Three Nuns Jokes
66 three nuns jokes and hilarious three nuns puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about three nuns that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Three Nuns Short Jokes
Short three nuns jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The three nuns humour may include short 3 nuns jokes also.
- Guy runs into a bar, yells "Quick! How tall is a penguin?" Bartender says "Three feet tall."
Guy says "Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!" - So there are three nuns walking down the street and a streaker runs by... The first nun has a s**..., the second nun has a s**..., but the third, the third nun doesn't touch him.
- Three nuns are sitting on a bench when a f**... revealed himself to them. The first nun had a s**..., the second nun had a s**..., and the third nun couldn't reach.
- Three nuns are sitting in the park... ...when a man comes up and flashes them.
The first nun has a second s**..., the second nun has a s**..., but the third couldn't quite reach it. - Three nuns are at a bus stop A man walks up and flashes them.
The first two have a s**..., and the other can't reach. - Three nuns are sitting on a park bench. Then a man comes up and exposes himself to them. Two of them have a s**.... But the third one couldn't reach
- Three nuns are sitting on a park bench when a male streaker runs by. The first nun had a s**....
The second nun had a s**....
But the third nun was too far away and couldn't reach. - Three nuns are sitting on a park bench when a f**... comes by and opens his trench coat. The first two nuns each had a s**.... The third nun couldn't reach.
- Three nuns sitting on a park bench. n**... man runs by. Two had a s**....
The other couldn't reach. - Three nuns in the park Three nuns are sitting on a park bench. Guy in a trenchcoat runs up and flashes them. First one had a s**.... Second one had a s**.... Third one never touched him.
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Three Nuns One Liners
Which three nuns one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with three nuns? I can suggest the ones about two nuns and nuns.
- Three Nuns Walked Into A Bar The fourth one ducked.
Comedy Three Nuns Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about three nuns you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nun convent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make three nuns pranks.
Three nuns are talking. The first nun says, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nun asks. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun says, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasp the other nuns. "What did you do?" they ask. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replies. The third nun faints.
#2857: Two priests are in a shower.
They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from other city heading his way.
Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice, and three times but nothing happens.
So she gives several more tugs, then yells:
"Holy Mary, Mother of God! LIQUID SOAP TOO!"
Three Nuns
Three Nuns are walking down an alley after church.
A man jumps out in a trench coat and exposes himself to them.
The first Nun has a s**....
The second Nun has a s**....
But the third Nun doesn't touch him.
Three nuns at the pearly gates with St. Peter.
St. Peter tells the nuns, "since you've all dedicated your lives to God, we will let you go back and live as anyone you'd like to."
The first nun says, "I'd like to be Mother Theresa", and Peter says, "No problem."
The second nun says, "I'd like to return as Princess Diana", and Peter says, "Sure thing."
The third nun says, "I'd like to be Sarah Pippilini." St. Peter says, "I'm sorry sister but I don't know who that is." The nun holds up a newspaper and points to the headline.
St. Peter laughs and says, "No, no sister that doesn't say 'Sarah Pippilini'; it says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days'."
The Nun and her Abbess
A Nun was living in an abbey and had taken a vow of silence. After living there for a year the Abbess calls her to her office and says.
"You have been silent for one year now. I lift your vow so that you may speak one sentence."
the Nun thinks for a moment and says.
"My floor is too cold"
The Abbess nods and thanks the Nun letting her get back to her duties. Another year goes by and again the Abbess summons the Nun to her office.
"You have lived, and worked among us for two years now. I lift your vow of silence so that you may speak two sentences."
again the Nun thinks, then says.
"My floor is too cold. I don't like the soup."
Once more the Abbess thanks the Nun and ushers her out of the office. once again another year rolls around and for the third time the Abbess summons the Nun into her office.
"You have lived, worked, and prayed, among us for three years now. I lift your vow of silence so that you may speak three sentences."
The Nun thinks really hard for a few moments, then says.
"My floor is too cold. I don't like the soup. and, the halls are too dusty."
The Abbess takes a hard look at the Nun and says.
"That is it. I have had enough. You must leave this place tonight. three years here and all you have ever done is complain."
Three nuns were talking...
The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, yesterday, I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."
"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.
The third nun said, "Oh s**...."
Three nuns
Sisters Anne, Mary, and Teresa are driving across the country when they are in a car c**... and all die tragically.
In heaven, the three of them are standing in front of the pearly gates and St. Peter is standing before them. He says to them, "Sisters, I understand that you are all women of faith, and I would be more than happy to let you into heaven without hesitation, but as it is the rules, I must ask you each one question that you must answer correctly before I can let you enter"
The nuns all agree and Sister Anne steps forward first.
"Sister Anne, what was the name of the first man?"
She barely misses a beat before announcing happily "Adam!"
*Gong!*
The gates open and she enters.
Sister Mary then steps forward and St. Peter asks her, "Sister Mary, what is the name of the first woman?"
"Eve!"
*Gong!*
The gates open and Sister Mary enters heaven.
St. Peter then addresses Sister Teresa, "Teresa, what is the first thing that Eve said when she saw Adam?"
Sister Teresa thinks for a minute... two minutes... three minutes.. then mutters to herself "That's a hard one..."
*Gong!*
How About Three Nuns
Three nuns were sitting together on a bench when a tall man in a trench coat walked over to them an flashed them. The first two nuns instantly had a s**..., the third one couldn't reach.
Three nuns are walking through a park
A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes them. Such was the shock that the first nun had a s**..., then the second nun had a s**... but the third nun just couldn't bring herself to touch it.
Three nuns die in a car accident. They arrive at the pearly gates...
...and St. Peter greets them, "welcome to heaven sisters! Before I let you in I have to ask you each a question that you must answer to be accepted into heaven."
The first nun steps up, and St. Peter asks, "who is the son of god?" The nun says, "that's easy. Jesus." The gates open, and she strolls into heaven.
The second one steps up. "Who is Jesus' mother?" She answers, "Mary," and the gates open.
The third nun steps up, and he asks, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun looks flustered, and she says, "that's a really hard one..." And the gates open.
Three nuns were talking about their chores...
Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"
"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.
"I threw them away." The first nun replies.
The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"
"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.
"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.
The third nun fainted.
Three nuns are talking about their gardens, one of them is deaf.
The first nun said "the cucumbers are growing fairly well, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The second nun said "that's great! The carrots are doing great too, they're this big" and showed them how big it is with her hands.
The deaf nun shouts "which priest you talking about?"
Three nuns are talking after having cleaned the priest's desk.
The first one says "I found n**... pictures on his desk so I tore them".
The second one says "good for you sister. I found condoms in his drawer so I put holes in them".
The third nun fainted.
Hidden Bible code
"Sister Agnes?"
"Yes, Martha; what is it?"
"Today's reading, from Malachi. I don't understand it."
The old nun approached the bench where Martha sat between two other visually-impaired students, and wedged herself in between the three. She looked down at the weighty braille Bible Martha was reading. "What don't you understand, my dear?"
"Well," continued Martha. "It seems to be a story all about the birth of Satan, the one that was prophesied about."
Alarmed, the elderly sister snatched the Bible from Martha and ran her leathery fingers over the little dots. Then she burst out laughing, "Oh, you silly child. You are holding the book upside down."
Three nuns die and get to the gate of heaven...
..guarded by st. Petrus. He says: in order to enter the gates of heaven, each of you have to answer a question to prove your knowledge about the holy father and his reign. So he asks the first nun: who was he first man on earth? She answers: oh, that's an easy one! It was adam.
And the angels sing and the doors open and she enters into heaven.
So st. Petrus asks the second nun: who was the first woman on earth? She answers: oh, thats an easy one! It was eve.
And the angels sing and the doors open and she enters into heaven.
And st. Petrus asks the third nun: what was the first thing that eve said to adam?
She answers: oh... Thats a hard one!
And the angels sing and the doors open and she enters into heaven.
Three nuns are gossiping about a priest.
The first nun said, "I was going through father's desk and found pornographic magazines in his drawer."
The second nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"
"I burned them."
The second nun then said, "I was going through father's drawers and found a box of condoms."
The first nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"
"I poked holes in them."
The third nun fainted.
Three nuns died...
...and found themselves standing before St. Peter at the gates of heaven.
"Before I can let you in," said Peter, "you'll each have to answer one question."
The first nun stepped forward and Peter asked, "What was the name of the first man?"
"Adam," answered the nun. And immediately bells began ringing and lights started flashing, and the gates opened up and she entered into heaven.
