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Tip Jokes

162 tip jokes and hilarious tip puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tip that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your next horse race or bet more fun with these funny tip jokes! From missing finger tip jokes to money tip jokes to jokes about circumcisers and fedoras, you'll be sure to get a laugh out of these unique, punny humor. Check out these hilarious tip jokes today!

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Funniest Tip Short Jokes

Short tip jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tip humour may include short fedora jokes also.

  1. Not to brag, but I've satisfied every waitress that has ever served me. With just the tip.
  2. My buddy took a job circumcising elephants at the zoo The money's not great but the tips are huge
  3. I always start crying uncontrollably whenever I am about to get intimate with a girl . . . . . . Any good tips with dealing with pepper spray?
  4. What is Pac-Man's favorite cooking utensil? A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok
  5. I have a tip for all you lonely ladies on valentine's day.. Or you can just take the whole thing.
  6. While I was out shopping today I tipped in the store a woman saw this and wouldn't stop staring so I smiled at her and said "sorry, it's been a while since I possessed a body." She looked horrified.
  7. That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
  8. I'm having some real trouble mending my broken fence. Can anyone here give me some tips?
    I was told you guys are the best at reposting.
  9. This barista at starbucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee. I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".
    I didn't bother leaving a tip.
  10. I think Unilever should print little government conspiracies on their cotton swabs. They could call them Q tips

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Tip One Liners

Which tip one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tip? I can suggest the ones about hint and point.

  1. *tips fedora at mosquito* M'laria
  2. Pro-Tip: If a girl in a hot bikini DMs you about crypto Ignore him.
  3. Pro Life Tip Don't get an abortion.
  4. My last job was circumcising elephants The pay wasn't great but the tips were huge.
  5. I just got circumcised Got any tips?
  6. I got a new job circumcizing elephants The pay isn't great but the tips are enormous
  7. I messaged my ex on the day before my exam. I asked if she had any good cheating tips
  8. I've never tried cow tipping before. How much do you usually pay them?
  9. I always cry before talking to attractive girls Any tips against pepper spray?
  10. What's the worst part about working in a glory hole? You only get paid in tips.
  11. I circumcise elephants for the circus, the pay is lousy..... But the tips are enormous.
  12. Ancient Chinese proverb: Waitress who sit on lepers lap, always keep tip.
  13. Tip: Call your baby a normal name Me: Are you still mad your parents called you tip?
  14. *Tips fedora to cute non-binary girl* m'theydy
  15. What's the quickest way to get a musician off your front porch? Tip him for the pizza.

Money Tip Jokes

Here is a list of funny money tip jokes and even better money tip puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do Rabbis make money? They keep the tips.
  • I used to have a job circumcising elephants.... The money wasn't great but the tips were huge!
  • I filled my car with gas the other week and it cost me $175.00 So I drove off without paying.
    They took me to court and I got fined $75.00
    I will be back next week with more money saving tips...
  • A Rabbi's money maker. A man asks a Rabbi if he gets paid for the circumcisions. The Rabbi says
    - No, I can't do that! I just Keep the tips!
  • What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
    Well, you can't blame them. They don't make much money, they just keep the tips.
  • I was in the betting shop and my friend told me to put all my money on a horse named 'Landfill'. Turns out it was a rubbish tip.
  • If you wake up at midday... ...you save the money you would have spent on breakfast.

    Just contact me if you need any more finance tips.
  • I kept trying to give my caddy a tip after my last round of golf, but he refused. Apparently after watching me play, he only wanted money.
  • My friend asked me to bet all my money on a horse called 'Landfill.' Turned out to be a rubbish tip.
  • I just donated some money to the maintainers of a Linux distribution derived from Red Hat \*tips fedora\*

Tip Tongue Jokes

Here is a list of funny tip tongue jokes and even better tip tongue puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The worst part of forgetting a woman's name... Is when you can't quite come up with it, but she's right on the tip of your tongue.
  • The five senses are touch, smell, sight, hearing, and..... It's on the tip of my tongue...
  • I forgot what I'm allergic to, I'm trying to remember... ..its on the tip of my tongue
  • When you see someone your recognize, but can't remember their name, you probably should not walk up and lick them... ...of course, if you do, then their identity will be on the tip of your tongue.
  • What's a good holiday tip? Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
  • The tip of my tongue is sore, and I just can't think of why that is.
  • Whats another term for acid? Its on the tip of my tongue...
  • Did you know that 90% of people cant touch all of their teeth using the tip of their tongue? ...and 100% of idiots will try it!!!
  • What does presque vu mean again? I can't remember, but it's on the tip of my tongue!
  • whats that phrase you say when you forget a word? ... it's on the tip of my tongue

