Tiny Hand Jokes
28 tiny hand jokes and hilarious tiny hand puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tiny hand that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tiny Hand Short Jokes
Short tiny hand jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tiny hand humour may include short small hands jokes also.
- Did you hear that Trump Tower is being remodeled to add a clock that resembles Big Ben I've heard people complain that it has tiny hands.
- I think I'll wait for the follow up IPhone. The IPhone XS sounds perfect for my tiny hands.
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Tiny Hand One Liners
Which tiny hand one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tiny hand? I can suggest the ones about small baby and little person.
- What do the Khaleesi and Donald Trump have in common? A tiny hand.
- TIL people with tiny hands can't use an oven or a range... They can only microwave.
- Why do all dads have huge d**...? Because the kids have tiny hands.
Tiny Hand Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about tiny hand you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean little man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tiny hand pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young couple get married and have their first night together in their new home.
As they are u**... for bed, the husband hands the wife his pants.
"Here, try these on," he says.
"What? Why?" she says.
"Just put them on," he insists.
"They're way too big," she says. "I can't wear those."
"That's right," he says. "I wear the pants in this marriage. Don't you forget it."
"Got it," she says, slipping off her p**... and handing them to him. "Here, try these on."
He holds them up and sees how tiny they are.
"Are you kidding?" he says. "I can't get into your p**...!"
"That's right. And that's the way it's going to stay until your attitude changes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My doctor asked for a stool sample....
...and got mad at me when I handed him a tiny chair. Now I'm banned from the doctors office and still don't know why I'm p**... out furniture.
Returning on Investment
After being away on buisness, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old Russian WW2 joke
This is an old Russian WW2 joke that my grandfather loved to tell.
During high-casualty battles between Germans and Russians, the Russian general gets surprised by the commander of a tiny platoon who wants to hand over hundreds of German prisoners. When investigating the prisoners closer, he realizes that all of them are injured, most of them at their hands and arms.
The general interrogates the commander:
"Very impressive! But how did you manage to take all these hostages?"
"Ha, very simple! Just build up a machine gun next to the German trench and yell >>HEIL!! <<"
Two Squirrels GO Camping
They set up a tiny tent and make a tiny campfire. Then, one squirrel pulls out a frying pan and begins to pan fry some twigs. The other squirrel snatches it from his hand and says,
"Are you NUTS?!? This is a non-stick pan!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was out on the west coast, trying to sell some guns to a street gang.
The gang member handed me a bag of severed toes with tiny $'s and tiny blue bandanas tied to them. I said "What's this?! No cash?!" He said it was the latest trend "Crip Toe Currency".
After a few months I wanted to buy a stolen sports car, but had no cash. My friend worked at a morgue so he got me a bag of severed toes and I drew $'s on them and tied tiny red bananas to them. I went to that gang member and tried to pay for the car and he said...
"Sorry. I don't want your Blood Money."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old People And Nastiness
A very old couple wanted to have children, so they went to their doctor and told him their problem. The doctor gave the couple a tiny jar and told them to fill it up. About a week later, the couple came back.
"I tried with my right hand until it gave out, and I tried with my left hand until it gave out," said the man.
"And I tried with both hands until they gave out," said the woman. "And we still can't get the lid off the jar."
Help create the punch line?
My dad sent me the beginnings to a joke, but never sent the punch line....any help creating one?
Toad is stirring a steaming caldron over an open flame
Frog says, "What's cooking?" as the flames send tiny sparks into the night
Toad hands the frog a piece of a boiled chicken leg. "here try this".........
Yard work
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Theory of Jumping Fleas
A lunatic asylum inmate amused himself by placing the pet flea on his left hand and on the command "Jump, Freddie, jump", the insect would leap to his right hand.
This game helped the poor man to pass away the mindless hours but one day he produced a tiny pair of scissors and proceeded to cut off Freddie the Flea's legs. He then placed his truncated pet on his hand and gave the familiar command but to no avail.
And then raising his voice he shouted "Jump, Freddie, jump!" but still the flea remained in his left hand.
'There you are,' cried the man triumphantly. 'That proves my theory, you cut off their legs they go deaf.'
A precious little girl walks into a Pets Mart Shop and asks,
A precious little girl walks into a Pets Mart Shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,
"I don't think my python weally gives a thit !!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you say to a fascist oompa loompa with tiny hands?
"It was nice meeting you, Mr President."
A retiring obstetrician takes the bag of foreskins he collected during his career to a taxidermist.
The taxidermist looks at the thousands of dried up bits of skin and then looks quizzically at the obstetrician -- who says "I don't know, just make something nice with them."
A couple months later, the taxidermist calls to say that the souvenir of the obstetrician's career is ready. When the OB gets there, the taxidermist hands him a *wallet*! It is beautifully made, with thousands of tiny stitches, but it's *disappointingly small*.
OB: What? I gave you thousands of foreskins! That's it?
The taxidermist grins and says "When you rub it, it turns into a suitcase!"
Widdel Wabbits
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth,
"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks,
"Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,
"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."
Newlywed Laundry
A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.
"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked.
"Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' - instead."
So, the following night, the husband asks: "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, darling?"
"No," she snapped back, "I definitely shut it." Then she rolled over and fell asleep.
The next morning, she woke up feeling a little frisky herself, so she nudged her husband and said: "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all..."
"Don't worry," said the man. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"The watch"
My dad just reminded me of this old classic!
Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you got the time?" Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says. "Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger. Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out" - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropolitan areas. He hits a few b**... and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven 'til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more b**... and the same voice said something in Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in regional accents for each city". The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding. The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all," says Jake. He pushes a few more b**... and a tiny but very hi-resolution, map of New York City appears on the display. "The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning," explains Jake. "View recede ten," Jake says, and the display changes to show eastern New York state. "I want to buy this watch!" says the stranger. "Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs, says the inventor. "But look at this," and he proceeds to demonstrate that the watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper printout and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of up to 300 standard-size books," though I only have 32 of my favorites in there so far" says Jake. "I've got to have this watch!" says the stranger. "No, you don't understand; it's not ready." "I'll give you $1000 for it!" "Oh, no, I've already spent more than -" "I'll give you $5000 for it!" "But it's just not -" "I'll give you $15,000 for it!" And the stranger pulls out a checkbook. Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8500 into materials and development, and with $15,000 he can make another one and have it ready for merchandising in only six months. The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and waves it in front of him. "Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000. Take it or leave it." Jake abruptly makes his decision. "OK," he says, and peels off the watch. They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away. "Hey, wait a minute," calls Jake after the stranger, who turns around warily. Jake points to the two suitcases he'd been trying to wrestle through the bus station. "Don't forget your batteries.
Inside the paper bag
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag.
He sits down and places the bag on the counter.
The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about
9" high and sets him on the counter.
He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting
it on the counter as well.
He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench,
which he places in front of the piano.
The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful
Piece by Mozart!
"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.
The man responds by reaching into the paper bag.
This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and
says: "Here. Rub it."
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke
and a beautiful genie is standing before him.
"I will grant you one wish... Just one wish... each person is only
allowed one!"
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want
A million bucks!"
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed
by another duck, then another.
Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your
genie's' a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
"No kidding!!" says the man, "do you really think I asked for a 9 inch Pianist?"
A manufacturing plant was in full swing one day.
The company's massive machine was humming along, taking in the raw materials at one end and churning out the finished product at the other.
All of a sudden, the machine stopped and ground to a halt.
Workers climbed all over it like ants to get it started again.
The plant's manager stormed out of his office to find out why his multi-million- dollar machine wasn't making him any money.
He listened to his people saying they couldn't figure it out, and he told them to call a technician.
Soon a tech arrived, and the manager frantically explained to him that he needed his machine back as soon as possible.
The technician listened patiently, took one look at the massive hulk of motionless metal, and immediately walked over to a small panel, opening a tiny door inside to see a screw.
The technician took a screwdriver and turned the screw one-quarter turn to the right, and the machine suddenly came back to life as if nothing was wrong.
The manager hurried over to thank the technician, shook his hand, and asked what he owed him for saving his company.
The technician answered, "$100,000.00".
The manager looked at him and said, "You were here less than two minutes and just turned one screw. How can you charge so much? Give me an itemised bill."
The technician calmly wrote out on a piece of paper:
-Turning of one screw: $1.00.
-Knowing which screw to turn: $99,999.00.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man goes into Victoria's Secret and tells the sales-person behind the counter he needs a present for his wife. "See," explains the man, "It is my fiftieth wedding anniversary and I would like to get something pretty to surprise the little lady, if you know what I mean." When he gets home, his wife asks with a scowl on her face, "Where have you been?" "Surprise," says the old man and hands her a s**... tiny teddy. The wife rips it from his hand and takes it to the bathroom to try it on. She struggles to make it fit, but it is two sizes too small. She take a long time in the bathroom and hopes her husband will lose interest and fall asleep because it is getting late into the evening. Finally she emerges from the bathroom with all the lights out. She is completely n**... and pretends to model it in front of him. Her husband, still sitting up, squinting to try and see finally says, "For as much money I spent on it, they could of at least ironed out the wrinkles."
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approaches the pastor with an unusual offer.
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor, and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."
He passes the minister a $100 bill and walks away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulps, looks around, and says in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leans toward the pastor and hisses, "I thought we had a deal."
The pastor puts a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispers, "She made me a better offer."