throws Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious throws puns

A man brings home flowers to his wife

A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She's so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.

Her husband confused looks down and goes "What's that for?"

His wife replies "For the flowers of course"

He thinks for a moment and asks "Don't we have a vase?"

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A teacher says to her class "whoever answers my next question can go home."

One boy at the back of the class throws his bag out the window.

"Who just threw that? Demands the teacher.

"Me" replied the boy. "And I'm going home."

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A bear walks into a bar.

The bartender asks whata ya have there big fella? The bear says " Give me a .........................................................beer." The bartender says" What's with the big pause?" The bear throws his arms up in the air and says " I DON'T KNOW I WAS BORN WITH THEM."

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An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.

The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"



The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"



The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.



"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.



The American turns around. "He killed my wife."

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School joke

Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I'm going home now.

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A girl with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach crying

A man walks up to her and says "What's wrong?" She replies "I've never been kissed before." So the man kisses her, but she starts crying even more. He says "What's wrong? I thought you wanted to be kissed." This time she replies "Yea, but I've never been fucked before." The man thinks for a second, and has an idea. He picks her up by her sides, and throws her as far as he can into the ocean. He yells to her "Well, you're fucked now!"

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Teacher asks a question

Teacher: "whoever answers my next question can go home"

Jimmy throws his bag out the window

Teacher: "who just threw that?"

Jimmy: "that was me"

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"I own a small allotment...", So far I'm the only person I've heard laugh at this joke.

I own a small allotment. Every night someone throws soil in on top of in. I've absolutely no idea why.

The plot thickens.

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A man is sitting on a bench in the park reading a newspaper. Suddenly he throws the paper onto the ground and yells,

All politicians are assholes.

A man sitting next to him in a finely pressed suit says, I take offense to that!

The pissed-off guy asks him, Why? Are you a politician?

No, he replies, I'm an asshole.

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What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run like hell! She's got a grenade in her mouth!

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A Chinese, American, German, and Syrian are on a train

They're all looking out of the window.


The Chinese trying to show off throws a bag of rice out of the window, "We have a lot of rice".


The American grabs a bunch of dollar bills and throws them out, "WE have a lot of money".


The Syrian tells the German glaring at him, "what the fuck are you thinking!"

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Non-Racist Joke

An American man, a Chinese man, and a Mexican man are on a plane.

The plane is going to crash unless they lose some excess weight.

The Mexican man throws beans off the plane, he says, "In my country, we have too many beans."

Next, the Chinese man throws rice off the plane, he says, "In my country, we have too much rice."

Next, the American man throws the Mexican man off the plane,

He says,

"That bastard slept with my wife."

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A married couple are having a fight.

Finally the wife screams at the husband to get out of the house. She throws his suitcases at him and he packs his things. On his way out, the woman says, "I hope you die the slowest, most miserable, most agonizing death imaginable." So he turns and says, " What, so now you want me to stay?"

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What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run like hell, she's holding a grenade !

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3 men were on a boat..

And all they had were 4 cigarettes.

Unsure on what to do, one of them throws a cigarette overboard.

Now the boat was a cigarette lighter.

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A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.


His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?


Simple, grins the millionaire, I faked my age."


His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.


"Well", he replied.  "I said I was 87!"

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What do you call it when a girl throws a tantrum during her period?

An ovary-action.

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A knock at the door

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later, there's a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"

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So there's a guy sitting on his couch watching T.V.

He hears a knock at the door and gets up to answer. Opens it and there's a snail sitting there. He picks up the snail and throws it. About a year later he gets another knock and it's that same snail. The snail looks up at him and says "What the fuck was that about?!"

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Teacher and Student

Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home.

One boy throws his bag out the window.

Teacher: Who just threw that?

Boy: Me and I'm going home now.

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Two guys were walking though the Sahara

They suddenly see a tiger approaching .

One guy throws sand in the tiger's eyes and he runs away.

The other guy keeps standing still.

"RUN MAN, WHY ARE YOU STANDING STILL??"

"Well I didn't throw the sand at him"

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An attractive waitress approaches a table of two men and asks them what they would like to order.

How about a quickie? asks the one man. She immediately throws his water in his face and storms off to call the manager.

His friend leans across the table and says, Dude, it's pronounced quiche .

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A man throws a dollar coin into a wishing well...

and a genie pops out. The genie tells him "You have thrown the largest money value into this well since it has been built. You may have one wish."

"I want a dragon."

"Are you sure? That's... pretty big, and would probably give me away. Anything else?"

"I want to learn how to fold a fitted sheet."

"...what color dragon do you want?"

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A guy in a restaurant stops a pretty blonde waitress as she passes by his table...

"Excuse me, Miss. Can I ask you a question about the menu, please?"

She throws a drink in his face. "The men I please are none of your damn business!"

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A drunk goes into a bar

A drunk goes into a bar. The bartender tosses him out as he is too drunk. The drunk walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk walks into the bar. The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says, "How many bars do you own, anyway?"

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A 60 year old millionaire is getting married

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.

His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?

Simple, grins the millionaire, I faked my age."

His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.

"Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"

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Teacher: "Whoever answers my next question, can go home."

Teacher: "Whoever answers my next question, can go home."

One boy throws his bag out the window.

Teacher: "Who just threw that?!"

Boy: Me! And I'm going home now.

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A plane full of paratrooper recruits are doing their first jump.

The drill instructor throws everyone that doesn't jump on their own out of the aircraft personally. The second to last puts up a real fight, but the instructor manages to push him out. The last recruit nearly looses his shit laughing. The instructor turns around and asks: "Do you think this kind of cowardice is funny?". The recruit answers: "No, but that was our pilot." and jumps out.

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The teacher says "If you answer my question, you can go home."

One student throws a pen at him. The teacher asks "Who did that?"

"It was me, goodbye."

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Billionaire throws a party for the whole town

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A man is in the hospital for stomach problems when he suddenly gets diarrhea and shits in bed.

Panicking, the man folds the sheet with the poo and throws it out the window.

The sheet lands on a man walking by. The man wrestles a little with the sheet and the poop comes flowing out.

Another man walks by and asks him what he's doing.

"Damn,you'll never believe me," he replies. "But I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!!

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Answer one question and you can leave the class...

Teacher: Okay class, whoever can answer a question I'm going to ask, can leave early today.

Johnny quickly throws his bag out the window!

Teacher: Who the hell did that?!

Johnny: I did, can I leave now?

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A homeless man walks by a bar...

He sees a man sitting in front of a steaming bowl of chili. And the homeless man is so hungry he walks inside the bar and tells the man he's very hungry. The man at the bar just shoves the chili over to the homeless man and nods. The homeless man is surprised but starts eating right away, as he gets to the bottom of the bowl he sees a dead mouse. The homeless man throws up the chili back in the bowl. The man at the bar says "I did the same thing ten minutes ago".

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A man walking in the street sees a coffin bouncing toward him

Terrified, he runs away, between cars, through front yards, nothing works

Finally, he runs into a pharmacy, and out of desperation throws a bottle of cough syrup at it

Only then does the coffin' stop

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So an old couple was getting ready for bed...

...when the old lady throws off her robe, revealing the skimpy negligee that she was wearing, jumps on her husband and yells "SUPER SEX!".

The man takes one look at his wife and says, "Well if you don't mind, I would like the soup."

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What are the most funny Throws jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Throws? Well, here are the best Throws dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Throws pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes