Timm Jokes
66 timm jokes and hilarious timm puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about timm that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Timm Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good timm joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
How did Timmy dodge the oncoming car?
He didn't
So Little Timmy is Playing with His Legos...
...when all of a sudden his mother comes up to him. She tells him "Timmy, when your father comes home can you tell him to come to our room? Tell him it's very very important". Timmy agrees and continues to play with his legos. A couple of hours later the father comes home and Timmy runs to him and says "Daddy! Mommy says she needs you go to your bedroom, she said it's very very important!". The father starts heading to the bedroom, but Timmy begins to get curious. He secretly follows his dad and waits for him to close the door. He peeks through the keyhole and sees his mom rip off all of her clothes. Standing there n**..., she tells the father very bluntly "John. I want a baby". 9 months later, Timmy receives a new baby sister. A couple days at home pass and Timmy goes up to his mom. He tells her "Mommy, when daddy comes home can you tell him to come to my room? It's super important!". A couple hours pass and the father comes home and greets his wife and newborn. She then tells him "John, Timmy wants you to go to his room, he said it was important". The father heads to Timmy's room, and after walking in Timmy begins to rip off all of his clothes. Standing in front of his father n**..., Timmy says very bluntly "Daddy. I want a bike".
Little Timmy and his father are walking in the park
Little Timmy and his father are walking in the park. Timmy sees two dogs h**..., and says, "Dad, what are they doing?" His father looks and says, "Oh, they're making a puppy."
Later that night, Timmy walks into his parents' room and sees mom and dad going at it, and says "Dad, what are you doing??" His Dad says, "Oh, we're making you a baby brother." Timmy says, "Well flip her over, I'd rather have a puppy"
Where was Timmy when the bomb fell?
Everywhere.
Little Timmy
Grandpa watched Timmy pull a worm out of the ground and told him that if he could put it back in he would give him 10 bucks. Timmy left for a bit and said "Ok Grandpa, watch this". Timmy then pushed the worm right back down the hole it came out from. Grandpa got out the 10 bucks and gave it to Timmy. Timmy said "Grandpa, I cant keep this because I cheated. I sprayed the worm with hair spray. That's why I was able to do that." Grandpa said "No, you keep it." The next morning at breakfast Grandpa walked to Timmy and gave him another 10 bucks. Timmy said "No Grandpa. You already paid me." Grandpa replied "That money was from Grandma."
Little Timmy walks in on his parents having s**...
He sees his mom bouncing up and down on his dad. "Mommy, what are you and daddy doing?" The parents, obvioulsy very embarassed, are trying hard to make up a harmless explanation. "Uhm... I'm a... I'm sitting on daddys tummy to make all the air go out of it... because he's a bit fat..." stutters his mother.
"There's no use in that, mom. The maid always blows the air back in when you're not there"
Oh, Timmy.
Timmy walks in on his mom and dad having s**... on the couch.
"Timmy! What are you doing up?" the mom says.
"I heard a noise. What are you and daddy doing?"
The dad, trying to think of something says, "We're..uhhh..baking a cake, Timmy. Now go back to sleep, son."
A few days later at the dinner table, Timmy asks his dad, "Daddy, were you and mommy baking a cake on the couch again last night?"
"Well, um...yes actually Timmy. Did you hear us again?"
"No, but I ate some of the icing that you dropped on the couch."
Little Timmy walks up to his dad and asks,
"Dad, whats the difference between Theory and Reality?", The father replies "Well, go ask your mom if she would screw tom cruise for a million dollars". Timmy runs off, finds mother and gets the answer and comes back. "Yup she would". The Father sighs and says "Alright, go ask your older sister if she would bang Justin Beiber for a million dollars". Timmy runs off, finds his sister and gets the answer and returns "Yup she would"
The father sighs and looks at little timmy. "Well, in theory we are millionaires but in reality we live with a bunch of w**..."
Why did Timmy fall off his bike?
Because Bill threw a mattress at him.
If Timmy has 28 Peices of bacon and he eats 16 what does Timmy have?
Happiness. Timmy has happiness.
Did Timmy enjoy his first fried eggs?
No, because he sat n**... on a steel poll in 113 degrees
Why did Timmy do his math homework at the gym?
He wanted to *work them out*!
What did Timmy get for Christmas?
Cancer
Where did Timmy go when the bombs fell?
Everywhere.
Why did little timmy fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a canoe at him !
Timmy and Billy compare Christmas presents...
Two 9 year old boys, Timmy and Billy, met after Christmas. Billy asked, "How was your Christmas, Timmy? Did you get any nice presents?"
Timmy's eyes opened wide. "It was amazing!" he said. "I got an Xbox One with all of the games, PLUS a Playstation, a brand new remote control car, a helicopter, an iPad, an iPhone 6, a drone camera, and all the Transformers toys, and a whole bunch of candy and chocolates, a big cake, and a new bike! I got everything I asked for and more."
"Oh my God!" Billy said. "That's so cool. You're so lucky. I didn't get much. I got a new sweater and some puzzles."
"That's too bad," Timmy said. "How come that's all you got?"
Billy looked at his feet. "Because *I* don't have cancer."
Why did Timmy fall off the swing?
Because he got hit in the head with an axe.
Little Timmy was playing in the garden
Little Timmy was playing in the garden, and squashed a honey bee. His dad saw, and was so angry that he said 'No honey for a month!' Then he saw Little Timmy swat a butterfly, and he said 'No butter for a month, and you have to come inside now!' Meanwhile, his mum was cooking dinner. A cockroach ran across the kitchen, and she panicked and crushed it under her foot just as Little Timmy and his dad walked in. Little Timmy looked at his dad and said 'Do you want to tell her, or shall I?'
Little Timmy lived in Flint
But little Timmy is no more
For what he thought was H2O
Was PbSO4
Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas.
Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents.
Why does little Timmy keep throwing up gang signs?
Because he ate too much of them.
Why did Timmy have to take CS:1000: Intro to C++ again?
He got a D--, aka an F#.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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