
Why are rubber tires black?
So the police know what to shoot at during a chase
I was driving through Liverpool when I got a flat tire...
I was driving through Liverpool when I got a flat tire, so I pulled up on the side of the road and got out to change it. While I was changing it, a stranger came over and opened my bonnet.
I asked "What are you doing?!"
"Well, if you're having the tires, I'm having the engine"
What's the difference between snow tires and slaves?
Slaves sing when chains are put on them.
PS - im going to church today to beg for forgiveness
How are you today?
Context - It's extremely early in the morning, I'm getting new tires put on my vehicle...
GF: How are you today?
Me: I'm wheel good.
^Please ^Help ^Me
Stopped to put air in my tires today. The pump cost $1.50! I remember when those things used to only cost 25 cents.
Guess the price has adjusted for inflation.
What did the grocery store owner say to the customer that asked him if he sold tires?
He shrugged and said, "I've got asparagus."
Putting dogs on product packaging increases sales by up to 25%.
Unless you are trying to sell tires or s**... toys.
What's the difference between black people amd snow tires?
Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them.
A w**... Joke
What wood happen if you had a Wooden Car
With Wooden Seats
Wooden Tires
And A Wooden Engine?
It Wooden't Start
If you had a wooden car with a wooden engine and wooden tires
It woodent work
What it is called when u put smaller size tires on wider rims?
Stupidity. It's called stupidity
The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...
She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation."
I just had to pay £1 at the garage to pump up my tires.
That's inflation for you.
A priest and a pastor are standing on the side of the road
They are holding a sign that reads "The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!"
A passing driver yells, "You guys are nuts!" and speeds past them.
From around the corner they can hear screeching tires- then a big splash.
The priest turns to the pastor and says, "Do you think we should just put a sign up that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"
The new Italian car tires are awesome!
d**... through rain!
d**... through snow!
d**... through ice!
But when d**... flat,
d**... w**... w**... w**... w**...!
Why does it cost $1.50 now to put air in my tires?
Inflation?
Roses are Red, Tires are Black
So why is your chest as flat as your back?
All these people complaining about the price of air for tires..
They need to realize that's it's just inflation
Think New Yorkers don't get along? I just saw two complete strangers share a cab...
One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio.
My wife and I went out for a leisurely drive to see the autumn leaves, when we noticed that one of the tires seemed to be getting low…
She was a bit taken aback when I asked her for some change and asked, "Why in the world did they start charging for AIR?!"
I looked at her and winked, "Inflation."
Told my boss he needs winter tires
Got fired. Apparently that's something offensive to say to people in wheelchairs.
A group of criminals decide to rob an apple farm
They leave with hundreds of apples in the back of their truck. The owner calls the cops and they quickly set up spike strips further along the path. The criminals hit the strips and their tires are shredded instantly. However they make it back to their safe house and unload the cargo. It was truly a tireless effort, but the results were extremely fruitful.
What do 365 condoms and tires have in common?
Good Year
I went to fill up my tires and it cost a dollar.
It used to cost a quarter but I guess that's inflation for you.
I got a flat tire recently...
I was lucky enough to have spotted it before I was able to drive off to my local bowling alley. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have any extra tires on me, nor was I willing to go to my local auto shop and get one.
Fortunately, I did have the bowling ball and 10 pins I was planning on bringing with me, so all I had to do was knock down 9 pins with the bowling ball, and then knock down the last one to get a spare.
Ever wonder why tires are so expensive these days?
They have to adjust for inflation.
I saw a taxi that said "Low Flat Rates" on the side
They must have good tires.
What lives in a jungle and has a trunk?
A elephant.....*screeching tires*
WRONG ANSWER!
A baboon with carry on.
A group of scientists and engineers teamed up to create the best and more responsive set of Breaks and Tires. That's like 120 km/h to 0 km/s in 2 seconds...
... now they need to create the strongest windshield.
Johnny Carson Classic
The air quality in Los Angeles is so bad...
How bad is it?
When locals want to breathe fresh air, they s**... the air out of tires from cars with out-of-state license plates.
Did you hear about the new Jewish Tires?
They stop on a dime and pick it up too.
The Wooden Car
There was this guy who made a wooden car. It had wooden wheels, wooden tires, a wooden engine. But when he put the wooden key in, it wooden start.
Is it tiresome living next to the Autobahn?
NEEEEEEOOOOOOooooooo
Why does Thanos Car have top of the line tires?
