Thursday Jokes
122 thursday jokes and hilarious thursday puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about thursday that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of Thursday jokes. From knock-knock jokes to puns, we've got jokes for every sense of humor.
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Funniest Thursday Short Jokes
Short thursday jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The thursday humour may include short noon jokes also.
- Monday - Greg, Tuesday - Ian, Wednesday - Greg, Thursday - Ian, Friday - Greg, Saturday - Ian, Sunday - Greg The Gregorian calendar
- I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink on days that start with letter T. Tuesday, Thursday and Today.
- Three old men are out for a walk The first says "Windy isn't it?"
The second replies "No it's not, it's Thursday"
The third then says "Yeah, so am I. Let's go get a drink" - I only drink on days that start with "T" Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, Thunday.
- Starting this Thursday, some movie theaters will not allow large bags inside the theater But thank god I have a few twix up my sleeve
- Two old englishmen are standing on the underground platform The first old man asks "Is this Wembley?"
The other replies "No, Thursday."
The first replies "Ah! So am I. Shall we go and get a pint?" - A few minutes ago while I was lifeguarding, an old lady told me that I looked like a lion pacing back and forth. Now I'm nervous for my dentist appointment on Thursday.
- Three old friends, Joe, Bob, and Vick are sitting on a park bench. Joe says, "Windy ain't it?"
Bob says, "Nah, it's Thursday."
Vick says, "Yeah I'm thirsty. Let's go get a beer." - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. ahh, those were the days...
- My milk expires next thursday That means my milk has a date on Valentines Day, and I still don't.
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Thursday One Liners
Which thursday one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with thursday? I can suggest the ones about thursday work and tonight.
- If you think Thursdays are depressed, wait for two more days.... It will be a sadder day.
- what do french people call a bad Thursday Trajeudi
- It's Alzheimers day on thursday... It's Alzheimers day on thursday...
- If I could be an animal for one day I think I'd choose a Thursday.
- What's the worst thing that can happen on Friday? You realize it's Thursday.
- Do you know what kind of bird doesn't fly on fridays? A one that died on Thursday...
- Today was the opening World Cup match. Or as the Italians call it: Thursday
- They call it "Valentine's Day" I call it Thursday.
- What day of the week would you drink the most water? Thursday
- Whats a Pirate's worst nightmare? A small chest... with no boooooty.
Happy Thursday. - What did the tsunami say to Japan? .. ... nothing, it waved.
Happy Thursday all. - Anybody interested in time travel? Meet me here last Thursday at 7pm.
- I went to Boston and ate some chowder last Thursday. It was the clam before the storm.
- Every thursday I sit back and appreciate life I sure do love Thoreau back thursdays.
- I said hi to a liberal last week The trial is on Thursday
Thursday Work Jokes
Here is a list of funny thursday work jokes and even better thursday work puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Remember, always give 100% of your effort at work 12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Friday
Thirsty Thursday Jokes
Here is a list of funny thirsty thursday jokes and even better thirsty thursday puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- 3 old ladies are sitting on a bus The first one says - it's windy.
Second one says - it's not Wednesday, it's Thursday.
Third one says - yea, I'm thirsty too, we should buy something to drink. - I'm thirsty Hello Thursday, I'm Friday. Let's go out Saturday and have a Sunday
- Dad, I'm thirsty. Hey Thursday, I'm Friday.
Thankful Thursday Jokes
Here is a list of funny thankful thursday jokes and even better thankful thursday puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- thanksgiving holiday weekend where the entire country gives thanks on Thursdays and becomes homicidal on Friday in preparation for the birth of the prince of peace.
Throwback Thursday Jokes
Here is a list of funny throwback thursday jokes and even better throwback thursday puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The deep sea fishing administration has now implemented a program to conserve more fish... It is called "Throwback Thursday."
- When the Internet was invented in the 1970's... Throwback Thursday was followed by Full Bush Friday.
- What's a chiropractor's busiest day? Throwback Thursday.
- I went fishing on Throwback Thursday What a terrible day to fish.
Thursday Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about thursday you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean windy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make thursday pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wrong Email
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Mental institution
There's a mental institution, and they are having a
patient evaluation, to see if any patients need to be there
any longer. The doctor then goes around questioning the top three candidates.
He goes to the first patient and asks him , "What is 3 times 3?"
After an hour of scratching his head, and with a confused look on his face he replies, "Two-hundred!".
"That is incorrect." The doctor responds.
He then asks the next patient."What is 3 multiplied by 3?" After a long period of time the patient
responds, "Thursday!". "That is incorrect replies the doctor.
He then goes to the next patient and asks him, "What is 3 times 3?"
The patient quickly responds, "Nine!". The doctor then says "Correct!,
how did you figure that out?" The patient then responds, "I multiplied, 200 by Thursday and then
I added three!"
Valentine's Day for people who are single.
For people who are sad about being single: it's called Single Awareness Day
For people who are happy about being single: it's called Single Independence Day
For people who just don't care about being single: it's just called Thursday
For people like me: I call it Date With My Right Hand otherwise known as Everyday
Paybacktime
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.
