Three People Jokes
78 three people jokes and hilarious three people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about three people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Three People Short Jokes
Short three people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The three people humour may include short three guys jokes also.
- I bought a book called "how to scam people on-line" This was three months ago and it still hasn't arrived ?
- Placing three armed veterans in each school will stop school shootings The shooter will see people with three arms and freak out.
- Started smoking for this girl who told me she was into people with cancer Turns out she was talking about zodiacs. Anyway I've got three months to live.
- I own a three legged dog. It had four legs when I got it, but I wanted people to know that I'm a good person.
- I was gonna go on a double date the other day... But in the end I couldn't find three other people to go with me.
- I just met a dog that was trained to help blind people Apparently he's blinded three already.
- How is a piano like a stick shift? They both have three pedals, and most people only know what two of them do.
- There are three kinds of people: Those who are good at math, those who are bad at math, and those who are bad at jokes.
- There are three types of people in the world. Those that understand math and those that don't.
- 5 black people walk into a restaurant... And the first one says, "Table for three please."
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Three People One Liners
Which three people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with three people? I can suggest the ones about three men and three friends.
- Three things that never lie..... Little kids, drunk people, and yoga pants
- So three nordic people walk into a bar Actually I don't wanna finnish this joke
- Man to his gf: "are three fingers too much?" Her:"not at all, most people have ten!"
- What is 72? 69 with three people watching.
- What do you call three disabled people fighting? Cripple threat match
- If I could have dinner with three people, dead or alive... I would totally do that.
- There are three types of people i++
I+=1
i=i+1 - Three sane people walked into a bar. Then they walked out.
- Four out of three people struggle with math It just doesn't add up unless you have twins.
- There's three kinds of people in the world 1) Those who finish what they start
- Their are really only three things that bother me. People who don't know how to count.
- Had my first three some last night Two people didn't show up but I still had a good time
- There are three things I hate most in life... People who can't do simple math, and irony.
- What do you say when three people fall into the ground randomly? well well well...
- Three people walk into a room two of them are Chris Christie.
Witty Three People Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about three people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean 3 guys jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make three people pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was looking for a sofa to buy, and the salesman pointed to one and said, This one can seat three people without any problems.
I said, Where the h**... am I going to find three people without any problems?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Having s**... with four people is called a f**..., having s**... with three people is called a t**...
Now I know why people call me handsome
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You've been warned. It might be a little early in the day for this one.
If s**... with three people is called a t**... and s**... with four people is called a f**..., I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.
A mathematician, a physicist and a biologist all stand in front of an empty house.
Suddenly, two people enter the house and after a couple of minutes, three people leave through the front door.
The biologist says - They must've reproduced!
The physicist says - This must be a measurement error!
The mathematician says - If one more person enters, the house will be empty!
Stalin loses his pipe...
...he tells the KGB chairman to find Stalin's pipe.
Three days later, Stalin finds his pipe under a sofa. He calls the chairman to tell him that he can call off the search.
Upon telling him the news, the chairman said: "But that's impossible! Three people have already confessed to stealing the pipe!"
Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.
They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, What do you think you are doing?
What if you have an accident?
The priests say, Don't worry, my son. God is with us.
The policeman says, In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.
Overcrowded church
The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were only three people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."
A statistician, a mathematician, and a biologist are standing outside a house.
They watch two people walk in. A couple hours later, they watch three people walk out.
The statistician considers the problem for a moment, then thinks to himself: "Oh, we must have miscounted."
The biologist, naturally, goes through a similar moment of introspection before deciding, "Ah, they must have reproduced!"
Meanwhile, the mathematician arrived at the solution almost immediately: "If one person goes back into the house, it will be completely empty!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pizza is like s**......
If three people are involved, someone's not gonna get as much as they want
I've given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles.
Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I've eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.
And it works. I already have three people following me… two police officers and a psychiatrist.
A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist.
A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting on a Starbucks patio across from an abandoned building when a car pulls up, and two people get out and enter the building.
A few minutes go by, three people exit the building, get into the car and drive off.
"Hmm," says the physicist, "our original count must have been inaccurate."
"Ahh," says the biologist, "they must have reproduced!"
"Aha!" says the mathematician, "now if exactly one person enters the building, it will be empty again!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three people in a bed is called a t**...
Two people in a bed is called a twosome.
Now you know why people call you handsome.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Philosopher, a Physicist and a mathematician look at a church...
They watch as two people enter the church. Later, three people exit.
"A wonder!", shouts the philosopher.
The physicist just says: "Nah, there must be a b**... somewhere."
The philosopher nods, satisfied with the explanation.
Suddenly, the mathematician says: "Hey! If one of us goes in there, then there's no one inside!"
During a survey three people of various professions - a mathematician, a sociologist and an accountant - were asked "How much is 2+2?"
The mathematician answered "Four".
The sociologist answered "Assuming that we want the answer that is in accordance with the Western social norms, four."
The accountant asked "And how much do you want it to be?"
You know you're getting old when
when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.
Happy Cake Day to me!
Three people are given the death sentence...
They are given a choice, guillotine or rifle for their execution.
The first convict states he will take the guillotine. When they setup and release, the blade gets stuck and the sheriff states "it is not your time, you may go."
The second decides on guillotine as well, the blade gets stuck and they also let him free.
The third says "Well, since the guillotine isn't working, I will take death by rifle."
1 out of 3 people (Oops)
I read that ONE out of three people in a relationship, were unfaithful.
I'm trying to determine if it's my WIFE or my MISTRESS.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If it requires three people to do a t**... then...
That's why people tell me I'm handsome...
What did the man in the "Race for a Cure" say to the three people beside him?
"we're walking four abreast."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If there's three people, it's usually a t**.... If there's two people, it's called a twosome. And if a guy is single?
He's usually called handsome.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to equally divide a cake among five people with only three cuts
Slice three people with your knife and ask the last, "Do you also want a piece?"
Three people walk into a bar.
First person: I want the largest glass of beer you have.
Second person: You want the largest glass of beer we have?
Third person: He wants the largest glass of beer you have.
How can you tell that you're getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If s**... with three people is called a t**... and s**... with two people is called a twosome, what is s**... with one person called?
Handsome.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: "Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man."
"How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."
Three people today told me that I look like Justin Timberlake
Guess they were pretty nsync with that comparison.
Sure, I may not be in a relationship, but I am three people's plan B and someone's maybe if we're ever the last two people on Earth.
It's like the old gangland saying goes: three people can keep a secret...
If two of them forget.
Help! My wife has fallen victim to a new multi-level marketing pyramid scheme...
We have to warn as many people as possible! If you tell three people, and they each tell three people...
A Indian Joke about Indian accents
The grammar has been changed to make the joke smaller:
Some psychologists are running a test based on speech patterns. They get three people; an American, an Australian and an Indian, and ask them to say a few sentences with the words: green, pink and yellow.
The American and Australian give pretty normal answers, stuff like I put on my green hat etc. When it gets to the Indian he says "The phone goes green green, I pink up the phone and say yellow?"
Police arrested three people for making bombs out of food wrapping.
Their plot was foiled.
You know who you are....
I had a party at my house and a buddy of mine walked over to me from the crowd. I said do you know those three people that just walked in? He said to me "...the guy who does CrossFit, the vegetarian and the atheist?" I looked at him quizzically and said "Do you know them?" "No, not at all" He quipped, "it was literally the first thing they said when they walked in the door."
Three people walk into a bar, a tall one, a short one, and a medium height one.
The tall one hurts his hip, the short one hurts his head, and the medium one hurts his stomach.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When three people have s**... together it's a t**.... When two people have s**... together it's a twosome.
When I have s**... it's a lonesome
Dad what is to be drunk?
"See son, when the three people over there are five, then you are drunk".
"There are only two people there, dad".
Three people with OCD walk into a bar...
...and the bartender says, What would you like to order?
You can get advice from more than three people.
Just be careful what you ask four.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's a secret between three people but not between two?
A f**....
If ever you're going to a haunted house, you need three people.
A young priest, an old priest, and Richard Simmons, just in case you need to exercise a ghost or two.
Wanna know what's worse than three people stapled to one tree?
One person stapled to three trees.
Once Apon a time, the Chief samurai of the land was sick, and needed to chose his successor
Only three people singled up. A Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish samurai.
The Japanese Samurai went first. He opened a box with a fly in it. With one swipe of his blade, the fly fell done, cut in two.
The Chinese Samurai went next. He opened another box with a fly in it. With two swipes of his blade, the fly fell down, cut in four.
Lastly, the Jewish samurai went. He opened the last box with a fly in it. He swiped once, but the fly still flew.
What was that? The fly is still alive
Of course! The purpose of circumcision is not to kill...
The empty house across the street
A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician are sitting on a porch having a beer and looking at the empty house across the street.
They see two people walk in through the front door, and an hour later three people walk out.
How interesting! said the biologist. They must have reproduced at an astonishing rate.
No, no , said the physicist. Clearly this is a case of teleportation, and the third individual was beamed in from elsewhere.
The mathematician sits quietly for a few minutes and remarks, if one more person goes into the house it will be empty again.
I won third place!!!
In a competition with three people...
A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe.
A Mathematician, a Biologist, and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.
First, they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people coming out of the house.
The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.".
The Biologist: "They have reproduced".
The Mathematician: "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again"
Ninja
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A physicist, a biologist, a mathematician, and a computer scientist get coffee at a street café.
A physicist, a biologist, a mathematician, and a computer scientist are sitting in a street café watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people entering the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people leaving the house.
The physicist says, "The measurement wasn't accurate."
The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."
The mathematician says, "If one more person enters the house then it will be empty."
The computer scientist says, "They must have used a b**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three people were sentenced to execution...
Three people were sentenced to execution.
The first guy was told, "Electric chair or guillotine?"
