The Best 59 Thursday Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Thursday jokes. There are some thursday friday jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these thursday throwback thursday puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Thursday Jokes and Puns
Monday - Greg, Tuesday - Ian, Wednesday - Greg, Thursday - Ian, Friday - Greg, Saturday - Ian, Sunday - Greg
The Gregorian calendar
Wrong Email
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
So a pirate has been on a ship for 6 months...
but there are no women on the ship and being male,he had some...urges, so he asked the captain " arr its been 6 months since we've had a lass on the ship and some of the others are getting urges. what can we do about them??" and the captain responds" go down to the front of the ship and there will be a barrel, stick your privates in there and go at it." so he did as he was told and when he was done he came back. he told the captain " captain! that was great! how many times can i use it????" and the captain turned to him and said " every day except thursday." and the pirate asked " why?" the captain responded " aye, because thats your turn to be in the barrel."
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day....
One remarked, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday..."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
A windy day
Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench.
The first says to her friends "gosh, it's windy today".
The second says "no, it's Thursday".
The third says "so am I. Let's get a drink".
I could retire today and live happily for the rest of my life....
so long as I die by noon, thursday.
Three old guys are sitting on a bench in the park
One says, "Windy today."
Another says, "You idiot, it's Thursday."
The third guy says, "Me too, let's go get a beer."
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
Ahh, those were the days...
Three men with hearing aids are walking down the street
One of them says,
"Brr, it's windy today, ain't it?"
The second man responds,
"No, it's Thursday you idiot."
The last one says,
"Me too, let's go get a drink."
Three old men are walking down the street...
The first old man says "Hey, it's Windy"
The second old man says "No, Thursday"
The third one says "I agree, lets go get a beer"
The inventor of the dissapointing punchline has died
His funeral will be held on Thursday at 2pm.
You can explore thursday tue reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean thursday weekday dad jokes. There are also thursday puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Man walks into a bar and orders 4 beers.
Drinks them, and leaves.
Next week same time does the same thing: orders 4 beers, drinks them, and leaves.
The third week; same thing. The bartender is curious so he asks. "well, I moved here few weeks ago. Back home my 3 brothers and I met every Thursday after work for a beer. Since I was feeling homesick I figured I would keep up the tradition even if I had to do it alone."
This goes on for several weeks until one week the man comes in and orders three beers and a coke. Bartender says, "I hate to pry but what happened? Did one of your brothers pass away?"
The man chuckles and says, "No nothing like that. I decided to quit drinking."
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink on days that start with letter T.
Tuesday, Thursday and Today.
A few minutes ago while I was lifeguarding, an old lady told me that I looked like a lion pacing back and forth.
Now I'm nervous for my dentist appointment on Thursday.
So my house got broken into while I was away and the monitoring company called my cell...
"Hello, this is Xfinity home security. We see your alarm is going off and we can have someone respond to it next week Thursday between 8 Am and 5 pm, will that work for you?"
When you get old, your hearing starts to go...
Three old men are walking down the street one afternoon. The first one remarks "Windy, isn't it?"
The second one says "Nah! It's Thursday."
The third one nods and replies "So am I, let's stop for a drink."
Three hard-of-hearing friends are sitting together on a bench.
One says "Wow, it sure is windy."
Another corrects, "No, it's Thursday."
The last one says "So am I, let's go inside and drink some tea."
A Husband came home late at night from the office one day and realised he forgot his Wife's birthday...
"How would you feel if you don't see me for next few days?" His wife said
He couldn't believe his luck. He replied at once. "Wowww.....That would be great!''
Monday passed & he didn't see her....
Tuesday he didn't see her...
and Wednesday passed too...
On Thursday the swelling was better as he caught a glimpse of her from the corner of his left eye.
I have enough money saved to live happy for the rest of my life.
If I die next Thursday
Dave was trying to figure out what he would get his wife for her birthday...
Tired of racking his brain, he flat out asked her what she wanted. She replied "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds." So he bought her a bathroom scale.
Dave hasn't been heard from or seen since Thursday.
I looked at my bank account and found I could live the rest of my life comfortably without working...
... as long as I die on Thursday.
I only drink on days that start with "T"
Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, Thunday.
I have sex almost every day
Almost on Sunday
Almost on Monday
Almost on Tuesday
Almost on Wednesday
Almost on Thursday
Almost on Friday
And almost on Saturday
A man was killed by an assassin
An Irishman was killed by an assassin in his own home Thursday. Sources say the assailant was armed only with 2 porcelain figures. After beating the man to death, the assassin threw the body to several mongrel dogs that lived in a nearby wooded area.
Police claim it's the first known case of a Knick-Knack Paddy whack, give a dog a bone.
It's Alzheimers day on thursday...
It's Alzheimers day on thursday...
My impression of 2 old nearly deaf guys at the park sitting on a bench together.
Old guy 1. Boy, it sure is windy.
Old guy 2. No it's not! It's Thursday!
Old guy 1. Yeah me too. Lets go get a beer.
My boss asked why I have been late 4 times this week
I replied "because it's only Thursday"
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed as it left a New York publishing house last Thursday.
According to the Associated Press,
witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied,
confused, punchy, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered,
mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted,
astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, boggled,
overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, and perplexed.
I think as marriages go, we're doing absolutely awesome, I mean I get to sleep with my wife nearly every day!
