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Tight Jokes

151 tight jokes and hilarious tight puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tight that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article is about jokes that are so tight, they will make your sides hurt from laughter.

Funniest Tight Short Jokes

Short tight jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tight humour may include short strict jokes also.

  1. Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing, I said to my wife. She said, Wear your own then.
  2. My wife told me to kiss her like if we were in a soap opera I hugged her tight, kissed her with passion and then slapped her because how dare she?!
  3. I told my wife her new underwear was too tight and much too revealing. She said to me Wear your own, then .
  4. Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? Because he was looking for a tight seal. ;)
  5. How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
    How do you restrain a trans person?
    Make the trans' vest tight.
  6. Husband: You should learn to embrace your mistakes. \*Wife gives him a tight hug immediately\*
  7. Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing. I said to my wife. She said, Wear your own then, you idiot.
  8. Why do accordions make great travel companions? They’re always ready to squeeze into tight spaces.
  9. Did you hear about the Football player that went to Prison? He went in as a tight end, but left a wide receiver.
  10. A husband says to his wife: "I hate to tell you this but your swimming costume is very tight and revealing."
    "Wear your own one then!"

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Tight One Liners

Which tight one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tight? I can suggest the ones about squeeze and slack.

  1. What end of the rope did Aaron Hernandez hang himself with? The tight end.
  2. How is a walrus like Tupperware? They're both looking for a tight seal.
  3. Why did The Walrus go to a Tupperware party? He wanted to find a tight seal.
  4. What do tight pants and a cheap hotel have in common? No ballroom.
  5. What do a walrus and a ziploc bag have in common? They both like a tight seal.
  6. What did the 0 say to the 8? Why is your belt so tight?
  7. Did you hear about the gay football coach? He turns tight ends into wide receivers
  8. Tight pants are like a cheap hotel... No ball room
  9. What does Mrs Claus get when she wears tight pants? A mistletoe.
  10. Did you hear about the tight end who went to prison? He came out a wide receiver
  11. What do you call a Sikh on a tight rope Balan Singh.
  12. A tight end went to jail He came back a wide receiver
  13. Why did the Walrus go to the Tupperware store? Because he wanted a tight seal.
  14. Why do MMA fighters wear skin tight shorts? Cause otherwise, they'd be boxers!!!
  15. What was the Walrus doing in the Tupperware store? Looking for the tight seal

So Tight Jokes

Here is a list of funny so tight jokes and even better so tight puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is the similarity between tight rope walking and an old lady giving you head? You don't want to look down.
  • sally and Jessica used to bond over being the only two virgins at their University... They don't see each other much anymore but they're still tight.
  • I like my women like i like my jeans... Skinny, tight, and ripped...
  • This year, I tried to smoke a turkey. But I rolled it too tight and couldn't get the end lit.
  • Did you hear about the football player who went to jail? He went in a tight end and came out a wide receiver.
  • Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party? He was looking for a tight seal.
  • Why did the dolphin go to the Tupperwear store? It was looking for a tight seal
  • My Gf tried wearing tight jeans once. She just couldn't pull it off
  • What's Aaron Hernandez's favorite part of a bed sheet? The tight end.
  • I told my girlfriend to start embracing her mistakes I never expected such a tight hug from anyone

Tight End Jokes

Here is a list of funny tight end jokes and even better tight end puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a couple of nuns and a blonde? Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
  • BREAKING NEWS: Patriots admit Tim Tebow hired by mistake. After tight end Aaron Hernandez request for white Bronco.
  • Before his conviction, Aaron Hernandez was a tight end in the NFL. But since going to prison he's become a wide receiver.
  • You know what they say about prison... You go in a tight end and come out a wide receiver
  • What do the NFL and Jail have in common? You go in as a Tight End and leave as a Wide Receiver.
  • A football player... A football player was convicted of a crime and sent to prison for several years.
    He went in as a tight end and left as a wide receiver.
  • Darren Sharper was sentenced to 18 years in prison today. I hope he can still cover a tight end.
  • Did you hear about the gay high school football player? Freshman year he was a tight end.
    By senior year, he was a wide receiver.
  • You go to prison as a tight end and leave as a wide receiver
  • My football playing cousin went to prison He went in as a tight end, and came out as a wide receiver.
Tight joke, My football playing cousin went to prison

Wearing Tight Jokes

Here is a list of funny wearing tight jokes and even better wearing tight puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What kind of pants does a cave explorer wear? Stalac-tights
  • What do you see when a woman in the Army wears her pants too tight? Camo toe.
  • Why do deaf women wear tight jeans? So you can read their lips.
  • Why do mermaids wear sea shells? Because the B shells are too tight
  • Why does Helen Keller wear tight jeans? So people can read her lips.
  • Why can't a man waltz in a closet while wearing a tight Speedo? Because there's no *ballroom*.
  • Why does superman wear tight shirt? Because it's sized "S"
  • The Thai rescue divers were given tight trunks to wear as they maneuvered through the narrow caves So they wouldn't Bangkok.
  • I have an ugly, tight pair of shorts that I only wear when every other pair is dirty. They're my last reshorts.
  • Why does Helen Keller wear skin tight pants? So you can read her lips.

