Three Nuns Jokes
52 three nuns jokes and hilarious three nuns puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about three nuns that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Comedy Three Nuns Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What is a good three nuns joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Three nuns are talking. The first nun says, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nun asks. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun says, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasp the other nuns. "What did you do?" they ask. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replies. The third nun faints.
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Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Perly Gates by St.
Peter.
He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I’m granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want."
The first nun says, "I want-a to be Sophia Loren" and *p**...!* she’s gone.
The second says, "I want-a to be Madonna" and *p**...!* she’s gone.
The third says, "I want-a to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed.
"Who?" he says.
"Sara Pipalini" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says "I’m sorry but that name just doesn’t ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
He reads the paper and starts laughing.
He hands it back to her and says “No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days!'"
#2857: Two priests are in a shower.
They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from other city heading his way.
Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice, and three times but nothing happens.
So she gives several more tugs, then yells:
"Holy Mary, Mother of God! LIQUID SOAP TOO!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three nuns die and go to heaven
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven where they are met by St Peter at the pearly gates. St Peter says Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want.
The first nun says I want to be Sophia Loren and p**... she's gone.
The second says I want to be Madonna and p**... she's gone.
The third says I want to be Sara Pipalini.
St Peter looks perplexed. Who? asks St Peter
Sara Pipalini replies the nun.
St Peter shakes his head and says I'm sorry, that name just doesn't ring a bell.
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men!
Three nuns at the pearly gates with St. Peter.
St. Peter tells the nuns, "since you've all dedicated your lives to God, we will let you go back and live as anyone you'd like to."
The first nun says, "I'd like to be Mother Theresa", and Peter says, "No problem."
The second nun says, "I'd like to return as Princess Diana", and Peter says, "Sure thing."
The third nun says, "I'd like to be Sarah Pippilini." St. Peter says, "I'm sorry sister but I don't know who that is." The nun holds up a newspaper and points to the headline.
St. Peter laughs and says, "No, no sister that doesn't say 'Sarah Pippilini'; it says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days'."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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The Three Nuns
One day, three nuns decided to disobey their rules and walk around the convert n**.... Because the convert was visible from a road, they decided to close the blinds so no one would see them. The blinds were slightly broken so there was a single opening. the nuns decided to have one of the nuns keep watch while the other two went about their day. Later that day, a man started walking up the sidewalk to the convert. the nun on watched yelled to the others to hide. The man walked up to the window and called out to see if anyone was there. One of the nuns piped up and sayed she was, and asked what he needed. The man said that he was a blind man, looking for work. The nuns whispered to themselves, and agreed that since he was blind, they could let him in to help him. So the first nun opeded the door, still completely n**... along with the other two nuns. When the door opened, the man recoiled back in surprise. "why did you answer the door completely n**...?" he asked. Then nun was taken aback, " i thought you said you were blind!"
The man said "no, i am a BLINDS man, and i came to fix your blinds!"
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3 nuns and a blind man.
The nuns just finished building the addition to their monastary, but it still had to be painted. The head nun gave 3 of the nuns the task. She says: "Sisters, make sure you don't get any paint on your robes!" The three nuns decided, since there was no one around, to just s**... n**.... They ae painting for a while, when they hear a knock at he door. "Who is it?" one of them asks. The man outside replies: "Blind man!" The sisters agree there would be no harm in letting him in, since he is blind. They open the door, and he exclaims: "Woah, Sister! Where do you want these blinds?"
The Nun and her Abbess
A Nun was living in an abbey and had taken a vow of silence. After living there for a year the Abbess calls her to her office and says.
"You have been silent for one year now. I lift your vow so that you may speak one sentence."
the Nun thinks for a moment and says.
"My floor is too cold"
The Abbess nods and thanks the Nun letting her get back to her duties. Another year goes by and again the Abbess summons the Nun to her office.
"You have lived, and worked among us for two years now. I lift your vow of silence so that you may speak two sentences."
again the Nun thinks, then says.
