Tired Jokes

158 tired jokes and hilarious tired puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tired that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Tired Short Jokes

Short tired jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tired humour may include short tiring jokes also.

  1. If you run in front of a car you'll get tired... But if you run behind the car you'll get exhausted
  2. I'm tired of all these forced gender neutral terms The girl I'm going out with insist on calling me just friend instead of boyfriend
  3. I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day. I'm tired of being fat every day.
  4. Why do the guards around Big Ben always look so tired? Because they're working around the clock.
  5. What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is called a Goodyear, and the other is called a great year.
  6. Im sick and tired of people calling America the stupidest country in the world Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world
  7. Did you hear that auschwitz had to ask visitors to stop playing Pokemon Go? They got tired of people pretending to be Ash.
  8. I'm really tired of people complaining about the price of everything. $2 for coffee, $3 for coat check, $4 for an hour of parking..... ......I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house.
  9. How many Broncos does it take to change a tire? One. Unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up.
  10. Why have sumo wrestlers began shaving their legs? They were getting tired of being mistaken for feminists

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Tired One Liners

Which tired one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tired? I can suggest the ones about exhausted and weary.

  1. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
  2. What do you call a tire made out of 365 recycled condoms? A Goodyear
  3. Never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp, she's probably thick and tired of it.
  4. Don't make fun of fat people with lisps... They're thick and tired of it
  5. A judge asked a wife why she stabbed her husband 75 times. She said her arm got tired.
  6. What vegetable do you need when you get a flat tire? A-spare-I-guess.
  7. I finally disabled autocorrect on my phone I was getting really tired of its shirt.
  8. Scientists watched the earth rotate for 24 hours and got tired, So they called it a day
  9. I saw a homeless man living in a tire today, so I popped it Now he lives in a flat
  10. Putting air in your tires used to be free now its costs a dollar... Its called inflation.
  11. Stop making fun of fat girls with lisps They're thick and tired of it.
  12. I just flew in from a Ravioli convention. Boyardees arms tired.
  13. Why didn't the bike go to the car show? Because he was two tired.
  14. Why did the woman divorce the grape? She was tired of raisin' kids.
  15. What do you do with 365 used condoms? Roll them up into a tire and call it a Goodyear!

So Tired Jokes

Here is a list of funny so tired jokes and even better so tired puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Had to stop at the gas station to fill my tires… They raised the price to $1.50. I just can't believe the cost of inflation these days.
  • My wife kicked me out because she's tired of all of my bad Schwarzenegger references, but... I will return
  • I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit. I think it's time to make a stand.
  • My girlfriend thinks I'm cheating on her, and I'm getting tired of it. She sounds just like my wife
  • I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I killed a cyclist.
  • Why do you never tease a fat girl with lisp? Because she's thick and tired of it.
  • Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day. I'm sorry.
  • Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? Because it's two-tired.
  • Why does it cost $1.50 now to put air in my tires? Inflation?
  • I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission.... I never should have given dad my username.

Feeling Tired Jokes

Here is a list of funny feeling tired jokes and even better feeling tired puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Are you feeling sluggish and tired? Constantly yawning throughout your day? There's a nap for that!
  • I had to put my dog down today :( My arms were really tired and he's really heavy. I'm feeling better now so I might pick him up again.
  • Really tired today... Feels like I had a long March.
  • Ever since my kid came out as trans everyone's attention is just on them. I feel like people can't even see me anymore. I'm just tired of being transparent.
  • I had a nightmare that I was the Michelin man I woke up feeling tired from that one.
  • Was feeling a little down yesterday Reddit family So to pick myself up, I thought back to my tire collection from days gone by.
    They were good years...
  • Did you know there's a way to go 7 days without sleeping and not feel tired? Sleep at night.
    It's a great trick I highly recommend it.
  • Ever since my covid vaccine I've been feeling tired and unable to get out of bed Glad to see there are no side-effects.
  • Why did the vampire feel tired after dinner? All the blood had rushed to his stomach.
  • Life is tiring being a child proctologist You're always feeling a little behind
Tired joke, Life is tiring being a child proctologist

