Throw Jokes
166 throw jokes and hilarious throw puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about throw that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From funny jokes about javelin throwing to serious discussions about the risks of concussion from throwing away, this article explores the different aspects of throwing and jumping. Learn the difference between a free throw and a throw up, and the importance of proper technique for avoiding injury.
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Funniest Throw Short Jokes
Short throw jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The throw humour may include short exception jokes also.
- 3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do? They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
- Whenever I get a stack of resumes, I throw half of them in the trash I sure don't want unlucky people on my team.
- When I am tasked with sorting through a stack of résumés, I throw about half of them in the garbage. I do not want unlucky people working in our company
- I went to a bookstore recently. Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I wondered why they were doing that. Then IT hit me.
- Saw a man in a parking lot throwing Stephen King novels at people I couldn't figure out why. Then It hit me.
- Why did Trump throw so many plate against the wall like a baby? He wanted to seem tough on china.
- My girlfriend said period jokes aren't funny... So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era.
- The nfl has hired their first female referee. She will throw the flag for penalties the team committed 5 years ago.
- My neighbor's in the guinness book of records. He's had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me, in fact it's just a stone's throw away.
- Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house? Because the ghosts will bring the boos
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Throw One Liners
Which throw one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with throw? I can suggest the ones about dump and dispose.
- What do you call a game where Germans throw bread at each other Gluten tag
- What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your pool? Throw in your laundry.
- "Hey, can you help me sharpen these throwing stars?" "Shuriken"
- Why can't blondes work at the M&M Company? Because they throw away all the ones with w's
- Throwing acid is wrong... ...in some people's eyes.
- I'm done buying trash bags... I always just end up throwing them away anyways
- Can the ninja throw his ninja stars? Shurikan
- What do Jews throw when they riot? Mozeltov Cocktails
- Please don't throw cigarette butts in urinals. It makes them soggy and hard to light.
- If there's one thing that makes me throw up It's a dart board on a ceiling
- What Olympic event that involves throwing should be eliminated? Discuss
- What did Mr. T say after throwing five $10 bills off the diving board? I fitty da pool!
- Billionaire throws a party for the whole town
- Want to know the secret to killing two birds with one stone? Throw it twice.
- Where do routers go when you throw them away? A LANfill.
Throw Away Jokes
Here is a list of funny throw away jokes and even better throw away puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away... An orange a day keeps the plumber away...
Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away. - "I'm not throwing away my shot" Alexander Hamilton, leader of the pro-vaccine movement 1780.
- Finally decided to throw away my favourite pair of socks but then i got cold feet
- My house is a stone's throw away from the bus stop. It's the one with broken windows.
- The fuse had blown on a lamp I was throwing away and my mother suggested I give it to a charity shop I told her I couldn't do that, they'd only re-fuse it
- I don't understand why people buy cheap boomerangs They only throw them away.
- I tried to buy a new boomerang but I couldn't throw my old one away.
- Everyone says an apple a day keeps the doctor away is a incorrect statement But I'm starting to think people just aren't as good at throwing as I am.
- Everyone has heard of the King David Hotel in Jerusalem... ...but nobody has heard of the Goliath Hotel, even though it is much larger and only a stone's throw away.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away... ... If you throw it hard enough
Free Throw Jokes
Here is a list of funny free throw jokes and even better free throw puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you can't afford healthcare... Go to an airport. They give free x-rays and mammograms, and if you mention al-Qaeda, they'll throw in a free colonoscopy too!
- In my free time I help blind children I usually find throwing pencils is the most efficient method
- Shaq recently bought a boat and named it "Free Throw". He'll never sink it.
- What's the difference between a penalty shot in basketball, and a tiny curly wig designed for a bug? One is a free throw, and the other is a flea 'fro.
- What's a Jew's Favorite Part of basketball? Free throws
- Sweating like Shaq You thought I was gonna say at the free throw line didn't you.
- Why is Apple offering a free case for all iPhone 6 buyers?