Bartender Tip Jokes

Here is a list of funny bartender tip jokes and even better bartender tip puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Ok what's the difference between the Titantic and California? At least the lights were on when the Titanic sank.
    Thank you, tip your bartenders ladies and gents…..
  • A man walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bartender pulls out a shotgun... and fires it just missing the man. The man says thanks, leaves a tip, and walks out.
    He had the hiccups
  • Why don't women tip bartenders? They don't give a tip because they take the tip.

Delivery Tip Jokes

Here is a list of funny delivery tip jokes and even better delivery tip puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • It's hard to think about my wife, who passed away during delivery Tip: Never, *EVER* go with a mail-order Russian bride who arrives by ship.
  • About to start a new job as a pizza delivery driver, any tips?
  • My pizza delivery guy asked me for a tip today So I told him to always wash his hands after using the bathroom.
  • If you're a delivery driver and don't get a tip... You get shafted
  • Pizza delivery guy showed up. Gave me 3 pizzas, and had me sign the credit card receipt. I gave him a $500 tip. I didn't order any pizza.
  • Pizza delivery guys Pizza delivery guys be like: Hey girl give me some tip
  • I'm saving a bunch of money on pizza delivery. When the doorbell rings I answer it completely n**.... So far, nobody's stayed long enough to take my tip.

Cheeky Tip Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about tip you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean circumcision jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tip pranks.

Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !

Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have s**....
Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the c**... broke?
Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.
Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.
Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.

A man is lying on a nudist beach wearing only a hat covering his c**...

When all of a sudden a woman passes by who remarks, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a gentleman, you would lift and tip your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a s**... woman, the hat would lift by itself."

#1 h**... Tip for Women:

Use your mouth.

"What did the l**... say to the p**... after s**...?"

"Keep the tip."

Courtesy of my 7 year old - What happens if you don't eat a balanced diet?

You will tip over

A tip for Snowden.

Apparently he is traveling all of the world but if you never want to appear in front of an American judge there is only one place to go...
Guantanomo bay

A man decided to sunbathe on the beach.

He took all of his clothes off, except that he covered his private parts with a hat to prevent a sunburn. As he's sunbathing, a woman walks past him. She looks at the man and snidely remarks:
"A true gentleman would always tip his hat for a lady."
To which the man replies:
"Ma'am, if you were a true lady, it would tip itself."

What did the l**... say to the h**...?

Keep the tip.

Doctor doctor

A guy goes to the doctor.
'doctor' he says ' I think I've got a lettuce up my b**...'
'bend over then and let me have a look' the doctor says.
The guy bends over and the doctor has a good look and a rummage around.
' I'm afraid that I think you're right ' he exclaimed, ' and I'm afraid it looks like that's just the tip of the iceberg '

A dog lays by the railroad tracks..

And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.

Yo momma cooks so bad...

The flys all chipped in and fixed the screen door.
>we're here all night, don't forget to tip your waiter!!

A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant

A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant. When the check comes to the table the dolphin insists on paying. The whale is quite grateful and wants to leave the tip at least but the dolphin respectfully declines.
The whale then says
thanks if there's anything you ever need let me know
The dolphin replies
you're welcome
Then the Whale says g**.......why would you want that?

Tip: when making a s**... tape, play Disney music in the background.

That way, if it ever gets leaked online, Disney attorneys will have them all taken down.

Ladies, here's a tip for giving a great h**....

Use your head.

What did the l**... say to the p**...?

Keep the tip.

A man takes his place in the theatre, but his seat is too far from the stage.

He whispers to the usher "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat and I'll give you a handsome tip". The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers "The wife did it".

Tip for when you are attacked by a bear

Play dead.
It will be good practice for when you die a couple minutes later.

Johnny paid his way through college by waitering in a restaurant.

"What's the usual tip?" asked a customer.
"Well," said Johnny, "this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I'd be doing great."
"Is that so?" growled the customer. "In that case, here's twenty dollars."
"Thanks. I'll put it in my college fund," Johnny said.
"By the way, what are you studying?" asked the customer.
"Applied psychology."

