Til Jokes
122 til jokes and hilarious til puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about til that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Til Short Jokes
Short til jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The til humour may include short midnight jokes also.
- TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed. It's called gluten tag.
- TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound. At least, I'm pretty sure...
FP - TIL Albert Einstein was a real person. I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.
- Bumblebees can fly higher than mount Everest Kinda obvious. Considering mount Everest can't fly
- TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught. It's called the Tour de France.
- TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32. It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
- TIL in 1974 Russians accidentally blew up their own submarine, thinking it was an enemy Oops, wrong sub
- TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer." Now we wait.
- TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation Now it looks like the French landed on the moon
- TIL that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia... otherwise it would have been called the teethbrush.
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Til One Liners
Which til one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with til? I can suggest the ones about morn and noon.
- TIL humans eat more banana than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- Today i learned TIL that dyslexia is the same forward and backwards
- TIL that diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in the jeans.
- TIL: rope can pass through themselves Ohh wait they can knot.
- TIL chimneys can be used as conjunctions They may introduce a clause
- TIL back in the day there were only 25 letters in the alphabet. Nobody knew y.
- TIL You can watch the sun through a telescope without any filters. Only twice though...
- TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich. Whoops, wrong sub.
- TIL the term "cannibal" is offensive. They prefer to be called "humanitarians."
- TIL a doctor who specializes in Adam's apples is a... guyneckologist
- TIL there's a city named after a waffle dropped on the beach San Diego
- TIL Dr Dre adopted a child from Mexico The child calls him his "PaDre"
- TIL Abortion doctors are also called spawn campers
- TIL that during WWII 3 U.S. submarines sank due to friendly fire. Whoops, wrong sub.
- TIL that 1/100 people have undiagnosed dyslexia Whoops, wrong bus.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Til Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about til you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean credit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make til pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL that a school of piranhas can s**... all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...
On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...
TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.
FINNISH HYMN!!!
TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.
TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.
Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.
TIL why scuba divers fall backwards into the water
Because if they fall forward, they would land in the boat.
TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand.
Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it's raining in Sweden.
Who the f**...'s going to let me know when it's raining in Sweden?
TIL that Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one.
He's never gonna give you Up
TIL it's possible to jump without a parachute from the top of the Grand Canyon all the way to the bottom.
But not twice.
TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday...
and my mom gives awful birthday gifts.
TIL if Steve Irwin had worn sunscreen that fateful day, he would have survived.
Apparently it protects against harmful rays.
TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world.
While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.
TIL that after starring in 21 Kevin Spacey tried to play Blackjack professionally and lost all of his money.
Kept hitting on 17.
TIL: The Norwegian Navy have started to put barcodes on their ships.
So they can Scan da navy in
TIL that Saudi Arabia has over 130 males for every 100 females in the country
It must be awesome to be a woman in Saudi Arabia!
TIL cow tipping is an urban myth.
Apparently, the farmers just pay them a competitive wage.
TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".
I guess you can call it a typo.
TIL that at age 13 Jewish girls have a Bat Mitzvah and at age 15 Latina girls have a...
Baby shower.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL lions perform o**... s**... on each other.
Talk about swallowing your pride.
In honor of 3/14... TIL the man who discovered Pi had his wife, Edith, leave him over his obsession with math.
Which just goes to show you, you can't have your Pi and Edith too.
TIL that in 1940 a German U-Boat captain found himself aboard a British vessel.
Whoops, wrong sub.
TIL the movie Starship Troopers was never adapted into a successful video game because...
...bugs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL s**... donors are paid $50 per donation.
It was devastating. Imagine all the money that has slipped through my fingers.
God said to Gabriel:
"I've finally finished my masterpiece. Beautiful mountains, spectacular lochs, and whisky - the most amazing drink in my creation. I shall call this land 'Scotland'"
"That sounds fantastic" Gabriel said. "What have the people of this land done to deserve all this?"
