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Thursday Jokes

129 thursday jokes and hilarious thursday puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about thursday that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of Thursday jokes. From knock-knock jokes to puns, we've got jokes for every sense of humor.

Funniest Thursday Short Jokes

Short thursday jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The thursday humour may include short noon jokes also.

  1. Monday - Greg, Tuesday - Ian, Wednesday - Greg, Thursday - Ian, Friday - Greg, Saturday - Ian, Sunday - Greg The Gregorian calendar
  2. I looked at my bank account and found I could live the rest of my life comfortably without working... ... as long as I die on Thursday.
  3. I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink on days that start with letter T. Tuesday, Thursday and Today.
  4. Three old men are out for a walk The first says "Windy isn't it?"
    The second replies "No it's not, it's Thursday"
    The third then says "Yeah, so am I. Let's go get a drink"
  5. I only drink on days that start with "T" Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, Thunday.
  6. Starting this Thursday, some movie theaters will not allow large bags inside the theater But thank god I have a few twix up my sleeve
  7. Two old englishmen are standing on the underground platform The first old man asks "Is this Wembley?"
    The other replies "No, Thursday."
    The first replies "Ah! So am I. Shall we go and get a pint?"
  8. Three old guys are sitting on a bench in the park One says, "Windy today."
    Another says, "You idiot, it's Thursday."
    The third guy says, "Me too, let's go get a beer."
  9. A windy day Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench.
    The first says to her friends "gosh, it's windy today".
    The second says "no, it's Thursday".
    The third says "so am I. Let's get a drink".
  10. My boss asked why I have been late 4 times this week I replied "because it's only Thursday"

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Thursday One Liners

Which thursday one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with thursday? I can suggest the ones about thursday work and tonight.

  1. If you think Thursdays are depressed, wait for two more days.... It will be a sadder day.
  2. Two wifi antennas got married last Thursday. The reception was fantastic!
  3. what do french people call a bad Thursday Trajeudi
  4. It's Alzheimers day on thursday... It's Alzheimers day on thursday...
  5. If I could be an animal for one day I think I'd choose a Thursday.
  6. What's the worst thing that can happen on Friday? You realize it's Thursday.
  7. Think Thursday is depressing? Wait two days It'll be sadder day then
  8. Do you know what kind of bird doesn't fly on fridays? A one that died on Thursday...
  9. If you think Thursdays are bad, just wait two days... It will be a sadder day.
  10. I have enough money saved to live happy for the rest of my life. If I die next Thursday
  11. What do French people call a really bad Thursday ? A trajeudi
  12. Today was the opening World Cup match. Or as the Italians call it: Thursday
  13. They call it "Valentine's Day" I call it Thursday.
  14. What day of the week would you drink the most water? Thursday
  15. Whats a Pirate's worst nightmare? A small chest... with no boooooty.
    Happy Thursday.

Thursday Work Jokes

Here is a list of funny thursday work jokes and even better thursday work puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Remember, always give 100% of your effort at work 12% on Monday
    23% on Tuesday
    40% on Wednesday
    20% on Thursday
    5% on Friday
  • Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.

Thirsty Thursday Jokes

Here is a list of funny thirsty thursday jokes and even better thirsty thursday puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Three old friends, Joe, Bob, and Vick are sitting on a park bench. Joe says, "Windy ain't it?"
    Bob says, "Nah, it's Thursday."
    Vick says, "Yeah I'm thirsty. Let's go get a beer."
  • 3 old ladies are sitting on a bus The first one says - it's windy.
    Second one says - it's not Wednesday, it's Thursday.
    Third one says - yea, I'm thirsty too, we should buy something to drink.
  • 3 elderly men are sitting next to each other on a park bench The first says, It's windy today.
    The second says, No it's Thursday.
    The third says, I'm thirsty, too. Lets get a beer.
  • 3 old man overheard at central park. Old man 1: its windy isn't it?
    Old man 2: No! Its Thursday !
    Old man 3: yeah me too im thirsty! lets go get some drink!
  • I'm thirsty Hello Thursday, I'm Friday. Let's go out Saturday and have a Sunday
  • Dad, I'm thirsty. Hey Thursday, I'm Friday.
Thursday joke, Dad, I'm thirsty.

Thankful Thursday Jokes

Here is a list of funny thankful thursday jokes and even better thankful thursday puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a fat guy, from New Orleans, that never tells the truth? A jambo-laya.
    Thanks for coming out, I'll be here till Thursday.
  • thanksgiving holiday weekend where the entire country gives thanks on Thursdays and becomes homicidal on Friday in preparation for the birth of the prince of peace.

