Time Flies Jokes
102 time flies jokes and hilarious time flies puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about time flies that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Time Flies Short Jokes
Short time flies jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The time flies humour may include short time pass jokes also.
- JUST ANNOUNCED: Disney in talks of a Star Wars - Back to the Future crossover where Marty flies so far back in time (long, long ago) that he fuses with his car He becomes the ManDeLorean
- They say "Time flies when you're having fun"... I don't get it man, what's the best way to time a fly?
- The first time Chewbacca tried to fly a ship, he pulled gear lever instead of break lever. A Wookie mistake.
- How was it like, flying for the first time? "I think I did quite well. Everybody in the room was clapping", the second mosquito said.
- What punch line is sure to get upvotes no matter how many times it gets posted? "I don't know I just fly the drone"
- I'm so mad! I found out my grandfather clock is full of bugs. I guess it's like they say, time flies.
- What's the difference between fruit flies and time? Fruit flies like bananas, but time flies like the wind.
- Time flies when your having fun. Unless, of course, you're a frog. In that case, a fun time is when you're having flies.
- You know how this time of year birds fly south in those V shapes, but one side of V is longer than the other? Know why that is? More birds
- If you're in a good mood, see how long it takes for a fly to get from one end of a room to the other. Time flies when you're having fun.
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Time Flies One Liners
Which time flies one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with time flies? I can suggest the ones about time travel and tick tock.
- Time flies when you're having fun, Measure spiders when you're not .
- Time flies like an arrow, and fruit flies like a banana.
- What do frogs say? Times fun when you're having flies
- My teacher once told me, "Time flies." I replied, "You can't, they're too fast."
- I love using my wall clock as a frisbee... Time really flies by.
- They have clocks on airplanes now How time flies...
- How do you make time fly? Throw a clock
- Time flies when you're throwing clocks
- "Time flies by...", said the farmer. And he threw his watch out the window.
- The fly was almost named the land because that's what it does half the time
- If I had a penny for every time someone said I had poor concentration Can penguins fly?
- Time really flies by. We're so close to 2020... ... that I can see it clearly.
- Lost my Rolex during a roller coaster ride Time flies when you're having fun
- It's been 17 years since 9/11 happened Oh, how the time flies...
- Why'd the youngster defenestrate the chronograph? He wanted to see time fly.
Time Flies Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about time flies you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean time clock jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make time flies pranks.
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China.
After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.
"Oh no I dont, Ive been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa.
When I told him this he said, "Look, Ive been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I've invested precious time and energy in a relationship, and I've been honest and open, hanging and coping, true blue, a good screw, to some fly guy who's out constantly getting high, then I'm dumped s**... is not one of my thoughts.
I'm thinking maybe h**....
"Mommy! Do Angels fly?"
"Yes, they do my love!"
"Then, when will our nanny fly? Dad calls her 'My Angel' all the time!"
"Tomorrow, my child, she'll fly as far as she goes..."
A passenger piled his luggage on the scale at an airline counter in New York and said to the ticket agent:
"I'm flying to Los Angeles. I want the large bag sent to Denver and the two small ones to Cincinnati."
"I'm sorry sir, but we can't do that," said the ticket agent.
"That's good to hear because that's where they ended up the last time I flew this route."
You're 10 times more likely to die when your girlfriend says, "I'm fine" than when you are flying on an airplane.
In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."
Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......
.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.
A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.
Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.
Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.
The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"
"No, I'm not," says the man.
"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"
"I'm tonight's DD."
"Designated Driver?"
"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."
The state trooper is driving down the highway when...
he sees a truck driver pull over, walk to the side of his truck with a tire jack, bang on the side of the truck several times, and then drive away. Two miles down the road he does the same thing. Another two miles, same thing. The trooper pulls the truck over and asks the truck driver to explain and the driver says "The load limit is ten tons, and I'm carrying fifteen tons of parakeets, so I've got to keep some of them flying around."