Pants So Tight Jokes

Here is a list of funny pants so tight jokes and even better pants so tight puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do men in tight pants remind me of a cheap hotel? No ball-room.
  • What do you call a cow that has a record player, tight pants, and thick brimmed glasses? A hip-steer.
  • I didn't like my pants because they were too tight But then they grew on me
  • Why does Peter Pan wear tights? He isn't Peter Pants.
  • What's it called when Mrs Claus wears pants way too tight? Mistletoe
  • My wife keeps buying me too tight pants to motivate me to lose weight. It is a stretch goal.
  • Why do girls always get camel toes when they wear tight pants? They got beef
  • Your pants are so tight... ...you can't even get a leg up on the situation!
  • I just saw a lady with pants so tight her c**... mouthed "help me".
  • Why do women love to wear tight pants? Because walking in the street with no pants is i**....
Tight joke, Why do women love to wear tight pants?

Gather Around for Heartwarming Tight Jokes and Uplifting Humor

What funny jokes about tight you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean thin jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tight pranks.

In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...


As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

j**... Sandusky was actually a pretty successful coach...

... he turned many tight ends into wide receivers.

Money was a little tight, so I entered a pun writing contest...

I read the rules carefully, and it turns out that there was no limit on the amount of times you could enter, so I submitted ten separate entries.
I thought my chances were good, but I just looked at the contest winners to see if any of my entries won, and unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A tale of two young men

There is a young man walking a tight rope between two high rise buildings. In the same city, at the same time, there is another young man receiving o**... s**... from from a 80 year old woman. They both are thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time. What could it be?
DO NOT LOOK DOWN!

What does a tight-rope walker eat for breakfast?

A Balanced Diet!

Swearing

If you hear your parents swear, be afraid.
If you hear your teacher swear, be very afraid.
If you hear your priest swear...
stop squeezing so tight.

two conceited people having s**......

...girl says "tight, huh?" guy replys "nah, just full"

Miniskirt

A small crowd gathers at a bus stop. A b**... blonde in a tight top and even tighter miniskirt shows up same time as the bus. Being a gentleman, a man lets her onto the bus first.
She goes to take her first step up the bus stairs, her legs are unable to take the step. The miniskirt was far too tight. Smiling apologetically to everyone, she reaches back to unzips the zipper a little. She attempts to step up the stairs, again, the skirt is still too tight. She reaches around her back, unzips the zipper a little. Smiling once more, she attempts to step up. Sigh, the skirt is still too tight, she reaches behind her a third time.
Two large hands grab her by the waist, lifting her up and placing her at the top of the steps. "Get your hands off me! How dare you touch me," she squealed.
"Ma'am, as much as I don't mind," the gentleman paused,"you were pulling down my zipper".

Joey the altar boy goes to confession and says...

‎'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.
"Well, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

Two guys in a village

Two guys in a village are hanging out and one says: Man, I tried the other hole with my wife last night. It was really tight, but awesome. Have you tried it?
His friend says: Oh man, we don't use that hole anymore, she kept getting pregnant.

I used to play football for j**... Sandusky.

I started out as a tight end but finished the season as a wide receiver.

At the exact same time, there are two 35-year-old men on opposite sides of the earth.

One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers at the 85th floor.
The other is getting o**... s**... from an 90-year-old toothless woman.
They are both thinking the exact same thing... What are they both thinking?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Don't look down.

Two Grandma's Are Walking Down The Street...

One says to the other 'My chest is tight, and I feel heavy'. The other one replies 'That's because you're standing on your left t**....'.

A man takes his dog to a vet...

A man takes his dog to a vet because it has too much hair in its ears and is having trouble hearing. The vet suggests using nair hair removal cream to remove the large portion of hair from its ears.
So the man goes to a pharmacy and asks for some nair hair removal cream. Then at the counter, the pharmacist says, "ok if this is for your legs, don't wear any tight pants for a few days".
The man says, "its not for my legs".
The pharmacist then says, "ok if it's for your underarms, don't wear any tight shirts for a few days".
The man says, "its not for my underarms". The pharmacist then asks, "what is it for then?"
"It's for my schnauzer. "
Then don't ride your bike for a few days.

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind....

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?
Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat. But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!

Black guy and Jewish Genie

A black man is walking along the beach one day, when he finds a bottle. He picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Jewish Genie.
"I vill grant you 3 vishes"
Without hesitating, the man says "I wanna be White, Tight, and out of sight!"
*p**...*
He turns into a t**... ....

What's the moral of the story?
You never get anything from a Jew, without a string attached.