Chinese takeout: $8. Tip :$2. Getting home

and finding out that they forgot part of your order: riceless.

In a chemistry class, the teacher asks a girl

- Mary, what is H2SO4?
- Oh god, this is so easy, why can't I remember, it's on the tip of my tongue.
Quickly, Johnny says:
- Then spit it out, that's sulfuric acid!

The s**... is made up of Glucose........

MBBS Professor:
The s**... is made up of Glucose, the same material Sugar is made of.
A Girl raised her hand:
"Then why doesn't it
taste like Sugar?"
Suddenly silence in hall.
Girl:Oops.
Then Professor's reply was also a Medical master piece:
My dear, Thats because, the taste buds are located on the tip of your Tongue and not at the end of your t**...
Killer .

Grammar tip

Farther = physical distance
Further = metaphorical distance
Father = emotional distance

Zoology Tip

You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.

Ferrari

Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each
month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20
years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have
been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for
compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No

Man:
Where's your Ferrari?

Having s**... with a waitress s**....

She only takes the tip.

The worst thing about circumcision is paying full price..

..and still having to leave a tip

Man goes to his son and asks 'Did you tip over the outhouse'?

Son says, 'Father, I cannot tell a lie: I tipped over the outhouse into the creek'. Father says 'That's it, you're going to the woodshed for some serious a**...-whuppin!' 'But Father, George Washington told his dad the truth about chopping down the cherry tree and didn't get punished!' 'George Washington's father wasn't IN the cherry tree!'

After couple beers, a man at a bar is chatting with the bartender.


"So, how many kegs of beer do you go through in a week?", he asks.
"About twenty," says the bartender.
"I've got a tip that could bring that up to twenty five, if you're interested."
"Absolutely!", says the bartender.
The man looks the bartender in the eyes and says, "Try filling the glasses up to the line."

What do Jewish people and basketball games have in common?

The tip off.

Food prices are getting out of control. Half a lettuce for $9

And that's just the tip of the iceberg

A waitress at a diner gives a man his check.

As he gets up to leave, he puts down the amount for the check plus three cents for the tip. The waitress notices this and approaches him before he leaves.
Waitress: You know, I can tell a lot about a person by each of the coins that are left.
Man: Okay, what do these pennies tell you about me?
Waitress: This first one tells me that you are very thrifty.
Man: Hmm. Yes, that's true. Go on.
Waitress: This second one tells me that you are not married.
Man: Yes, that's true too.
Waitress: And this last one tells me that your mother wasn't married either.

What's the difference between i**... and unlawful?

One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.
Thanks folks, tip your waitresses I'll be here all day!

What do Women's Studies majors like after dessert?

A tip

Dating pro tip: if s/he admires the Soviet Union...

then that's a red flag

Guy tip:

If your girlfriend has a really annoying friend, don't tell her how bothersome she is or to stop being friends with her. Just casually mention how attractive she is.

Getting a haircut is a lot like the first time with a new lover...

There isn't really any conversation besides some nervous laughter and her asking me "How long has it been?" and "Do you like that?" and I'm never sure how much tip is appropriate.
Then I pay her, say thanks, and leave.

Travelling Tip

Here's a little tip from me to you as an experienced traveler. Wake-up calls are the worst way to wake up. The phone rings, it's loud and you can't turn it down.
I leave the number of the room next to me.
It just rings very quietly and you hear a guy yell,
"Why are you calling me?"
Then you get up and take a shower. It's great.

What did the fat lady say to the fat man?

Thanks for the tip.

Circumcision.

My parents paid the bill, but I left the tip.

A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, I think I have a head of lettuce coming out of my bottom'

A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, I think I have a head of lettuce coming out of my bottom.'
The doctors says 'okay, let me have a look.'
After a brief examination the doctor says to the patient. 'Well sir, I have some bad news. I'm afraid this is only the tip of the iceberg'

How do you get a Harvard graduate off your doorstep?

Tip him for the pizza.

Christmas tip:

Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace

What did the l**... tell the p**...?

You can keep the tip

Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?

Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

At school

A teacher writes on the whiteboard: HNO3 and asks a student:
\- What substance is that?
\- Hmmm... wait a moment... It's on the tip of my tongue!
\- Spit it out at once!!! That's nitric acid!