Feel Tired Jokes

Here is a list of funny feel tired jokes and even better feel tired puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I am really feeling like a bicycle today. Too tired!
  • Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!
  • February 7, 1938: Harvey Firestone, founder of Firestone Tire and Rubber Company, dies Leaving his family feeling deflated
  • The wages of sin is death, but... the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
  • Whenever I'm feeling really tired, I just watch the new Star Wars trailer... Because The Force Awakens me
  • You know that feeling you get in the middle of the afternoon when you're really sleepy and tired.. There's a nap for that
  • The other day a kid rolled up to me in a wheelchair... He said he was feeling tired after a long day of work. So I told him to take the wheels off.
  • Once a clock was very tired.. What does that clock say at 1 o'clock night?
    1 AM feeling very sleepy.
  • After a long day, I feel like a bicycle Because I'm too tired
  • What do people in the South do when they don't feel like egging someone's home? They slash the tires on the houses instead

Im So Tired Jokes

Here is a list of funny im so tired jokes and even better im so tired puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • i would say a joke about Covid-19 in 2023... but im getting sick and tired of it!
  • Im getting tired of the book "Life of Pi." It never ends.
  • What's the difference between snow tires and slaves? Slaves sing when chains are put on them.
    PS - im going to church today to beg for forgiveness
  • My daughter told me she was frickin tired of my dad jokes. Hi Frickin tired of my dad jokes. Im dad.
  • Im so tired of the lockdown Hi so tired of the lockdown I'm dad
  • Im tired of the movies, I miss the Transformers cartoon. That's when Optimus was in his prime
  • when Life teaches you a lesson make lessonade!
    im tired
  • what did the peanut say to the squirrel ??? he said im hungry and I'm as tired as a tree
  • im tired of chasing my dreams So I'll just get their number and catch up with them later
  • Im getting tired of your b**... Ladies marathon. It's been one week since you looked at me.
Tired joke, Im getting tired of your b**... Ladies marathon.

Cheerful Fun Tired Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about tired you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fed up jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tired pranks.

Oh, you!

A man takes his beloved, but seemingly ill golden retriever to the vet when the owner hears the words that every pet owner dreads; "Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to put your dog down.". Distraught, the man breaks down and asks why, to which the vet replies "Because he's very heavy and my arms are getting tired."

An old lady was tired of her hard life and wanted to commit s**....

She decided the best way to die was to shoot herself through the heart, but she doesn't know where the heart is. So she called her doctor and asked.
The doctor told her the heart is located 2 inches below the left n**....
The old lady hung up and shot herself in her knee.

So a man goes to the doctor...

and is told that he has a terminal illness with only 24 hours left to live.
He went home and told his wife who was completely shocked. So later, as they're laying in bed, he asks if they can make love one last time. They do. Later, the man wakes up at 3:30 in the morning and asks if they can go at it again. His wife tired and irritable says, "Well that's easy for you to ask, you don't have to get up in the morning..."
Sorry for the lousy wording

A trucker and a blonde.

A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman's car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.
"Don't you dare set foot outside this circle," the trucker orders.
He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman's car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman's car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.
"I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!" The trucker shouts.
The blonde replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

My favorite blonde joke.

A blonde was tired of all the a**... she received because she was blond so she decided to hang herself on a tree in a field.
A man walked by and saw what was happening, approached her he asked, "What are you doing?"
She replied, "I'm going to kill myself because I can't take the a**... anymore."
The man, confused, said, "Why are you hanging by your feet? Aren't you supposed to tie the rope around your neck."
She said, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe."

Taste the soup

A guy eating in a restaurant calls the waiter.
-Please taste the soup.

The confused waiter asks:
-Is the soup too hot?
-Just taste the soup...
-Is the soup too cold?
-Taste the soup.
-Is there a fly in the soup?
-Taste the soup!
The waiter, tired of guessing, gives up.
-Alright, alright, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?

Two drunks are crawling on the railroad.

One says "I'm tired of climbing this ladder, when's our floor already?"
"No worries, I see an elevator coming."

A man asks a janitor in his office...

"Hey, don't you get tired being just a janitor?"
The janitor is taken aback. "Excuse me, let me tell you that even if I'm just a janitor, I have a kid each in Harvard, MIT, and Princeton."
"Wow," the man is surprised, "what courses are they taking?"
"Nah, they're janitors too."