He chooses the electric chair, but it doesn't work.
The second guy was told, "Electric chair or guillotine?"
He chooses the electric chair, and again it doesn't work.
When the third guy came, he was again told "Electric chair or guillotine?"
He picks the guillotine, and everybody screams "ELECTRIC CHAR! ELECTRIC CHAIR!"
He replies "Are you idiots? It doesn't work!"
Three People Killed at Colorado Abortion Clinic
Sounds like a slow day to me
A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician...
A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician are all eating on the patio of a restaurant. Across the street, they see two people walk into a building, and a few moments later three people walk out.
The biologist says, "Oh, they must have reproduced."
The physicist remarks, "There must have been some type of statistical error."
All are quiet for a long while before the mathematician says, "You know, if one more person walks into that building it will be empty."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is it called when two people s**... the d**... of three people?
A feratio.
(f**..., and Ratio)
A millionaire is looking for a housekeeper.
Three people showed up for the job. He wants to make sure they have good personal hygiene during work, so he put a camera in his big restroom monitoring the sink and see if they wash their hands after going to the restroom.
The first one finishes, doesn't wash his hands and walked out, the millionaire fires him.
The second one finishes, also doesn't wash his hands, he is fired as well.
The last guy, however, washed his hands before coming out. The owner is delighted, he asked him: " The previous two didn't washed their hands after going to the restroom, why did you wash them?"
The guy replies: "Because the toilet paper ran out".
Blowing bubbles
Three people get arrested and are taken into holding for questioning. The officer talks to the first girl, asking, "What's your name?" She says, "Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He asks the second girl, "What's your name?" She responds with, "Yo Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He talks to the guy and says, "Let me guess, your name is Yo Yo Yo." The guy replies with, "No, it's Bubbles."
A physicist, a biologist, a mathematician, and a computer scientist are drinking coffee...
Over the course of the day they see two people enter a building across the street and three people exit. They all seem perplexed about this occurrence. The physicist says, "There must have been some error in our measurements!" The biologist replies, "The two must have reproduced!" The mathematician claims, "If one person goes inside then the building will be empty!" The computer scientist concludes, "Someone must have used a back door."
Applying For A Job
There are three people applying for the same job. One is a mathematician, one a statistician, and one an accountant. The interviewing committee first calls in the mathematician. They say "we have only one question. What is 500 plus 500?" The mathematician, without hesitation, says "1000." The committee sends him out and calls in the statistician. When the statistician comes in, they ask the same question. The statistician ponders the question for a moment, and then answers "1000... I'm 95% confident." He is then also thanked for his time and sent on his way. When the accountant enters the room, he is asked the same question: "what is 500 plus 500?" The accountant replies, "what would you like it to be?" They hire the accountant.
THE BAT BET
Three vampire bats live in a cave surrounded by three castles. One night, the bats bet on who can drink the most blood.
The first bat comes home with blood dripping off his fangs. He says, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of three people."
The second bat returns with blood around his mouth. He says, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of five people."
The third bat comes back covered in blood. He says, "See that castle over there?" The other bats nod. "Well," says the third bat, "I didn't."
This is Captain Sinclair speaking.
On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London.
We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.
If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses.
This is a recorded message.
Have a good flight!
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said someone may steal from it at night; so they created a night watchman, GS-4 position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"
So they created a planning position and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, GS-12 and one person to do time studies,
GS-1.
Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"
So they created a Q. C. position and hired two people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?"
So they created the following positions, a time keeper, GS-09, and a payroll officer, GS-11, and hired two people.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"
So they created an administrative position and hired three people, an Admin.
Officer GM-13, Assistant Admin.
Officer GS-12, and a Legal Secretary GS-08.
Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $280,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."
So they laid off the night watchman.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was three people approaching the gates of heaven But there was only one place left.
The gate keeper asked the first man what happened to him because the one with the worst death would go inn.
The first man said:
"Well imagine that I expected my wife was having an affair, so I got home early to surprise her. I found her in the bathroom with a towel round her so I knew she wasn't having a shower so I search the apartment and found 10 fingers hanging from the window sill. So I started bashing away at them. When he fell god must have loved him, because he lived. So I threw a refrigerator at him. After all the excitement I died of a heart attack."
That's horrific said the gate keeper, he asked the second man how he died and he said.
"Well imagine this I was riding one of those stationary bike on the top of our apartment building but it went wrong I feel down and grabbed some ones window sill. Then some idiot started bashing ar my fingers then I fell but god must have loved me because i lived then -SHANNOOOWWWW- a refrigerator plunged down at me"
That is to horrific.
He asked the third man how he died and he said.
"Well imagine that I was n**... in a refrigerator..."
Three people get arrested and are taken into holding for questioning. The officer talks to the first girl, asking, "What's your name?" She says, "Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He asks the second girl, "What's your name?" She responds with, "Yo Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He talks to the guy and says, "Let me guess, your name is Yo Yo Yo." The guy replies with, "No, it's Bubbles."
