The Best 82 Threw Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Threw jokes. There are some threw heave jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these threw swung puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Threw Jokes and Puns

I threw my girlfriend a surprise bukakke party.

Everyone came, you should have seen her face.

In my 4th grade class the cutest girl threw away my love letter..

..so I failed her!

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out."

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out." I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs. I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.

Threw joke, My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out."

A rope walked into a bar...

A rope walked into a bar. The bartender said, "We don't serve your kind here! No ropes allowed!" The rope left, tied his top end, and fluffed out the fringe. He reentered the bar, and the bartender said, "Hey! Aren't you that rope I just threw out?" "No," the rope said. "I'm a frayed knot."

Officer! That guy threw sodium chloride at me!

Police officer: That's a salt!


I once threw an abstinence party...

And no one came.

My physics teacher told me I had potential.

Then he threw me off the roof.

Threw joke, My physics teacher told me I had potential.

A 35 year old man goes to the doctor and asks to be castrated...

The doctor looks at him for a minute and asks if he is sure. The man says yes, he's thought about it for some time and thinks its time to get it done. The doctor says alright, it's your body.

After the procedure, the man wakes up and the doctor comes over for a chat. He tells the man that while he was down there, he threw in a free circumcision.

Circumcision! the man exclaims. That's the word I was looking for.

Over smart.

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

A little girl and her mother are at Church...

...when the little girl starts to feel sick. Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.

When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.
"Yes," the girl says. "But I didn't have to go all the way around the back. There was a box near the front door that said 'For the Sick.'"

Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me!

I only received super fish oil injuries, but still...

You can explore threw throw reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean threw ran dad jokes. There are also threw puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


School joke

Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I'm going home now.

I saw a lady texting and driving today

I was furious. I rolled down my window, and threw my beer at her.

The principal at my school called me in to his office today. He said "I've just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?"

No, I'm irresponsible. That's why I threw it.

I'm not saying it's a mistake letting my girlfriend control the thermostat...

But two Hobbits just showed up and threw a ring into our bedroom.

I always wanted to tell jokes...

I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.

The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.

Threw joke, I always wanted to tell jokes...

Two engineers meet each other on their way into work

One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it.
"Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'"
"Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes.....

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.

Understanding Engineers

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business,
when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first
engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably
wouldn't have fit you anyway."


Johnny threw a pack of cards at Jenny

Jenny started crying but the teacher told her to deal with it

Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while

Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

My girlfriend threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me.

It's OK though, I only have super fish oil injuries.

Once I threw a Boomerang but it didn't come back

Now I live in fear

Little Johnny is back

In the class the teacher said: "the first person to answer my question will go home early".

Little Johnny threw his bag outside.

Teacher asked: "Whose bag is that???"

Johnny answered: "It's mine....
bye bye!"

This guy just threw milk on me!

How dairy....

Today I threw a penny down the well and made a wish.

That the police would never find Penny's body.

My horse was way more aggressive than usual today

it threw me off

They say one friend out of every group has the potential to be a serial killer....

So I threw Dave off a cliff just in case it was him.

Had a house party last night

...and there's always one left over! Laid on the floor in the corner, still that drunk? He couldn't even stand! Asked him where he lived, then dragged him down the driveway to my car, his legs all over the place, picked him up, threw him inside, & took him home. Dragged him up to his house & knocked on his front door, "I've brought your son home."
His mother replied, "Where is his wheel chair?"

A hiring manager had a stack of resumes, took half, and threw them in the trash...

Coworker asks, "what are you doing!?!"

HR Manager said, "I don't like to hire unlucky people."

Donald Trump is really a proved racist and sexist, because...

He beat a woman badly in his run for the presidency and threw a black family out of a white house...

I threw a boomerang a few years ago

I now live in constant fear

A woman searches for something in the living room.

After an hour, worried, she asks her husband:

- Have you seen my book?

- Which one?

- How to live to become 100 years old.

- Ah yes. Yesterday, i threw it away.

- But why?

- Your mother started reading it...

Mommy! I found a $10 bill today, but I threw it away, cus it was fake.

"Oh, how did you know it was fake?"

"It had two zeroes instead of one."

I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground

...so I threw my fries on the ground too.

Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 tablets at me.

The injuries were superfishoil.

I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs.

It was Wong on so many levels

Someone threw some Omega 3 tablets at my head the other day

I'm ok though, my injuries were only super fish oil

*I'll see myself out*

My friend threw a can of coke at my head today...

Luckily it was a soft drink.

I forgot how my boomerang worked so I just threw it

And then it hit me...

Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me...

Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..

On my way home from work saw a man texting while driving..

Knowing how dangerous this can be I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window and threw my beer at him.

Chuck Norris threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people

Then the grenade exploded.

When Noah reached land, he threw open the ark doors and said, "Go forth and multiply".

When all the animals cleared out, only a pair of confused looking snakes remained.

"Didn't you hear me? Go forth and multiply!" Said Noah, annoyed.

"We can't" replied one of the snakes. "We're adders".

I threw a Chinese man down the stairs...

It was Wong on so many levels.

