Throat Jokes
125 throat jokes and hilarious throat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about throat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh it up with these hilarious throat jokes that cover topics like goats, cancer, infections, and choking! Learn about the Heimlich maneuver, spitting, and more. There's something for everyone in this vial of jokes!
Quick Jump To
- Short Throat Jokes
- Throat One Liners
- Throat Sore Jokes
- Sore Throat Jokes
- Mouth Throat Jokes
- Throat Cancer Jokes
- More Throat Jokes
Funniest Throat Short Jokes
Short throat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The throat humour may include short mouth jokes also.
- Vampires love to bite throats, killing people & then returning them to life Because vampires are neck romancers
- The white-throated dipper is the national bird of Norway, the mute swan is Denmark's, and the blackbird is Sweden's, these are the Scandinavians.
- Russia is merely a buffer state. If it was not for the peaceful landmass, North Korea and Norway would be at each other's throats.
- What do you call a movie about Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly get sore throats? Strep Brothers
- Did you hear about the stranglers who just couldn't get along? They were always at each other's throats.
- At a f**... Me: "Do you mind if I say a word?"
Widow: "Please do."
Me: *clears t**...* "Plethora."
Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot." - I like my men how I like my coffee... Extremely hot and capable of severely injuring my t**...
- My little brother wanted to be treated like a prince... ...So I slit his t**... while he was sleeping to ensure he didn't lay claim to my crown.
- A man has a sore t**... and goes to the doctor... Doctor: "Your tonsils gotta come out."
Patient: "I want a second opinion!"
Doctor: "Okay, I don't like your haircut." - Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? Because every time she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her t**....
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Throat One Liners
Which throat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with throat? I can suggest the ones about horn and neck.
- Which animal deep-throats the best? The Giraffe.
- We get it. You're Muslim. You don't have to Ramadan our throats.
- The guy who invented t**... lozenges died last week. There was no coffin at the f**...
- Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? Because she gets a frog in her t**... at 69.
- It hurts me to say this... I have a sore t**...
- I just swallowed a dictionary... It gave me thesaurus t**... I've ever had,
- The inventor of t**... lozenges has died. There will be no coffin at his f**....
- It's hurts for me to say this... But I have a sore t**....
- I once swallowed a book of synonyms... It gave me thesaurus t**... I've ever had.
- I once swallowed a dictionary I had thesaurus t**... imaginable.
- I went to the f**... of the man who invented the t**... lozenge. There was no coffin.
- How come Miss Piggy couldn't talk? She had a frog in her t**....
- Why did Miss Piggy call in sick from work? She had had a frog in her t**...
- I SWALLOWED a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus t**... I ever had..
- What does Miss Piggy call o**... s**...? Having a frog in her t**....
Throat Sore Jokes
Here is a list of funny throat sore jokes and even better throat sore puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I took ivermectin for a sore t**... Because my doctor said only take it if I'm a little horse.
- What do you call a pony with a sore t**...? A little hoarse
- I saw a pink bird with a sore t**.... Must have been a phlegmingo.
- Did you hear about the pony with a sore t**...? He was diagnosed a little horse.
Thank you.... you're a great crowd. - Did you hear about the pony with the sore t**...? He was a little hoarse
- So a centaur walks into a bar The bartender says, "Hey, how's the sore t**...?"
The centaur replies, "My t**... isn't horse but my legs are." - Q: What did the pony say when he had a sore t**...?
A: Sorry, I'm a little horse. - Why Do Ranchers Love Getting A Sore t**...? Because they always get a little hoarse
- What's small, orange and sounds like a parrot? An oompa loompa with a sore t**....
- A friend of mine died from a sore t**...... ... Th**e**y hung him!
Sore Throat Jokes
Here is a list of funny sore throat jokes and even better sore throat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Steve Bannon called in sick today "Sore t**...? "Kellyanne Asked.
Bannon replied: "It's Mein Cough" - A man goes to the doctor with a sore t**.... "Doctor, I feel like a pony!"
"Don't worry," says the doctors, "it sounds to me like you're just a little hoarse" - What is s**... like? s**... is like a rollercoaster. There are ups and downs, twists and turns... and someone's t**... is always sore afterwards
- What do you call a vegetable with a sore t**...? A horse radish.
- What do you call equine p**... with sore throats? Hoarse horse w**...
- What do you call a berry with a sore t**...? A raspberry!
- What is worse then a centipede with sore feet? A giraffe with a sore t**...
