Tired Jokes
148 tired jokes and hilarious tired puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tired that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tired Short Jokes
Short tired jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tired humour may include short exhausted jokes also.
- If you run in front of a car you'll get tired... But if you run behind the car you'll get exhausted
- I'm tired of all these forced gender neutral terms The girl I'm going out with insist on calling me just friend instead of boyfriend
- I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day. I'm tired of being fat every day.
- Why do the guards around Big Ben always look so tired? Because they're working around the clock.
- Did you hear that auschwitz had to ask visitors to stop playing Pokemon Go? They got tired of people pretending to be Ash.
- I'm really tired of people complaining about the price of everything. $2 for coffee, $3 for coat check, $4 for an hour of parking..... ......I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house.
- How many Broncos does it take to change a tire? One. Unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up.
- Had to stop at the gas station to fill my tires… They raised the price to $1.50. I just can't believe the cost of inflation these days.
- I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit. I think it's time to make a stand.
- My girlfriend thinks I'm cheating on her, and I'm getting tired of it. She sounds just like my wife
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Tired One Liners
Which tired one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tired? I can suggest the ones about weary and fed up.
- What do you call a tire made out of 365 recycled condoms? A Goodyear
- A judge asked a wife why she stabbed her husband 75 times. She said her arm got tired.
- What vegetable do you need when you get a flat tire? A-spare-I-guess.
- I finally disabled autocorrect on my phone I was getting really tired of its shirt.
- Scientists watched the earth rotate for 24 hours and got tired, So they called it a day
- I saw a homeless man living in a tire today, so I popped it Now he lives in a flat
- I just flew in from a Ravioli convention. Boyardees arms tired.
- Why didn't the bike go to the car show? Because he was two tired.
- Why did the woman divorce the grape? She was tired of raisin' kids.
- Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? Because it's two-tired.
- I just flew back from a Transformers convention And boy are my arms tires
- When do Canadian sleep? When Canadian Tire
- Mechanic: "When were your tires last rotated?" Me: "On the way here, silly."
- I'm so tired of hearing Law and Order jokes. They've all been done done.
- Tired? There's a nap for that
So Tired Jokes
Here is a list of funny so tired jokes and even better so tired puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go round the earth for 24 hours, so they called it a day. I'm sorry.
- My friend is pretty sick and tired of PC culture I tried to console him but he didn't want his hand held
- The vet told me "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put your dog down." "Oh God!" I said. "WHY?!"
"Because my arms are getting tired." - I fondly remember our childhood when Dad used to roll us down the hill in a tire. Those were the Good Years.
- Got my girlfriend today while airing up a tire Her- "Why in the world did they start charging for AIR?!"
Me- "Inflation" - What do you do with 365 used condoms? Melt them down, make a tire and call it a Goodyear.
(Yes, I have been waiting till the end of the year to write this) - My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said "that's inflation for you".
- Which is better exercise, chasing a car or running away from one? Chasing a car. After running from a car you'll just be tired, but after chasing one you'll be exhausted.
- It's exhausting going down on waitresses... I'm really tired of them asking "How's everything tasting?" 5 seconds in.
- Two drunks are crawling on the railroad. One says "I'm tired of climbing this ladder, when's our floor already?"
"No worries, I see an elevator coming."
Feeling Tired Jokes
Here is a list of funny feeling tired jokes and even better feeling tired puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Are you feeling sluggish and tired? Constantly yawning throughout your day? There's a nap for that!
- I had to put my dog down today :( My arms were really tired and he's really heavy. I'm feeling better now so I might pick him up again.
- Really tired today... Feels like I had a long March.
- Ever since my kid came out as trans everyone's attention is just on them. I feel like people can't even see me anymore. I'm just tired of being transparent.
- I had a nightmare that I was the Michelin man I woke up feeling tired from that one.
- Was feeling a little down yesterday Reddit family So to pick myself up, I thought back to my tire collection from days gone by.
They were good years... - Did you know there's a way to go 7 days without sleeping and not feel tired? Sleep at night.
It's a great trick I highly recommend it. - Ever since my covid vaccine I've been feeling tired and unable to get out of bed Glad to see there are no side-effects.
- Why did the vampire feel tired after dinner? All the blood had rushed to his stomach.
- Life is tiring being a child proctologist You're always feeling a little behind
Im So Tired Jokes
Here is a list of funny im so tired jokes and even better im so tired puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- i would say a joke about Covid-19 in 2023... but im getting sick and tired of it!
