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Three Sins Jokes

22 three sins jokes and hilarious three sins puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about three sins that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Three Sins Short Jokes

Short three sins jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The three sins humour may include short sins jokes also.

  1. They say Jesus Died for our sins... But he came back three days later, so really he just gave up his weekend for our sins.
  2. Forgive me Usher for I have sinned, It's been three weeks since my Last.fm play of Confessions

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Delightful Fun Three Sins Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about three sins you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean 3 sisters jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make three sins pranks.

Boy goes to confession and tells the priest he has been with a girl of loose morals.

"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kate Dannaher?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"
"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."
Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"
He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."

Three men die, and go to the pearly gates...

St. Peter walks up to the firsts, and he says: "You have lived a good life, but you have cheated on your wife many times. Confess here before your friends, and you will be allowed into heaven."
The man says: "I slept with a different woman every week of my ten-year marriage. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a bicycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The second man says:"I was married for five years, and I slept with a different woman as a lover each year. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a motorcycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The third man says: "I was married for a month, and stayed faithful throughout. Then my wife died, so I committed s**... so I may be with her."
St. Peter tells him: "I know. Follow me." He then leads him to a helicopter, and tells him to enjoy the ride. The man soon enough passes the other two men, who see him land a short distance away. They eventually catch up to him, and see he is crying.
The first two men ask him: "Why are you crying? You have no sins to atone for!"
The third says: "I just saw my wife... She was skateboarding."

An elderly man walks into a confessional...

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had s**... with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old. I'm telling everybody .

Confession

Matthew goes into a confessional box and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, I have been with a loose woman."
The Priest says "is that you Matthew?"
"Yes father, it is I."
"Who was the woman you were with?"
"I cannot tell you for I do not wish to sully her reputation."
The priest asks "Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"No father."
"Was it Fiona MacDonald?"
"No father."
"Was it Ann Brown?"
"No father, I cannot tell you."
The priest says "I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys."
Matthew goes back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over and asks "What did you get?" Matthew replies "I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys and three good leads."

Forgive me Father for I have Sinned

A teenage boy goes to confession. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I've had premarital s**....
The priest says My son, who was the young lady? Was it Mary O'Toole?
I won't say her name. I don't want her to get in trouble.
Was it Jane Thompson? Laura Smith?
Father, I'm not saying who it was.
He exits the confessional and his friend asks What'd you get?
Ten Hail Mary's, five Our Father's, and three good leads.

Three men at heaven's door.

Three men are in line at heaven's door. St. Peter ask the first one, how did you get here?
He responds 'I was sinning with another man's wife, the husband arrived and saw me. I jumped out the window but he was so furious, he picked up a wooded wardrobe and threw it on top of me'.
St. Peter asks the second man the same question, he replies 'I came home early to find my wife with another man. I picked up a wardrobe and killed the man. I couldn't live with the guilt so I shot myself'.
The third man interrupts 'Oh, so that's what happened? Last thing I remember was this chick's boyfriend coming home. I just hid in the wardrobe and now I'm here'.

Three nuns

There were three nuns and they said that they were going to do on sin each. The priest says ok, do your sins, come back and I will bless you. So they went to do their sins and came back to get blessed. The priest asked the first woman, who was laughing, what her sin was. She replied:" I had s**... with a guy." So the priest forgave her and let her drink the holy water.
The next nun came and was laughing harder and said: "I got in a fight with another nun." The priest forgave her and let her drink from the holy water.
The last nun was laughing the most and said:"I peed in the holy water!"

An elderly man walks into a confessional.

Man: I am 92 years old, had a wonderful wife of 70 years who recently passed away, many children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two hitch-hiking college girls. We went to a motel where I had s**... with each of them three times.
Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?
Man: What sins?
Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you?
Man: I'm Jewish.
Priest: Why are you telling me all this?
Man: I'm 92 years old…I'm telling everybody!

A Young Man in Confessional

A young man walks into confessional.
Tommy: "Bless me father for I have sinned. I've been with a loose woman."
Priest: "Is that you, Tommy? Who was it then?"
Tommy: "I can't tell you father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
Priest: "Was it Brenda?"
Tommy: "No, Father"
Priest: "Was it Fiona?"
Tommy: "No."
Priest: "Mary, then?"
Tommy: "No no."
Priest: "Very well then. Say five 'Our Fathers' and four 'Hail Marys."
Tommy went back to his pew. His friend leaned over.
Friend: "So, what happened?"
Tommy: "I got five 'Our Fathers,' four 'Hail Mary's,' and three good leads.

A boy goes to confessional...

Boy: "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been 1 week since my last confession."
Father: "What is your sin?"
Boy: "Fornication with a girl in the parish."
Father: "What girl?"
Boy: "I won't say"
Father: "Was it Sally?"
Boy: "I'm not telling!"
Father: "It was Jane, wasn't it."
Boy: "I'm not going to say!"
Father: "It had to be Jessica"
Boy: "Father, I'm not going to tell you!"
Father: "Fine. Do 3 Hail Mary's and sin no more."
Boy leaves confessional and returns to a friend who is waiting for him on the pew.
Friend: "How'd it go in there?"
Boy: "Went great! I got three new leads!"

Holy Water

One day St Peter chose three distinguished individuals in Heaven and gave them a free pass to commit whatever sins they would like back on Earth for one whole day.
The next day, when the three sinners returned, St Peter asked them what sins they committed.
St Peter asked the first sinner and he said that he spent the day sleeping with a bunch of women. St Peter congratulated him and told him to drink from the Holy Water to be forgiven of his sins.
The third sinner snickered.
St Peter ignored the third sinner asked the second sinner. She said that she sent a swarm of killer bees to wipe out an African village. St Peter paused in shock, but then told her to drink from the Holy Water to be forgiven of her sins.
The third sinner tried to hold back his laughter, but failed.
St Peter then asked the third sinner what was so funny. The third sinner replied, "I s**... in the Holy Water"

Three Irishmen were sitting in a pub, across the road from a brothel...

Three Irishmen were sitting in a pub across the road from the local brothel. As they watched through the window, they saw the Methodist minister creep up to the door of the brothel and slip inside.
"Ah, now - didn't I tell you? They're all a bunch of hypocrites, that lot. Such a shame, a man o' the cloth, giving way to temptation like that."
A few minutes later, the rabbi also entered the brothel.
"Would you look at that? Always acting so pious, but look at 'im now - dirty hypocrite. Givin' way to sins o' the flesh."
As they continued drinking, complaining all the while about the lack of moral standards of the minister and the rabbi, they saw the Catholic priest creep up to the brothel and knock on the door.
"Ah, now - ain't that a shame! One o' the poor girls must be dyin', and the good Father's come to give 'er the last rites!"

Two Guys, The Summer, And The Confessional

A young man goes to confession with his friend on the first day of summer. When he enters the confessional, he says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned... I have been with a woman of poor moral fiber."
Priest: "That's sad to hear young man... I must ask... was it Jenny Armstrong?"
Young Man: "I cannot say father."
Priest: "Was it Sarah Smith?"
Young Man: "I will not say, father."
Priest: "It must have been Michelle Geller."
Young Man: "Father, I will not say."
Priest: "I admire your conviction, but you must atone. Don't return to service for two weeks, or until you have said 4 Hail Mary's and 10 Our Fathers."
The young man leaves and sees his friend on the way out. "What did you get?' his friend asks. He replies, "two weeks of summer vacation and three good leads."

Three p**... are discussing the meaning of Easter

The first p**... says, "Easter is that time of year when your family comes over for the night. You sit down to a big turkey dinner and you watch football.
"No you m**...," said the second p**.... "That is Thanksgiving. Easter is the time of year when a fat man in a red suit comes down your chimney and leaves you presents underneath a tree."
"Don't be s**...," said the third p**.... "You should know that is Christmas. Easter is the time of year when Jesus died for our sins and was put behind a boulder. Then in three days, he pushed the boulder out of the way, stepped outside, saw his shadow and ran back inside shouting six more weeks of winter."

Which of these two jokes with roughly the same theme is better?

A. A Christian is drowning in the sea. A boat comes up the crew tries to save them, but he says "no, God will save me!" Later another boat comes up and tries to save him again, but he insists that God will save him. Later a third boat comes along. The Christian is wheezing, gasping, almost exhausted, but manages to wheeze out "no, God will save me!" Then he drowns. In Heaven, he asks God why he didn't save him. God says "I sent you three boats!"
B. An atheist is drowning in the sea. Getting desperate, he says to himself "Okay, God, I know I've never believed in you before, but if you save me, I'll not only become a believer, I'll become the best believer. I'll go to church, do my best to never sin. Please save me." Then a boat suddenly appears out of nowhere with a crew getting their life saving equipment ready. The atheist says "Never mind, God: I got this!"

Heavenly Water

Three men form a line in front of the confession booth at church. The first man enters the booth and says, "Father, I have sinned".
The priest asks," what is it you have done?"
"I lied at work today." Replies the first man.
"All will be forgiven, pray to God and go drink from the holy water across the hall."
The man exits and walks over to the holy water to takes a drink.
The second man enters the confession booth.
"Father I have sinned. I cheated on my wife. I was also in such a rush to confess, I shoved and cut in front of the other man in line to this booth. I am a horrible person.".
The priest replies, "Pray to God and drink from the holy water across the hall. You will be forgiven."
The second man leaves te booth to go drink the holy water.
The third man enters the booth, but before the priest could say anything the man said, "I peed in the holy water."

The Confession

A man's talking to his priest and says "Father, I don't know what to do. Suddenly, all of these beautiful women want to have s**... with me. I try to be good, but I have to confess, I'm weak. I slept with five women in the last three days."
The priest says, "Go home, squeeze five lemons into a cup, and drink it really fast."
The man asks, "Will that absolve me of all my sins?"
"No," the priest says.
"Will it help me resist temptation?"
"No."
"Then why..."
"It'll get that s**... smug grin off your face."

Three nuns go to a priest...

And they say that they each want to commit a sin before they die. They priest tells them to go commit their sins on friday, and he will hear their confessions on saturday. So the nuns go commit their sins and on saturday the first nun goes to confession. The Priest asks "What are your sins?" The nun says that she had s**... relations with a man. The Priest says "Go drink the holy water and your sins will be forgiven." The second nun goes to the priest and he also asks what her sins are. "She says that she participated in a t**.... The Priest again says "Go drink the holy water and your sins will be forgiven." The third nun goes to the priest and he says "What are your sins." The nun replies "I peed in the holy water."

Tommy goes to confession and tells the priest...

Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.
Is that you, Tommy? says the priest.
Aye, it is, Father.
Who is it you were with, Tommy?
I'd rather not say, Father.
Was it Bridget?
No, Father.
Was it Colleen?
No, Father.
Was it Megan?
No, Father.
Well, Tommy, say four Our Fathers and four Hail Marys.
When Tommy gets outside, his friend Pat asks him how it went.
Terrifc, says Tommy. I got four Our Fathers, four Hail Marys,
and three great leads!

1000 Years.

Three men arrive at the gates of heaven, St. Peter looks upon them and says "Though you are all good men, you have sins to absolve before i can let you enter the great kingdom!" So St. Peter takes them off to purgatory.
The first man had an addiction to s**.... St. Peter took this man to a room, inside were hundreds of women fully n**.... The man runs in the room excited as can be as St. Peter says " Ill be back in 1000 years to see if you've learned your lesson."
The second man was a serious alcoholic. St. Peter takes this man to his room and inside there was an endless supply of every type of alcohol imaginable. St. Peter says again, "Ill be back in 1000 years to see of you've learned your lesson."
The third man was a chronic pothead. St. Peter takes him to his room, which is filled with endless amounts of m**..., bongs, and pipes. St. Peter again says, " I'll be back in 1000 years to see if you've learned your lesson."
1000 years pass and St. Peter returns to the first room, the s**... addict inside is so releived, and repents. St. Peter allows him into heaven.
The alcohol speeds out the door as St. Peter opens it. He begs for forgiveness and is allowed in.
St. Peter opens the potheads door only to find him joint in one hand pipe in the other, rocking feverishly. The pothead looks up at St. Peter shaking and says " You got a light, man?"