The second nun stepped forward. "What was the name of the first woman?" St. Peter asked.
"Eve," said the nun. And bells began ringing and lights started flashing, and the gates opened up and she walked in.
The third nun stepped forward. "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" asked St. Peter.
The nun thought for a minute, then said, "Boy, that's really hard..."
And bells began ringing and lights started flashing...
Three nuns were sitting on a park bench when suddenly a man ran up and exposed himself to them
One of the nuns had a s**....
Did you hear about the man that flashed three nuns?
Two had a s**... and one couldn't reach.
the soap dispensing priest
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it , not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.
Having no place to hide , he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled , he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun , "it's a soap dispenser". To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough , he drops the second bar of soap. Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs , then yells..."Holy Mary , Mother of God , HAND LOTION TOO!"
Three nuns die and go to heaven
Three nuns die and go to heaven, but all must answer one question to get in.
The first nun is asked, "Who was the first man on Earth?" She says, "Adam." Lights flash and the pearly gates open.
The second nun is asked, "Who was the first woman on Earth?" She says, "Eve." Lights flash and the gates open.
The third nun is asked, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" Puzzled, the nun is says, "Hmmm, that's a hard one." Lights flash and the pearly gates open.
X-ray Parrot
A street vendor claims that his pet parrot can tell the color of the p**... of the women walking by.
Three nuns come by and the parrot yells "yellow, white, green!"
The nuns are impressed.
The next day the parrot says "blue, orange, purple!!" and the nuns can't believe it.
The third day, they decide to throw a curve ball and not wear anything.
The parrot says "s**..., s**..., curly"
Heard this at bible camp some years ago
Three nuns are praying to God one day, and God actually answers back. He says "I'm going to ask each of you a question and if you answer correctly you will go to heaven." So he asks the first nun, "who was the first man on earth?" She thinks for a minute and answers, "Adam." Bells and chimes ring and she goes up to heaven. Then he asks the second nun, "who was the first woman on earth?" She thinks for minute and answers, "Eve." Bells and chimes ring and she goes up to heaven. Then he asks the third nun, "what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" She thinks and thinks then sighs and says, "ooh, that's a hard one." Bells and chimes ring and she goes up to heaven.
Three Nuns cross the road...
They get hit by a bus, die and go to heaven.
They reach the pearly gates and St. Peter is there waiting for them.
As they line up, St. Peter says "Right ladies, in order for you to get into heaven you must answer a question each." The Nuns nod and agree.
St. Peter turns to the first Nun and asks "Who was the first man on earth?" the first nun replies "That's easy, Adam!"
"Correct, collect your wings and halo and come on in"
St. Peter turns to the second nun and asks "Who was the first woman on earth?"
"Easy!" replies the nun "Eve."
"Correct collect your wings and halo and in you go"
St.Peter then turns to the last nun and says "Now this question is a little more difficult, since you are mother superior"
The nun says "Fire away I'm ready"
"OK, what did Eve say to Adam on the first night they met?"
The nun looking puzzled, says "Hmmmmm now that's a hard one."
St. Peter replies "Correct! collect your wings and halo and in you go!"
Three nuns arrive at the gates of Heaven...
St Peter is there to meet them and explains that before they can enter, they each need to answer a question.
He turns to the first nun and asks her "What was the name of the first woman on Earth?"
The first nun immediately answers "Eve!"
"Congratulations!" says St Peter, "You're in!"
St Peter then turns to the second nun and asks her "Where did Eve live?"
The second nun immediately answers "Garden of Eden!"
"Congratulations!" says St Peter, "You're in!"
Finally, St Peter turns to the third nun, who happens to be the Mother Superior.
"Now, since you're the Mother Superior," he says, "your question has to be a little more tricky. What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?"
"Ooh..." says the third nun, "That's a hard one..."
"Congratulations! You're in!"
So three nuns are walking along when a guy with a trench coat steps up to them...
He opens his trench coat and is completely n**... underneath.
The first nun exclaims "Ohh my goodness" and has a s**....
The second nun yells "Well I never" and has a s**....
The third nun, well the third nun doesn't touch it at all.
Three Nuns die and go to heaven.
Three Nuns die and go to heaven, but in order to enter, they must prove their faith by answering one question each.
The first nun was asked "Who was the first man on earth?"