- Im getting tired of the book "Life of Pi." It never ends.
- What's the difference between snow tires and slaves? Slaves sing when chains are put on them.
PS - im going to church today to beg for forgiveness - My daughter told me she was frickin tired of my dad jokes. Hi Frickin tired of my dad jokes. Im dad.
- Im so tired of the lockdown Hi so tired of the lockdown I'm dad
- Im tired of the movies, I miss the Transformers cartoon. That's when Optimus was in his prime
- when Life teaches you a lesson make lessonade!
im tired - what did the peanut say to the squirrel ??? he said im hungry and I'm as tired as a tree
- im tired of chasing my dreams So I'll just get their number and catch up with them later
Tired Poor Jokes
Here is a list of funny tired poor jokes and even better tired poor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. "Some, I assume, are good people"
Cheerful Fun Tired Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about tired you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sleepy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tired pranks.
A husband, so proud...
....of the fact that his wife had given birth to 6 children, begins to call her "mother of 6" rather than by her first name. The wife was amused at first.
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her husband's description. "Mother of 6, get me a beer!" This type of situation rose to a boiling point.
Finally, while at a party with her husband, he jokingly said, "Hey mother of 6, it's time to go!"
The wife shouted, "I'll be right with you - father of 4!"
[found this scrolling through YouTube Comments]
Oh, you!
A man takes his beloved, but seemingly ill golden retriever to the vet when the owner hears the words that every pet owner dreads; "Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to put your dog down.". Distraught, the man breaks down and asks why, to which the vet replies "Because he's very heavy and my arms are getting tired."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many sheep?
A blonde woman is tired of people assuming she's s**... and dyes her hair red. Feeling empowered, she goes for a car ride down a country road. Soon she sees a farm with hundreds of sheep. She walks up to the owner of the farm and makes this proposal: "These sheep are adorable, if I guess how many there are, can I keep one?" The farmer agrees, surely out of all the sheep this woman can't guess the number exactly. She looks around and replies "There are 593 sheep" The farmer is awe-struck, the number was exactly right. So the woman picks her sheep and is getting back in the car when the farmer runs up to her and yells "WAIT! If I can guess your natural color can I have him back?" The woman smiles and agrees, she already proved she's too smart to be called a blonde. The farmer replies "you're a blonde, now can I have my dog back?"
Did you hear that Castro's body double retired?
He was tired of playing second Fidel.
So a man goes to the doctor...
and is told that he has a terminal illness with only 24 hours left to live.
He went home and told his wife who was completely shocked. So later, as they're laying in bed, he asks if they can make love one last time. They do. Later, the man wakes up at 3:30 in the morning and asks if they can go at it again. His wife tired and irritable says, "Well that's easy for you to ask, you don't have to get up in the morning..."
Sorry for the lousy wording
A trucker and a blonde.
A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman's car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.
"Don't you dare set foot outside this circle," the trucker orders.
He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman's car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman's car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.
"I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!" The trucker shouts.
The blonde replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My favorite blonde joke.
A blonde was tired of all the a**... she received because she was blond so she decided to hang herself on a tree in a field.
A man walked by and saw what was happening, approached her he asked, "What are you doing?"
She replied, "I'm going to kill myself because I can't take the a**... anymore."
The man, confused, said, "Why are you hanging by your feet? Aren't you supposed to tie the rope around your neck."
She said, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe."
What's the difference between a well dressed man and a tired dog?
The man wears a full suit, the dog just pants
Taste the soup
A guy eating in a restaurant calls the waiter.
-Please taste the soup.
The confused waiter asks:
-Is the soup too hot?
-Just taste the soup...
-Is the soup too cold?
-Taste the soup.
-Is there a fly in the soup?
-Taste the soup!
The waiter, tired of guessing, gives up.
-Alright, alright, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?
-Aha!
A man asks a janitor in his office...
"Hey, don't you get tired being just a janitor?"
The janitor is taken aback. "Excuse me, let me tell you that even if I'm just a janitor, I have a kid each in Harvard, MIT, and Princeton."
"Wow," the man is surprised, "what courses are they taking?"
"Nah, they're janitors too."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Foreign s**...
A man decides he wants to have a one night stand with a foreign girl. So he meets a girl they go to the bedroom. After the first round, the man says to her, You finish? The girl shakes her head, no. So they do it again. Now the man is really tired. So he says, You finish? Again, she shakes her head. So they do it again. By now, the man is exhausted. So he says to the girl, You finish? The girl answers, No, I Norwegian .