Nearly on Monday,
nearly on Tuesday,
nearly on Wednesday,
nearly on Thursday,
nearly on Friday,
nearly on Saturday and
nearly on Sunday
Starting this Thursday, some movie theaters will not allow large bags inside the theater
But thank God I have a few twix up my sleeve
Peace Mr Gunther.
After a long, tough, life Mr Gunther, born on 21.06.1946 on a beautyfull suny day.
He has found his rest and peace.
The funeral of his wife will be held on Thursday.
Wednesday and Thursday were named after the Norse Gods Odin and Thor...
And if you really enjoy facts about Norse Gods then today is your Loki-day!
My milk expires next thursday
That means my milk has a date on Valentines Day, and I still don't.
On Monday, Hitler told 1 lie.
On Tuesday, he again told 1 lie.
On Wednesday, he told 2 lies.
On Thursday, 3.
On Friday, 5.
On Saturday, 8.
And on Sunday, Hitler told 13 lies.
That is the fibber-Nazi sequence.
Three old friends are sitting on a bench.
First one says "It's windy." Second one says, "No, It's Thursday." Third one says "Me too, let's go get a beer."
Three old friends, all with very bad hearing, meet on the corner.
Isn't it windy? the first man asks.
No, says the second, it's Thursday.
Agreed, says the third man, let's go grab a beer.
Blonde walks into an elevator
She sees her co worker Steve & says "TGIF". Steve has a puzzled look on his face and replies "NSIT". Ever more puzzled the blonde replies "TGIF, thank God it's Friday". Steve then says "NSIT, no stupid it's Thursday"
Until this crisis is over im going to stick to masturbation just before 8pm on Thursday evenings
The neighbourhood applauding me as I finish is just the confident booster I need
If you think Thursdays are depressed, wait for two more days....
It will be a sadder day.
Do you know what kind of bird doesn't fly on fridays?
A one that died on Thursday...
Three old friends are walking on a beach, when one turns slightly to the group and says:
„It's windy today!
„No, it's Thursday! replies the one walking in the middle, looking a bit confused.
„So am I! Let's have a beer. adds the third one
A man walks into a bar with a pineapple on his head.
The bartender looks at him quizzically and says Mate. Why the hell do you have a pineapple on your head?! The man answers Oh, it's ok. I always wear a pineapple on my head on Tuesdays. The bartender says But it's Thursday... Upon hearing this the man's face changes to a look of abject horror and he says Oh God! I'm so embarrassed!!
Three old men are out for a walk
The first says "Windy isn't it?"
The second replies "No it's not, it's Thursday"
The third then says "Yeah, so am I. Let's go get a drink"
Think Thursday is depressing? Wait two days
It'll be sadder day then
I bought a used Lamborghini cheap with hopes of making a quick buck. My friend offered to flip it for me.
He was as good as his word. The funeral is Thursday.
My cousin decided to try parkour, so he jumped off a single floor hotel. Anyway, to make a long story short
would've helped. Funeral's Thursday.
If you think Thursday are depressing, wait two days
Then it would be a sadder day (Saturday)
Best way to vaccinate the masses
Train all of the Amazon drivers to give it.
Everyone will have it by Saturday.
Thursday if you have Prime.
After 30 years of marriage, I'm tells my envious friends that I still get sex almost every day..
Friends: no way!
Me: yup! Almost on a Monday.. almost on a Tuesday.. almost on a Wednesday.. almost on a Thursday, almost on a Friday, almost on a Saturday and almost on a Sunday!
Three old friends, Joe, Bob, and Vick are sitting on a park bench.
Joe says, "Windy ain't it?"
Bob says, "Nah, it's Thursday."
Vick says, "Yeah I'm thirsty. Let's go get a beer."
Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. The Doctor told him that he has both good news and bad news.
"Good news is you have 48 hours to live," he said to Harry.
"Bad news is I should have told you on Tuesday.
Three old men, hard of hearing
Three old men, hard of hearing, are waiting at a bus stop on a hill, it's winter time.
The first man goes as he's shivering brrrr, it's windy !
The second one responds it's not Wednesday, it's Thursday ,
And the third man says I'm thirsty too, let's go grab a beer !
I get laid almost every day of the week.
Almost got laid on Monday, almost got laid on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday, almost on Thursday, almost on Friday, almost on Saturday, and almost on Sunday.
Did you guys know too much sex can cause memory loss?
I learnt that in a medical journal, page 34. At 3:38pm on Thursday the 7th.
A woman gets on an Elevator with a Man
The Woman says "TGIF"
So the man says "SHIT"
The woman again says "TGIF"
And again the man says "SHIT"
So finally the woman explains TGIF means Thank God Its Friday
And the man says SHIT means Sorry Honey Its Thursday
I went to the pub on Friday with my friends and didn't come home until Sunday night. When i got home, my wife was so angry...
She said "how would you like it if you didn't see me for three days straight?"
i said "that would be bloody lovely".
So I didn't see her on the Monday, the Tuesday or the Wednesday, but by Thursday the swelling around my eyes went down enough to make her out again.
Patient: Doc: I think I'm psychic.
Psychiatrist: When did this happen?
Patient: Next Thursday.
Superstition
I was trimming my nails when my Grandfather said with a sigh "You should not cut your nails on Thursdays".
I had never adhered to these superstition but out of curiosity I asked, "What happens when I cut my nails on Thursday?"
He explained, "You see the weekend starts tomorrow Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It's difficult to open the beer cans and the Lays packs without the nails."
Moral: Some superstitions do have a scientific basis!
If you think Thursdays are bad, just wait two days...
It will be a sadder day.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the thursday morning jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working thursday thursday work piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.