So I got a nose job last Tuesday...

It's amazing what h**... will do if you tip them.
(Original joke)

A woman comes home late from work

She goes upstairs and notices two people in bed, instead of just her husband.
Quietly, she tip toes away and finds a baseball bat, comes back and bludgeons the pair in bed.
She goes downstairs to grab a drink, only to find her husband sitting at the table.
"Hi honey," he says.
"Your parents decided to stop in for the night on their way back home. I let them have our room, I hope you don't mind."

"Hello, Police? I'd like to report an anonymous tip."

Me: Hello, Police? I'd like to report an anonymous tip.
Dispatcher: Go ahead.
Me: Flossing daily reduces your risk of tooth decay.

Tip: if you don't want comedians weighing in on politics....

...don't elect a joke.
(Credit to Bo Burnham)

Why did the p**... cry after her customer left?

He gave her the biggest tip she ever had

There are 2 astronauts in space.

The first says "I can't find any milk for my coffee"
The second says "in space, no-one can. Here, use cream"
(Saying it aloud helps)
#Tip your waitresses!

What does "l**..." stand for again?

It's on the tip of my tongue....

A woman goes to the doctors with a piece of lettuce sticking out the top of her underwear

The doctor says "that looks n**...", the woman replies "that's just the tip of the iceberg"

My friend was too afraid to lose her virginity

So I just gave her a friendly tip

"Hello, is this the anonymous FBI tip line?"

"Yes, Dave."

Why don't Jews tip?

They don't have theirs, you don't get yours.

Why was the FBI argent happy after he visited a glory hole?

Because he received an anonymous tip.

An old man is walking through a crowded cafeteria...

Blocking the exit is a man with 14 children.
The old man scowls and makes his way through the children, but his metal cane hits some of the childrens' legs as well as the man's legs.
The man angrily says "Hey, could you put some rubber on that tip of yours! You're bangin' us up!"
The old man haughtily replies "If you had done that before then we wouldn't be in this situation!"

I went to the liquor store on a bike once

I bought a bottle of an expensive scotch, but I was worried I would tip over on my bike on my way home, and break the bottle. So instead, I drank the entire bottle before I got on the bike. Turned out to be a very good decision, as I tipped over at least 10 times on my way home.

Two grandmas are sitting at a bus stop

Sharing a cigarette and it starts to rain. One takes out a c**... with a hole at the tip and puts it over the cigarette so the rain won't put it out.
The one lady remarks about how ingenious the idea is and goes to the store herself.
Can I have a pack of condoms please?
The clerk asks, sure which size/brand do you need?
Whatever will fit a Camel.

Did you hear about the undercover cop who uncovered a glory hole in a public toilet?

Turns out he received an anonymous tip.

All this panic buying has led me to using alternative methods for toilet paper...

Last week was tree leaves this week it's lettuce. And that's just the tip of the iceberg!

Two opposing candidates for county office...

... happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.
One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."
"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you."

Make sure you tip your waitress...

It's very funny when they fall over.

I went to the doctors with a lettuce just poking out of my bottom...

The doctor asked why I was so concerned. I replied, I think it's just the tip of the iceberg

Handy tip...

Is what I call my fingers.

Mom, how do you spell s**...'?

Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.

King of Jews

Jesus wasn't known as the king of Jews until the last supper when he decided not to tip.

A guy goes to the doctor with a pain in his rear end

The doctor has a look and says, "This is could be serious, you seem to have a lettuce leaf stuck in there. I can remove it easily enough, but it may just be the tip of the iceberg."

What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?

Cmon.. Just the tip??

I heard a life tip that went; If you're ever too embarrassed to buy something, get a birthday card with it.

The cashier wasn't amused by the birthday tampons for my wife.

Two ladies smoking

Two old ladies were standing outside smoking cigarettes. It starts to rain, so one of the old ladies takes out a c**..., cuts the tip off and slides it over her cig to keep it dry. The other lady is amazed at her inventiveness! She goes to the pharmacy and tells the pharmacist she needs some condoms. The pharmacist, puzzled, looks at her and says "ma'am they come in all shapes and sizes, which ones do you need?" She replies "doesn't matter, as long as it fits a Camel!"

Pro tip on how to pick up girls

Lift with your legs

jokes about tip