A young vulture is tired of eating nothing but scavenged meat...
So he says to his father, "Dad, can't we eat something else for a change? I'd like to try some vegetables."
The father is outraged, claiming that vultures do not eat vegetables, that is not their way. But the young vulture doesn't give up. He asks again the next day, and the next, and the next. Eventually the father relents, and agrees on a compromise. The young vulture could eat some vegetables, but only if he finished his meat first.
The following day, the young vulture asks what they will be eating that evening. The father replies, "Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peas when you are done."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad m**... in the living room...
As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"Because, son, my hand is getting tired and I need someone to take over."
Confucius Say
Confucius say: Man who run behind bus get exhausted. Man who run in front of bus get tired.
Why are cars faster than motorcycles?
Because motorcycles are two tired.
When does a man ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
When he gets tired of his own hand.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment.
I tried it once and I killed a cyclist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Getting tired of these people who come to my door, telling me I'm gonna burn unless I'm saved...
The flashing lights on their trucks were pretty cool to see, though.
A blond is tired
A blond gets tired of blond jokes, so she dyes her hair. She goes for a ride and comes across a farmer with a flock of sheep. She asks the farmer, "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" The farmer accepts. The blond guesses, "382". The farmer says, "Wow, that's correct. Pick any one you want!" She looks over the entire flock before picking one and putting it in her car. The farmer then says, "I have an offer for you. If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
Why are soldiers always so tired on April 1st?
Because they have just finished a 31 day March.
I just flew in from the gender neutrality conference....
And boy or girl are my arms tired
I got tired jogging in front of the car
So I ran behind it, but soon became exhausted.
A daughter is in a fierce argument with her father
The dad is yelling, she's inconsolable and crying. She finally gets sick and tired of it, and storms up to her bedroom.
Before entering, she lashes out at her father "Oh, and more thing: Jim Morrison is a terrible artist!"
The father, filled with rage yells back "Young lady, there will be NO slamming of The Doors in this house!"
A blonde woman dyes her hair red....
A blonde woman dyes her hair red because she's tired of the blonde jokes. One day she stops by a farm and asks the farmer, "If I can count how many sheep you have, can I keep one?" The farmer reluctantly agrees. After some counting, the blonde woman says, "there is 124 sheep in your farm." Shocked, the farmer counts them. Sure enough, there are 124 sheep. The woman picks one up and takes it to her car. Right when she's about to leave, the farmer knocks on her window and asks,"Ma'am, if I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy walks in on his dad m**......
He asks him, "Daddy what are you doing?"
His dad responds, "Don't worry son, you'll be doing it soon."
The boy then asks, "Why's that daddy?"
His dad answers, "Because my arms getting tired.."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission....
I never should have given dad my username.
A hat and a tie are out running
The tie gets tired and says he needs a break.
The hat replies "Don't worry. You hang around and I'll go on ahead."
I live with my wife in a two story house...
"I'm too tired" and "I have a headache" are the only two stories I hear...
I'm tired of making fun of Mariah Carey
It's so 2016
I switched my kids to almond milk.
Whenever people ask me if I think it's healthier I tell them "Nah, I just got tired of them asking why their picture is on the back of the milk cartons."
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing
Why was the soldier tired on April 1st?
He had just come through a 31-day March.
Running with a car
If you run in front of a car, you get tired.
If you run in back of a car, you get exhausted.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on an island
The redhead tries to swim back to land, gets a quarter of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.
The brunette decides to try, swims a third of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.
Finally the blonde tries, swims half of the way there, gets tired, swims back.
I was tired of watching the moon rotate for 24 hours
So I decided to call it a day
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate the reasons girls come up with to avoid s**...
"I'm tired, I've had a long day, I have a headache, I'm your sister"....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm not proud of it but I used the date r**... drug last night...
All it did was make me tired. I wasn't able to get any of my r**... done.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why doesn't the middle east teach drivers education and s**... education on the same day?
Because the goat gets tired.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend believes The Office is the best television show, and belittles anyone that thinks otherwise
I'm so tired of these Dwight Supremacists
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I found a cure for my wife's insomnia...
All I have to do is express a desire to have s**... with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.
George and the Dragon
A poor vagabond, travelling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.
The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some food?" he asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition.
"No!" she said rather sternly.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she snapped again.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
"No!"
By this time, she was fairly shouting.
The vagabond tried again: "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently.
"Do you suppose I might have a word with George instead?"
A woman, tired of living alone, decides to put an ad in the local paper.
She asks for three things:
1. A man who will treat her nicely,
2. A man who won't leave her, and
3. A man who is good in bed.
Several weeks go buy without a result, and the woman is resigned to life without a man who can embody those qualities. Then, the doorbell rings and she opens it to find an armless, legless man in a wheelchair. He says, "I'm here about the ad in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms, so I can't beat you, and I have no legs, so I can't run away from you." The woman is skeptical, and asks, "Yeah, but are you good in bed?" The man answers, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
I took a novel around Romania with me but it got tired.
So I gave the Bucharest
A man brings his friend home after work for dinner unannounced
When he tells his wife, she starts screaming:
"I've not done my makeup, I've not dressed up nicely, the house is a mess and I haven't had time to wash the dishes! I'm too tired to cook for both of you, and I haven't done the day's laundry yet! Why on Earth would you bring him here?"
"Because he's considering getting married"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was tired and bored one night, so I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, What'll you have? I said, Surprise me.
He showed me a n**... picture of my wife.
My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables from the market, so I went and looked around and couldn't find any. I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and asked, These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?
The produce guy looked at me and said, No. You'll have to do that yourself.
The doctor gave me a Rorschach test and asked, "what do you see?"
I answered, "I see an old, sad, overworked man, tired of doing the same thing over and over, only visited when others need something from him, and never being appreciated enough".
"I appreciate your honesty", said the doctor, "but I meant, what do you see *on the picture*?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Thank you Lord"
Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the o**... starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An alterboy walks in while a priest m**....
The priest said don't look so shocked son ... you will be doing this soon.
Why is that Father?
Because my arm is getting tired.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young catholic boy goes in for his first confession
A young catholic boy goes in for his first confession.
As the boy goes into the booth he asks the priest, "What are you doing father?"
The priest answers, Its called m**... and soon you will be doing it."
The boy asks, "Why do you say that father?"
Priest: "Because my hand is getting tired.
God asked Adam to name the animals
Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…
Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too
Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm sick and tired of your obsession with walkietalkies, this relationship is over!
This relationship is what? Over.
Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"
Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was the castle p**... tired all the time?
She worked knights.
Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"
The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"
"Hey lady," says the shepherd, "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush.
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush. Hello, Bush said. Nice weather we're having, huh? Moses took one look at the President, turned, and ran in the other direction.
The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again he tried to initiate a conversation. Again Moses turned and ran away.
Bush was tired of this bizarre treatment, so the next time Moses ran away from him, Bush followed. When he caught up, he asked Moses what was wrong.
Moses said, The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the desert.
My neighbor grew tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school.
His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back."
What's a tired dragon's favorite steak?
Flaming yawn
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An African man visits his friend in the US
I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!
You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.
Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this d**... country .
Sean Connery arrives at a grand hotel ready for filming the next day
The director meets him, and is delighted "great to see you, Sean, its an honour to have you join us for this project" he says.
"The pleasure is mine" Sean replies, "though it's been a long drive and I'm tired. Is my room ready?"
"Of course, of course, I have your key right here", he says handing over the key. "I appreciate its quite late so we'll have a bit of a later start tomorrow. Are you happy to meet us in the lobby for ten-ish?"
"Tennish?" asks Sean, "but I didn't even bring my racket!"
... An old joke in honor of the great man.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Having invented a time machine I'm going to do the art world a favor
I'm going to make sure Adolf h**... never gets into art school. I'm tired of seeing his paintings everywhere.
Why don't you run behind a car?
Because you will get exhausted.
Why don't you run on the side of the car?
Because you will get tired,
Why don't you run in front of a car?
Because you will get run over.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells :
I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and s**... rules being a leader! A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin. Soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man : Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets? Man responds: Of course i was thinking about h**...! ; Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier to say: Who were YOU thinking about?
A man and a woman are talking in the office.
The man says: "I'm so tired from working, I wish I could get a day off."
The woman replies: "Don't worry, I have a way of doing that. Just watch me."
The woman proceeds to hang from a pipe.
Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?"
The woman replies: "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says: "You must've gone crazy from all that working, you can take the day off."
The woman leaves. The man follows.
The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?"
The man then replies: "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."
I caught my girlfriend cheating with my best friend.
She was tired of getting beaten all the time, and he was jealous of all my money and property. I was so upset when I found out, that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.