A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor
A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"
God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"
A cut above the rest
Once upon a time a powerful emperor of the rising sun advertised for a new chief samurai. Three men applied, A Japanese samurai, A Chinese swordsman And a Jewish samurai. The three met with the emperor to see who would get the job. "Japanese Samurai Show me your skill", the Japanese samurai stepped forward and released a fly from a box and the Japanese samurai cut the fly in two. "very impressive" said the emperor. "Chinese Swordsman Show me your stuff", the Chinese man stepped forth and released a fly from its box and with two swings of his swords cut the fly neatly into Quarters. "A marvelous feat" the Chinese swordsman was pleased. "How are you going to top that Jewish samurai?" The Jewish Samurai stepped forth and released his fly from a box, and with a mighty blow swepped his sword through the air and the fly continued to fly about. "what kind of skill is that? the fly isn't dead" the emperor laughed. "dead is easy" the Jewish samurai replied "Circumcision... now that takes skill".
A man stumbles across an old lamp.....
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel!! No, think of another wish."
The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing," know how to make them truly happy."
The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kanye & Kim were discussing their decision to name their child North West
They agreed that next time they would fly with v**...
Southwest
A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ole and Sven are flying a plane over northern Minnesota
Ole is the pilot, and they are approaching their destination. Sven looks out the window and sees the runway in the distance. He notices the runway looks rather short and says, "Y'know, Ole, dat looks like a really short runway."
Ole replies, "Oh, don't worry. Dis is a small plane after all. Dere's plenty of space for us to land."
As they get closer, Sven sees that the runway is indeed very short, and he says, "Ole, I don't know bout dis, it looks like dat runway is too short."
Ole says, "Ok, I'll press da brakes as hard as I can when we come down, how bout dat?"
But Sven isn't reassured very much. At this point, he can see that the runway is almost certainly too short for them to land. He says, "Ole! Dis runway is way too short. we're gonna c**...!"
Ole says, "Oh shut up. I'll just put de plane in reverse as soon as we land, that'll do it."
So, the plane touches down, and despite Ole's best efforts, they do go off the runway and into the fence. The plane flips over a few times and is heavily damaged, but luckily both Ole and Sven are relatively unharmed. The two climb out of the wreckage, and Sven says, "You see, I was right! Dis runway was too short!"
Ole looks up and down the runway, and then he says, "Aye, it was really short. But look at how *wide* it is!"
[Best joke I've heard recently] A man walks into a doctors office,...
...unzips his fly and places his considerable member on the doctors table.
Unfazed, the doctor puts on his gloves and gives the man's member a routine medical examination. After some time, the doctor, puzzled says
"I... I can't seem to find anything wrong with this...?"
To which the man replies with his hands on his hips "
No, magnificent isn't it?"
Interview with WW2 RAF veteran
I(nterviewer): Welcome to the Show, we're here to interview WW2 RAF veteran Johnson about his experience. Tell me, was flying for the RAF difficult?
J(ohnson): Most certainly. I can remember this time I did a reconnaissance and suddenly there's a German fokker behind me, one fokker in front of me and two fokkers to my right!
I: For our viewers who don't know, Fokker was a Dutch aircraft manufacturer which the Germans confiscated.
J: That might be, but those fokkers where flying Heinkels!
Go fly a kite
A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. However, every time the kite gets up into the air, it comes crashing back down.
This goes on for awhile before his wife yells from the front door, "you need more tail!"
The father turns to his son and says, "I'll never understand your mother. Yesterday, I told her I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Time flies in Italy....
...Everywhere you look, another d**...'s by.....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just can't understand women
A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down.
After this goes on for a while, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells, "You need more tail."
The guy turns to his son and says, "Son, I never will understand women. I just told her an hour ago I needed more tail, and she said to go fly a kite!"
3 bad dad jokes
I use these back to back to back all the time.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
FSHHHHHHHH
Stewardess
Yes, Sir?
I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.
Captain, shut up and land the plane.
An officer stops a speeding automobile on the highway which was driving two times the speed limit.
The driver steps out full of remorse.
"Sorry officer, was I driving too fast?"
"Nah, you were flying too low"
You see that wall?
