Tips Jokes
162 tips jokes and hilarious tips puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tips that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out these helpful tips and jokes that will make you laugh and help you out. This article covers horse racing tips, frosted tips, marriage tips, money saving tips, Q-tips, advice, and more. Whether you need an useful protip or just some lighthearted humor, these tips jokes have you covered.
Quick Jump To
- Short Tips Jokes
- Tips One Liners
- Q Tips Jokes
- Fingering Tips Jokes
- Money Saving Tips Jokes
- Tips Tricks Jokes
- More Tips Jokes
Funniest Tips Short Jokes
Short tips jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tips humour may include short guide jokes also.
- Not to brag, but I've satisfied every waitress that has ever served me. With just the tip.
- My buddy took a job circumcising elephants at the zoo The money's not great but the tips are huge
- I always start crying uncontrollably whenever I am about to get intimate with a girl . . . . . . Any good tips with dealing with pepper spray?
- What is Pac-Man's favorite cooking utensil? A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok
- I have a tip for all you lonely ladies on valentine's day.. Or you can just take the whole thing.
- While I was out shopping today I tipped in the store a woman saw this and wouldn't stop staring so I smiled at her and said "sorry, it's been a while since I possessed a body." She looked horrified.
- That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
- I'm having some real trouble mending my broken fence. Can anyone here give me some tips?
I was told you guys are the best at reposting. - This barista at starbucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee. I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".
I didn't bother leaving a tip. - I think Unilever should print little government conspiracies on their cotton swabs. They could call them Q tips
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Tips One Liners
Which tips one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tips? I can suggest the ones about ideas and hint.
- *tips fedora at mosquito* M'laria
- Pro-Tip: If a girl in a hot bikini DMs you about crypto Ignore him.
- Pro Life Tip Don't get an abortion.
- My last job was circumcising elephants The pay wasn't great but the tips were huge.
- I just got circumcised Got any tips?
- I got a new job circumcizing elephants The pay isn't great but the tips are enormous
- I messaged my ex on the day before my exam. I asked if she had any good cheating tips
- I've never tried cow tipping before. How much do you usually pay them?
- I always cry before talking to attractive girls Any tips against pepper spray?
- What's the worst part about working in a glory hole? You only get paid in tips.
- I circumcise elephants for the circus, the pay is lousy..... But the tips are enormous.
- Ancient Chinese proverb: Waitress who sit on lepers lap, always keep tip.
- Tip: Call your baby a normal name Me: Are you still mad your parents called you tip?
- *Tips fedora to cute non-binary girl* m'theydy
- What's the quickest way to get a musician off your front porch? Tip him for the pizza.
Q Tips Jokes
Here is a list of funny q tips jokes and even better q tips puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- People used to say that you shouldn't clean your ears with Q-tips But I haven't heard that for a while.
- If you tilt a Q-tip on it's side, It's no longer a Q-tip.
It's askew-tip.
>!Funniest joke I've ever come up with!< - My pirate friends always bring a box of Q-tips to poker night. The loser has to swab the deck.
- Q: What do you call the advice given by an idiot not fit to live in polite society? A: A Q-tip
- Q tips can cause brain damage. Be careful not to put disinformation too far into your ear canal.
- Somebody tried to tell me that cleaning my ears with Q-tips could cause hearing problems... To which I responded "WHAT?!?!"
- Don't insert a cotton swab in to your ear canal... Just a Q-tip
- While working at a lab, I accidentally put a q-tip that had been exposed to pulmonary tuberculosis in my mouth I consumed consumption.
- What type of advice helps you hear better? Q-Tips
- Two of my British friends accidentally used the same Q-Tips Now they're cotton buds.
Fingering Tips Jokes
Here is a list of funny fingering tips jokes and even better fingering tips puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Handy tip... Is what I call my fingers.
- How do you pay a manicurist? By giving a finger tip
- Love is that really warm feeling that starts from the tips of your fingers and goes towards the bottom of your hand. Oh no wait that's glove
- In a pinch, you can cut the fingers off of rubber gloves and use each of them as a contraceptive. Just a handy tip.
- My friend told me a story about how he lost his index finger tip. It was a bit point-less.
- What do you do when you don't have any finger tips but just toe tips? Tiptoe
- I heard that if you give Obama a prostrate massage The world will be at your finger tips.
- That's the last time I go to the internet for s**... tips... ...I Googled 'fingering a girl guide' and got 20 years in prison.
- Started with the tips of my fingers.. We got more into it, my fingers got deeper. She says "babe t**... ring its hurting me", I respond "you mean my watch?"