"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Every Thursday, I do live n**... modeling in one of the courses at my university
It's an accounting class and they're none too happy about it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three old guys are sitting on a bench in the park
One says, "Windy today."
Another says, "You idiot, it's Thursday."
The third guy says, "Me too, let's go get a beer."
Three old guys are out walking...
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men with hearing aids are walking down the street
One of them says,
"Brr, it's windy today, ain't it?"
The second man responds,
"No, it's Thursday you idiot."
The last one says,
"Me too, let's go get a drink."
What are the 7 Irish drinking holidays?
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The inventor of the dissapointing punchline has died
His f**... will be held on Thursday at 2pm.
Man walks into a bar and orders 4 beers.
Drinks them, and leaves.
Next week same time does the same thing: orders 4 beers, drinks them, and leaves.
The third week; same thing. The bartender is curious so he asks. "well, I moved here few weeks ago. Back home my 3 brothers and I met every Thursday after work for a beer. Since I was feeling homesick I figured I would keep up the tradition even if I had to do it alone."
This goes on for several weeks until one week the man comes in and orders three beers and a coke. Bartender says, "I hate to pry but what happened? Did one of your brothers pass away?"
The man chuckles and says, "No nothing like that. I decided to quit drinking."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One of my favorite somewhat inappropriate jokes.
Moish walks sees Shlomo sitting by himself in a bar, drink in hand.
He walks over, puts a hand on Shlomo's shoulder and says "I'm so sorry to hear about the fire in your factory."
Shlomo gives Moish an angry look and says quietly "Shhh you idiot! That's on Thursday!"
Why do physicists have such a hard time figuring out why their experiments fail Monday through Thursday?
Causal fridays.
America's fattest man has died.
The cremation will be next Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.
To limit my smoking...
I only smoke on days that start with 'T'... like Tuesday, Thursday, today, and tomorrow.
So my house got broken into while I was away and the monitoring company called my cell...
"Hello, this is Xfinity home security. We see your alarm is going off and we can have someone respond to it next week Thursday between 8 Am and 5 pm, will that work for you?"
When you get old, your hearing starts to go...
Three old men are walking down the street one afternoon. The first one remarks "Windy, isn't it?"
The second one says "Nah! It's Thursday."
The third one nods and replies "So am I, let's stop for a drink."
Three hard-of-hearing friends are sitting together on a bench.
One says "Wow, it sure is windy."
Another corrects, "No, it's Thursday."
The last one says "So am I, let's go inside and drink some tea."
A Husband came home late at night from the office one day and realised he forgot his Wife's birthday...
"How would you feel if you don't see me for next few days?" His wife said
He couldn't believe his luck. He replied at once. "Wowww.....That would be great!''
Monday passed & he didn't see her....
Tuesday he didn't see her...
and Wednesday passed too...
On Thursday the swelling was better as he caught a glimpse of her from the corner of his left eye.
In honor of Throwback Thursday, here's a joke from 2008.
What will happen if Hillary Clinton becomes president?
She will file for divorce.
And what will happen if Barack Obama becomes president?
He'll have the White House repainted.
On Thursday, a user posted the joke "Jesus"...
..which was quickly buried.... It's been 3 days, has anyone seen it ???
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A recent study shows most Americans like to have s**... on days that begin with T
Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow
The day where Americans get together to gorge themselves on mountains of food
Thursday.
3 men, hard of hearing: "Its Windy out, isn't it?"
"No, it's Thursday", responds the second; to which the third replies "Me too, let's go grab a beer".
Dave was trying to figure out what he would get his wife for her birthday...
Tired of racking his brain, he flat out asked her what she wanted. She replied "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds." So he bought her a bathroom scale.
Dave hasn't been heard from or seen since Thursday.
Today is a most sacred day
Happy Easter Thursday! 420 praise it!
Two old dears were sat on a bench
"it's windy today!"
"I think it's Thursday... "
" So am I. Let's go get a cup of tea."
Polish joke
A nurse is checking up on the patients in a mental asylum. She asks the first patient, "What is 2+2?"
"3,942,304" He answers, disappointing the nurse.
"What is 2+2?" She asks the next patient.
"Thursday." He answers confidently
She sighs and moves on to the next person.
"What is 2+2?"
"4"
"Wow!" she exclaims. "How'd you find that out?"
"I divided 3,942,304 by Thursday."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was killed by an assassin
An Irishman was killed by an assassin in his own home Thursday. Sources say the assailant was armed only with 2 porcelain figures. After beating the man to death, the assassin threw the body to several mongrel dogs that lived in a nearby wooded area.
Police claim it's the first known case of a Knick-Knack p**... whack, give a dog a bone.
A married man left work early one Friday afternoon...
Instead of going home, however, he squandered the weekend (and his paycheck) partying with the boys.
When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage of epithets from his furious wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and berating, his wife asked, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days!?!"
"That would suit me just fine!!!"
Monday went by and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same result.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye..
My impression of 2 old nearly deaf guys at the park sitting on a bench together.
Old guy 1. Boy, it sure is windy.
