The Best 62 Thumb Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Thumb jokes. There are some thumb tongs jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these thumb leverage puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Thumb Jokes and Puns

What has two thumbs and doesn't understand jokes that require a visual component?

This guy!

What has two thumbs and got laid last night?

My hands.

Why are hands so important?

You always need them for thumb finger another.

Thumb joke, Why are hands so important?

Little Erika hates hypocrisy..

Little Erika gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. As she passes her parents' bedroom she peeks in through the keyhole. She watches for a moment, then continues on down the hallway muttering to herself, "And she gets mad at me for sucking my thumb . "

A man goes to his proctologist for an exam...

The doctor tells him to drop his drawers and let him know when he feels his thumb. After a few seconds, the doctor asks the man if he can feel it and the man replies no. A few seconds later, the doctor asks again. This time the man says yes he can feel the doctors thumb. At this point, the doctor leans over and waving both thumbs at the guys face says Surprise!


A man asks the waiter: "Why do you have your thumb on my steak?"

"So I don't drop it again, Sir."

Who's got two thumbs and dissociative identity disorder?

*points thumbs at chest*

That guy.

Thumb joke, Who's got two thumbs and dissociative identity disorder?

Where does a thumb meet its type?

At ***the space bar!*** oh-my-goodness! ~Skip

A brunette, A redhead, and A blonde....

Enter an elevator and spot something on the floor.

The brunette immediately says "Eww, that's sperm".

The redhead, touches it with her index finger and rubs it with her thumb together and says "Yup, definitely sperm".

The blonde, touches it, rubs it between her fingers and tastes it and says: "Yup, definitely sperm, and it's not from anyone in this building."

Three of five fingers were willing to cooperate

but the thumb and forefinger were opposed!

Pregnant Woman

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat.

Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"

You can explore thumb hand reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean thumb frown dad jokes. There are also thumb puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What has two thumbs and severe adhd?

i don't know but you are gonna love this yoyo trick

Who has two thumbs and wears a mask?

Disguise!

Little Jack Warner

Little Jack Warner

Sat in the corner

A finger in every pie.

He stuck in his thumb

And pulled out a bung

And said "Lets all go to Dubai!"

What did hitler say when he smashed his thumb with a hammer?

"Au, schwitz!"

Little Mortie got a real surprise when he barged into his parents' room one night.

And you slap me for sucking my thumb? he screamed.

Thumb joke, Little Mortie got a real surprise when he barged into his parents' room one night.

A little girl went into her parents bedroom to find her parents in bed.

Well! she exclaimed. And you tell me off just for sucking
my thumb.

A guy at work lost his thumb and had to replace it with his big toe. (True Story)

Now we ask to get "your foot off the table" when he's eating.

A good rule of thumb is

It's opposable.


"Who's got two thumbs and finds this joke funny?"

"Not this guy!"
-Thumb amputee victim

I went to a Halloween party where everyone was dressed like a sore thumb

Not me, no, I stuck out like a vicar.

Who has two thumbs and a concealed identity?

Disguise!

So I asked my waiter,why he has his thumb on my steak?

He replied "so the steak shouldn't fall on the floor again"

Who's got two thumbs and nothing else?

THIS pair of disembodied thumbs!

[Long] I was at dinner with my wife...

I ordered a steak and the waiter delivered it with his thumb on top of it. "Sir, this is unacceptable, your thumb was in my food," I complained. The waiter replied, "I'm sorry sir, I didn't want it to fall on the floor again."

At the Hotel Bar...

A man was sitting at a hotel bar, when a group of men sat down next to him and ordered a round of drinks.

"You guys with a convention?"

"Yes, we're with the Gynecology conference"

"Really? I was this close" he holds up his finger and thumb about an inch apart "to becoming a Gynecologist."

"So what did you end up doing?"

"I'm a proctologist."

A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom.

"Holy F**k" she screams "and you want ME to see a doctor about sucking my thumb?!"

NSFW Rule of thumb in the bedroom

If she clenches, take it out.

Caught red handed

Little Johnny asks, "Dad, why do they say people who are good at gardening have a green thumb?".
Dad thought for a moment, "Johnny, it's just a saying. It's like when someone is caught stealing, it's said they're caught red handed, even though their hands are black".

What's got three thumbs and is bad at maths?

THIS guy!

What has 1 thumb and is very important?

A ransom note.

What's got two thumbs and can't figure out the difference between a string and an array?