My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away

He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade

My wife walked in on me...

My wife walked in on me masturbating to an optical illusion. I threw my hands up and said, "Honey, it's not what it looks like!"

Mom, I found a $10 bill today, but I threw it away, cause it was fake.

"Oh, how did you know it was fake?"

"It had an extra zero."

3 men were in a boat with 4 cigarettes,but there was no way to light them.What did they do?

Threw one cigarette overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.

A teacher says to her class "whoever answers my next question can go home."

One boy at the back of the class throws his bag out the window.

"Who just threw that? Demands the teacher.

"Me" replied the boy. "And I'm going home."

John has 20 watermelons and tim has none. John threw one watermelon at tim, what does tim have now?

A concussion.

My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his faeces on the wall.

I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.

My brother just threw a milk carton at me

How dairy.

A kid threw a chunk of cheddar at me today

I didn't think that was very mature.

Fortunately, it wasn't sharp.

Hey England, you know what oday is?

Where's the T?

We threw it in the harbor, 244 years ago

A girl uses chemicals to remove polish and no one looks twice

And yet when Hitler tried it, everyone threw a fit

A man threw a milk bottle at me today

How dairy

One day, a teacher said "Whoever can answer my next question can get dismissed now".

Tom threw his bag outside the window.
The teacher asked angrily "Who threw the bag?"
Tom answered "It's me! "

Tom got dismissed early.

I don't know why my friend was mad when I threw his frisbee...

He even said it was a new record.

After winning the game, I threw the ball into the crowd just like they do on TV.

Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling.

Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.

When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.

Two engineer students were biking across campus.

One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty

And killed someone in Battlefield

I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

It's a conversation between me and my 6 y o cousin...Sorry if it is not funny enough for you

him: Knock knock

me: Who's there?

him: A snail

me: a snail who?

him: a snail you threw out of the window two weeks ago asking why

Years ago, my Mother-in-law began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it to the ocean and threw it off the pier.

I went out, but another copy, ran it under the faucet, and left it beside her bed.

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.

"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.

"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"

Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me

I'm fine- I only suffered super fish oil injuries

Frank farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.

He goes and sits outside the class and can't stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?"

I farted in class and the teacher threw me out. The principle asks him again, Well then, why are you laughing?

Because those idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart while I'm outside in the fresh air."

An atheist is walking along the bank of Loch Ness, suddenly, out of the depths appears Nessie.

She snatched the atheist up in her jaws and threw her head back, throwing thim up in the air. Just before the atheist fell into Nessie's jaws he cries out

"Oh god help me!"

Amazingly, time froze and God appeared next to the atheist. God asked:
"My son, all your life you have forsaken me, why now do you call upon me?"

The atheist responded with: "Give me a break, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster five minutes ago either!"

At a recent rally, somebody threw a beer at Trump's head...

He's fine. It was a draft, so he dodged it.

I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

Three men were on a boat. All together, they had four cigarettes; However, no one brought any matches.

They threw one cigarette overboard, which caused the whole boat to become a cigarette lighter.

When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.

Now I'm homeless.

Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at my head.

It's o.k. though, as my injuries are only super fish oil.

I took British Airlines to court after losing my luggage.

The judge threw it out because we had no case

My Grandad knew that The Titanic was going to sink.

He told every man, woman and child that the ship was going to sink.

They hushed him up.

He shouted "The ship is going to hit an iceberg and sink"

StiΔΊl they tried to silence him.

He shouted even louder, "THE TITANIC IS GOING TO HIT A ICEBERG AND SINK!"

That was it! He'd been warned, so they threw him out of the cinema.

Timmy wants a watch

Timmy notices Tommy has a new watch when he sees him in the playground. Where'd you get the watch? Asked Timmy. Tommy replied, I walked in on my parents having sex. When my dad saw me, he threw me his watch and told me to get out.

Timmy thought this was a great idea. So, that night when his parents were going at it, Timmy made his move and walked in on them mid-stroke. Timmy's dad sees him and yells what do you want!?! I wanna watch says Timmy. His dad sighed and said, Alright, go stand in the corner.

I visited my friend at his new house.

He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

I'm walking down the street when out of nowhere a shellfish falls out of the sky

and hits me in the head. Dazed, I pick up the mollusk and say "Where did you come from, little guy?" The shell creases open slightly and I hear it say "A tornado picked me and threw me. You better get somewhere safe, it's headed this way!" I look around and see mostly blue skies, except for a few clouds. That's when I realized:

It was the clam before the storm.

Jesus is walking through the desert when he comes across and old man crying to himself.

"Why do you cry for Old Man?" Jesus asked.

"I've been searching for my son forever and I'm about to give up hope."

"Well I've been wandering the desert in search of my father for many years, perhaps I've seen your son in my travels. Can you describe him?" Jesus explained.

"He's got nail marks in his hands and feet..."

With that Jesus threw open his arms and embraced the old man. "Father!" he exclaimed.

"Pinocchio!" the old man cried.

I threw a ball for my dog...

It was a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the threw slung jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working threw put piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes