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Tick Jokes

125 tick jokes and hilarious tick puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tick that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover some of the funniest jokes about ticks! From blue ticks on WhatsApp to those pesky fleas and deer ticks, we cover it all! Read some Cullen jokes, louse jokes and even a few Luna jokes to keep you in stitches. Whether you're looking for a silly one-liner to break the ice, or a full-on dad joke, you're sure to find something to tickle your funny bone!

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Funniest Tick Short Jokes

Short tick jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tick humour may include short timer jokes also.

  1. The population of the countryside were almost wiped out entirely by a rare breed of ticks that live and breed inside the mouths of Alpacas. The survivors now live in a post Alpaca lip tick wasteland.
  2. I used to hang out with a guy who crossbred insects... But I got sick of his crazy ant ticks.
  3. What did the German clockmaker say to the clock that only went "tick tick tick"? "Vee haf vays to make you tock"
  4. Why did the polar bears on noah's Ark hang out near the insects? They were looking for the ark tick.
  5. Girls hate it when I suddenly send them photographs of parasites Turns out, no one wants unsolicited tick pics
  6. Scientists have recently discovered a new bioluminescent bug that performs a strange dance any time there is a full moon. They are calling it a Raving Luna Tick.
  7. We use a very accurate term to describe our government. Politics, poly meaning many, and ticks meaning bloodsucking creatures.
  8. I once ran a podcast about bloodsucking arthropods. But then one day I got a take-down notice and that was the end of Tick Talk.
  9. I hope this virus gets cleared up before tick season... Or else we'll have Corona with Lyme
  10. Did you hear the one about the mute clock with Tourette's? It ticks a lot but never talks.

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Tick One Liners

Which tick one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tick? I can suggest the ones about stalk and ting.

  1. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They are both Paris sites
  2. Why do angry clocks only tock? Because they are ticked off.
  3. The clock was bored of his tick-tock... ...so he changed to a better tack-tick.
  4. What's a clock when you take the batteries out? Ticked off.
  5. Why was the clock sent to detention? It ticked-off the teacher by tock-ing in class.
  6. What do you call a depressed tick from Rome? A hopeless Roman Tick
  7. Did you hear about the guy with Lyme disease? Yeah... he's ticked.
  8. What happened when the dog swallowed a clock? It got ticks.
  9. Scientists have found crazed bugs on the moon. Lunar ticks
  10. What do you call a crazy bug on the moon? A lunar tick.
  11. A lot of guys found Princess Leia attractive... ...but for me she ticks Alderaan boxes.
  12. what do kids with tourette's and tall grass have in common? ticks
  13. Why did the man throw his clock Because he was ticked off
  14. What do you call a tick that lives on the moon? A lunatic.
  15. My last few relationships have drained the life from me. I'm something of a tick magnet.

Tick Tock Jokes

Here is a list of funny tick tock jokes and even better tick tock puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A lady took her clock to a clock repairman. "What seems to be the problem?" he asked.
    "This clock just goes tick, tick, tick." she replied.
    "ahh, don't worry lady, we have ways to make them tock".
  • In WWII, what did the German officer say to the clock that ticked? Ve have vays of making you tock...
  • The clock makes my head itch. First it goes tick, then there's the itch, and the tock removes it.
    And it repeats on and on.
  • Did you hear about Disney's new Tick Tock Crock ride? It's killer.
  • I started observing extremists Wanted to find out what made them tick... tock... boom
  • What is another name for the tick-tock croc from Peter Pan? A Clock-odile.
  • My Grandfather resembles his old grandfather clock. It still ticks.
    but it forgets to Tock.
  • A child walks down to a lake... UFC Fight Night!! || 'Tick Tock' vs 'Lost Boys'

Flea And Tick Jokes

Here is a list of funny flea and tick jokes and even better flea and tick puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • did you hear about the time they strapped a Timex watch on an old, flea-bitten dog to see what would happen? The watch kept ticking, the ticks kept watching.
  • If your dog has fleas and you hear ticks, what should you do? Make a vet appointment for both of you.