Old guy 2. No it's not! It's Thursday!
Old guy 1. Yeah me too. Lets go get a beer.
There was a river...
There was a river in Egypt that no one believed existed, locally it was known as De-Nile!
*rimshot*
My joke for Thursday :)
Roses are red, violets are blue...
...if you like your job, i'm sorry for you.
Credits to my boss. Yeah, i got fired.
Happy thursday to you all.
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed as it left a New York publishing house last Thursday.
According to the Associated Press,
witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied,
confused, punchy, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered,
mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted,
astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, boggled,
overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, and perplexed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today, I told my wife I want to be cremated.
She made me an appointment for next Thursday.
I think as marriages go, we're doing absolutely awesome, I mean I get to sleep with my wife nearly every day!
Nearly on Monday,
nearly on Tuesday,
nearly on Wednesday,
nearly on Thursday,
nearly on Friday,
nearly on Saturday and
nearly on Sunday
Two friends are traveling through a deafening storm
"SURE IS WINDY TODAY!"
"IT'S THURSDAY!"
"ME TOO! I THINK THERE'S A BAR JUST UP THE ROAD!"
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday got into a fight...
They wanted to see who was the weekest
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Peace Mr Gunther.
After a long, tough, life Mr Gunther, born on 21.06.1946 on a beautyfull suny day.
He has found his rest and peace.
The f**... of his wife will be held on Thursday.
Wednesday and Thursday were named after the Norse Gods Odin and Thor...
And if you really enjoy facts about Norse Gods then today is your Loki-day!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
George wasn't feeling too good. He felt worn out.
"How's your s**... life?" asked the doctor.
"Every Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday, never fail", said George.
"Why not cut out Sunday?", suggested the doctor.
"I can't do that. It's the only day I'm home."
I went to see my obese doctor about a burning sensation when i pee.
My morbidly obese doctor gave me medicine and told me on monday there will be a chance of warm sprinkles with a little bit of precipitate. Tuesday through thursday it will cool off and by friday the conditions down there will be clear and normal.
He's quite the meaty urologist.
Three old men
Three old men sitting and fishing.
The firs man says, its windy today.
The second man says, No its thursday today.
The third man says, so am i, lets have a beer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On Monday, h**... told 1 lie.
On Tuesday, he again told 1 lie.
On Wednesday, he told 2 lies.
On Thursday, 3.
On Friday, 5.
On Saturday, 8.
And on Sunday, h**... told 13 lies.
That is the fibber-n**... sequence.
Three seniors are out for a stroll.
One of them remarks, It's windy.
Another replies, No way. It's Thursday.
The last one says, Me too. Let's have a soda.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde walks into an elevator
She sees her co worker Steve & says "TGIF". Steve has a puzzled look on his face and replies "NSIT". Ever more puzzled the blonde replies "TGIF, thank God it's Friday". Steve then says "NSIT, no s**... it's Thursday"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Until this crisis is over im going to stick to m**... just before 8pm on Thursday evenings
The neighbourhood applauding me as I finish is just the confident booster I need
Three old friends are walking on a beach, when one turns slightly to the group and says:
„It's windy today!
„No, it's Thursday! replies the one walking in the middle, looking a bit confused.
„So am I! Let's have a beer. adds the third one
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a bar with a pineapple on his head.
The bartender looks at him quizzically and says Mate. Why the h**... do you have a pineapple on your head?! The man answers Oh, it's ok. I always wear a pineapple on my head on Tuesdays. The bartender says But it's Thursday... Upon hearing this the man's face changes to a look of abject horror and he says Oh God! I'm so embarrassed!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I bought a used Lamborghini cheap with hopes of making a quick buck. My friend offered to flip it for me.
He was as good as his word. The f**... is Thursday.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My cousin decided to try parkour, so he jumped off a single floor hotel. Anyway, to make a long story short
would've helped. f**...'s Thursday.
Best way to vaccinate the masses
Train all of the Amazon drivers to give it.
Everyone will have it by Saturday.
Thursday if you have Prime.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After 30 years of marriage, I'm tells my envious friends that I still get s**... almost every day..
Friends: no way!
Me: yup! Almost on a Monday.. almost on a Tuesday.. almost on a Wednesday.. almost on a Thursday, almost on a Friday, almost on a Saturday and almost on a Sunday!
An alien drops by the White House and exclaims: "take me to your leader". The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship.....
"Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!" calls a Senator.
"You are right!" responds the alien.
"See you on Thursday!"
Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. The Doctor told him that he has both good news and bad news.
"Good news is you have 48 hours to live," he said to Harry.
"Bad news is I should have told you on Tuesday.
Three old men, hard of hearing
Three old men, hard of hearing, are waiting at a bus stop on a hill, it's winter time.
The first man goes as he's shivering brrrr, it's windy !
The second one responds it's not Wednesday, it's Thursday ,
And the third man says I'm thirsty too, let's go grab a beer !
I get laid almost every day of the week.
Almost got laid on Monday, almost got laid on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday, almost on Thursday, almost on Friday, almost on Saturday, and almost on Sunday.