It doesn't help with reception, but protects the iPhone when you throw it against the wall after dropping another call! - Paul Walker was a great guy Throwing a barbecue street side for free
Javelin Throw Jokes
Here is a list of funny javelin throw jokes and even better javelin throw puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
- Question 1: which is better - javelin or that sport where you throw a round flat object? Discuss.
Throw Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny throw up jokes and even better throw up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I broke my waterproof speaker, by throwing it into a pool. I filed a request for a new speaker, but the company responded "it's not our fault the pool was empty".
- I love throwing house warming parties But for some reason the police keep calling it 'Arson'.
- My brother and I made a $50 bet on who could throw meat the furthest into the air I guess you could say the steaks have never been higher.
- My in-laws couldn't cope when their cat unexpectedly had 9 kittens, so my wife told me to put them in a sack and throw them in the river… I did it but it broke my heart.
I quite liked her dad… - Son : Dad, how do I catch fish? Dad : Just throw this clickbait into the water
Son : And then what?
Dad : What happens next will shock you - had to throw out my carbon monoxide detector tonight. All that beeping was giving me a headache and making me dizzy.
- The wife just gave me a massive bollocking for throwing a snowball at our son. To top it off, I've been banned from the maternity ward
- I hate when I'm driving and I see people text and drive. It makes me want to throw my beer can at them.
- I met a ninja and asked if he could throw those pointy stars that ninjas have. He said, "shuriken."
- The saddest joke I've heard My wife ran off with my best friend...
Now, when I throw the stick, it just lays there.
Happy Throw Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about throw you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flush jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make throw pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
c**... is the game
Cause Bubba aint allowed to throw horseshoes no more.
A Kinect game made me angry enough to throw the controller at a wall...
I've been in the hospital for 2 days now.
what do you do with someone that is having a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw in a load of laundry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a t**... and h**... have in common?
They both like to throw a hoedown.
People in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones...
They should use them to build proper houses.
Three Priest are deciding what to do with the church donations for the week
One priest suggests that they draw a circle, throw all the money in tha air and whatever lands inside the circle they give to God. The second priest suggests that they draw a circle, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands outside of the circle they give to God. The third priest suggests that they simply throw the money into the air, and whatever God wants he takes.
Pilot Choice
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."
What do you get when you throw a window through a window?
A pane in the glass.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Favorite Joke (Sorry Cat Lovers)
How do you make a cat go Woof?
Soak it in gasoline and throw it in a fire place!
Friends are like bricks
it's kinda funny when you throw them through a window
how many corrections officers does it take to throw an inmate down the stairs?
none he fell
A little girl and her mother are at Church...
...when the little girl starts to feel sick. Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.
When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.
"Yes," the girl says. "But I didn't have to go all the way around the back. There was a box near the front door that said 'For the Sick.'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So this atheist explorer is in trouble...
...with a tribe of savage cannibals. He's cornered with no possible way out when he exclaims in his desperation 'God, I'm s**...!'
Suddenly the clouds part and a booming voice says 'No son, you are not. Take that rock near your right foot and throw it at that old cannibal with the large headdress!'
The explorer obeys, and the chief of the tribe lies dead on the ground.
The voice says 'NOW you're s**...!'
Sunday in church after St. Patrick's Day
It was a sunday after St. Patrick's day in the church of a small village in the west of Ireland. Obviously all the people were more or less hungover, which infuriated the pastor of the village.
"It's a disgrace how we celebrate our most important saint by indulging in binge drinking and other improper activities. If I could have all the wine in the world, I would throw it in the river!"
There was a wave of murmur among the churchgoers.
"If I could have all the beer in the world, I would throw it in the river as well!"
The people put their heads down in guilt, thinking about what they had done.
"If I could have all the SPIRITS in the world, I would throw them in the river with the beer and the wine!"
Now the church was completely silent.
After a short while, the musical conductor of the church spoke up, "Now let us sing hymn number 369, *'Shall We Gather at the River?'*"
---
I heard this story from the ambassador of Ireland in Finland.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a l**... in a jacuzzi?
Stew.
Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.
My favorite joke when I was a kid..
There are four men on a small boat: an Italian, Chinese, American and Mexican.
The boat is too heavy, and begins to sink. The American yells "quick, throw out whatever you have most of in your country!"
