The Best 65 Tiny Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Tiny jokes. There are some tiny smallest jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these tiny salamander puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Tiny Jokes and Puns
So..the wife and I were in town shopping....
..and as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.
I gently nudged my wife and said "I bet you wish you still had legs like that!".
She got really upset with me..in fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store.
I was on vacation in Tahiti and decide to go for a one day boat trip
The skipper was sailing along islands when I saw on a really tiny one a man with a long beard, torn-down clothes and no shoes waving at us, screaming. He was very, very far and I didn't understand a word he was saying. I asked the skipper:
- Who is this guy?
- Dunno, he have been there for six months, waves at me every day.
Returning on Investment
After being away on buisness, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
Why is it a bad idea to wear tiny shorts on a Ukranian holiday?
Chernobyl fallout.
"I have a newt named Tiny."
"Why do you call it Tiny?"
"Because it's my newt."
You remind me of my little toe
Why because I'm so cute and tiny?
No, I will probably get drunk later and bang you the coffee table.
A man was hiking in a forest when he sees a big post...
"this is the gaymen forest".. he thinks it's a joke and moves on. As he walks, he sees more and more posts that say "this is the gaymen forest" and that get smaller and smaller. At a certain point, he sees a tiny post, close to the ground. He bends over to read it and sees "It's too late now, buddy! Told ya !"
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away its tiny brooms.
So, this guy walks into a bar with a Newt on his shoulder
The bartender says "that's a weird pet what's his name?"
The guy responds, "oh, his name is Tiny."
The bartender then asks "Well that's a weird name, why do you call him that?"
And the guys answers "because he's mynewt!"
What does a blind person say when you give them sandpaper?
"Well that's really tiny writing!"
Did you hear the one about the tiny prisoner who went down the stairs?
It's a little condescending. ;)
You can explore tiny small reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean tiny eeny dad jokes. There are also tiny puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A cruise ship passed a tiny, isolated island.
Everyone on board could see a bearded man on the island, shouting and desperately waving his hands.
"Who is that man?" a passenger asked the ship's captain. "Why is he so upset?"
"I have no idea," said the Captain, "but every year when we pass by here, he goes nuts."
Is my wife dissatisfied with me?
A tiny part of me says yes..
A woman walks into a bar...
A woman walks into a bar with her pet newt on her shoulder. She sits down on a stool and orders a beer. The barman looks at the woman and her newt and asks her, "What's his name?"
"Tiny." The woman replies.
"Why tiny?" The barman inquires.
"Because he's my newt."
I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...
There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.
The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.
Have you ever smelled mothballs?
How did you get their tiny legs apart?
I went to the library and asked if they had the book about tiny penises...
The librarian said, "I don't think it's in yet."
I said, "Yes, that's the one."
My friend took his grandmother to one of those health spas where tiny fish eat all the dead skin...
It cost him $300, but it was a lot cheaper than a funeral...
I've always wondered what mothballs smelled like.
But I could never get their tiny legs apart to find out.
My 8 year old brother came up to me and asked if I wanted to hear a joke, this is how it went
Bro," what washes up on a tiny beach?"
Me," No idea."
Bro," a microwave."
Followed by about 2 seconds of me not getting it then laughing for a solid minute
A woman found a magic lamp on the beach, rubbed it, and out popped a genie.
"Ask me anything and it's yours!" She thought a moment and then answered, "I want my husband to pay more attention to me, to protect me, to take me out frequently, to sleep close to me, and to be more caring, even if I get a tiny scratch." "No problem." And POOF! She was a smartphone!
A rather drunk fellow on a bus was tearing up a newspaper into tiny pieces and throwing them out the window.
'Excuse me,' said the woman sitting next to him. "But, would you mind explaining why you're doing this?
"It scares away the elephants,' replied the drunk. "But I don't see any elephants around here,' said the woman
"Effective, isn't it?" crowed the drunk.
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder...
The bartender says "What a strange pet, what's his name?"
"Tiny." the man replies.
"What an odd name, why do you call him tiny?"
"Because he's my newt."
An engineer, a mathmetician, and a physicist are hired by a farmer to build the smallest fence possible to hold all his sheep.
The physicist makes a large fence and gradually shrinks it over and over until he cannot shrink it any further.
The engineer stacks all the sheep in a specific way and builds a small fence around them.
The mathmetician builds a tiny fence around himself and then defines himself as outside the fence.
is my wife ashamed of my body?
a tiny part of me says yes.
My friends and I started a business where we weigh tiny items
It's a small scale operation
Man walks into a bar with a salamander.
The bartender says, "Nice lizard. What's its name?"
"I call him Tiny because he's my newt."
Every 4th of July, America sends Britain a locket with a little tiny picture of the United States in it. They want to remind the crown that America is still...
(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
In *da* pendent
My girlfriend and I are both feminists.
But because I am a man, I am a tiny bit better at it than her.
Peanut allergy
We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting -- they caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
He asks for a coke and a mango juice for his newt Tiny.
The bartender asks Why is he called Tiny?
And the man replies Because he's my newt!
Is my girlfriend disappointed in my body?
A tiny part of me says 'yes'.
I have to ask myself, is my wife unsatisfied?
a tiny part of me says yes
A salesman approaches you
Thanks, but I'm not interested in microscopes right now.
Salesman: That's okay, take my business card anyway.
This text is tiny, I can't read it.
Salesman: Boy, do I have the product for you
A man walks into a bar, with a newt on his shoulder.
He passes the night trying to chat up every girl he sees, but sadly to no avail, since everyone is wierded out by his newt.
Finally, he sees a beautiful girl and strikes up a conversation with her. After a few moments of talking, she questions him about the newt.