The nun replies "Obviously it was Adam"
The lights flicker, the bells ring and the gates open. The first nun walks through.
The second nun was asked "Who was the first woman on earth?"
"Easy" says the second nun "It was Eve"
The lights flicker, the bells ring and the gates open. The second nun walks through.
The third nun was then asked "What was the first thing Eve ever said to Adam?"
The nun, stumped by the question, says "Boy, that's a hard one."
The lights flicker, the bells ring and the gates open.
Three nuns were sitting on a bench in the park, enjoying the sunshine, when a man wearing a trench coat approached them and exposed himself. Two of the nuns had a s**... -
but the third one couldn't reach.
An officer pulls over a car full of nuns...
A police officer saw a car full of nuns going much too slow for the highway they were on. He pulled them over and went up to the driver. "Why are you going so slow?" The nun that was driving then replied "That sign right there says 20." The police officer looked at the sign. "That's the highway number that you are on." "Oh, sorry officer." The police officer looked in the back seat to see three nuns that looked like they were terrified. "What's wrong with them?" the officer asked. The nun that was driving looked back at them. "We just got off of highway 190."
Three nuns are met by a f**....
So three nuns are walking together after morning services, when a pervert in a trenchcoat jumps out of some bushes and flashes them.
The first nun, she had a s**....
The second nun also had a s**....
The third nun didn't touch him.
Three nuns were sitting in the park..
when, all of a sudden, a man jumped out of the bushes, opened his trenchcoat and flashed them. Two of the nuns had a s**..., but the third one couldn't quite reach.
So three nuns have passed and are at the pearly gates..
When they arrive, Gabriel is there and says "Each of you must answer a question correctly to enter heaven."
His question to the first nun was "What was the name of the first woman?" and she replies "Eve!" And of course thats right, so on she goes.
His question to the second nun was "Where did Eve live when God created her?" to which she replies "Eden, of course." Another correct answer and on she goes as well.
His third question to the last nun was a bit trickier as she was a nun for the longest. "What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?" The nun mumbles "Oooh, thats a hard one.."
So in to heaven she went as well.
Three nuns were sitting on a park bench when a f**... walks by
The first nun, well, she had a s**.... The second nun, why, she also had a s**.... The third nun didn't touch it.
Three nuns sit at a table.
The first nun says "I found a black c**... in the laundry this morning".
The second nun says "No worries, I found a black c**... the other day and poked a hole in it".
The third nun had a heart attack.
The best soccer team in the world
We will put g**... as defenders, since they pressure well from the back.
Arabs, Chinese and Caucasians in mid because they bring color to the field.
Jews will be attackers because it's frowned upon to chase them.
And a 50 year old nun as our goalkeeper.
Because she hasn't let anyone in for three decades straight.
Two nuns are out for a stroll...
... they happen by a produce stand with lots fresh-from-the-farm offerings.
The first nun says "Oh my, look at those cucumbers. They look great and they're huge!"
The second nun nods her head excitedly and asks: "How much are those cucumbers young man?"
"They're three for two dollars," he replies.
The nuns smile at the vendor, then at each other.
The first nun says "Well, I guess we'll have to *eat* one!"
Three nuns are sitting at a bench and a man flashes them.
The first one has a s**....
The second one has a s**....
The third one reaches out.
Three nuns where walking down the street
When a man jumped in front of them and flashed them.
The first nun had a s**....
The second nun also had a s**....
The third nun stood there and did nothing.
Three nuns were sitting on a park bench
Three nuns were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat walked up and flashed them.
Two of the nuns had a s**....
The third couldn't reach.
Three Nuns
Three Nuns are walking when suddenly a man comes up and exposes himself to them. The first nun was startled and had a s**.... The second nun was also surprised and also has a s**.... The third nun didn't touch the man.
Three nuns
There were three nuns and they said that they were going to do on sin each. The priest says ok, do your sins, come back and I will bless you. So they went to do their sins and came back to get blessed. The priest asked the first woman, who was laughing, what her sin was. She replied:" I had s**... with a guy." So the priest forgave her and let her drink the holy water.
The next nun came and was laughing harder and said: "I got in a fight with another nun." The priest forgave her and let her drink from the holy water.
The last nun was laughing the most and said:"I peed in the holy water!"
Three nuns die and go to Heaven...