Blue Tick Jokes

Here is a list of funny blue tick jokes and even better blue tick puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Where did the blue and green ticks meet? The aquatic centre.
    Sorry.
Tick joke, Where did the blue and green ticks meet?

Happy Tick Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What funny jokes about tick you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean slug jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tick pranks.

Ticket Please

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, instead he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus ink

Tentickles

How much tickles do it take for an octopus to laugh?

Ten tickles.....
I'll go back to studying now

A Man visits Heaven and notices a wall of clocks...

The man asks God, "What are all those clocks for?"
"They represent each time someone lies. When they do, the clock moves one tick."
The man walks around, observing the clocks. "Who right here has zero ticks?" he questions.
"That would be Jesus' clock." replies God.
"What about Abraham Lincoln's clock?"
"Honest Abe has two ticks on his."
Curious about the clocks, the man decides to ask, "Where is the President's clock?"
God looks up at the man and tells him, "Oh, that clock's not here. It's in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

I'd like two tickets, please.

- Is it for The Hobbit?
- No, she's my girlfriend.

When "Tickle Me Elmo" was a big deal, there had to be a quality assurance department...

Imagine, a whole group of people whose job was to test tickles.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

How many tickles does a Japanese school girl want?

Tentickles.

Did you hear about the tick who followed U2 on tour?

They say he was living life on The Edge.

Tickle me Elmo was recalled

They forgot to give him two test tickles.

This one has always tickled me!

My father is the inventor of the rear view mirror. He means a great deal to me but looking back we're not as close as we seem!

Tickets

for the wheelchair races are selling out...seats are going fast!

Have you seen the new ticket prices for Alton Towers?

Admission now costs an arm and a leg!

How do you know tickle me Elmo is male?

Because before he leaves the factory they give him two test tickles.

I just told my girlfriend that I was an Italian mite in a past life .

I'm a Roman tick at heart.

What do you want to do before you tickle someone?

Test-tickles

What does a ticket to the 50 Cent concert featuring Nickleback cost?

$300 if you ask Ticketmaster

What really ticks people off?

Time bombs.

A man goes out to play golf...

...while his wife waits at home. He promises to be back by five.
Five'o'clock comes and goes and the husband hasn't come back yet. Gradually, the hours tick by and no sign of the husband. The wife is about to go looking for him when the front door opens and the husband shuffles in.
The wife is worried sick.
"Where have you been? You said you'd be home by five, it's now eight'o'clock!"
The husband replies with, "I'm sorry I'm late, but my friend Harry had a heart attack today in the middle of golf."
The wife is shocked.
"Oh dear! That's awful!"
"I know! All day long it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry..."

My dog had a tick once,

Someone recommended i try the "lighter fluid and match" trick, it definitely worked as my dog never got a tick again. But man, I sure do miss my dog.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Something something Tickle Me Elmo.

Something something t**....

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

If Dr. Seuss were a convict (poem)

What's this in my hand?
Behind your back?
It's soap on a a rope!
Whack whack whack!
What's this in my sock?
Tick tock, knock knock.
A large steel lock!
Chock chock chock!
What's this in my breeches?
I heard that you blab..
Snitches get stitches!
Stab stab stab!!

You know what they call the strategy involving freshmints while playing a game of timed tic tac toe?

The tic tac tick tick tic tac toe tactic

I have two tickets to the 2017 Superbowl, but I'm getting married that day so I can't go.

If you're interested in going in my place, the wedding is at St. Peter's church and her name is Laura.

What tick likes to run?

Politicks

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What do you call a gay tick?

s**...

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What makes the Palestinians tick?

Not counting the bombs strapped to their chests, I have no clue.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Today a minute tick tried to latch onto my arm near the hand...

... but the strap was too tight. Not under my watch, lil bloodsucka.

I was tickling my brothers feet last night...

...and my mum woke up and had a right go at me. It was something about waiting until he's born first.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Tickling my girlfriend and having s**... with my girlfriend are kind of the same thing.

She is always laughing at me and telling me to stop

Had to remove the seconds hand from my watch..

was really starting to tick me off

What happens when a tick is removed from its host?

