Tighten Jokes
22 tighten jokes and hilarious tighten puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tighten that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tighten Short Jokes
Short tighten jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tighten humour may include short tighter jokes also.
- My girlfriend told me to move out as i am no help around the house. So as i walked out i tightened the lids on all the jars in the kitchen.
- 10% of european babies are conceived on an IKEA bed. So, be sure to follow the instructions.
Put Peg A into Slot B, and then screw until the nuts tighten. - Just spent the last hour tightening every bottle top and jar in my house… That will teach my wife for saying she doesn't need me anymore…
- My SO is giving me the silent treatment, so I tightened all the lids of our jars. Now she'll have to talk to me.
- I forgot to check if my ketchup bottle's cap was tightened…spilled everywhere. Ah well, Heinz sight is 20/20.
- Oldie - -Communist China telegrams Soviet Russia Communist China:
WE ARE OUT OF FOOD. SEND GRAIN
Soviet reply:
WE ARE ALSO OUT OF FOOD. TIGHTEN YOUR BELTS
Communist China:
SEND BELTS - A number fight there was this 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 ganging on a 0, he tightened his belt and became an 8 and beat them all
- My friend told me the handle on my stir-fry pan needed to be tightened. Then he carried it home and fixed it. He didn't just talk the torque, he walked the wok.
- The sagging rope Wanted to Teach my loose rope how to tighten itself but even after repeated attempts, the sagging rope could not be Taut.
- What do you do then your woman is out of the kitchen? You go tighten the leash.
sorry gals..
What is the difference between women and batteries?
Batteries have a plus side..
I'm done..
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Tighten One Liners
Which tighten one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tighten? I can suggest the ones about loosen and fasten.
- What do you call a bra that tightens the more you try to take it off? A booby trap!
- What do call a rope that tightens itself? Self-taut.
- What happens if you tighten a Bolt too much? You bust a Nut
- Honey you have spanner eyes... Every time you look at me my nuts tighten.
- I have a robot that tightens screws and nuts I call it Turner.
- I tighten my belt and i'm broke I shoot heroine.
- How far can a black man run? Until the chain tightens
- The best gift for men who are single? v**... Tightening Cream
Comical Tighten Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about tighten you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tighter than jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tighten pranks.
Dad there is something my boyfriend told me, that I didn't understand. He said that "I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."
"Tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his d**..., I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking from his exhaust pipe."
A guy calls up his wife's doctor...
and asks "Is there any way you can tighten things up down there, cuz she's getting a little loose?"
The doctor says "Have you ever thought of using the other hole?"
The guy says "Are you crazy? I could get her pregnant!"
With the situation in Ukraine...
Putin is giving a speech to his people
- My people, due Wests sanctions we'll need to tighten our belts and work harder!
Voice from the crowd:
- We will work two shifts!
- Thank you, you must be real patriot of our country! And we'll have to give up western goods and production!
- We will work three shifts!
- Such patriotism for country! By the way what's your occupation?
- I work at morgue...
A group of soldiers on a first-aid course were tested by the instructor. He asked the recruits: 'If the sergeant major sustained a head injury during an exercise what would you do about it ?
One soldier said: 'I'd wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped.'
Three men were sentenced to death.
The day of their execution arrives, the first man was hanged but fortunately the rope loosens and he fells into the water below the platform. The same happens with the second man. It was now the turn of the third man, but before reaching to the pole he requests the person in charge, "You better tighten that rope of yours because I don't know how to swim."
Two men are walking in the woods when they see a bear
One man bends down to tighten the laces on his shoes.
The other man looks at him and says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear!"
The first guy, while tying his shoes, replies, "I don't need to outrun the bear. I just need to outrun you."
My mate reckons he can tighten nuts and bolts just by sitting on them.
Personally I think he torques out of his a**...…
Two Men are walking in the woods...
When they come upon a Grizzly Bear. The first man bends down quickly and begins to tighten shoelaces.
The second man says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!"
As the first man begins to stretch he replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."