At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells them that they must each answer a biblical question to get in, but he reassures them that they're quite easy.
"Who was the first woman?" He says to the first nun.
"Eve." The gates swing open and she walks in.
"Where did Eve live?" He says to the second nun.
"The Garden of Eden." The gates swing open once more.
"Now, seeing as you're the Mother Superior, you must answer a more difficult question, what was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?" St. Peter says to the third nun.
"Oh, that's a hard one..."
The gates swing open.
Three nuns die in a car c**..., when they get to heaven, the angel says they have to answer a question to get in
So the angel asks the first nun
Who was the first man?
And the nun replies, Adam
The angel allows her in and turns to the second nun
Who was the first woman?
The second nun answers Eve
Correct, in you go replies the angel
Then turning to the third nun the angel asks
I'm afraid this question is rather difficult. What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?
The third nun thinking says Oh, that's a hard one
Yes, you're in. Replies the angel.
Three Nuns Die And Each Have To Answer A Question From God To Get Into Heaven...
God asks the first Nun, "Who were the first two people?"
She says, "Adam and Eve".
He says, "Okay, you're in."
God asks the second Nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?"
She says, "The Garden of Eden".
He says, "Okay, you're in."
God asks the third Nun, "What was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?"
She says, "Hmm, that's a hard one."
He says, "Okay, you're in."
A nun, a horse, a duck, a Mexican, a blonde, a lesbian, an Irishman, Celine Dion, a rabbi, a talking frog, a three-legged dog, a blind man, and a guy walk into a bar...
...The bartender looks up and says, "Is this a joke?"
Another three nuns joke....Three nuns are walking home late one night when suddenly they are attacked by three men.
The men pull them into the bushes and begin to assault them.
The first nun, clutching her rosary beads says, "forgive him Lord, he knows not what he does."
The second one closes her eyes and says, "forgive him Lord, he knows not what he does."
The third nun says, "this one does."
Three friends throw darts for high scores at a pub...
The first dude hits the 20 three times and calls: "SIXTY!"
The second one hits two darts in the 20 and one in the triple 20 and shouts: "ONE HUNDRED!"
When the third guy takes his turn, after throwing a 20 and a triple 20 the third dart deflects off the board and hits a nun sitting at the table next to it right at the temple. The woman immediately drops off her chair and the player goes: "ONE NUN DEAD AND EIGHTY!"
A guy rushes into a bar, in a hurry
He asks the bartender, "Quickly! How tall is a penguin?"
The bartender replies "I don't know, three feet. Why?"
The guy says "Oh my god, I think I just ran over a nun!"
A nun is walking to church.
As she passes her local store, the shopkeeper says, "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Sister?"
She finds it odd, but keeps walking. On her walk, three more people pass her and say, "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Sister?"
Still baffled as she gets to the church, she walks to another nun at the pulpit and asks, "Why does everyone keep asking me if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today?!"
The other nun looks down and says, "You're wearing the priest's shoes"
Three nuns are talking.
The first nun says, you would never believe what i discovered.
Intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun.
oh that's nothing." said the second one, "i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one.
" what did u do with them?" said the first nun.
The second nun responds with pride ," I poked **holes** in all of them."
The third nun screams, oh s**......"
3 nuns go up to heaven...
Three nuns go up to heaven. Peter's at the gates and he tells them they have to answer a question before they can come in. So he says to the first one "what was the name of the first woman?" She says "Eve" and he lets her in. He says to the second one "where did Eve live?" She says "the Garden of Eden" and she too is allowed in. Then he says to the third nun "what was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?" She says "oh, that's a hard one", and he says "yeah, you're in…"
Nuns
Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game, whose headgear partially blocked the view, three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns living there." The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns living there." The third guy said, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns living there." One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm, voice said, "Why don't you go to h**.... There aren't any nuns there."
Three nuns.
Three nuns are at the grocery store shopping. The eggplant they wanted to buy was only available in packs of four. Distressed, the first nun says , what do we do sister? There are three of us, but the package is for four! Don't you worry about that, says the second nun. We'll just cook the fourth eggplant for dinner.
A guy runs into a bar.
He goes up to the bartender and asks him "Hey how tall is a penguin?" The bartender looks at him and goes "I don't know, probably around three feet." The guy looks distraught and while leaving goes "Oh s**..., I think I hit a nun."