The Italian throws out pasta.
The Chinese throws out rice.
The Mexican throws out oranges.
The American throws out the mexican.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Russian sailors decide to quit drinking,
but they still have a bottle of v**... left, and they refuse to let it go to waste, so one says:" Anatoli, i shall hold the bottle in one hand behind my back, if you can guess which one, we will drink it, if not, i will throw it overboard." They agree on this. The first sailor hides the bottle, the second guesses:"Left!"
"Keep guessing, Anatoli, keep guessing."
I, too, went to a mixed religion seminar...
...But in the hopes of learning more about charity. First I asked a Buddhist monk: "How do you decide what to give away and what to keep for yourself?" "Child's play", he said. "I draw a small circle in the ground, throw my money into the air, and what falls outside of the circle I give to Buddha". Next I asked a catholic priest. "Easy my son", he told me. "All I do is draw a small circle in earth, throw my money to the heavens, and what falls into the circle I give to God". Finally, I asked a Rabbi. "Simple!" he answered. "I throw my money into the air and what god wants, he takes!"
What's the Best Way To Embarrass A Psychic On Their Birthday?
Throw Them A Surprise Party.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Not a joke, just a story with a reminder to be careful when telling jokes...
I heard a joke a few weeks ago that went, "What do you do when an epileptic is having a fit in the bath? Throw your washing in."
I decided to repeat the joke in work today to a few of my customers (I work in a pub) and when I finished, o**... got really mad at me. He screamed that I shouldn't tell jokes like that because his brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.
I asked, "Did he drown?"
The guy was furious and said, "No, he choked on a sock!"
Nighttime. You're alone on a small boat at sea, hours away from any land. All you brought with you is a pack of cigarettes. You wanna smoke, but realize you forgot a lighter. What do you do?
You just take out a cigarette, throw it off the boat into the water... thus, making the boat a cigarette lighter.
What does a bowling ball and your mom have in common?
You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter, and they'll always come back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife's Campaign
My wife has wasted years campaigning for t**... companies to make sanitary products suitable for the 'larger' lady.
I'm trying to convince her that it's time to just throw in the towel.
How many babies does it take to open a door?
It depends on how hard you can throw.
Change is hard
So don't throw coins.
A new study of dolphins was recently performed...
The study showed that within a few weeks in captivity, they were able to teach humans to stand at the edge of their pool and throw fish at them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Throwing Watches
Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.
The first tourist threw his watch but heard it c**... before the had taken three steps. The second threw his watch and made only two steps before hearing his watch shatter.
The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch.
"How did you do that?" asked one of his friends.
"My watch is 30 minutes slow."
I was throwing darts at wife's photo on dart board
and not even a single one hitting the target.
Wife entered, saw and asked, Honey! What are you doing?
Husband: Missing you.
And that's when the fight started…
What do you do if a blonde person throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.
The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"
The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"
The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.
"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.
The American turns around. "He killed my wife."
Why don't Calculus majors throw house parties?
Because you should never drink and derive.
The trump family is flying from New York to DC
Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
I was thrown out of school because my boyfriend filled out my application.
They said I didn't apply myself
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys were walking though the Sahara
They suddenly see a tiger approaching .
o**... throws sand in the tiger's eyes and he runs away.
The other guy keeps standing still.
"RUN MAN, WHY ARE YOU STANDING STILL??"
"Well I didn't throw the sand at him"
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
A man called the hotel manager...
He said "Come up quickly, I fought with my wife and now she wants to throw herself out the window!". The manager replied "Sir this is a personal matter and we can't get involved. I can call sec..." The man interrupted "No! This is a maintenance issue. The window won't open!".
Can throwing a round heavy object as far as you can be classed as a sport??
Discus
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pilot bailed out of his crashing plane and landed on an uncharted island.
He soon found himself surrounded by natives with spears. A big native adorned with decorations points at the pilot.
I'm s**..., says the pilot.
God opens up the clouds and says to the pilot, No, you're not s**.... Grab the closest spear and throw it through the leader's heart.
The pilot does this.
NOW you're s**..., says God.