- My t**... has been sore ever since I ate that tin of beef. I think it felt a little horse. Thank you. Tip your waitress.
- If a giraffe had a sore t**..., how many lozenges would it need to make it better?
- Sadie and Myrtle are chatting over coffee. Sadie: Oy, I have a sore t**....
Myrtle: Whenever I get a sore t**..., I s**... on a lifesaver.
Sadie: Easy for you, you live near the beach.
Mouth Throat Jokes
Here is a list of funny mouth throat jokes and even better mouth throat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Sick Joke You know that rinsing your mouth out with mouth wash actually helps with a sore t**...? You know how I know that...?
I Gurgled it... - Q: What is worse than waking up the morning after an o**... with p**... hair in your teeth?
A: Waking up with a lump in your t**... and a string hanging out of your mouth.
Throat Cancer Jokes
Here is a list of funny throat cancer jokes and even better throat cancer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man diagnosed with t**... cancer... A man diagnosed with t**... cancer tells his family of the bad news, he starts:
"It pains me to say this..." - Who was the t**... Cancer Patients Favorite Rapper? Trach
- t**... Cancer: The silent killer.
Cheeky Throat Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about throat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hole jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make throat pranks.
Courtesy of my youngest child - why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore t**... and cough?
Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
My youngest son thought of this all by himself...he's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska.
So there's this man with a parrot.
And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a p**.... He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the t**..., shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
A Boy chokes on a coin
A little boy was playing in his yard when he swallowed a coin that became lodged in his t**.... His mother picked him up and ran down the street screaming for help. Luckily, a man ran over and hit the boy hard on the back so that the coin popped out of his mouth. "Thank you so much, doctor!" the mother said.
"Oh, I'm not a doctor, ma'am," said the man. "I work for the IRS"
The gift.
Knowing that the minister had a very sore t**..., an elderly woman presented him with a bottle of cherry brandy.
"This is quite soothing, the woman said, "but please don't tell anyone I gave you liquor. Everyone thinks I am teetotaler."
"I understand," replied the good man.
When the church magazine came out a few days later, the congregant skimmed the "With Appreciation" column. There she read: "The minister extends his thanks to Mrs. Alice Rodgers for her gift of fruit and the spirit in which it was given."
Number Bullying
1 was making fun of 0 for being fat and how he equates to nothing. This continued for several weeks until 0 had enough. He grabs 1 by his t**... and shouts "Stop boolean me!".
A man walks into a bar
A man walks into a bar, and asks:
-who owns the big dobermann outside.
-I own that dog, the meanest and ugliest of the bikers say.
-I am truly sorry, but it appears that my little Chihuahua has killed it.
-"What? How is that possible?" The biker says.
-Well, your dog got mine stuck in its t**....
50 Shades
He slowly but firmly grabs my t**.... I try to say goodbye and I choke. I try to walk away and I stumble...'
- of Macy Gray.
Why couldn't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Every time she got to 69, she got a little frog in her t**....
At the hospital
I went to the hospital today for a Gastroscopy test.
In the waiting room the doctor came through and explained the situation to the four of us sat waiting there.
He explained that I was having the Gastroscopy, which is the camera down the t**....
Whilst the other three were there for a Colonoscopy, which is the camera up the a**.... The doctor asked if we had any questions.
I said: "Yes. Can I go first?"
Why did the inventor of t**... lozenges choose to be cremated?
So there wouldn't be any coffin.
Two sperms are talking with each other...
"Hey man, how long till we get the ovaries?"
"Long way still, we just passed the t**...."
Three men are captured by canibals
The canibals say that they will be killed and their skin will be made into a canoe, and that they can choose how they die.
The first one jumps off a rock, the second one cuts his t**....
The third one takes a fork, starts stabing himself and yelling 'NO CANOE FOR YOU!"
One s**... said to the other s**... "I'll race you to the egg!"
The other s**... said "OK, but pace yourself, we just passed the t**...!"
Sesame Street never allowed Mrs. Piggy to count to 100.
Everytime she made it to 69, she got a frog in her t**....
The guy who invented t**... lozenges just died...
I heard there will be no coffin at his f**....
A young buzzard is bringing his new boyfriend home...
He turns to his dad and says "So, what are we having for dinner?"
The father bird clears his t**....
"Carrion, my gay bird son. There'll be peas when you are done."
What's 9 inches long, purple, and I love to shove it down my girlfriend's t**...?
Her miscarriage.
Last night a man attacked me.
