Tiger Woods Jokes
114 tiger woods jokes and hilarious tiger woods puns to laugh out loud. Read celebrity jokes about tiger woods that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tiger Woods Short Jokes
Short tiger woods jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tiger woods humour may include short tiger jokes also.
- Just got scammed out of $15. Bought tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.
- I was just scammed out of 25 dollars. I purchased a dvd titled "Tiger Woods' favorite 18 holes." It turned out to be about golf. Tell others so that they can avoid this scam too!!
- The worst part about Tiger Wood's driving is that it's probably going to add to his handicap.
- What is the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods? One of them has a good driver.
- Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
- I'm not a professional caddy or anything.... but I think Tiger Woods probably should've used a driver.
- What is the best thing about Tiger Woods' arrest? A black man in America finally survived a traffic stop. Progress!
- What's the difference between a golf ball and a Cadillac? Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 100 yards without hitting a tree.
- Just got scammed out of $25... I bought a Tiger Woods DVD called "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns out it's about golf.
- Bought the book: Tiger Woods best 18 holes. I was incredibly disappointed when I found out it was about golf.
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Tiger Woods One Liners
Which tiger woods one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tiger woods? I can suggest the ones about tigers lions and women golf.
- A lion would never drive while drunk. But a tiger wood.
- A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood
- What ruined Tiger Woods' golf career? His driving game.
- A lion wouldn't cheat on its mate But a Tiger Wood
- Why did Tiger Woods bring three socks instead of two? In case he got a hole in one.
- What is Tiger Woods' spirit animal? Idk, but his wife said he was a Cheetah
- A lion would never cheat on his wife A lion would never cheat on his wife but tiger wood.
- A lion would never play golf But a Tiger Wood
- Tiger Woods was arrested for DUI... he was three shots over.
- What did the zoologist and herbologist name their child? Tiger Woods
- A lion would NEVER cheat on his mate But a Tiger Wood.
XD - I don't think a lion would play golf But a Tiger Wood
- Did you hear tiger woods got arrested? Should have used his driver.
- You know a Lion would never play golf. But Tiger Wood.
- Why did Tiger Woods cheat on his wife? He's used to playing 18 holes.
Tiger Woods Dui Jokes
Here is a list of funny tiger woods dui jokes and even better tiger woods dui puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm not surprised Tiger Woods to get arrested for a DUI... ...he hasn't been driving straight since 2009.
- Why has it taken so long for the cops to catch Tiger Woods for DUI? He hasn't been able to drive straight for at least five years
- Why did Tiger Woods get a DUI? Because his driver was off.
Ridiculous Tiger Woods Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about tiger woods you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tony the tiger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tiger woods pranks.
Tiger Woods plays 18 holes. Both on and off the golf course.
Yo mama is so s**... that she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest in India.
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stopped at 3 h**...'s.
Tiger Woods playing golf.
Sorry if this is a repost, but I found this one quite funny.
Tiger Woods is practicing golf one day, surrounded by fans and media. While he's practicing, an amateur
golfer confidently walks up to him and challenges him to a match. Tiger knew he'd win, so he agrees thinking that it would be a fun break from serious practice. "OK," the amateur says, "Since I'm an amateur and you're a pro, you'll have to allow me two gotchas". Tiger didn't know what a gotchas is, but he didn't ask because he thought he'd win regardless of what handicap is placed on him. The fans and media leave the two alone so they can play in peace.
A few hours later, the two come out of the golf course and it turns out that Tiger Woods lost. The fans and media surrounded him wanting to know what happened. Tiger says, "I was starting the first hole, concentrating to tee off, you know, deep in thought. Right when I was about to drive the ball, he ran up from behind, grabbed my nuts and squeezed them tight while loudly screaming 'GOTCHA!!' can you imagine me trying to play eighteen holes waiting for the next gotcha?"
Jesus and Moses are playing golf.