Throwback Thursday Jokes

Here is a list of funny throwback thursday jokes and even better throwback thursday puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The deep sea fishing administration has now implemented a program to conserve more fish... It is called "Throwback Thursday."
  • When the Internet was invented in the 1970's... Throwback Thursday was followed by Full Bush Friday.
  • What's a chiropractor's busiest day? Throwback Thursday.
  • I went fishing on Throwback Thursday What a terrible day to fish.

Thursday Office Jokes

Here is a list of funny thursday office jokes and even better thursday office puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Autocorrect s**...! Look what I've sent to somebody in the office by mistake... - "Next Tuesday I'll lick you, s**... you and bite you all night!"
    - Hahahaha, what did you want to say?
    - *Thursday
Thursday joke, Autocorrect s**...! Look what I've sent to somebody in the office by mistake...

Thursday Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about thursday you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean windy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make thursday pranks.

Three elderly men are taking a walk outside their nursing home. The first one says, "Windy, isn't it?" The second one says, "No, it's Thursday!" The third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

Wrong Email

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

So a pirate has been on a ship for 6 months...

but there are no women on the ship and being male,he had some...urges, so he asked the captain " arr its been 6 months since we've had a lass on the ship and some of the others are getting urges. what can we do about them??" and the captain responds" go down to the front of the ship and there will be a barrel, stick your privates in there and go at it." so he did as he was told and when he was done he came back. he told the captain " captain! that was great! how many times can i use it????" and the captain turned to him and said " every day except thursday." and the pirate asked " why?" the captain responded " aye, because thats your turn to be in the barrel."

Mental institution

There's a mental institution, and they are having a
patient evaluation, to see if any patients need to be there
any longer. The doctor then goes around questioning the top three candidates.
He goes to the first patient and asks him , "What is 3 times 3?"
After an hour of scratching his head, and with a confused look on his face he replies, "Two-hundred!".
"That is incorrect." The doctor responds.
He then asks the next patient."What is 3 multiplied by 3?" After a long period of time the patient
responds, "Thursday!". "That is incorrect replies the doctor.

He then goes to the next patient and asks him, "What is 3 times 3?"
The patient quickly responds, "Nine!". The doctor then says "Correct!,
how did you figure that out?" The patient then responds, "I multiplied, 200 by Thursday and then
I added three!"

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day....

One remarked, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday..."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

Valentine's Day for people who are single.

For people who are sad about being single: it's called Single Awareness Day
For people who are happy about being single: it's called Single Independence Day
For people who just don't care about being single: it's just called Thursday
For people like me: I call it Date With My Right Hand otherwise known as Everyday

Paybacktime


A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.
"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye

I could retire today and live happily for the rest of my life....

so long as I die by noon, thursday.

Three old guys are out walking...

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

ahh, those were the days...

Three men with hearing aids are walking down the street

One of them says,
"Brr, it's windy today, ain't it?"
The second man responds,
"No, it's Thursday you idiot."
The last one says,
"Me too, let's go get a drink."

Three Old Men

Three old men are walking down the street when the first says, "it's windy today!"
The second replies, "no, it's thursday."
The third old man says, "I'm thirsty too. I could go for a beer."

What are the 7 Irish drinking holidays?

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

Three old men are walking down the street...

The first old man says "Hey, it's Windy"
The second old man says "No, Thursday"
The third one says "I agree, lets go get a beer"

My fitness instructor asked me how flexible I was...

So I told him I can't do Tuesdays or Thursdays.

The inventor of the dissapointing punchline has died

His f**... will be held on Thursday at 2pm.

Man walks into a bar and orders 4 beers.

Drinks them, and leaves.
Next week same time does the same thing: orders 4 beers, drinks them, and leaves.
The third week; same thing. The bartender is curious so he asks. "well, I moved here few weeks ago. Back home my 3 brothers and I met every Thursday after work for a beer. Since I was feeling homesick I figured I would keep up the tradition even if I had to do it alone."
This goes on for several weeks until one week the man comes in and orders three beers and a coke. Bartender says, "I hate to pry but what happened? Did one of your brothers pass away?"
The man chuckles and says, "No nothing like that. I decided to quit drinking."

One of my favorite somewhat inappropriate jokes.

Moish walks sees Shlomo sitting by himself in a bar, drink in hand.
He walks over, puts a hand on Shlomo's shoulder and says "I'm so sorry to hear about the fire in your factory."
Shlomo gives Moish an angry look and says quietly "Shhh you idiot! That's on Thursday!"

A few minutes ago while I was lifeguarding, an old lady told me that I looked like a lion pacing back and forth.

Now I'm nervous for my dentist appointment on Thursday.

So my house got broken into while I was away and the monitoring company called my cell...

"Hello, this is Xfinity home security. We see your alarm is going off and we can have someone respond to it next week Thursday between 8 Am and 5 pm, will that work for you?"

When you get old, your hearing starts to go...

Three old men are walking down the street one afternoon. The first one remarks "Windy, isn't it?"
The second one says "Nah! It's Thursday."
The third one nods and replies "So am I, let's stop for a drink."

Three hard-of-hearing friends are sitting together on a bench.

One says "Wow, it sure is windy."
Another corrects, "No, it's Thursday."
The last one says "So am I, let's go inside and drink some tea."

A Husband came home late at night from the office one day and realised he forgot his Wife's birthday...

"How would you feel if you don't see me for next few days?" His wife said

He couldn't believe his luck. He replied at once. "Wowww.....That would be great!''

Monday passed & he didn't see her....

Tuesday he didn't see her...

and Wednesday passed too...

On Thursday the swelling was better as he caught a glimpse of her from the corner of his left eye.

In honor of Throwback Thursday, here's a joke from 2008.

What will happen if Hillary Clinton becomes president?
She will file for divorce.
And what will happen if Barack Obama becomes president?
He'll have the White House repainted.

A recent study shows most Americans like to have s**... on days that begin with T

Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow

Dave was trying to figure out what he would get his wife for her birthday...

Tired of racking his brain, he flat out asked her what she wanted. She replied "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds." So he bought her a bathroom scale.
Dave hasn't been heard from or seen since Thursday.

3 Elderly Gentlemen Go for a Walk on the Beach...

The first remarks, "It's windy today!"
"No!", replies the second, "It's Thursday!"
"Me too!", shouts the third over the sound of howling wind, "Let's go for a drink!"

Why do scuba divers dive backwards?

Cause if they dived forward they would fell on the boat.
Real reason so that the eye and nose masks don't get filled with water on the impact straightforward and the oxygen tanks are heavy and it would exert less strain on the back. A prudent way.
Throwback Thursday Joke
Edited few grammar mistakes.

Polish joke

A nurse is checking up on the patients in a mental asylum. She asks the first patient, "What is 2+2?"
"3,942,304" He answers, disappointing the nurse.
"What is 2+2?" She asks the next patient.
"Thursday." He answers confidently
She sighs and moves on to the next person.
"What is 2+2?"
"4"
"Wow!" she exclaims. "How'd you find that out?"
"I divided 3,942,304 by Thursday."

I have s**... almost every day

Almost on Sunday
Almost on Monday
Almost on Tuesday
Almost on Wednesday
Almost on Thursday
Almost on Friday
And almost on Saturday

A man was killed by an assassin

An Irishman was killed by an assassin in his own home Thursday. Sources say the assailant was armed only with 2 porcelain figures. After beating the man to death, the assassin threw the body to several mongrel dogs that lived in a nearby wooded area.
Police claim it's the first known case of a Knick-Knack p**... whack, give a dog a bone.

A married man left work early one Friday afternoon...

Instead of going home, however, he squandered the weekend (and his paycheck) partying with the boys.
When he finally returned home on Sunday night, he ran into a barrage of epithets from his furious wife. After a couple of hours of nagging and berating, his wife asked, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days!?!"
"That would suit me just fine!!!"
Monday went by and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same result.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye..

My impression of 2 old nearly deaf guys at the park sitting on a bench together.

Old guy 1. Boy, it sure is windy.
Old guy 2. No it's not! It's Thursday!
Old guy 1. Yeah me too. Lets go get a beer.

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed as it left a New York publishing house last Thursday.

According to the Associated Press,
witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied,
confused, punchy, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered,
mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted,
astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, boggled, 
overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, and perplexed.

I think as marriages go, we're doing absolutely awesome, I mean I get to sleep with my wife nearly every day!

Nearly on Monday,
nearly on Tuesday,
nearly on Wednesday,
nearly on Thursday,
nearly on Friday,
nearly on Saturday and
nearly on Sunday

Two friends are traveling through a deafening storm

"SURE IS WINDY TODAY!"
"IT'S THURSDAY!"
"ME TOO! I THINK THERE'S A BAR JUST UP THE ROAD!"

Peace Mr Gunther.

After a long, tough, life Mr Gunther, born on 21.06.1946 on a beautyfull suny day.
He has found his rest and peace.
The f**... of his wife will be held on Thursday.

Wednesday and Thursday were named after the Norse Gods Odin and Thor...

And if you really enjoy facts about Norse Gods then today is your Loki-day!

I called up the gym and asked them if they can teach me how to do the splits.

They said, "How flexible are you?"
"Well, I can't do Tuesdays or Thursdays."

George wasn't feeling too good. He felt worn out.

"How's your s**... life?" asked the doctor.
"Every Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday, never fail", said George.
"Why not cut out Sunday?", suggested the doctor.
"I can't do that. It's the only day I'm home."

