The Best 79 Til Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Til jokes. There are some til 7pm jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these til 9pm puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Til Jokes and Puns

TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

Because they are more likely to be dead

TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...


On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...

TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed.

It's called gluten tag.

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...

FP

TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.

I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.


Bumblebees can fly higher than mount Everest

Kinda obvious. Considering mount Everest can't fly

TIL humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught.

It's called the Tour de France.

TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32.

It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

TIL in 1974 Russians accidentally blew up their own submarine, thinking it was an enemy

Oops, wrong sub

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

You can explore til cognitive reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean til destroyers dad jokes. There are also til puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."

Now we wait.

TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation

Now it looks like the French landed on the moon

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag.

Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

TIL that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia...

otherwise it would have been called the teethbrush.

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

TIL why scuba divers fall backwards into the water

Because if they fall forward, they would land in the boat.

TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand.

Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays


TIL that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it's raining in Sweden.

Who the fuck's going to let me know when it's raining in Sweden?

TIL that Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one.

He's never gonna give you Up

TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun.

Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.

TIL it's possible to jump without a parachute from the top of the Grand Canyon all the way to the bottom.

But not twice.

TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday...

and my mom gives awful birthday gifts.

Today i learned

TIL that dyslexia is the same forward and backwards

TIL if Steve Irwin had worn sunscreen that fateful day, he would have survived.

Apparently it protects against harmful rays.

TIL that diarrhea is hereditary.

It runs in the jeans.

TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world.

While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.

TIL that after starring in 21 Kevin Spacey tried to play Blackjack professionally and lost all of his money.

Kept hitting on 17.

TIL: The Norwegian Navy have started to put barcodes on their ships.

So they can Scan da navy in

TIL that children that don't get vaccines are actually less likely to be autistic

Cause they're more likely to be dead.

TIL that black eyes are hereditary

You get them from your father if you drink his last beer.

TIL cow tipping is an urban myth.

Apparently, the farmers just pay them a competitive wage.

TIL The U.S is #18 in Mathematics worldwide.

At least we're in the top 10.

TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".

I guess you can call it a typo.

TIL: Ropes can pass through themselves

Ohh wait they can knot.

TIL lions perform oral sex on each other.

Talk about swallowing your pride.

In honor of 3/14... TIL the man who discovered Pi had his wife, Edith, leave him over his obsession with math.

Which just goes to show you, you can't have your Pi and Edith too.

TIL that at age 13 Jewish girls have a Bat Mitzvah and at age 15 Latina girls have a...

Baby shower.

TIL that in 1940 a German U-Boat captain found himself aboard a British vessel.

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIL the movie Starship Troopers was never adapted into a successful video game because...

...bugs.

TIL chimneys can be used as conjunctions

They may introduce a clause

TIL that 9/10 Doctors agree , drinking water is good for children

The tenth doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.

TIL back in the day there were only 25 letters in the alphabet.

Nobody knew y.

TIL sperm donors are paid $50 per donation.

It was devastating. Imagine all the money that has slipped through my fingers.

TIL You can watch the sun through a telescope without any filters.

Only twice though...

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon

They'll think it was France

God said to Gabriel:

"I've finally finished my masterpiece. Beautiful mountains, spectacular lochs, and whisky - the most amazing drink in my creation. I shall call this land 'Scotland'"

"That sounds fantastic" Gabriel said. "What have the people of this land done to deserve all this?"

"Well" said God. "Wait til you see the neighbours they're getting"

Told to me by a six year old.

Why was the snow yellow?

Because Elsa let it go!


I am a waiter and I have regular family every week on Monday. I exchange jokes with the youngest boy and he always wins free dessert. This week however he won a free meal for the whole family. I laughed til I made yellow snow

Edit. Did not know it was my cake day! I think this is my first joke post. Just wanted to share.

TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich.

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIL the term "cannibal" is offensive.

They prefer to be called "humanitarians."

TIL: Due to the placebo effect, if you tilt your head back, close your eyes, and pretend as if you're shaking a salt-shaker into your mouth, your brain will cause you to actually taste salt

TIL "Sugar" is the only "su"-word in the english language that makes the "sh"-sound!

(I haven't actually fact-checked this one, but I'm pretty sure it's correct)

TIL Hours before Edison died , he came out of coma , opened his eyes and said "It is very beautiful over there"

Well tesla said it first anyways.

TIL there's a city named after a waffle dropped on the beach

San Diego

TIL Dr Dre adopted a child from Mexico

The child calls him his "PaDre"

TIL

Abortion doctors are also called spawn campers

TIL that the radiation of the sun has caused the American Flag on the moon to be completely white

So now it looks like France visited first

TIL the excuse the US Marine used in May 1943 after accidentally friendly fire'ing a British U-boat.

Woops, wrong sub.

TIL that during WWII 3 U.S. submarines sank due to friendly fire.

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIL if someone steals uranium, it becomes...

...theiranium.

TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's.

Apparently they opposed integration.

TIL

There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.



But how did they get this name?..



Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...



Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...



''Where the Fakawi?''

TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIL that it's not politically correct to say someone is gay...

The preferred term is "Navy enlisted personnel."

TIL that 1/100 people have undiagnosed dyslexia

Whoops, wrong bus.

TIL that Nikola Tesla threw the bomb that killed Archduke Franz Ferdinand, sparking WWI...

Whoops, wrong Serb.

Girlfriend said last night "You treat our relationship like some kind of game!"

Which unfortunately cost her 12 points,a bonus chance and she has to wear the hat that looks like a colander til she rolls a double 6.

TIL: Chuck Norris died earlier this month

But the Grim Reaper hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.

TIL the tooth brush was invented in Kentucky...

Anywhere else and it would be called a teeth brush.

What's the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits til you hit puberty to come all over your face.

TIL that the U.S. almost declared war against Russia by thinking that an allied underwater warship on their radar belonged to Russia...

Oops...wrong sub

TIL DNA was supposed to be a line

But things spiraled of control

TIL there was a dinosaur that had three butts.

It was from the Triassic period.

TIL that Sir Paul McCartney once turned down nearly $64 million to appear on an American talk show because he wanted to stay home and watch his favorite sport on TV.

It was *Ellen* or rugby.

TIL that the Hindi word for "penny" is derived from the word for bread, as in the ancient Indus valley, small and dense pieces of bread were used as currency

Sounds like a bunch of naan-cents to me

TIL babies cry in accents

I also learned that going around making foreign babies cry is apparently looked down upon

light travels faster than sound

thats why some people appear bright til you hear them speak.

TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown.

It was a coup-stick.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the til 5pm jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working til 5am piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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