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Timing Jokes

66 timing jokes and hilarious timing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about timing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article explores the art of timing jokes, as used by comedians and drummers alike. Learn how to master the use of a stopwatch, timepiece, or even an anaesthetist to hone your comedic timing. Discover the advantages of mastering this crucial skill, and how to use your own abilities to help find the best humour for any audience.

Funniest Timing Short Jokes

Short timing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The timing humour may include short timer jokes also.

  1. If i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on. I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
  2. Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice... Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
    Because elephants never forget
  3. Everyone knows Alan Turing who cracked Enigma codes. But nobody knows his sister Kay, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.
  4. As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time" I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?
  5. Wife was breastfeeding Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
    Me: yeah he is really milking it
  6. My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
  7. Harry Potter has way too many characters... Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
  8. Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market
  9. I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa. Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
  10. A fortune teller told me that, in 12 years time, I'd suffer terrible heartbreak. So, to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy.

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Timing One Liners

Which timing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with timing? I can suggest the ones about daytime and moment.

  1. What is the most expensive video-streaming service at this time? College
  2. I can count on one hand how many times I have been to Chernobyl. It's 14.
  3. 6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down
  4. Today is the last time I will see my 80 year old grandpa Because tomorrow he turns 81!
  5. If I had a dollar for every time I had an existential crisis Would it even matter?
  6. I tell dad jokes all the time even though I'm not actually a dad I'm a faux pa.
  7. What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA? Banned from of Seaworld
  8. You've heard of alphabet soup. Now get ready for Times new ramen
  9. TIL humans eat more banana than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
  10. Reposting this one because it didn't get enough upvotes last time. 1
  11. Why do only 2 Mexicans cross the border at a time? Because the sign says no trespassing.
  12. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is all the time? A widow.
  13. Why did Eminem kneel at the half time show? His knees were weak, and arms were heavy.
  14. I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand It's seven
  15. Made love to my wife for an hour and four minutes tonight Thanks, Daylight Savings Time!

Drummer Timing Jokes

Here is a list of funny drummer timing jokes and even better drummer timing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Drummers always have such lame jokes... I've heard them all like a Zildjian times.
  • I once met a drummer who's timing was so bad, he began to get depressed... Eventually, he threw himself behind a train.
  • Did you hear about the time the bassist locked his keys in his car? It took like two hours to get the drummer out.
  • My drummer couldn't keep time So I fired him.
    He got so depressed he tried to throw himself behind a train.
  • There was once a drummer who combusted every time he hit a cymbal. He crashed and burned.
  • How does Rick Allen (Def Leppard drummer) count in a 4 beat? *opens mouth, taps cheeks 4 times*
  • What member of a band always wears a watch The drummer because he keeps time
  • What's the difference between a drummer and a toilet seat? A toilet seat only has to put up with one a**... at a time.
  • What's your favorite drink to have during Christmas time? Mine is the Little Drummer Boy. It's 1 part r**..., 3 parts pum.

Comedic Timing Jokes

Here is a list of funny comedic timing jokes and even better comedic timing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • You're about to deliver a great punchline to a blues-rock legend, but you pause for comedic timing. Tom Waits.
  • Comedic Timing. Your mom.
  • I'm working on my comedic timing... I don't know when I'll be funny, but I sure hope it's soon!
  • I like my comedic timing like my pizza delivery With pepperoni.
Timing joke, I like my comedic timing like my pizza delivery

Timing joke, I like my comedic timing like my pizza delivery

Hilarious Fun Timing Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about timing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean clock jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make timing pranks.

What was the name of the time traveler with good timing?

Justin Time.

Secret To Comedy

Guy 1: Hey! Ask me "What is is the secret to comedy?"
Guy 2: Okay ... What is the sec-
Guy 1: TIMING!!!
sorry if it s**...

Comedy is all about timing, timing, and

what makes Polish comedians so funny?

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TIMING!

Did you ever hear about the Bass player whose timing was so bad he threw himself behind a train?

My doctor said he needed a stool sample from me.

The timing was perfect. I was about to go to Ikea anyway

Four engineers riding in a car -

it stalls. Mechanical engineer suggests a timing problem. Electrical engineer says bad spark. Chemical engineer offers poor fuel mixture. The computer engineer has no idea but "If we get out the car and get back in it may start

Dark humor is like a t**... attack...

the timing needs to be just right.

Did you know that timing is the secret to great comedy?

Like a head phone jack is the secret to a great phone.

My wife said she's breaking up with me, because of my obsession with rhyming,

I nearly choked on my tea, what terrible timing!

What's the most important part of a joke?

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... timing.

My grandma and I were face timing with a bad connection

So she says, "hold on, let me open the door to let some WiFi's in."
True stories can be jokes too..

What do you call a gay midget with great timing?

A Metro-Gnome

I bought a Rolex before trying & failing at stand up comedy.

Apparently you need more than impeccable timing.

What is the most important part of comedy? The Timing.

... Oops

I'm going through a timing phase

I have no idea how long it'll last

How many pianists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10... 1 to do it, and 9 to complain about their technique, timing, structure or the socket, and choice of bulb.

I have this great joke about a watchmaker

I wish I could tell it better but my timing is off.

timing

what's the most important thing in comedy?

The last four presidents of the USA each ran one mile.

Trump made a time of 11:56
Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31
Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03
But Bush did 9:11

What do you call a very short person that assists you in your timing?

A metrognome

I used to be a comedian. Ask me why i quit.

Buddy: "Why did you-"
Me: "Timing."
Buddy: "quit?"

What is the difference between a good joke and a bad joke?

Timing

What's the difference between a t**... and a joke?

The timing.

Engines are like jokes.

They only work if the timing is right.

There once was a double bass player who always had problems with timing. Over time it got him so desperate and frustrated that he...

...threw himself behind a train

A man is driving down a country road...

... and his car suddenly breaks down. He pulls over and starts to look under the hood when he hears a voice from behind.
"Looks like your timing chain broke"
He turns around and is surprised to see a horse standing there and nobody else around.
The man runs away scared and reaches a farm house about a mile down.
A farmer comes to the door and the man tells him what just happened. He tells him that horse spoke and told him the timing chain broke.
"What?" The farmer asks "wait, was it a brown horse with a white spot on his face?"
"Yes! That's the one!" The man replies.
Farmer: "oh don't listen to him, he doesn't know anything about cars"

What's the most important part about telling a joke the timing.

It really is.

What's the secret to comedy? Timing.

I was shipping comedians across the countr but it took to long

They said it was bad timing but great delivery

I wanted to make a Suez Canal joke but I couldn't get the timing right.

That ship had sailed long ago.

Our bands bassist was always coming in late

He just couldn't get the timing right, so we kicked him out of the band. He got so depressed, he threw himself behind a bus.

What did the clock say to the metronome after his stand-up routine?

The jokes need some work, but your timing is impeccable

What's the difference?

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.

Timing joke, What's the difference?

jokes about timing