Thunder And Lightning Jokes

22 thunder and lightning jokes and hilarious thunder and lightning puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about thunder and lightning that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Thunder And Lightning Short Jokes

Short thunder and lightning jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The thunder and lightning humour may include short thunder jokes also.

  1. Me and my girlfriend have nicknames for each other; I call her thunder and she calls me lightning. I'm lightning because I always come first
  2. Why do they call them thunder storms and not lightning storms? Thunder storms just *sound* better
  3. What did the lightning say to the fireworks? Hey! You stole my thunder.
    Credit to my nine year old daughter on the 4th
  4. Why do we always see lightning before the thunder noise comes? Our eyes are at the front of our head.
  5. Why do you see lightning first before you hear the thunder? Because your eyes are in front of your ears.
  6. Why shouldn't you smoke w**... during a thunder storm? Because lightning strikes the highest object.

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Thunder And Lightning One Liners

Which thunder and lightning one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with thunder and lightning? I can suggest the ones about lightning and lightning storm.

  1. An ode to my ex He really was the lightning to my thunder...
    He always came first
  2. What is a gamers explanation for first seeing the lightning and then hearing thunder Lag
  3. What do you call thunder and lightning in a tea cup A storm brewing
  4. Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!

Thunder And Lightning Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about thunder and lightning you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lightning strikes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make thunder and lightning pranks.


The god of thunder is riding through the sky on his mighty stallion. With lightning crashing all around, he triumphantly screams, "I'M THOR!" His horse looks up and says, "Of courthe you are, you forgot your thaddle thilly!"

I had to go to my Grandmother's f**... yesterday...

...just as the graveside service had ended, there was an almighty rumble of thunder, followed by a bolt of lightning.
My Grandfather turned to the Priest and said, "well, she's there and now it's His problem!"

The Thunder God astride his horse came riding from the sky.

A majestic sight for all to see, a Marvel for the eye!
He held aloft his hammer great, lightning flashed and thunder boomed!
"I AM THOR!" he cried.
His horse replied, "Well you forgot your thaddle, thilly."

Three high school students are standing outside the school...

When they notice thunder and lighting in the distance. The French exchange student throws his hands in the air, screams, and runs away. One student asks the other, "Why did he run away like that?" To which the other replies "He knows lightning always strikes the point of least resistance."
True story, changed setting for simplicity.

Painting a Church: My favourite joke

Bill, an unscrupulous painter, would often thin down his paint when hired to do a job, and pocket the money he'd save.
One day, the local church decided to do some long-awaited maintenance, and hired Bill for the job.
Bill gets to work, and after a good few hours, he's nearly done - as he stands on his scaffolding to finish off the steeple, he smiles to himself: the paint job looks pretty good, he's scammed the church out of a few hundred bucks, and he'll be done before dinner.
Suddenly, thunder ensues, a huge bolt of lightning knocks Bill right off his scaffolding, and the skies open up - and all of Bill's newly-applied paint washes right off the church.
Bill, a religious man despite his thievery, knows it's a sign from God. He falls to his knees in a puddle of rainwater and paint, and cries, "Oh God, forgive me! What should I do?"
And amongst the thunder, a booming voice: "REPAINT! REPAINT! AND THIN NO MORE!"

Painting the church

Two volunteers are painting the church. They begin to paint and about half way through, they realize they don't have enough paint to finish. Well, its just the church, so they thin the paint and continue. Getting close to the end, still not enough to finish, so they start to thin again, and there's a flash of lightning, a clap of thunder, and a voice thunders out of the clouds, "Repaint, and thin no more!"
Or was it planting the church garden, and the voice said,"Replant and thin no more"
Or was it, "post and repost no more"
I can't remember, I'm old and I get so mixed up.

A man and a priest are playing golf...

... the man is putting and misses his shot. "g**..., I missed," the man says.
The priest tells him to not take the Lord's name in vain, or God would strike him down.
The man swings and misses again.
"g**..., I missed."
The priest, again, reminds him that God would strike him down, if he uses the Lord's name in vain.
The man swings and misses a third time. He says, "g**..., I missed."
All of a sudden, there's thunder and dark clouds fill the sky over the golf course. A flash of lightning strikes down from the heavens and hits the priest. A deep voice coming from the clouds says, "g**..., I missed."

Dating in the old days

Back when my Grandpa was courtin' (dating) my Grandma in the rural mountains of North Carolina he picked her up for their first date in his horse-drawn buggy. As they were traveling down the bumpy dirt roads his bowels began to rumble and he was struggling to keep from breaking wind. About halfway to his parent's house a storm started to blow in so he decided the next time he saw lightning he would time it and let it rip during the thunder. This worked perfectly and Grandma never knew. Soon he felt the urge again and he waited for the lightning and timed it perfectly. Wanting to make casual conversation he said to Grandma, We had better hurry, that one sounded close . Grandma said Yes, it smells like it struck a s**... .