"My floor is too cold. I don't like the soup."
Once more the Abbess thanks the Nun and ushers her out of the office. once again another year rolls around and for the third time the Abbess summons the Nun into her office.
"You have lived, worked, and prayed, among us for three years now. I lift your vow of silence so that you may speak three sentences."
The Nun thinks really hard for a few moments, then says.
"My floor is too cold. I don't like the soup. and, the halls are too dusty."
The Abbess takes a hard look at the Nun and says.
"That is it. I have had enough. You must leave this place tonight. three years here and all you have ever done is complain."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three nuns were talking...
The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, yesterday, I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."
"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.
The third nun said, "Oh s**...."
Three Nuns at Pearly Gates.
So three nuns simultaneously die and go to the gates of St. Peter.
Whilst there, St. Peter approaches the nuns and says: "I'm sorry girls, but heaven's getting pretty full now. There's this new policy that I have to ask you guys a religious-trivia question before i can let you in".
The nuns agree. So St. Peter approaches the first:
"What was the name of the first Man?"
The 1st nun replies: "Adam."
Peter: "Right, you're in." The first nun then appears on the other side of the gates.
St. Peter goes to the 2nd nun: "What part of Adam was Eve made from?"
2nd Nun: "The Ribs."
Peter: "Right, you're in."
He goes to the final nun: "Right, I can see that you're the head-nun here so I'm going to ask you a tougher one... What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
3rd nun replies: "Wow, that's a hard one"
"Right, you're in."
Three nuns die and go to heaven...
...where St. Peter greets them and informs them that in order to get into heaven, they must answer a question apeice. The first nun, who happens to be a novice nun, goes first.
"For you," says Peter, "an easy question, because of your short time as a nun. Who were the first two people?"
"That's easy," replies the nun excitedly. "Adam and Eve."
"Congratulations," says Peter, "You're in." He beckons the second nun forward. The second nun has been with the church for ten years and knows quite a bit about her religion.
"For you," says Peter, "a moderately difficult question. What color was Eve's hair?"
"I've never... I've never actually studied that," replies the nun. "But I'll take a guess. Blonde?"
"Great job," says Peter. "You're in."
He turns to the third nun, who was the head nun of her church. "And for you, a most difficult question indeed. What was the first thing Eve said to Adam in Paradise?"
After a moment of thinking, the nun looks stumped. "Gosh, that's a hard one."
"Congratulations, you're in."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One of my favorite nun jokes.
Three nuns are sitting with a priest. The priest says 'if all of you wish to be sure of access to heaven, tell me if you have ever had a s**... encounter.'
The first nun says 'I confess i once touched a p**....'
The priest says 'Blessed be all is forgiven.'
The second nun says 'I once s**... a p**....'
The priest says 'Blessed be all is forgiven.'
The third one says 'I was s**... assaulted as a child.'
The priest says 'God damnit Mary! I told you not to tell anyone!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So there are three nuns walking down the street and a streaker runs by...
The first nun has a s**..., the second nun has a s**..., but the third, the third nun doesn't touch him.
Three nuns die in a car accident. They arrive at the pearly gates...
...and St. Peter greets them, "welcome to heaven sisters! Before I let you in I have to ask you each a question that you must answer to be accepted into heaven."
The first nun steps up, and St. Peter asks, "who is the son of god?" The nun says, "that's easy. Jesus." The gates open, and she strolls into heaven.
The second one steps up. "Who is Jesus' mother?" She answers, "Mary," and the gates open.
The third nun steps up, and he asks, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun looks flustered, and she says, "that's a really hard one..." And the gates open.
Three nuns were talking about their chores...
Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"
"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.
"I threw them away." The first nun replies.
The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"
"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.
"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.
The third nun fainted.
Three nuns are talking about their gardens, one of them is deaf.
The first nun said "the cucumbers are growing fairly well, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The second nun said "that's great! The carrots are doing great too, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The deaf nun shouts "which priest you talking about?"