My milk expires next thursday

That means my milk has a date on Valentines Day, and I still don't.

On Monday, h**... told 1 lie.

On Tuesday, he again told 1 lie.
On Wednesday, he told 2 lies.
On Thursday, 3.
On Friday, 5.
On Saturday, 8.
And on Sunday, h**... told 13 lies.
That is the fibber-n**... sequence.

Three old friends are sitting on a bench.

First one says "It's windy." Second one says, "No, It's Thursday." Third one says "Me too, let's go get a beer."

Three seniors are out for a stroll.

One of them remarks, It's windy.

Another replies, No way. It's Thursday.

The last one says, Me too. Let's have a soda.

Three old friends, all with very bad hearing, meet on the corner.

Isn't it windy? the first man asks.

No, says the second, it's Thursday.

Agreed, says the third man, let's go grab a beer.

Blonde walks into an elevator

She sees her co worker Steve & says "TGIF". Steve has a puzzled look on his face and replies "NSIT". Ever more puzzled the blonde replies "TGIF, thank God it's Friday". Steve then says "NSIT, no s**... it's Thursday"

Until this crisis is over im going to stick to m**... just before 8pm on Thursday evenings

The neighbourhood applauding me as I finish is just the confident booster I need

Three old friends are walking on a beach, when one turns slightly to the group and says:

„It's windy today!
„No, it's Thursday! replies the one walking in the middle, looking a bit confused.
„So am I! Let's have a beer. adds the third one

A man walks into a bar with a pineapple on his head.

The bartender looks at him quizzically and says Mate. Why the h**... do you have a pineapple on your head?! The man answers Oh, it's ok. I always wear a pineapple on my head on Tuesdays. The bartender says But it's Thursday... Upon hearing this the man's face changes to a look of abject horror and he says Oh God! I'm so embarrassed!!

I bought a used Lamborghini cheap with hopes of making a quick buck. My friend offered to flip it for me.

He was as good as his word. The f**... is Thursday.

My cousin decided to try parkour, so he jumped off a single floor hotel. Anyway, to make a long story short

would've helped. f**...'s Thursday.

If you think Thursday are depressing, wait two days

Then it would be a sadder day (Saturday)

Best way to vaccinate the masses

Train all of the Amazon drivers to give it.
Everyone will have it by Saturday.
Thursday if you have Prime.

After 30 years of marriage, I'm tells my envious friends that I still get s**... almost every day..

Friends: no way!
Me: yup! Almost on a Monday.. almost on a Tuesday.. almost on a Wednesday.. almost on a Thursday, almost on a Friday, almost on a Saturday and almost on a Sunday!

Three really old guys are out walking.

First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'  
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'  
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.

An alien drops by the White House and exclaims: "take me to your leader". The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship.....

"Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!" calls a Senator.
"You are right!" responds the alien.
"See you on Thursday!"

Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. The Doctor told him that he has both good news and bad news.

"Good news is you have 48 hours to live," he said to Harry.
"Bad news is I should have told you on Tuesday.

Three old men, hard of hearing

Three old men, hard of hearing, are waiting at a bus stop on a hill, it's winter time.
The first man goes as he's shivering brrrr, it's windy !
The second one responds it's not Wednesday, it's Thursday ,
And the third man says I'm thirsty too, let's go grab a beer !

I get laid almost every day of the week.

Almost got laid on Monday, almost got laid on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday, almost on Thursday, almost on Friday, almost on Saturday, and almost on Sunday.

Did you guys know too much s**... can cause memory loss?

I learnt that in a medical journal, page 34. At 3:38pm on Thursday the 7th.

A woman gets on an Elevator with a Man

The Woman says "TGIF"
So the man says "s**..."
The woman again says "TGIF"
And again the man says "s**..."
So finally the woman explains TGIF means Thank God Its Friday
And the man says s**... means Sorry Honey Its Thursday

I went to the pub on Friday with my friends and didn't come home until Sunday night. When i got home, my wife was so angry...

She said "how would you like it if you didn't see me for three days straight?"
i said "that would be b**... lovely".
So I didn't see her on the Monday, the Tuesday or the Wednesday, but by Thursday the swelling around my eyes went down enough to make her out again.

Patient: Doc: I think I'm psychic.

Psychiatrist: When did this happen?
Patient: Next Thursday.

Superstition

I was trimming my nails when my Grandfather said with a sigh "You should not cut your nails on Thursdays".
I had never adhered to these superstition but out of curiosity I asked, "What happens when I cut my nails on Thursday?"
He explained, "You see the weekend starts tomorrow Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It's difficult to open the beer cans and the Lays packs without the nails."
Moral: Some superstitions do have a scientific basis!

Thursday joke, Superstition

jokes about thursday