My wife was cleaning the closet last week
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them
Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes
Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
BANG@#$%^&*
A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all," the woman replied.
The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.
How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter?
They're both flying information.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is it so easy to find a p**... in Islamic countries?
They're always just a stone's throw away.
A father has two sons named Joe and Mikey and the live on the third floor of their apartment.
One day the father goes to store, but leaves the key to his car in the apartment. He see's Joe in the window and shouts to him, "throw my key out the window!"
Sadly, Mikey didn't survive the fall
I used to have a girlfriend who, whenever she had a bad headache, would go into the cupboard, find my oats I'd normally eat for breakfast and then throw them in the garbage.
Apparently she couldn't cope with my grains.
My wife sorted out some clothes she no longer wears, I said what are you going to do with them? she replied give them to charity, I said why don't you just throw them away, she replied, there are a lot of starving women out there that will appreciate them.
I replied, anyone that fits into your clothes are definitely not starving.
When arguing, never throw dirt at your opponent
All you do is lose ground
Ninja Joke
Can a viking throw an axe?
Sure he can.
Can a cowboy throw a lasso?
Sure he can.
Can a ninja throw a spinning blade?
Shuriken.
A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins
A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins.
They start arguing what they should take and what they should give to God.
The Christian draws a circle and says, We throw the coins into he air, and whatever lands in the circle, we keep.
The Muslim says, No no no. Whatever lands outside the circle we keep.
The Jew says, How about we throw it in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps, and whatever falls to the ground we keep.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christmas tip:
Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace
Wife: I have a bag full of dirty & used clothing I'd like to donate....!
Husband: Why not just throw these in the trash? That's much easier for you.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes with basket full satisfaction.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
Two hunters are walking through a wooded farmland...
when they come across a giant hole they can't seem to find the bottom of. They wanna know how deep it is, so they see a rusted anvil close by, drag it over, and throw it down the hole. Seconds pass, and they never hear it hit the bottom.
A few seconds later, a goat comes sprinting by, and jumps right into the hole. The farmer comes walking by and asks the hunters "fellas, have you guys seen my goat around here?"
The hunters reply "well he just came running at us 80 mph and jumped down into that hole there!"
The farmer says "well that can't be! He was chained to an anvil!"
A drunk goes into a bar
A drunk goes into a bar. The bartender tosses him out as he is too drunk. The drunk walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk walks into the bar. The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says, "How many bars do you own, anyway?"
In North Korea, you cannot throw fruit in the snow...
Because they do not have the right to freeze peach.
A tourist in London was throwing bread to some ducks in a pond...
when a local woman approached him looking rather upset. She asked him how he could throw bread in the water for ducks when there were starving children in Africa? Wasn't it obvious that they could use that bread more than the ducks?
The man stood there for a short moment and responded to the woman saying, "I'm sorry ma'am, but I can't throw that far."
Three priests gathered together for a drink .
During their get together ,the host ask the other two :
- How do you split your money with the Lord ?
"I draw a line on the floor in my church ,then ,i throw the money in the air ,whatever is on my side I get to keep ,whatever falls on his side he keeps it" sais the first priest.
The second one replies "well I draw circle and then I' throw the money in the air ,whatever falls inside the circle is mine ,whatever Falls outside the circle is His" .
"How do you split your money ?" they both ask the host priest.
I' just throw the money in the air and he keeps whatever he wants.
Before guns were invented
armies had to throw bullets at each other and if a bullet touched you, you had to sit this one out until the next war
Yes, you've got to be careful when you tell jokes in public.
I was in the pub with a few mates a while back and one of them was telling this joke, I'm sure you know it:
Q. What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?
A. You throw in your washing.
Then a guy came over fuming and said, "I'm sorry but I don't find that funny. My brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.
My friend said, "Oh, I'm really sorry. Did he drown?"
"No, said the man, "He choked to death on a sock."
Chemistry Jokes
Me :Is it a crime to throw Sodium Chloride at a woman?
Judge: Yes, that's assault
Me: I know it's a salt but is it a crime?
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant.
First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry.
So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest."Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
You pick up the grenade from the ground, pull the pin, and throw it back.