Money Saving Tips Jokes
Here is a list of funny money saving tips jokes and even better money saving tips puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I filled my car with gas the other week and it cost me $175.00 So I drove off without paying.
They took me to court and I got fined $75.00
I will be back next week with more money saving tips... - If you wake up at midday... ...you save the money you would have spent on breakfast.
Just contact me if you need any more finance tips. - Handy money-saving tip: Avoid spending money on expensive binoculars... ...by simply standing closer to the objects you wish to observe.
- I'm saving a bunch of money on pizza delivery. When the doorbell rings I answer it completely n**.... So far, nobody's stayed long enough to take my tip.
Tips Tricks Jokes
Here is a list of funny tips tricks jokes and even better tips tricks puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I recently visited a website with tips for losing weight And a pop up asked me if I accepted cookies. Is that a trick question?
- I used to be a stalker I'm not proud of it, but nowadays people are asking me for tips and tricks on stalking. So here it is:
In order to be a stalker, you need to do the following…
Hilarious Tips Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about tips you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean instructions jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tips pranks.
Tips to reduce weight…
First turn your head to the right and then to the left.
Repeat this exercise whenever your offered something to eat!
Did you hear about the rabbi performing circumcisions for free?
...he just kept the tips.
Rabbi
So today I was wondering, when a rabbi performs a circumsision, does he get paid or does he just keep the tips?
Will a rabbi charge a lot for circumcisions?
No. He just keeps the tips.
For my summer job, I worked at the zoo, circumsizing elephants
The pay wasn't great, but the tips were enormous!
A p**... got a t**... stamp
It said "tips appreciated"
How do circumcision doctors get paid?
In tips.
My friend had asked me for tips that may help his erectile dysfunction
Apparently, a hotter wife wasn't a good answer.
Score! I just landed my summer job for this year - working at the zoo, circumsizing elephants
They said the hourly pay isn't great, but the tips are ENORMOUS!
A Rabbi's money maker.
A man asks a Rabbi if he gets paid for the circumcisions. The Rabbi says
- No, I can't do that! I just Keep the tips!
Did you hear about the rabbi who had to circumcise elephants?
The pay was terrible but the tips were huge!
Did you hear about the glory hole job opening?
The s**... s**... but the tips are good.
I got a job at the circus.
I had to circumcise the elephants. The wages weren't great but the tips were enormous.
Do Rabbis get paid for performing circumcisions?
Nope, they just keep the tips.
A guy goes to his Rabbi to price a circumcision...
He says, "Rabbi, how much do you charge for a circumcision?" And the Rabbi says, "Not much, I just keep the tips."
Why does a Mohel(Jewish Circumciser) have to be good at his job?
He only works on tips
Are you still looking for a job?
I hear they're hiring at the zoo circumcising elephants. The pay is small, but the tips are big!
How much does a Rabbi charge for circumcision?
Nothing. He just keeps the tips.
Long ago I got my first job as a circumciser.
The pay was not much but I collected a lot of tips.
Did you hear about the Rabbi who didn't charge for circumcision?
He only took tips
I'm circumcised but I'm looking to change that.
Anyone have any tips?
A guy gives free circumcisions
He gets asked, "well, if you don't get paid, how do you keep the food on the table?"
He answers, "I keep the tips"
A man gets circumcised...
After his surgery, he asks the surgeon, "How much should I pay you?"
The surgeon replies, "Oh, you don't need to pay me anything, I do this sort of stuff for free."
The man, confused, then asks, "How do you make a living?"
The surgeon says, "I just collect the tips."
I recently started my new job at the zoo circumcizing elephants...
The pay isn't great, but the tips are huge.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip-off.
Well, you can't blame them. They don't make much money, they just keep the tips.
So Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby and Bill Nye all walk into a bar...
They all finish their drinks and Nye says to the lady behind the bar I'll cover the tab these two will give you their tips.
I always cry before getting intimate with a girl
Does someone have tips against pepperspray?
A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a bar. The priest asked the rabbi, "Do you get paid for corcumcisions?"
The rabbi replies "No, but I keep the tips."
5 Tips To Improve Your Writing
1. Contractions aren't necessary.
2. Do not overuse exclamation points!!!!!!
3. Don't be redundant, because it can be boring to read the same things over and over again, just restated.
4. Do not appear condescending to your readers. "Condescending" means to look down upon someone.
5. Do not leave hanging prepositions around.
I Recently Got a Job Circumsizing Horses...
The pay isn't good but the tips are huge.
Did you hear...
about the guy who got a job circumcising elephants?
the pay wasn't great but the tips were huge.
I used to perform circumcisions for a living.
I got tons of tips.
How do Rabbis make money?
They keep the tips.
I'm thinking of changing career and becoming a professional circumciser. . .
The pay is lousy, but I hear you get plenty of tips.
I used to curcumcise elephants.
The pay wasn't very good, but the tips were huge.
Three Drunks Get into a Taxi
Three drunks get into a taxi and tell the driver where to go. The driver has an idea of the address so he starts the engine, waits a few seconds and turns off the car. He says, "Alright guys we're here!"
The first drunk tips him £10 and gets out.
The second drunk tips him £20 and gets out.
The third drunk then slaps the driver across the face.
Worried that the drunk had realized the car hadn't moved an inch, he asks the drunk, "What was that for?"
The drunk says, "Control your speed next time. You almost killed us!"
I used to work at the circus
I was the guy that circumcised the elephants.
The pay wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
I took a job at a zoo performing elephant circumcisions
The benefits aren't great, but the tips are huge.
Why was the circumcision doctor so rich ?
He kept all of the tips
How do people lose their kids at the mall?
Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated...
Wanted: Circumcision surgeon
$700 per week, plus tips.
Why do arts graduates like fancy restaurants?
Bigger tips.
Jewish Rabbis don't get paid for circumsion...
They just get tips
What's the best place to find anonymous tips?
A glory hole.
I used to work at the zoo circumcising elephants
the job was awful, but the tips were huge
Got a new job as an elephant circumcizer...
The pay is pretty bad, but you get big tips.
My friend Ricky works at the circus.
His job is circumcising elephants. Although he likes it, the wages are low but the tips are huge.
My grandfather used to circumcise elephants for a living.
The wages were poor, but the tips were enormous.
How much do people who perform circumcisions get paid?
$50/h plus tips
*Tips fedora at airplane*
M'laysian
How to quit smoking
Friend: My new year resolution for 2018 is to quit smoking.
Me: That's great, I might have a tip for you.
Friend: What is it? Most tips online don't seem to work for me.
Me: It's pretty simple actually. Try to limit your smokes to only after s**.... As you get older, you'll smoke less and less.
Friend: Has it worked for you?
Me: I don't smoke, but my wife has quit smoking ever since we've been married.
What do you call a nudist beech in Alaska?
Frosted tips
What is a neckbeard's favorite food?
Marm'lady.
(tips fedora)
My buddy performs circumcisions, and i was curious how much he got paid
"Oh we dont get paid, we just keep the tips"
I got circumcised today...
... any tips?
*tips fedora at the First Lady*
M'lania
My son said, "Thanks for giving me tips on how to be less lazy."
I said, "It's the least I could do."
I always start crying when im about to get intimate with a girl
Does anybody have a good tips against pepperspray?
*tips fedora at Borneo*
M'laysia
Had a tricky and emotional chat with my 9-year-old son this morning. There was a lot of "Boo hoo, nobody picks me for teams" and "I haven't got any friends".
Anyway, he was very nice about it and gave me some tips for being more sociable.
*assault rifle tips fedora*
M'16.
An FBI statistician gave me some advice
I asked him, "I'm flying next week. Do you have any tips on how to lower my chances of being blown up by a bomb smuggled onboard by a t**...?"
He chewed that one over for a while, then answered "Yes. Smuggle a bomb onboard yourself. I've never seen a case where two separate bombs were on the same plane, so the odds of a t**... smuggling a second bomb onboard are very low."
Singapore: *looking northward, tips fedora*
"M'laysia"
I used to have a job circumcising elephants....
The money wasn't great but the tips were huge!
I got a job at the zoo circumcising Elephants.
The pay s**... but the tips are huge.
As a summer job I would work for the circus, my job was to circumcise the elephants...
The pay wasn't that good, but the tips were HUGE
I hated working as a valet at the anti-vaxxer convention.
all i got was bunch of measly tips!
I have a friend who circumsises elephants.
It doesn't pay much, but the tips are huge!
A tipsy man staggered out of Melbourne Hotel and entered a taxi. "Take me to Melbourne Hotel," he told the cabbie. The cabbie was momentarily confused. They sat in silence for minutes. The cab never moved. Then the cabbie got out, opened the back door and told the guy: "Look. (Pointing)"
"The Melbourne Hotel." "How much for the fare?" "No charge," replied the cabbie. "Thanks. Next time, don't drive so fast!"
I s**... at building fences. Anyone have any tips?
Oh. I put this post in the wrong place, didn't I?
I got a job at the zoo circumcising elephants
It doesnt pay much, but the tips are big.
