Thursday Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
Monday - Greg, Tuesday - Ian, Wednesday - Greg, Thursday - Ian, Friday - Greg, Saturday - Ian, Sunday - Greg
The Gregorian calendar
Wrong Email
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
So a pirate has been on a ship for 6 months...
but there are no women on the ship and being male,he had some...urges, so he asked the captain " arr its been 6 months since we've had a lass on the ship and some of the others are getting urges. what can we do about them??" and the captain responds" go down to the front of the ship and there will be a barrel, stick your privates in there and go at it." so he did as he was told and when he was done he came back. he told the captain " captain! that was great! how many times can i use it????" and the captain turned to him and said " every day except thursday." and the pirate asked " why?" the captain responded " aye, because thats your turn to be in the barrel."
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day....
One remarked, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday..."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
A windy day
Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench.
The first says to her friends "gosh, it's windy today".
The second says "no, it's Thursday".
The third says "so am I. Let's get a drink".
I could retire today and live happily for the rest of my life....
so long as I die by noon, thursday.
Three old guys are sitting on a bench in the park
One says, "Windy today."
Another says, "You idiot, it's Thursday."
The third guy says, "Me too, let's go get a beer."
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
Ahh, those were the days...
Three men with hearing aids are walking down the street
One of them says,
"Brr, it's windy today, ain't it?"
The second man responds,
"No, it's Thursday you idiot."
The last one says,
"Me too, let's go get a drink."
Three old men are walking down the street...
The first old man says "Hey, it's Windy"
The second old man says "No, Thursday"
The third one says "I agree, lets go get a beer"
The inventor of the dissapointing punchline has died
His f**... will be held on Thursday at 2pm.
You can explore thursday sunday reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean thursday tuesday dad jokes. There are also thursday puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Man walks into a bar and orders 4 beers.
Drinks them, and leaves.
Next week same time does the same thing: orders 4 beers, drinks them, and leaves.
The third week; same thing. The bartender is curious so he asks. "well, I moved here few weeks ago. Back home my 3 brothers and I met every Thursday after work for a beer. Since I was feeling homesick I figured I would keep up the tradition even if I had to do it alone."
This goes on for several weeks until one week the man comes in and orders three beers and a coke. Bartender says, "I hate to pry but what happened? Did one of your brothers pass away?"
The man chuckles and says, "No nothing like that. I decided to quit drinking."
One of my favorite somewhat inappropriate jokes.
Moish walks sees Shlomo sitting by himself in a bar, drink in hand.
He walks over, puts a hand on Shlomo's shoulder and says "I'm so sorry to hear about the fire in your factory."
Shlomo gives Moish an angry look and says quietly "Shhh you idiot! That's on Thursday!"
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink on days that start with letter T.
Tuesday, Thursday and Today.
A few minutes ago while I was lifeguarding, an old lady told me that I looked like a lion pacing back and forth.
Now I'm nervous for my dentist appointment on Thursday.
So my house got broken into while I was away and the monitoring company called my cell...
"Hello, this is Xfinity home security. We see your alarm is going off and we can have someone respond to it next week Thursday between 8 Am and 5 pm, will that work for you?"
When you get old, your hearing starts to go...
Three old men are walking down the street one afternoon. The first one remarks "Windy, isn't it?"
The second one says "Nah! It's Thursday."
The third one nods and replies "So am I, let's stop for a drink."
Three hard-of-hearing friends are sitting together on a bench.
One says "Wow, it sure is windy."
Another corrects, "No, it's Thursday."
The last one says "So am I, let's go inside and drink some tea."
A Husband came home late at night from the office one day and realised he forgot his Wife's birthday...
"How would you feel if you don't see me for next few days?" His wife said
He couldn't believe his luck. He replied at once. "Wowww.....That would be great!''
Monday passed & he didn't see her....
Tuesday he didn't see her...
and Wednesday passed too...
On Thursday the swelling was better as he caught a glimpse of her from the corner of his left eye.
Dave was trying to figure out what he would get his wife for her birthday...
Tired of racking his brain, he flat out asked her what she wanted. She replied "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds." So he bought her a bathroom scale.
Dave hasn't been heard from or seen since Thursday.
I looked at my bank account and found I could live the rest of my life comfortably without working...
... as long as I die on Thursday.
I only drink on days that start with "T"
Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, Thunday.
I have s**... almost every day
Almost on Sunday
Almost on Monday
Almost on Tuesday
Almost on Wednesday
Almost on Thursday
Almost on Friday
And almost on Saturday
A man was killed by an assassin
An Irishman was killed by an assassin in his own home Thursday. Sources say the assailant was armed only with 2 porcelain figures. After beating the man to death, the assassin threw the body to several mongrel dogs that lived in a nearby wooded area.
Police claim it's the first known case of a Knick-Knack p**... whack, give a dog a bone.
It's Alzheimers day on thursday...
It's Alzheimers day on thursday...
My boss asked why I have been late 4 times this week
I replied "because it's only Thursday"
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed as it left a New York publishing house last Thursday.
According to the Associated Press,
witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied,
confused, punchy, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered,
mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted,
astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, boggled,
overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, and perplexed.
I think as marriages go, we're doing absolutely awesome, I mean I get to sleep with my wife nearly every day!