It gets ticked off.

Mr. Tickle proposed to the girl of his dreams… But Tess was reluctant to take his surname.

…but Tess was reluctant to take his surname.

How do you see if you tickle a girl's fancy?

Use a couple of test tickles

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

As a tickle fetishist...

...being tickled is my *sole* purpose.

How many tickles does it take to make a Japanese girl cry?

10 tickles

Ticket Inspector: Sir, why do you have a child's ticket?

Me: Because I'm a child of god.

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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Tickets to the Kentucky derby are 1100$

If I wanted to spend 1100$ for two minutes of action, I'd hire a p**....

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Sometimes I wonder about s**... b**......

What makes them *tick*?

Tickets for the Indiana State Philharmonic went up dramatically after they doubled the width of the stage.

You didn't think that the ISP would give out twice the band width for free did you?

What disease does a rapper get when he is bit by a tick?

RHYMES DISEASE

What kind of tick should you look out for on the full moon?

A lunatic

I hate clock puns

They really tick me off

What do you call a football player who was bitten by a tick?

A lymebacker

As I was getting ticketed for not wearing my seat belt, a motorcyclist drove past the officer and I.

What a joke.

How do you tickle a rich girl?

Say Gucci Gucci Gucci!

Girl, do you have Lyme disease?

Cause you tick af

People with tourette's...

What makes them tick?

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What did the detective say while interrogating a clock accused of m**...?

"LISTEN PUNK! We know what makes you tick, and we have ways to make you tock!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

You know what a tickle tester does right?

t**....

Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, a man saw a massive wall of clocks.

He asked St Peter what is with all the clocks?
St Peter responded, These are the clocks of lies. Each person has a clock. Every time they lied on Earth the clock moves one tick.
The man noticed a clock that wasn't moving. "Whose clock is that?" He asked.
St Peter said that was Mother Teresa. She never told a lie.
Whose is that? Abe Lincoln's. It moved two ticks. Showing he lied twice.
Understanding the system, he asked, Where's Donald Trump's clock?
St. Peter responded It's in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.

Do you work in an Amazon warehouse?

Because you tick all my boxes.

At the ticket counter: "One ticket, please."

"Yeah, right!" says the clerk to the russian doll.

Got a ticket for drinking and driving

I contested it and stated that I wasn't drinking and driving, I started driving first and then started drinking.
Didn't work.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

How do you get tickets to the t**... 100?

Pull some strings.

How can you tickle your funny Bone?

By first tickling your tiny test tickles.

I have a nervous tick

I gave him a drink, I think he'll be fine

I'm so hungry that I could eat a watch.

But that would probably just tick off everyone.

Got a ticket, smh.

The other day I got a ticket for riding in the car pool lane. Apparently it does not count, if the body is in the trunk.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I was at university for a lesson today, and my psychology lecturer asked us what makes a t**... tick.

Apparently, "a bomb" was not the right answer.

What do you get when you tickle Chuck Norris?

Chuckle Norris.

"I could never be a ticket warden," said my wife, "imagine everybody hating you."

So I envisioned myself at home with her.

I was tickling my son's little feet, when my wife woke up and started yelling at me...

Something about, "Waiting until he's born..."

I tickled my friend while he was driving.

We wrecked and he died.
I was charged with vehicular man's laughter.

What did the doctor say to the man that came in with a nervous tick

Weird flex but okay

TICKET AGENT: "And will this be round trip?"

FLAT EARTHER: "Here we go again."

What kind of Tick is explosive?

A dyna-mite.

Why do clocks swear a lot?

Because they have a tick.

I met a tiny, alien robot that looked like a small bug. He told me his friends escaped their home planet, and found a home here. He was confident that his race would be OK.

He was Optimus Tick

What do you call Optimus Prime if he gets a tick?

Optimis-tick

God I would hate it if this covid pandemic kept going all the way through to tick season.

I really don't like corona with Lyme.

Tick joke, God I would hate it if this covid pandemic kept going all the way through to tick season.

jokes about tick