Thugs Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

There was once a group of Friars

Who began selling flowers instead of cheese. They found great success in this new calling, so much they were putting a local florist shop out of business.

The local florists were angry and decided to hire thugs to intimidate the friars into ceasing their flower sales. Thug after thug, no one was able to stop these men of God - until a man named Hugh made the friars scurry away from the town entirely!

This important story teaches us a valuable lesson: only Hugh can stop Florist Friars

Two nuns in the park...

Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Elizabeth are walking through the park when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the men begin to sexually assault them.

Sister Elizabeth casts her eyes heavenward and cries, "Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!"

Sister Mary turns and moans, "Oh God, mine does!"

I got mugged last night!

The thugs made off with my wallet, my cuff links, and even my mood ring...

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Two nuns were out walking in the woods

When two thugs jumped out from behind a bush and started raping the nuns, the first nun started praying to God, asking him to forgive the men as they knew not what they were doing, the second nun turned to the first and told her, yours might not know what he is doing but mine sure does.

Why do thugs buy used cop cars?

They never got to sit up front

I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.

I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.

A man and his friend were being chased by a bunch of thugs

The man ran into a circular building so that he could distract them from his friend who was a slow runner, he was alone in the circular building and had to fight them alone.
5 minutes later he came out unscathed.

His friend asked, "How did you get out of there alive?"

"They couldn't corner me."

A string walks into a bar..

The string takes a seat at the bar and ask the bartender for a drink. The bartender replies, "We don't serve to strings in this bar, you'll have to see yourself out."
The string, feeling dejected, walks out and stumbles upon two rugged strings in an alley. The shady looking thugs stop the string and extort him of his money. Struggling to resist the thugs; the string was ruffled and tied into a knot, left abandoned by the thieves.
The tattered string returns to the bar and seats himself, once again he asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "aren't you the same string that walked in a little while ago?"

The string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

What do Storm Troopers and Bone Thugs N Harmony have in common?

They are both going to miss every body.

The prosthetic maker has been kidnapped by a group of thugs

We managed to get him back, but the ransom was an arm and a leg!

Did you hear Korn and Bone Thugs are collaborating?

They are going to be known as Bone Thugs and Hominy.

I got angry at a group of thugs, and they broke my legs.

I won't stand for this.

So Moses decides to become a superhero...

...he creates a costume and calls himself The Crimson Crusader, with a crimson coloured 'C' on his belt. In line with his new superhero duties, he goes out to look for trouble and sure enough, he sees a man getting beat up by a gang of thugs. Moses approaches the thugs and attempts to engage in contact, however he is too weak and the thugs overpower him as well. Moses manages to escape the brawl and throws his belt with the Crimson 'C' on the floor. Suddenly, Moses becomes powerful and defeats the gang of thugs with ease. The man is grateful and asks Moses, "What happened? How did you get stronger so quickly?"

"Well" Moses replied, "I just parted with the red C."

Three soprano thugs confront a maestro in a dark alley...

The maestro holds his hands up and exclaims "I don't want any treble!"

Bank Robbery

A group of thugs bust into a bank. The bank is closed but there is a night watchmen watching the cameras. The thugs all find the vault and crack it open, revealing not money, but yogurt in little dishes. They all find this strange, but one thug says,
"We might as well eat it."
It's a sperm bank.

How Many thugs Live In This Street ?

A guy asked his friend: "How many thugs do you suppose live in this street besides yourself ?"

"Beside myself !" replied the other. "Do you mean to insult me ?"

"Well, then ?" said the first, "how many do you reckon including yourself ?"

What are the funniest thugs jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Thugs? Well, here are the best Thugs puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Thugs pick up lines to share with friends.

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