Foreign s**...

A man decides he wants to have a one night stand with a foreign girl. So he meets a girl they go to the bedroom. After the first round, the man says to her, You finish? The girl shakes her head, no. So they do it again. Now the man is really tired. So he says, You finish? Again, she shakes her head. So they do it again. By now, the man is exhausted. So he says to the girl, You finish? The girl answers, No, I Norwegian .

The vet told me "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put your dog down."

"Oh God!" I said. "WHY?!"
"Because my arms are getting tired."

Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad m**... in the living room...

As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"Because, son, my hand is getting tired and I need someone to take over."

Two scientists walk into a bar The first one says I'll have some H2O. The second one says, I'll have some H2O too.

The bartender pours them both hydrogen peroxide because he's tired of their b**... every day

Confucius Say

Confucius say: Man who run behind bus get exhausted. Man who run in front of bus get tired.

When does a man ask for a woman's hand in marriage?

When he gets tired of his own hand.

Getting tired of these people who come to my door, telling me I'm gonna burn unless I'm saved...

The flashing lights on their trucks were pretty cool to see, though.

I'm getting a little tired of these people coming to my door telling me I need to be "saved" or "I'll burn"...

s**... firefighters.

Which is better exercise, chasing a car or running away from one?

Chasing a car. After running from a car you'll just be tired, but after chasing one you'll be exhausted.

Why are soldiers always so tired on April 1st?

Because they have just finished a 31 day March.


There's a nap for that

I just flew in from the gender neutrality conference....

And boy or girl are my arms tired

A daughter is in a fierce argument with her father

The dad is yelling, she's inconsolable and crying. She finally gets sick and tired of it, and storms up to her bedroom.
Before entering, she lashes out at her father "Oh, and more thing: Jim Morrison is a terrible artist!"
The father, filled with rage yells back "Young lady, there will be NO slamming of The Doors in this house!"

I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having s**......

I'm tired. I'm washing my hair. I've got a headache. I am your sister-in-law.

A child walks in on his dad...

... while he was m**.... The son says "Dad, what are you doing?" The father replies with "Don't worry you will be doing this soon enough." Then the son says "how come?" Then the dad says "Because my hand is getting tired."

A boy walks in on his dad m**......

He asks him, "Daddy what are you doing?"
His dad responds, "Don't worry son, you'll be doing it soon."
The boy then asks, "Why's that daddy?"
His dad answers, "Because my arms getting tired.."

A hat and a tie are out running

The tie gets tired and says he needs a break.
The hat replies "Don't worry. You hang around and I'll go on ahead."

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.

"Some, I assume, are good people"

I live with my wife in a two story house...

"I'm too tired" and "I have a headache" are the only two stories I hear...

Why was the soldier tired on April 1st?

He had just come through a 31-day March.

Running with a car

If you run in front of a car, you get tired.
If you run in back of a car, you get exhausted.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on an island

The redhead tries to swim back to land, gets a quarter of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.
The brunette decides to try, swims a third of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.
Finally the blonde tries, swims half of the way there, gets tired, swims back.

I hate the reasons girls come up with to avoid s**...

"I'm tired, I've had a long day, I have a headache, I'm your sister"....

Why should you never make fun of a fat person with a lisp?

Because he's thick and tired of it

My friend believes The Office is the best television show, and belittles anyone that thinks otherwise

I'm so tired of these Dwight Supremacists

I found a cure for my wife's insomnia...

All I have to do is express a desire to have s**... with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.

I'm sick and tired of these millennial weathermen...

In my day, only the raining champion got an award, but nowadays everyone wants a precipitation trophy.

A man brings his friend home after work for dinner unannounced

When he tells his wife, she starts screaming:
"I've not done my makeup, I've not dressed up nicely, the house is a mess and I haven't had time to wash the dishes! I'm too tired to cook for both of you, and I haven't done the day's laundry yet! Why on Earth would you bring him here?"
"Because he's considering getting married"

I was tired and bored one night, so I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, What'll you have? I said, Surprise me.

He showed me a n**... picture of my wife.