"What's his name?" The girl ask him.
"Tiny" the man responds.
"Oh whys he named that?" The girl questions.
"Because he's my newt"
The tiny door to the magic castle was barely big enough to crawl through. It was carved with a half-lion, half-eagle, and guarded by a fearsome raven that would only allow you to pass if you breathed on its foot...
So basically you had to huff n puff on the raven claw then slither in the griffon door.
Last week I took my grandma to the spa
For 20 bucks they have this tiny fish that eat off your dead cells. It was way cheaper than funeral
I came home with a salamander on my shoulder and my son, all excited, shouted, "What's his name!?
Smiling, I replied, Tiny!"
My kid laughed and asked, What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?
I explained, Because...he's my newt!"
How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It takes two, very tiny people, to screw, in a lightbulb.
I like my women like I like my marijuana...
Chopped into tiny pieces and burned to ashes without the police ever finding out.
I got a pet newt, and I named him Tiny
Because he's my newt
My friends and I just started a business where we weigh tiny objects.
It's a small scale operation.
My singing voice sounds bad in my tiny apartment.
It's a little flat.
A little girl asks her mum
A little girl asks her mum "mummy, how was I born" Her mother smiled and replied "once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful tiny seed. Your daddy planted it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed germinated and grew tall with many leaves until it became a lovely healthy plant. Then we dried it and smoked it and got so high we forgot to use a condom"
Why can't ants catch Covid-19?
Because they have tiny anty-bodies
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don't know what to do! Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...
...he's really a big lyre.
My wife asked me, Are you sometimes surprised at how little people change?
I said, Actually the process is the same. They just have tiny clothes.
A young couple get married and have their first night together in their new home.
As they are undressing for bed, the husband hands the wife his pants.
"Here, try these on," he says.
"What? Why?" she says.
"Just put them on," he insists.
"They're way too big," she says. "I can't wear those."
"That's right," he says. "I wear the pants in this marriage. Don't you forget it."
"Got it," she says, slipping off her panties and handing them to him. "Here, try these on."
He holds them up and sees how tiny they are.
"Are you kidding?" he says. "I can't get into your panties!"
"That's right. And that's the way it's going to stay until your attitude changes."
My wife asked me "Are you sometimes surprised at how little people change ?"
I said, "The process is the same. They just have tiny clothes"
A teacher is teaching a 5th grade class on Zoom.
The teacher says to Susie, "Tell the class why you want to be a teacher."
Susie says, "Actually, I want to be a stripper."
The teacher asks, "A stripper? I thought you wanted to do my noble profession."
Susie says, "That was before I saw your tiny apartment."
I got sprayed in the chest by a skunk so I had my tiny therapist wash my clothes for me.
My shrunk shrink stopped my shirt's skunk stink.
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Can I have a free drink if I show you something amazing?"
The bartender agrees so he pulls out a tiny piano, a frog and a hamster. The hamster starts playing the piano and the frog starts singing Adele. As the bartender gets him his drink a punter asks him "how much for the singing frog?" The man replies "I'll sell him for £100 if you want?" And the punter agrees. The bartender sees this and says to the man " WHAT?! You could have made millions off that Why'd you sell him so cheap?" And the man says "no, it's okay... The hamsters a ventriloquist"
Why is Texas like the Titanic
They both thought they were amazing until a tiny bit of frozen water broken them in half
I had a pet newt once. I called him Tiny.
Because he was mynewt.
Wife says to husband.
Wife: I can't believe it, first I am diagnosed with dyslexia.
Now I have tiny tits.
Husband: Tinnitus babe Tinnitus..
I have a shirt with 120 tiny pockets that fit exactly one mint each....
It's my Tic Tactical vest.
An old Russian WW2 joke
This is an old Russian WW2 joke that my grandfather loved to tell.
During high-casualty battles between Germans and Russians, the Russian general gets surprised by the commander of a tiny platoon who wants to hand over hundreds of German prisoners. When investigating the prisoners closer, he realizes that all of them are injured, most of them at their hands and arms.
The general interrogates the commander:
"Very impressive! But how did you manage to take all these hostages?"
"Ha, very simple! Just build up a machine gun next to the German trench and yell >>HEIL!! <<"
A third-grade science teacher asks her students, "If you could have one substance in the world, what would it be?"
"I would have gold," says Harold. "Why?" asks the teacher. "Well," says Harold, "I could sell the gold and buy a fancy car."
"I would have platinum," says Susie. "Why?" asks the teacher. "Well," says Susie, "I could sell the platinum and buy two fancy cars."
"I would have hair," says Johnny. "Why?" asks the teacher. "Well," says Johnny, "my mom has a tiny strip of hair between her legs, and you should see all the fancy cars outside our house!!!"
An American goes to a restaurant in Italy for breakfast.
After the meal he looks at the coffee menu and orders an Espresso Ristretto, because the name sounds good. The server brings him a tiny coffee cup with a little coffee at the bottom. The American takes the cup, dumps the content in his mouth, makes few slushing sounds with his tongue and says to the server: "Yes, it's good. I'll have this".
Do you know why they give those tiny pockets on jeans?
It is for your salary.
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder
The bartender asks his name, the man replies Tiny. -Why Tiny? -Because he's my-newt.
So Jesus, God said, You said that when you saw the money-changers in the temple you…turned into a tiny crucifix?
No, Jesus said, I said I became a little cross!
Daddy's gonna eat your fingers.
I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this", and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them.
I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"
I have a pet newt that I named tiny. My friend asked me why tiny.
I told him it was because he was my newt.
What do you call a tiny pig reciting Shakespeare?
Hamlet.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the tiny microscopic jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working tiny micro piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.