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Three nuns go to a priest...
And they say that they each want to commit a sin before they die. They priest tells them to go commit their sins on friday, and he will hear their confessions on saturday. So the nuns go commit their sins and on saturday the first nun goes to confession. The Priest asks "What are your sins?" The nun says that she had s**... relations with a man. The Priest says "Go drink the holy water and your sins will be forgiven." The second nun goes to the priest and he also asks what her sins are. "She says that she participated in a t**.... The Priest again says "Go drink the holy water and your sins will be forgiven." The third nun goes to the priest and he says "What are your sins." The nun replies "I peed in the holy water."
Hidden Bible code
"Sister Agnes?"
"Yes, Martha; what is it?"
"Today's reading, from Malachi. I don't understand it."
The old nun approached the bench where Martha sat between two other visually-impaired students, and wedged herself in between the three. She looked down at the weighty braille Bible Martha was reading. "What don't you understand, my dear?"
"Well," continued Martha. "It seems to be a story all about the birth of Satan, the one that was prophesied about."
Alarmed, the elderly sister snatched the Bible from Martha and ran her leathery fingers over the little dots. Then she burst out laughing, "Oh, you silly child. You are holding the book upside down."
Three nuns die and get to the gate of heaven...
..guarded by st. Petrus. He says: in order to enter the gates of heaven, each of you have to answer a question to prove your knowledge about the holy father and his reign. So he asks the first nun: who was he first man on earth? She answers: oh, that's an easy one! It was adam.
And the angels sing and the doors open and she enters into heaven.
So st. Petrus asks the second nun: who was the first woman on earth? She answers: oh, thats an easy one! It was eve.
And the angels sing and the doors open and she enters into heaven.
And st. Petrus asks the third nun: what was the first thing that eve said to adam?
She answers: oh... Thats a hard one!
And the angels sing and the doors open and she enters into heaven.
Three nuns are gossiping about a priest.
The first nun said, "I was going through father's desk and found pornographic magazines in his drawer."
The second nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"
"I burned them."
The second nun then said, "I was going through father's drawers and found a box of condoms."
The first nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"
"I poked holes in them."
The third nun fainted.
Three nuns died...
...and found themselves standing before St. Peter at the gates of heaven.
"Before I can let you in," said Peter, "you'll each have to answer one question."
The first nun stepped forward and Peter asked, "What was the name of the first man?"
"Adam," answered the nun. And immediately bells began ringing and lights started flashing, and the gates opened up and she entered into heaven.
The second nun stepped forward. "What was the name of the first woman?" St. Peter asked.
"Eve," said the nun. And bells began ringing and lights started flashing, and the gates opened up and she walked in.
The third nun stepped forward. "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" asked St. Peter.
The nun thought for a minute, then said, "Boy, that's really hard..."
And bells began ringing and lights started flashing...
3 Nuns
Three nuns were on vacation and travelling in a bus. Sister Veronica was chatting with Sister Frances who was sitting next to her. Across the aisle was Sister Trudy. Sister Trudy was very hard of hearing and was leaning across the aisle and trying to hear what the other two sisters were talking about.
Sister Veronica said, "When I was in Hawaii last year, they had the hugest bananas I ever saw. They were humungous! This long!" she said as she held her hands a foot apart, "and this wide!" she said as she held her hands in a circle. "I had trouble eating one!" she said as she motioned biting down on a banana.
Sister Trudy was leaning further in the aisle, trying to tune in to the conversation of the other two nuns.
Sister Frances then said, "When I was in Florida last year, they had the hugest oranges I have ever seen." She held her palms upturned as if to hold two large oranges. "They were this big!"
Sister Trudy could no longer stand it and shouted out, "Father who????!!!"
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Three Nuns One Liners
Which three nuns one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with three nuns? I can suggest the ones about two nuns and nuns.
- Three Nuns Walked Into A Bar The fourth one ducked.