Football with a blonde girlfriend

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

On the train

I was sitting on the train this morning when a hot looking woman walked into the carriage in a tight, short skirt and a low cut top. As she sat down in the seat opposite me. I sat there thinking "Please don't get an e**..., please don't get an e**..."
Then she did.

So I was f**... this girl, she said put 2 in so I did.

She said put your whole hand in so I did, next she demanded the other hand so I obliged. Finally she said "now clap your hands" I said "I can't" to which she replied "Pretty tight huh?"

How to explain to your parents that you are a p**...

Hey mom, remember when I said I was tight for money? Now I'm loose for money.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good circle of tight friends.
When prom came, seven was alone and bitter. Of all his achievements, not one helped him land a date. Then six came in with his +1. Filled to the brim with jealousy, seven spread rumors that 6 and 9 were performing unspeakable acts. Six was alone again.
While walking to class, six saw seven with six's former +1 and averted his eyes. As they passed by eachother, seven whispered into six's ear "now, we're even".

Limericks by Jenny

There was a young woman named Jenny
Whose limericks were not worth a penny.
Oh, the rhyme was all right,
And the meter was tight,
But whenever she tried to write any,
She always wrote one line too many!

The Priest and the Altar Boy

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed Father.' 'Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four month's vacation and five excellent Leads.'

Why do walruses just love a Tupperware party?

They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.

Proper diaper fitting

If the baby's legs turn blue, it's too tight, if they turn brown, it's too loose.

A deeply in love boy says to his girlfriend ...

"I might not be rich, nor have any money or expensive apartments, and even not be the owner of many companies like my friend Jack, but i love you, and i always will"
She, hugging him tight and already crying answered :
" If you really love me, will you introduce me to your friend Jack please ? "

3 women are sitting at a bar..

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
The brunette says, "I'm so tight, my husband can only fit 3 fingers in me."
The redhead says, "I'm so tight, *my* husband can only fit 1 finger in me!"
The blonde, meanwhile, slides down her stool.

A women tells her lover to "Put two fingers in." So he does...

Then she says, "put your hand in." So he does.
Then she says, "Put your other hand in." So he does.
Then she says, "Now clap." And he says, "I can't".
And she says proudly, "Tight, huh?"

My financial adviser said I should be tight with my money.

So when I got home I high-fived my wallet.

My mate Dave has changed a lot since his time in prison

For a start he's not half as tight as he used to be.

What do you call a German v**...?

Guten Tight.

My wife was having trouble breathing last night.

I think I wasn't holding the pillow down tight enough.

Why I avoid talks about sexuality with my dad.

Me: " There are genes that effect the likelihood of someone being gay."
Dad: " Ya, especially the tight ones."

A woman was sobbing on the side of the street because she had accidentally locked her keys in her car,

a passing soldier saw this and assured her that he can help.
She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens....... "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the soldier. "These are my khakis."

Why did the Walrus go to the Tupperware party?

He heard there was gonna be some tight seals there!

What do a Walrus a Tupperware have in common?

They're both looking for a tight seal

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

The last batch of s**... b**... were very tight knit.

They used to sing together, dance together, laugh together. True brethren. At the end they had a blast doing their job.

Finding a woman sobbing because she had locked her keys in the car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.

She watches amazed as he takes off his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens.
"That's so clever!" the woman exclaims. "How did you do that?"
"Easy," replied the soldier, "These are my khakis."

Why do Walruses go to Tupperware parties?

They're always looking for a tight seal.

A woman accidentally locked her keys in her car and was pacing frantically on the side of the street, when a soldier from Boston passing by saw this and assured her that he could help. She looked on in amazement as he removed his trousers, rolled them into a tight ball...

...and rubbed them against the car door.
Magically, it opened!!
"That's incredible!!" the woman gasped. "How did you do it?"
"Easy..." replied the soldier. "These are my khakis."

My friend asked why I never used condoms

I said, "My pull out game is superb and condoms are expensive. You gotta keep a tight budget when you have 14 kids."

A woman is hugely upset and sobbing because she has locked her keys inside her car.

A passing soldier stops and assures her he can help, she looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens! Amazed she asks him how he did it, "Easy" he says,
"These are my khakis"

Two caterpillars are escaping a spider. They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped. "Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but...

...he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the h**... are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs.
"Am I the only one in the whole d**... forest who knows how to drive a stick!?"

What do a tupperware collector and an eskimo have in common?

They both like a tight seal

At the exact same time, there are two 35-year-old men on opposite sides of the earth.

One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers at the 85th floor. The other is getting o**... s**... from an 90-year-old toothless woman. They are both thinking the exact same thing... What are they both thinking?


\* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* Don't look down.

Two caterpillars are escaping a spider...

They climb up a small branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped.
"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!" says the second caterpillar. "How are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs. "Am I the *only one* in the whole d**... forest who knows how to drive a stick?"

Tight joke, Two caterpillars are escaping a spider...

jokes about tight