A group of vampire bats are hanging out in a cave. All the food in the area is gone and they are the brink of starving to death. One of the bats decides leave to look for food out of desperation. He comes back 30 minutes later and has blood on his face. The other bats are very curious and ask him repeatedly where he got the blood from. Each time, he tries to ignore them and says he doesn't want to talk about it. After 30 minutes of questioning, he breaks down and tells the others to follow him. He flies them to a huge mountainous wall 15 minutes away, and stops. He looks at the others and says,
'You see that wall?'
And they all exciteldy repeat, 'Yea yea, we see it!'
He says again, 'Do you really see that wall?'
They all say again in anticipation, 'Yea yea we see it!'
'Well I didn't!'
My friend told me he was flying on a plane for the first time.
I told him to have a blast.
My old physics professor: Times flies when you're having fun,
Or as frogs say, times fun when you're having flies...
That was a long semester
You know the fly was really close to being called a land...
Because that's what it does half the time.
RIP Mitch Hedberg
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two bats...
were in a cave thirsty for blood. One bat looks to the other and says, "I'm going to look for blood, stay here I'll be back".
He flies out of the cave and returns after a long time with blood dripping out of his mouth.
Excited, the other bat asks him "Where did you find so much blood??".
The other bat says, "you go out of this cave and turn left".
"Yes", replied the other bat, excitedly.
"Then you see a tree"
"Yeah"
"Well, I didn't".
Faithfull
After having died, a couple souls flied to the heaven gate, St.Pierre opened the door and informed that for one time of unfaithfulness to each other in their life they will be prod by a needle.
After being prod 5 times, the wife turned to ST.Poerre and asked:
Where is my husband?
He is lying on the sewing-machine table St.Pierre replied.
Why do birds fly to the tropics in winter?
Why, wouldn't the winter be over by the time they reach, if they walk all the way along? So they fly.
Today I heard about a specific set of insects that appreciate a good directional indicator.
Apparently, time flies like an arrow.
Also, fruit flies like a banana.
Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school?
A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.
A lot of you probably heard this before. I heard it for the first time and felt like sharing
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't know about you, but I'm terrified of flying at the best of times
You never know how durable the c**... really is.
(Jimmy Carr: Funny Business)
For the longest time I was dating peter pan but I left him for a priest...
one could say that I went from the flying pan straight to the friar.
Am I the only one who had a good experience flying United? They made sure I was right on time...
...for my doctor's appointment.
In recent news, a woman flying with Turkish Airlines gave birth to a baby girl midflight.
In keeping with the times, the baby girl was promptly dragged off the plane by security.
When I heard about 9-11...
Considering I was living in New York at the time, as it was happening it occurred to me how easily that it could have been me involved
But then I realised I had no idea how to fly a plane
What's the difference between an honest politician and a flying pig?
There actually was a time when swine flu.
A patient tells his doctor he thinks he contracted Swine Flu and Avian Flu at the same time.
The doctor tells him "I'll believe that when pigs fly."
A Bee on a Fly
(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that'd be very cool
A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, hey, are you a bee?
In which the bee replies, I might bee.
The fly then says, dude, that's the worst pun I have ever heard.
The bee responds, I know man, I made it up on the fly.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Does time fly when you're having s**.......
.....or was it really just one minute?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Translated Chinese joke
Good news: Today is the little Johnny's first time flying!
Bad news: The engine caught fire as soon as he took off
Good news: He took a parachute with him so he could bail out
Bad news: The parachute failed midair
Good news: He saw a huge stack of hay right beneath him
Bad news: The top of the haystack is smeared with s**...t
Good news: He didn't land on the s**...t
Bad news: He didn't land on the haystack either
My wife and I love curling up in a fuzzy blanket and nuzzling up with our cat this time of year, when the air is cold and dry...
Really makes the sparks fly!
There is a plane of children along with a priest, a rabbi, and a rapper is flying to New York
Suddenly, the engine catches fire. The rabbi says, "We must save the children." The rapper yells back, "Screw the children!" The Priest responds, "Do you think we have enough time?"
This one time my fly was down.