My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables from the market, so I went and looked around and couldn't find any. I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and asked, These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?

The produce guy looked at me and said, No. You'll have to do that yourself.

The doctor gave me a Rorschach test and asked, "what do you see?"

I answered, "I see an old, sad, overworked man, tired of doing the same thing over and over, only visited when others need something from him, and never being appreciated enough".
"I appreciate your honesty", said the doctor, "but I meant, what do you see *on the picture*?

My friend is pretty sick and tired of PC culture

I tried to console him but he didn't want his hand held

An alterboy walks in while a priest m**....

The priest said don't look so shocked son ... you will be doing this soon.
Why is that Father?
Because my arm is getting tired.

A young catholic boy goes in for his first confession

A young catholic boy goes in for his first confession.
As the boy goes into the booth he asks the priest, "What are you doing father?"
The priest answers, Its called m**... and soon you will be doing it."
The boy asks, "Why do you say that father?"
Priest: "Because my hand is getting tired.

God asked Adam to name the animals

Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…
Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too
Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…

I'm sick and tired of your obsession with walkietalkies, this relationship is over!

This relationship is what? Over.

You know something

If you run behind the car you get exhausted and if you run ahead of the car you get tired

Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"

Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.

Why was the castle p**... tired all the time?

She worked knights.

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"
The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"
"Hey lady," says the shepherd, "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

My neighbor grew tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school.

His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back."

What's a tired dragon's favorite steak?

Flaming yawn

An African man visits his friend in the US

I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!
You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.
Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this d**... country .

Sean Connery arrives at a grand hotel ready for filming the next day

The director meets him, and is delighted "great to see you, Sean, its an honour to have you join us for this project" he says.
"The pleasure is mine" Sean replies, "though it's been a long drive and I'm tired. Is my room ready?"
"Of course, of course, I have your key right here", he says handing over the key. "I appreciate its quite late so we'll have a bit of a later start tomorrow. Are you happy to meet us in the lobby for ten-ish?"
"Tennish?" asks Sean, "but I didn't even bring my racket!"
... An old joke in honor of the great man.

Having invented a time machine I'm going to do the art world a favor

I'm going to make sure Adolf h**... never gets into art school. I'm tired of seeing his paintings everywhere.

Why don't you run behind a car?

Because you will get exhausted.
Why don't you run on the side of the car?
Because you will get tired,
Why don't you run in front of a car?
Because you will get run over.

A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells :

I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and s**... rules being a leader! A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin. Soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man : Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets? Man responds: Of course i was thinking about h**...! ; Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier to say: Who were YOU thinking about?

If you run in front of a bus you get tired.

If you run behind the bus you get exhausted.

My wife was dying.

I was by her bedside.
She said in a tired voice, "There's something I must confess."
"Shhh" I said, "There's nothing to confess.
Everything's alright."
"No, I must die in peace. I had s**... with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father."
"I know," I whispered, " That's why I poisoned you."

Speaking of a big fat b**...!

A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet.
"My cat is very fat, she says.
"Alright," says the vet. "I will look at him."
The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears.
Finally, she turns to the girl and says, I'm very sorry. I'm going to have to put your cat down."
"Oh no! Because he's so fat?"
"Yes, says the doctor. My arms are very tired."

A man and a woman are talking in the office.

The man says: "I'm so tired from working, I wish I could get a day off."
The woman replies: "Don't worry, I have a way of doing that. Just watch me."
The woman proceeds to hang from a pipe.
Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?"
The woman replies: "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says: "You must've gone crazy from all that working, you can take the day off."
The woman leaves. The man follows.
The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?"
The man then replies: "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."

I'm tired of my friend complaining about missing one piece of his 10k puzzle…

If he thinks that's bad, I'm missing 9999 pieces.

I caught my girlfriend cheating with my best friend.

She was tired of getting beaten all the time, and he was jealous of all my money and property. I was so upset when I found out, that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

I'm sick and tired of this "everybody wins" mentality kids have these days.

Seriously, they never exercise, lie in bed 12 hours a day, and sit down far more often than they stand up. And they still get atrophy.

Tired joke, I'm sick and tired of this "everybody wins" mentality kids have these days.

jokes about tired