Last night when i was coming home from work a man attacked me. He silently put the knife to my t**... with his hand covering my mouth.. I think that's it, I'm done. He takes out his business card, gives it to me and leaves. With a pounding heart and shortness of breath, I read it.
It said : *Self-defense courses.*
A horse walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse screams, "I will end you!" And bites the bartender in the t**.... A priest, a nun, and a rabbi who were just approaching the entrance quietly turn and walk away as the horse shakes the bartender vigorously back and forth screaming, "why the floppy head?! Why the floppy head?!"
Why does Loki buy cough drops?
He doesn't want to get a Thor t**...
When Canada was first founded, its leaders were having trouble coming up with a name.
Unable to come up with any ideas, they decided the best course of action would be to draw random letters out of a hat.
One man pulled out a letter, cleared his t**..., and read,
"C, eh."
The letter was written down. The man pulled out another letter and read,
"N, eh."
This, too, was recorded. The man drew one more letter and read,
"D, eh."
Knowledge
I swallowed a dictionary....it gave me thesaurus t**... I've ever had. -credit goes to my 80 yo grandmother
What do programmers do when something is stuck in their t**...?
They hack.
A woman is sitting at her deceased husband's f**....
A man leans in to her and asks, Do you mind if I say a word? .
No, go right ahead , the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his t**..., says Plethora , and sits back down.
Thanks , the woman says, that means a lot .
A woman is sitting at a f**..., for her husband.
A man then asks "do you mind if I say a word?"
The woman replies "No, go ahead"
The man makes his way to the front at the head of the coffin, clears his t**... and says "plethora" before returning to his seat.
"Thank you" says the woman. "That means a lot."
A man goes to a f**... and asks the widow,
"Mind if I say a word?"
"Please do", she says.
Silence ensues...
The man clears his t**... and went on
"Plethora"
Tears welled up in her eyes.
"Thank you, that means a lot"
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
Force a man a fish down his t**... and he'll be fed for the rest of his life.
A man stands up at a f**...
and says to the priest, 'Excuse me, Father... I knew the deceased. Would you mind if I said a quick word?'
The priest nods him on, so the man clears his t**..., pauses for a moment, and says, 'Plethora', before sitting back down.
The widow goes back to the man, gives him a hug and says, 'Thank you. That means a lot.'
A woman is sitting at her husband's f**... listening to the eulogies being read...
A man in the pew behind her leans forward to ask, "Do you mind if I say a word?".
No, not at all, she replies.
The man stands and clears his t**....
Bargain", he says, and sits back down.
"Thank you", the woman responds, "it means a great deal."
A man goes to a f**... ...
After the regular round of eulogies and speeches and well wishers, he leans over the pew and asks the widow:
"Mind if I say a word?"
No, of course not , she says. "Please do."
The man stands up, clears his t**... and says:
"Abacus"
Then promptly sits down.
The widow leans back and says: "Thanks, it's the little things that count .
A man is sitting next to woman on a bus
The woman is trying to breastfeed, but the baby refuses to s**... on her breast. She warns her child, if you don't start s**..., I'm going to give it to the man next to me , but the baby still refuses.
After 20 minutes, the woman repeats the threat several times to no avail. The man finally clears his t**... and says, look here lady, you need to make up your mind, I was supposed to get off 6 bus stops ago!
Guy walks into bar
Wanting to know who owns the Great Dane t**... outside because his dog just killed said Great Dane.
A man at the bar stands up obviously perplexed and says what kind of dog do you have that it just killed my Great Dane?
Other man responds proudly he owns a Chiwawa.
You're saying your Chiwawa killed my Great Dane? Not really believing what he was hearing.
Yes other man responds my dog got lodged in your dogs t**...
A man is at a f**... of an old friend.
He approaches the dead man's wife, and asks if he could say a word or two. The wife says that yes, he could. The man stands up, clears his t**..., and says "Catholic Priest"
The wife smiles, and says "Thank you, we were all touched."
My kids were very excited to learn how to make a hamburger.
They seemed to lose interest after I cut the cow's t**....
Why was Miss Piggy late for rehearsals?
She had a frog in her t**....
Breast Feeding
A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on the bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, "If you don't eat I'll give it to the man next to me." The baby refuses. After 20 mins the mother repeats the threat. The man clears his t**... and says, "Hey woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off the bus 6 stops ago!"
Politics and religion is like a d-c**...
you shouldn't force it down anyone's t**... especially your children.
I ate a dictionary last night...
It gave me thesaurus t**... I've ever had
I ate a dictionary the other day....
ever since then I've had thesaurus t**...