So I told it not to worry, that everything would get better and then it buzzed away happily.
What's the common point between an alpinist and a drug addict?
If they trip badly, they fly for a short time, then they brutally die.
A German man went to London
While there, he decided to take in the atmosphere of the Great British Pub, and got talking with one of the patrons.
So, where in Germany are you from? he asked, after a couple of beers.
Dresden, the German man replied.
Ah, Dresden! My father used to fly there three times a week.
On business?
No, in a Lancaster bomber.
I was enjoying myself at a party when I noticed a few flies wearing wrist watches
Time flies when you're having fun
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A drunk guy walks out of a bar..
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling
Back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,
"Can I help you Sir?"
"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies.
The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging Out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his c**... and without Missing a beat, blurts out....
"F*c**... Me! My girlfriend's gone, too!!"
Once upon a time, a frog told a princess that if she kissed him he'd become a handsome prince.
Turns out, he was just full of flies.
Have you heard of the rare oomigoolie bird?
Shortly after it learns to fly, it sheds its legs.
This means that every time it lands you hear the distinctive call of "Ooh me goolies!"
My wife had to cook to the first time the other day.
The food smells so bad, that all the flies in the neighborhood pitched in and bought us a screen door so they couldn't get back in.
A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.
1. Open your fly.
2. Take out your equipment.
3. Pull back the skin.
4. Do your business.
5. Let the skin forward.
6. Stow your equipment.
7. Close your fly."
She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the bathroom door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7."
She was pleased with his progress until that day when she passed the bathroom door and heard, "3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5."
Two men and a woman flying on a plane...
Suddenly both engines stop, plane starts to go down. Guy#1 takes the only parachute and is going to jump out of the plane. But guy#2 says Hey, there's a lady for Christ's sake! Guy#1 looks at his wristwatch and says... Do you think we have time for this?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was about 9 years old, my mom forced me to go with her to the f**... of a friend of hers that I didn't know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the f**... to end. Then a man approached me and said:
"Enjoy life, boy. Be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy mine."
He patted my head and left.
Before leaving, my Mom forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was startled to see the man who was talking to me in the corner was the same one in the coffin.
For several years, I was not able to sleep properly because of nightmares.
Years later, I discovered that the dead man had a twin brother.....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is planning on taking a vacation but is afraid of flying
He is afraid of someone b**... the plane, so he asks a statistician what the odds are of a bomb being on a plane. He says the odds are one in a million and he shouldn't worry about it.
He asks what the odds of 2 bombs being on the same plane are, and the statistician says the odds are so low it will probably never happen to anyone in the mans lifetime.
A month later they run into each other and the statistician asks if the man ever took his vacation. He says yes. The statistician asks how he got over his fear of flying and the mans says, it was easy. Every time I board a plane, I bring a bomb with me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was taking a leak and used my stream to kill a fly
Better be the last time I see one of those b**... on my rommate's toothbrush
Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.
"Why"? Putin asks
" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep, - I woke you up at 4AM in the morning, but I thought it was only evening, - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday, - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor, remember when that Polish plane crashed with the president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet !!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The teacher was asking her students what they wanted to be when they grow up.
When it came to Johnny he said, I want to be a billionaire and go to expensive clubs. I'll get me a b**..., and buy her a million-dollar apartment in Vegas, a Ferrari, a beach house in Miami, a jet to fly with, expensive jewelry and have s**... with her 3 times a day.
The teacher was lost for words and didn't know what to do, so she just proceeded along and asked Marie what she wanted to be.
Marie replied: "I'd like to be Johnny's b**...!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated.
Their lovers happened to be at the f**... home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."
The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a p**... of chili, so he can tear my a**... up just one more time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dave knows everyone joke
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”
“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
“Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”
Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.
“President Obama,” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington,” and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a beer first and catch up.”
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
“Pope Francis,” his boss replies.
“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”
His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who the f**... is that on the balcony with Dave?’
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey Jeff Bezos, next time, can you fly that p**...-looking rocket...
up Uranus?
Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.
" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor stuff, remember when that Polish plane crashed with their president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet!!"