Ticket To Ride Jokes
14 ticket to ride jokes and hilarious ticket to ride puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ticket to ride that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Ticket To Ride Short Jokes
Short ticket to ride jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ticket to ride humour may include short train ride jokes also.
- The cops came to my door to give me a ticket for a dog at large. They say he was chasing a kid on a bike. I said, "that's not true, my dog can't ride a bike."
- Got a ticket, smh. The other day I got a ticket for riding in the car pool lane. Apparently it does not count, if the body is in the trunk.
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Ticket To Ride One Liners
Which ticket to ride one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ticket to ride? I can suggest the ones about bus ride and board game.
- Yo mama is so dark that she was riding a motorcycle and got a ticket for tinted windows!
Ticket To Ride Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about ticket to ride you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ticket jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ticket to ride pranks.
Stalin, Kruschev, and Brezhnev are riding a train when it suddenly grinds to a halt.
Stalin says, "I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."
"No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."
"Tovarishi, you're trying too hard," Brezhnev cuts in. "We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a v**..., and *pretend* the train is running!"
Super Bowl tickets!
Last minute I realize but a friend of mine has two tickets for the Super Bowl in Inglewood, CA at SOFI stadium Tomorrow.
They are box seats that he spent $8,500 a piece for which includes a ride from the airport, open bar, and a pass to the winners locker room.
What he did not realize was last year when he purchased them that this is the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.
It's at St. Paul's church at 3 pm. Her name is Ashley and she is 5'5 and about a 110 pounds. She is a good cook and enjoys the outdoors.
A man was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized bag in the plane.
Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to put his bag in the overhead compartment.
"Do you always carry such heavy luggage", she asked.
"No more", the man replied. "Next time, I would be riding in the bag and my partner can buy the ticket".
Heavy carry-on
A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel bag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin.
Do you always carry such heavy luggage? she sighed.
No more, the man said. Next time, I'm riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!
Three Greeks and Three Turks are riding a train.
The Turks each buy one ticket, but the Greeks only buy one ticket total. The Turks are confused.
"How can you ride with one ticket?"
"Watch and you shall see."
The Greeks get on the train and pile into the bathroom. The Turks sit near the bathroom and observe. The conductor knocks on the door and says "Ticket please." The Greeks slide the ticket through the door.
The Turks think this is ingenious! They decide to try it, so on the ride back they buy only one ticket. But the Greeks don't buy any.
"How will you ride without any tickets?"
"Watch and you shall see."
They get on the train. The Turks pile into one bathroom, the Greeks into another. One Greek gets out of the bathroom, walks over to the bathroom the Turks are hiding in, and says:
"Ticket please."
A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2018 SUPER BOWL!!!
...both are box seats. He paid $3,500 each & comes with a limo ride to the stadium, Dinner, $400 bar tab. Thing is he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his Wedding. If you're interested, he's looking for someone to take his place. It's at St Benedicts church in Avon, at 3pm. Her name is Sharon, she's 5'6 , about 135 lbs, great cook, loves to fish, hunt & clean your truck. She'll be in the white dress.
The penguin joke (not the ice cream one)
So this guy is driving down the road with some penguins. Now some guys have penguins; this dude had some penguins! Dozens and dozens of the little dudes all piled up in guy's car cruising down the road. Well this state trooper sees him and pulls him over. Trooper walks up to the car, Mister, I'm going to give you a ticket if you don't take all these penguins straight to the zoo!
Guy in the car goes, Yes sir! and rides out. Well the next day the same state trooper is posted up in the same spot and sees the same guy drive by with the same penguins! All the same penguins, all piled up in dude's car: stacked up in the backseat, hanging out the trunk, everywhere! Today, though, they're all wearing sunglasses. So the trooper walks up to the driver, Mister, didn't I tell you yesterday to take all these penguins to the zoo?!!
Yes sir, I did. Today we're going to the beach!
A blonde, brunette, and a red head...
So a blonde, brunette,and a red head are each forced to kill their husbands and dispose of the corpse. They all kill their victim and have the responsibility of disposing of the body so they all throw the body in the trunks of their cars. Now, they each have to drive to the location where they can safely dispose of the body. The red head gets in her car and decides she'll drive in the left lane since that's the fast lane, so she can go fast, get to the location quickly, and dispose of the body. A cop pulls her over for going too fast, she gets a ticket but gets back on her way to get rid of the body, no problem. Brunette gets into her car decides she'll drive in the right lane since that's the lane with slower traffic, to not look suspicious. Cop pulls her over for driving too slow and impeding traffic, gives her a ticket but she continues on her way, no problem. Blonde gets into her car decides to drive in the HOV lane since she never sees anyone there it'll be a smooth ride to the location. Cop pulls her over for driving in the HOV lane with only person. Cop writes her a ticket for that, blonde reads the ticket and says "No, officer, I'm not the only person in the car I have my husband in the trunk.
Made it up myself not the best but I think it is OC
Take those penguins to the zoo!
A man was driving around with a bunch penguins in the back of his truck and a cop pulled him over.
Officer: what in the world do you think you're doing son?
Man: we're just out for a ride officer.
Officer: I'm not gonna write you any tickets but you need to take these penguins to the zoo!
The next day, the cop sees this guy again with all the penguins still in the truck. He notices that this time they're all wearing sunglasses. He pulls the man over again.
Officer: son I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!
Man: I did officer, but that was yesterday. Today we're going to the beach!
The train ride to the engineering and math convention
A math/engineering convention was being held. On the train to the convention, there were a bunch of math majors and a bunch of engineering majors. Each of the math majors had his/her train ticket. The group of engineers had only ONE ticket for all of them. The math majors started laughing and snickering.
Then, one of the engineers said "here comes the conductor" and then all of the engineers went into the bathroom. The math majors were puzzled. The conductor came aboard and said "tickets please" and got tickets from all the math majors.
He then went to the bathroom and knocked on the door and said "ticket please" and the engineers stuck the ticket under the door. The conductor took it and then the engineers came out of the bathroom a few minutes later. The math majors felt really s**....
So, on the way back from the convention, the group of math majors had one ticket for the group. They started snickering at the engineers, for the whole group had no tickets amongst them. Then, the engineer lookout said "Conductor coming!". All the engineers went to one bathroom. All the math majors went to another bathroom. Then, before the conductor came on board, one of the engineers left the bathroom, knocked on the other bathroom, and said "ticket please."