BJ for Sore t**...
"You don't look so good today, Bambi," said Barbie.
"You're right," said Bambi. "I feel like I'm coming down with something. My t**... really hurts."
Barbie suggested, "You know, whenever I have a sore t**... I give my husband o**... s**... and the next day I feel great."
Bambi carefully considered this. The next day Barbie noticed that Bambi looked better.
"You look much better today. Did you take my suggestion?"
Bambi replied, "I sure did. It worked great. And your husband just couldn't believe that it was your idea!"
Airplanes are a blessing in disguise
*clears t**...*
Excuse me...
A blessing in the skies.
It's better said than typed :/
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
She gets a frog in her t**... at 69.
A woman is sitting at her husbands f**... listening to the eulogies
She turned to the man next to her and asked if he would say a few words.
Certainly , he says and walks up to the mic
A few words the man says before sitting back down
That's exactly what I needed to hear says the woman.
A man sitting behind her leans forward and asks, Do you mind if I say a word?
Not at all she replies
He stands, walks forward and clears his t**....
Bargain he says before returning to his seat
Thanks , says the woman, that means a great deal
Another man then takes the mic and simply says many .
Thank you, that means a lot says the woman
A woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband's f**.... A man leans in to her and asks, Do you mind if I say a word? . No, go right ahead , the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his t**..., says Plethora , and sits back down.
Thanks , the woman says, that means a lot .
I once swallowed a whole dictionary....
...it gave me thesaurus t**... I ever had.
What do people who raise the dead have in common with people who have t**... fetishes?
They're both neck romancers.
Went to the doctors today and I complained, "There seems to ge a few spoons and forks stuck in my t**...."
He said, "It's not serious, you just need to have utensils taken out."
What did the dictionary say when it got a cold?
I had thesaurus t**... ever.....
I'll see myself out
Went to the doctor today and rasped, "There seems to be a few spoons and forks stuck in my t**...." He chuckled, "It's not that serious but..."
"You'll need to have utensils taken out."
I took my gf to the bar, but she went home with...
... the coronavirus.
I'm so depressed, my t**... is aching from crying and I'm losing my sense of taste and smell
My partner was afraid that I was cheating, which I wasn't.
She came to me one evening, very serious. I knew something was going on. She asked, in that tone that instantly puts a lump in your t**..., I suspect you've been unfaithful. Do you have a sec to talk?
I wanted her to know she has my full attention, so I replied, I have a lot of secs!
I still can't figure out why she walked out.
A man goes to a f**...
A man goes to a f**....
He asks the widow if he may say a word.
The widow nods and says "Of course, please do".
The man clears his t**... and says "Bargain".
The widow sheds a tear, puts her hand on his shoulder and replies "Thanks. That means a great deal."
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100?
When she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her t**....
When I was younger, I used to shave my privates with a cut t**... razor.
I don't have the b**... to do it anymore
Did you hear that the inventor of the t**... lozenge passed away?
There was no cough-in at his f**....
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. At one point in the discussion, the teacher remarked that it was physically impossible for a whale to s**... an entire human being because
…even though the whale was a very large mammal, its t**... was very small.
"But the whale swallowed Jonah," the little girl insisted.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not s**... a human. It was physically impossible, she said.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to h**...?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
The man who invented the t**... lozenge has passed away...
There was no coffin at the f**....
A horse walks into a bar
And the bartender asked "why the long face?"
The horse said, well, it has been a really bad day. Around 10 years ago, I married a pony, the absolute love of my life. She just passed away at the hospital from t**... cancer. I'm on my way back home and I just came in for a few drinks to ease the pain.
The bartender felt horrible about the s**... joke he said earlier and apologized profusely.
The horse just shook his head and said don't worry about it. In all honesty, we should have caught the cancer much earlier. She was always a little horse.
a Chicken drives up to a gas station.
Fuels up and goes to pay. Clerk: That'll be 80 bucks. Chicken sighs, clears his t**... and starts: Buck... Buck..
During a show, a magician asked for a volunteer from the audience and a blonde walked up to the stage.
"Think of a number between 1 and 10," he said.
Silence.
After a moment he cleared his t**....
Nothing.
After another moment he asked the blonde, "Are you ready?"
She started crying and said, "If you keep interrupting me I'll never be able to come up with one!"
A pony goes into a pharmacy and asks for some t**... lozenges.
The pharmacist asks, "Do you have a cold?".
The pony replies, "No. I'm just a little hoarse."