Nearly on Monday,
nearly on Tuesday,
nearly on Wednesday,
nearly on Thursday,
nearly on Friday,
nearly on Saturday and
nearly on Sunday
Starting this Thursday, some movie theaters will not allow large bags inside the theater
But thank God I have a few twix up my sleeve
Wednesday and Thursday were named after the Norse Gods Odin and Thor...
And if you really enjoy facts about Norse Gods then today is your Loki-day!
My milk expires next thursday
That means my milk has a date on Valentines Day, and I still don't.
On Monday, h**... told 1 lie.
On Tuesday, he again told 1 lie.
On Wednesday, he told 2 lies.
On Thursday, 3.
On Friday, 5.
On Saturday, 8.
And on Sunday, h**... told 13 lies.
That is the fibber-n**... sequence.
Three old friends are sitting on a bench.
First one says "It's windy." Second one says, "No, It's Thursday." Third one says "Me too, let's go get a beer."
Blonde walks into an elevator
She sees her co worker Steve & says "TGIF". Steve has a puzzled look on his face and replies "NSIT". Ever more puzzled the blonde replies "TGIF, thank God it's Friday". Steve then says "NSIT, no s**... it's Thursday"
Until this crisis is over im going to stick to m**... just before 8pm on Thursday evenings
The neighbourhood applauding me as I finish is just the confident booster I need
If you think Thursdays are depressed, wait for two more days....
It will be a sadder day.
Do you know what kind of bird doesn't fly on fridays?
A one that died on Thursday...
Three old friends are walking on a beach, when one turns slightly to the group and says:
„It's windy today!
„No, it's Thursday! replies the one walking in the middle, looking a bit confused.
„So am I! Let's have a beer. adds the third one
Three old men are out for a walk
The first says "Windy isn't it?"
The second replies "No it's not, it's Thursday"
The third then says "Yeah, so am I. Let's go get a drink"
Think Thursday is depressing? Wait two days
It'll be sadder day then
I bought a used Lamborghini cheap with hopes of making a quick buck. My friend offered to flip it for me.
He was as good as his word. The f**... is Thursday.
My cousin decided to try parkour, so he jumped off a single floor hotel. Anyway, to make a long story short
would've helped. f**...'s Thursday.
Best way to vaccinate the masses
Train all of the Amazon drivers to give it.
Everyone will have it by Saturday.
Thursday if you have Prime.
After 30 years of marriage, I'm tells my envious friends that I still get s**... almost every day..
Friends: no way!
Me: yup! Almost on a Monday.. almost on a Tuesday.. almost on a Wednesday.. almost on a Thursday, almost on a Friday, almost on a Saturday and almost on a Sunday!
Three old friends, Joe, Bob, and Vick are sitting on a park bench.
Joe says, "Windy ain't it?"
Bob says, "Nah, it's Thursday."
Vick says, "Yeah I'm thirsty. Let's go get a beer."
Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. The Doctor told him that he has both good news and bad news.
"Good news is you have 48 hours to live," he said to Harry.
"Bad news is I should have told you on Tuesday.
Three old men, hard of hearing
Three old men, hard of hearing, are waiting at a bus stop on a hill, it's winter time.
The first man goes as he's shivering brrrr, it's windy !
The second one responds it's not Wednesday, it's Thursday ,
And the third man says I'm thirsty too, let's go grab a beer !
Did you guys know too much s**... can cause memory loss?
I learnt that in a medical journal, page 34. At 3:38pm on Thursday the 7th.
A woman gets on an Elevator with a Man
The Woman says "TGIF"
So the man says "s**..."
The woman again says "TGIF"
And again the man says "s**..."
So finally the woman explains TGIF means Thank God Its Friday
And the man says s**... means Sorry Honey Its Thursday
Patient: Doc: I think I'm psychic.
Psychiatrist: When did this happen?
Patient: Next Thursday.
Superstition
I was trimming my nails when my Grandfather said with a sigh "You should not cut your nails on Thursdays".
I had never adhered to these superstition but out of curiosity I asked, "What happens when I cut my nails on Thursday?"
He explained, "You see the weekend starts tomorrow Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It's difficult to open the beer cans and the Lays packs without the nails."
Moral: Some superstitions do have a scientific basis!
If you think Thursdays are bad, just wait two days...
It will be a sadder day.
I have enough money saved up to last me for the rest of my life!
all I have to do now is die before thursday.
Two wifi antennas got married last Thursday.
The reception was fantastic!
I told my gf I want to be cremated
she made an appointment *next* **Thursday**.
A guy came home to his best friend and wife in bed
He pulled out a .45, shot both of 'em
Next morning, his friend went down to the jail
He said, "Fred, don't take it so hard"
He said, "It could have been worse"
He said, "What you mean, it could have been worse?"
He said, "Man, two people dead. I might get the electric chair. You tell me it could have been worse?"
He said, "Yeah, baby. It could have been worse."
He said, "What you mean?"
He said, "h**..., if you'd have came Thursday instead of Friday, you'd have gotten me too"
If I could be an animal for one day
I think I'd choose a Thursday.
What's the worst thing that can happen on Friday?
You realize it's Thursday.
French Star Wars fans have something to look forward to every week....
Each Thursday is the Return of the Jeudi.
Why did Saturday and Sunday win the body-building competition?
Because Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday are week days.
Two old men are riding on a train in north London, when it stops at a station.
First Old Man: Is this Wembley?
Second Old Man: No, it's Thursday.
First Old Man: So am I. Let's go get a beer!