"Well" said God. "Wait til you see the neighbours they're getting"
Told to me by a six year old.
Why was the snow yellow?
Because Elsa let it go!
I am a waiter and I have regular family every week on Monday. I exchange jokes with the youngest boy and he always wins free dessert. This week however he won a free meal for the whole family. I laughed til I made yellow snow
Edit. Did not know it was my cake day! I think this is my first joke post. Just wanted to share.
TIL: Due to the placebo effect, if you tilt your head back, close your eyes, and pretend as if you're shaking a salt-shaker into your mouth, your brain will cause you to actually taste salt
TIL Hours before Edison died , he came out of coma , opened his eyes and said "It is very beautiful over there"
Well tesla said it first anyways.
TIL: The vasectomy procedure was pioneered by the Greek physician, Euclipides.
His original instructions were as follows: "Euclipides nuts."
TIL the excuse the US Marine used in May 1943 after accidentally friendly fire'ing a British U-boat.
Woops, wrong sub.
TIL the company Tampax donates their slightly defective tampons to women's prisons
No strings attached
TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's.
Apparently they opposed integration.
During prayer request I asked the preacher to pray for my hearing.
He decided to bring me up in front of the church anoint me with oil and have the elders lay hands and pray over me.
When they finished the Precher asked how's my hearing?
I said idk it isn't til next week.
TIL
There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.
But how did they get this name?..
Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...
Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...
''Where the Fakawi?''
TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.
Whoops, wrong sub.
TIL: Units of measurement like feet and inches were originally based on the current monarch's sizes
That's why they were called rulers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL that it's not politically correct to say someone is gay...
The preferred term is "Navy enlisted personnel."
TIL that Nikola Tesla threw the bomb that killed Archduke Franz Ferdinand, sparking WWI...
Whoops, wrong Serb.
Girlfriend said last night "You treat our relationship like some kind of game!"
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points,a bonus chance and she has to wear the hat that looks like a colander til she rolls a double 6.
TIL the tooth brush was invented in Kentucky...
Anywhere else and it would be called a teeth brush.
TIL that the U.S. almost declared war against Russia by thinking that an allied underwater warship on their radar belonged to Russia...
Oops...wrong sub
TIL that Sir Paul McCartney once turned down nearly $64 million to appear on an American talk show because he wanted to stay home and watch his favorite sport on TV.
It was *Ellen* or rugby.
TIL DNA was supposed to be a line
But things spiraled of control
TIL there was a dinosaur that had three butts.
It was from the Triassic period.
TIL that the Hindi word for "penny" is derived from the word for bread, as in the ancient Indus valley, small and dense pieces of bread were used as currency
Sounds like a bunch of naan-cents to me
TIL babies cry in accents
I also learned that going around making foreign babies cry is apparently looked down upon
TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown.
It was a coup-stick.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL: A fly will drink so much v**... it can hardly stand, but a bee will only take a little sip.
Just enough to get buzzed.
TIL that ALL mushrooms are edible...
Some only once though...
TIL there is a rooster that lays eggs.
The breed is Himalayan.
TIL that a class was taught by the wrong stand in teacher and the students knowingly went along with it.
Whoops, wrong sub.
inspired by frontpage's TIL about the guy fawkes mask: how many occupy protesters does it take to change a lightbulb?
none, occupy protesters can't change anything.
TIL in 1937 the Germans sank their own U-boat instead of the American USS Anders.
"Sorry, wrong sub"
TIL "saltpeter" is a casual term for potassium nitrate.
The more you KNO...
TIL that there's no living cats on Mars.
Must be true what they say about Curiosity.
TIL the Earth produces global electromagnetic resonance with the highest peak frequency of 33.8Hz, slightly lower than a C#1 note with a frequency of 34.65Hz.
I guess you can say the earth is flat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL Supreme Court judge kidnapped by cannibals in the Caribbean!
Justice was served.
TIL Santa Claus is European..
North Polish to be exact