After teeing off, Jesus asks Moses which club he should use to clear the water hazard and Moses says, "Use your 4 iron". Jesus says, "No, Tiger Woods would use a 6 iron". His shots goes into the water. Jesus walks out onto the water to find his ball and is seen by another golfer who says to Moses, "Look at that guy. Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?" Moses says, "He is Jesus Christ, he THINKS he's Tiger Woods."
So I heard Tiger Woods changed his name..
To Cheetah
An amateur golfer playing in his first tournament
was delighted when a beautiful girl came up to him after the round and suggested he come over for a while. The fellow was a bit embarrassed to explain that he really couldn't stay all night but that he'd be glad to come over for a while. Twenty minutes later they were in he bed making love. When it was over, he got out of bed and started getting dressed.
"Hey," called the girl from beneath the covers, "where do you think you're going? Arnold Palmer wouldn't leave so early."
At that he the golfer stripped off his clothes and jumped on top of her. After they'd made love a second time, he got out of bed and put his pants back on.
"What are you up to?" she called. "Jack Nicklaus wouldn't think of leaving now." So the golfer pulled off his pants and s**... her a third time, and afterward he started to get dressed.
"C'mon, you can't leave yet," protested the girl. "Tiger Woods wouldn't call it a day."
"Lady, would you tell me one thing?" asked the golfer, looking at her very seriously. "What's par for this hole?"
Tiger Woods c**... Joke
Tiger Woods: Half Black / Half Asian.
Fighting with his wife: Black. Crashing his car because of it: Asian.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?
Santa stops at three h**....
(sorry if repost)
What advice did Tiger Woods' dad have for Tiger during training?
Concentrate on golf—f**... everything else.
Tiger Woods joke
So I guess Tiger Wood and Lindsay Vonn are having an Open relationship.
Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn had a huge argument over whether to circumcise their son
Lindsey went downhill from there, but Tiger made the cut.
Tiger Woods...
...just had the worst 9 holes in his life, well second worst if you consider the 9 holes that lost him his marriage but still...
Why was Tiger Woods such a good golfer?
He practiced more-- Tiger played an 18-hole course every day, and then played another 18 holes over the course of the night.
What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common?
They both get clubbed by Norwegians...
So an old man marries a 20 year old blonde...
and she gets pregnant. So he goes to the doctor. The doctor proceeds to tell him a tale:
"Once a boy went to the woods alone with an umbrella. He encounters a tiger in the woods. The boy points the umbrella at the tiger and the tiger drops dead immediately." The old man interrupts "Somebody else must have shot her!". "Exactly what I want to tell you" says the doctor.
So i went to Walmart today...
... and asked customer service for gta5. She was confused so I told her that it was a game with a black guy who crashed his car, sleeps with prostitutes, and attacks people with his golf club. She came later with Tiger Woods PGA 2010.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?
Santa Claus stops after three h**...'s.
I don't claim... heard from a colleague of mine.
Shouldn't Tiger Woods win the 2015 Waste Management Phoenix Open?
Since he's playing like garbage...
Why does Tiger Woods bring two pair of pants during a golf game?
Its in case he gets a hole-in-one.
What is Tiger Woods favorite course?
The i**....
I bought a dvd of tiger woods best 18 holes...
I was pretty upset it was all golfing.
Lamar Odom suffered a dozen strokes...
Tiger Woods is jealous of his low s**... count.
What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause?
With Santa it is only three h**... and he's done.
I went to the store today and bought a movie called "Tiger Woods' 18 Greatest Holes"
When I got home, I was disappointed, it was about golf
Why did Tiger Woods get divorced?
Because Tiger was a lion cheetah!
Tiger Woods goes through 18 holes in one day...
And he STILL has time for golf.
Why did Tiger Woods stop designing golf courses?
He couldn't keep it down to 18 holes.
Could Cat Stevens beat Wolf Blitzer?
No, but Tiger Woods
Why did Tiger Woods parents name him Tiger?
