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Thrift Jokes

35 thrift jokes and hilarious thrift puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about thrift that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh away with these hilarious thrift store jokes! From thrifty puns to hilarious one-liners about thrift stores, we have something for everyone. No matter your sense of humor, you won't be able to keep a straight face after reading these!

Funniest Thrift Short Jokes

Short thrift jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The thrift humour may include short theft jokes also.

  1. I tried donating two classic board games to a thrift store, but they said they could only take one. I asked which one they wanted and they said... Sorry. We don't want any Trouble.
  2. A new thrift store just opened up in my town, and all proceeds go to Parkinson's research... you get a 10% discount if you do the secret hand shake.
  3. Did you here about the 99c thrift store that changed to everything for one dollar? Everything else stayed the same, so there's no change there.
  4. Did you hear about the mass shooting at the thrift shop? The killer was said to be goodwill hunting.
  5. I freaked out when I saw the clown from IT at my local thrift shop But then I remembered he was Pennywise
  6. I went looking for a thrift shop and they closed my local one down... Guess I have to do some goodwill hunting.
  7. What do you call a cow who's had an abortion? Decaffeinated.
    Complements of a thrift store find 'Truly Tasteless Jokes Two'. This was one of the mild ones.
  8. I bought a thesaurus from a thrift store. When I got home I opened it and every single page was completely blank. I have no words to describe my anger.
  9. I went to thrift store in search of a particular movie I was goodwill hunting Good Will Hunting
  10. Just went to the thrift store and purchased all the books they had. Guess I should start test driving my Ferrari.

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Thrift One Liners

Which thrift one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with thrift? I can suggest the ones about frugal and goodwill.

  1. There was a fire yesterday at my local thrift store A person died of secondhand smoke
  2. How does Robin Williams go thrift shopping? Good Will Hunting
  3. What's it called when Matt Damon goes searching for a thrift store? Goodwill hunting
  4. What does Matt Damon call thrift shopping? Goodwill Hunting.
  5. Shot a bear while thrifting Goodwill Hunting
  6. What do you call thrift shopping in Boston? Good Will hunting
  7. What do you call cigarettes from a thrift store? Second hand smokes.
  8. Why did the caveman amputee go to the thrift store? To buy second hand
  9. A man walked into a thrift shop and couldn't bear to look There were too many casual tees
  10. So I picked up a couple prosthetics for cheap at the thrift store They were second-hand
  11. What do you call an armed robbery of a salvation army truck? Grand Thrift Auto
  12. Have you guys seen the new thrift store that opened downtown? It's called On The Rag.
  13. What do divorced women and thrift stores have in common? Nothing....but used goods.
  14. Where do hipsters buy their clothes? Most likely a thrift store or Urban Outfitters, TBH.
  15. Why did the old man buy his wig at the thrift store? Because he didn't want toupee.

Thrift Store Jokes

Here is a list of funny thrift store jokes and even better thrift store puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I bought an old used vacuum from the thrift store... At least it s**....
Thrift joke, I bought an old used vacuum from the thrift store...

Great Thrift Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about thrift you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean charity jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make thrift pranks.

The other day I visited the thrift shop and picked up an old record album called 'Sound of Wasps'.

When I got home and played it I realised it didn't sound anything like wasps!
Turns out I'd been playing the Bee side.

Frank's wife goes missing

Frank's wife goes missing and a week later he bumps into his friend Larry on the street. "Frank! How are you? You look a little worse for wear. Any news on your wife?"
"Hi Larry, I'm alright. They said I should be prepared for the worst."
"Oh god that's awful!" Larry sympathises.
"Yeah I know right. I had to buy all her stuff back from the thrift shop this afternoon."

A man with one hand walks into a thrift shop

He approaches and greets the cashier, and asks if he can make an appointment.
The cashier says "sir, this is a thrift shop"
He looks at her confused for a moment, but then realises his mistake.
"Oh, my apologies, I was told this was a second hand shop"

Obit

Woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, Well, then, let it read, 'Billy Bob died'. Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, Sorry ma'am, there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries. Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says, In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 1983 Pick-up for sale.'

Our family never could afford much nice for Christmas...

So one year I told my mom "I just want something I can play with." She said ok, went to the local thrift store to find me something, got me a good old used pair of overalls about my size and cut me a hole in the right pocket.

What do thrifty Illuminati members like to put their pickled vegetables in?

Free Mason jars. :D

\[\[ Stupidest joke I ever came up with, today at work in the Dish Pit. \]\]

Thrift joke, I went looking for a thrift shop and they closed my local one down...