The hardest choices require the strongest of wheels.
New Kind Of Car
At the bar, Tom and Bill were talking. My uncle tried to make a new kind of car. He took the wheels from a Cadillac, the radiator from a Lexus, and tires from a Ford," said Tom.
What did he get?" asked Bill.
Two years, said Tom
What do you do with a bike when one of its tires breaks?
You re-tire it.
I gave my rims and tires to a friend and he sold them.
He's a wheeler-dealer.
Took my car to a mechanic the other day...
I said "Can you fix my headlights?"
They reply "No!"
I respond, "Well, can you check my radiator?"
Again, "No!"
I turn to him and say "Well, what **do** you do,then?!"
He responds "We're a front for the IRA!"
"In that case..." I say. "... Can you blow up my tires?"
I remember my childhood quite fondly when Dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
Did to hear about the theif who was stealing the tires off of police cars?
They're working tirelessly the catch him!
engineers
4 engineers are traveling down a road when suddenly the car comes to a stop
The electrical engineer says "the battery died"
The chemical engineer says "we ran out of fuel"
The civil engineer says "the road shredded the tires"
The computer engineer says "why don't we get out of the car and then back in?"
Did you hear about the table made out of tires?
It probably took a good year or two to make it
Why did the old car with bald tires stop working?
It was re-tired.
It used to be free to fill your tires with air now it costs $1.50!
Now that's what you call inflation!
Mechanic: "When were your tires last rotated?"
Me: "On the way here, silly."
When I was a kid we would get some big tires, then get inside and roll down the hill.
Those were the Goodyears.
A man made a motorcycle completely out of wood
It had a wooden engine, a wooden frame, wooden tires, wooden gas tank, everything was wood.
But did he ride it?
No, wooden start....
A man forgot to zip his trousers...
so a lady told him politely...
Sir your garage is open.
The man gave her a naughty smile and zipped his trousers and asked..
Did you see my Range Rover parked inside?
The lady smiled back and said..
No, just one small Toyota with two flat tires.
My SUV needs all 4 tires replaced at a total cost of $800. That's more than the stimulus they gave us and so the wife freaked out a little.
I told her that it's no big deal and we can just rent a SUV for a day and it would only cost $50.
She said I was an idiot and that we would need an SUV for more then 24 hours.
Then I explained to her that it's more then enough time for me to swap the tires.
A Man Has Been Stealing Tires From Police Cars
The police have been working tire-lessly to catch him
Some y**... had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart.
We may not have as much experience as y'all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a tire out of snow is a pretty dumb idea.
We'll keep our tires made of rubber, thanks.
Sometimes I like to think back to when my dad used to put me in tires and roll me down the hill
...those were the Goodyears.
My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires
When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said "that's inflation for you".
My mechanic tried to scam me because he didn't think I knew about cars
I took my car to get an oil change and they were like would you like us to rotate your tires? I was like Ummm. I rotated them a bunch on the way over j**...!
There was once a blind finn, deaf dane and a swede, who was in a wheelchair.
They found a bottle whose spirit promised everyone a wish.
The finn wished first, and soon yelled: I CAN SEE I CAN SEE!
then the dane wished, and soon yelled: I CAN HEAR I CAN HEAR!
Then the swede wished, and soon he yelled: NEW TIRES NEW TIRES!
"Oh no, the rubber ripped!"
\- Alissa (21 y.o.) panics and runs into bathroom
\- Alfred (24) needs new tires
\-Lara (27) now has no pony-tail
\- Ben (28) holds his mask to his face
\-David (29) watches his friend during bungee-jump
Why are tires getting so expensive?
Inflation
I just flew back from a Transformers convention
And boy are my arms tires
Just flew in from a vehicle weaponization convention
And boy are my tires armed
Did you hear about the guy with square tires?
Couldn't get around
Sorry if this is a repost, thought it could've been an original joke...
Groaned a whole store with this one.
I was buying new tires for my car. While I was discussing my options the person down the counter was flustered at the prices she was being offered. To this she loudly asked:
"I put the same ones on my husbands Jeep last year! What happened? Why are they so expensive?!"
To which I looked at over and loudly stated. "Inflation."
The guys behind the counter laughed. The rest of the room groaned out a chorus of dadjoke music that should have been filmed live in front of a studio audience.
Why are tires so expensive?
Inflation
Why don't we have tires instead of legs?
Because we would be too tired to move.