Because he's half Thai, half African American.
(Get it? It's funny cuz racisim.)
Why does Tiger Woods carry 2 blow-up s**... dolls with him at all times?
Incase he gets a hole in one.
What'**... more ball than tiger woods?
Elton John's chin
Why did Tiger Woods get arrested?
He shot a birdie off season.
How did Tiger Woods get the name Tiger?
His mom is Thai and his dad is.......
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods knows how to pick a good driver.
Why does Tiger Woods have a bad s**... life?
He always finishes in the least amount of strokes.
Tiger Woods was found driving under the influence
Before you know it he will be putting under the influence.
When interviewing the police officers involved in Tiger Woods' arrest, they told how they came to suspect he was under the influence.
"Simple" The officer responded. "It was the straightest drive he's had in years. We knew right away something was up."
My son wanted me to buy him GTA
When I got to the store, I couldn't remember the title. So I told the guy "it's the game where the black guy drives cars round drunk, and shags loads of women"
He gave me a copy of tiger woods PGA golf
Tiger Woods hit 18 holes day
And still had time to play golf
Tiger Woods is only going to need one club from now on...
A driver
Irony
Out of all the 9 irons, pitching wedges, and sand wedges tiger woods has.. you'd think he has a driver that works
Tiger Woods was pulled over and given a sobriety test.
He would have passed but withdrew 1/2 way through.
*edited for word superfluous word removal.
Would anyone like some prescription drugs?
Tiger Wood
When Tiger Woods was pulled over by the police, they asked him how many pills he had taken...
... He yelled "FOUR!"
What's the dress code at any event involving Tiger Woods?
Black Thai
A lion wouldn't drunk drive
But a tiger wood
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and an amateur golfer?
Only one of them gets convicted for reckless driving
Since Tiger Woods is back in the news and it's the holiday season....
What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?
Santa stopped at 3 h**...'s
Why did Tiger Woods retire?
Because 18 holes wasn't enough.
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause?
Santa Clause knows to stop on the third h**...
I know lions wouldn't like to make selfie with me
Hopefully Tiger Wood!
Tiger Woods is the ultimate Athlete.
18 holes a day and he still has time for golf.
Lions wouldn't pose to make selfie with me
Probably Tiger Wood!
Jesus is playing golf with St Peter...
... he hit the ball straight into a lake. He then walks onto the water to retrieve his ball... a man watching says "Who does he think he is? Jesus?"
St Peter replies "He IS Jesus but he thinks he is Tiger Woods"
Stevie Wonder has a bet with Tiger Woods on a game of golf, Stevie says I will beat you, so they agree to have a $500,000 bet on it, Stevie says you name the venue and I will name the time, Tiger says OK St Augustus, so what time we playing? Stevie replied.
Midnight.
Stevie Wonder calls Tiger Woods and asks, "How do you fancy a round of golf?" Tiger smiles to himself and responds, "I didn't know you were able to play, Stevie."
Stevie explains how he had a caddy put a device in each hole that emits a constant high pitched tone and he can wear an earpiece which tells him the direction and distance to it.
Tiger says, "You have to understand Stevie, I'm a pro golfer, the best in the world! It will be too much of a mismatch!"
Stevie laughs, "Ok, well, tell you what, a million dollars says I win or are you chicken!?"
Angrily, Tiger mutters, "Ok, done! When do you want to play!?"
Stevie responds, "Any night this week."
Tiger Woods went to the v**... Islands
It is now called just the Islands.
A lion will never cheat
But a tiger wood!
A reporter asks Tiger Woods, "How many wives have you had?"
He says, "do you mean my own or other people's?"
Tiger Woods' girlfriend had a baby via C-section yesterday.
He didn't make the cut.
What does Tiger Woods call s**... on the first date
A hole in one
My Favourite 18 Holes
Pretty upset that Tiger Woods' new Netflix special is just about golf.