[
0 => "T"
1 => "h"
2 => "i"
3 => "s"
4 => " "
5 => "g"
6 => "u"
7 => "y"
8 => "!"
]

Who has two thumbs and is headed to the hospital?

Not me. Christ that tablesaw was sharp.

My Grandad's joke: Hey, young fella! Want to see something swell?

Hit your thumb with a hammer!

"I know what you have been sucking on"

My nephew has a habit of sucking his thumb, so i had a brilliant idea to make him stop. I told him people that suck their thumbs become fat.

At the store yesterday however, we ran across a pregnant lady and he had the great idea to shout "I know what you have been sucking on" in the middle of the store.

Little Johnny tells his friend, "My grandpa died yesterday."

Friend asks, "Oh, how did that happen?"

Johnny, "He hit his thumb with a hammer."

Friend, "But you can't die of that!"

Johnny, "I know but he wouldn't stop screaming and cursing so we shot him."

What has two thumbs and never takes the blame?

That guy

Even after 5 years my wife likes to mix it up in the bedroom....

Last night she was had eaten too much, the night before that she was wayyyyyy too tired; last week she fell and broke her thumb. I never know what she will surprise me with next!

Why are women bad at parking?

Because men have told them that this (*holds thumb and index finger 2 inches apart*) is 8 inches.

I just accidentally super-glued my thumb & index finger together, and at first started to panic…

But then I remembered that it's always going to be okay.

What did finger say to the thumb?

I'm in glove with you.

What has 4 thumbs and pretends to be an adult at a movie theater?

Dis guise!

The other night I superglued my thumb and forefinger together...

Dont worry, everything is ok

Well dressed!

I made a shirt out of thumb tacks because I wanted to look sharp, but everyone thought it looked tacky.

My brother wanted me to go over the thumb rules of escaping a mass shooting..

- Clear out a particular chunk of the crowd,
- Shoot yourself in the foot
- Drop the gun and mix with the crowd.

What has 4 fingers, a thumb, and is not your hand?

My hand

I like to imagine my fingers as the races of Middle Earth...

The thumb is the dwarf because it's stout

The pinkie is the hobbit because it's diminutive

The index is the elf because it's the most dexterous

The ring is the human because they were given the most rings

And the middle is the orc... because it's the rudest

I found five orphaned kittens and decided to foster them. I named them Thumb, Index, Middle, Ring, and Pinky.

They sure are a handful to raise.

When the waiter brought my order he had his thumb in my steak

So I yelled at him, "I don't want your finger touching my food!" So he asks me, "Would you rather it fall on the floor again?"

I went to the worst restaurant last night

The waiter was holding my steak down with his thumb.

I said 'Excuse me, why are you holding my steak down with your thumb?'

He said 'Well I wouldn't want to drop it again'

Young Jesus comes running into Saint Joseph's carpenter shop...

Daddy, did you call me?

Ah no, son, I just hit my thumb with a hammer.

Why did the middle finger get mad at the thumb?

We don't know. It just snapped.

I hurt my thumb today!

But on the other hand I'm ok

Some people press the button in the elevator with their thumb and others press it with their index finger. Why?

To get to the right floor.

I saw my ex girlfriend walking on the street

Not wanting to talk to her, I pretended to be on the phone. But she walked straight to me and said: ' are you pretending to be on the phone?'
'Excuse me,' I said to my imaginery caller, then turned to her, 'No? Why would you say something like that?'
'well your thumb is at your ear and your pinky is at your mouth'

What has two thumbs and 100k karma on their cake day?

Not me.

True story

Not sure where to post this.

About 6 months ago, my now 5 year old daughter came into mine and my fiance's room, and started screaming saying she was missing her thumb. It took me a minute to realize what was going on.

A little backstory, my 5 year old daughter was born about 6 weeks early, and weighed 3 lbs even, she was and is also missing her thumb on her right hand.

This girl is going to have a very twisted sense of humor, just like me.

I just accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger together and at first, I started to panic. But then I remembered...

That it's always going to be okay...

Who has two thumbs and isn't afraid of the Chinese Government? This guy.

Who has two thumbs and is pro-evolution?

Not horses

A man walks into a bar

And sees a dog by the fireplace licking its balls.
The man goes to the bar and orders his drink and says to the barman while pointing his thumb towards the dog and says ha, I wish I could do that
The barman replies give him a biscuit and he might let you

We kidnapped your wife and are sending you her thumb. We'll kill her if you don't pay us 100000 USD.

The thumb can belong to anyone. Send her head instead.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the thumb waiter jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working thumb fingertips piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes