Three Moms Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A pregnant woman walks into a bank being robbed,

She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.

15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.

Then, her other daughter walked into the room and she said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.

Finally, her son came in and she assumed she knew what he was going to say, "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"

The son replied, "No, what? I was masturbating and I shot the dog."

Three young boys are exploring the woods near a river

One of the boys is crouched behind a rock and is looking at something.
He calls the other two over to look with him.
In the river is a beautiful naked woman bathing.
One of the boys immediately starts running in the other direction screaming.
What's wrong? Says one boy.
My mom told me if I ever saw a naked woman I would turn to stone! He says And something's already turning hard!

Water Pistol

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, ''I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?''

Mom smiled and replied, ''Yes dear - I remember very well...''

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with one leg?

Steak.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Your mom.

Three girls are in the back seat, their parents are in the front

Girl 1: Mom, why did you name me Violet?

Mother: Oh Violet, your grandmother dropped a violet on your head the day you were born.

Girl 2: Mom, why did you name me Daisy?

Mother: When we were walking out of the hospital the nurse put a daisy on your head.

Girl 3: Jwoandbwoqmsbonbf, whwhsbsowngk

Father: Shut up cinderblock

A mom walks into her sons room to get him up for church..

She says to the son, "Get up its time for church."

The son rolls over and says so his mom, "I'm not going to church and I'll tell you three reasons why. 1) I don't like the people 2) The people don't like me and 3) I don't want to go."

The mother responds," You ARE going to church and I'll tell you three reasons why. 1) You're a Christian, you have to go even when you don't want to. 2) You're 42 years old. And 3) You're the priest."

A woman's three daughters are going out on dates...

"What are your date plans?", the mother asks the daughters.

"I'm going out with Pete; we are going to eat" says the first daughter.

"Great! have fun" says the mom

"I'm going with Lance. We are going to dance" says the second daughter.

"Have a ball!" says the mother

"I'm going out with Chuck" says the third daughter

"NO YOU'RE NOT" yells the mother

what do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef. how about a cow with three legs? lean beef. but what do you call a cow with 2 legs?

your mom.

A Weenie Contest.

Three 3rd Graders, an Irish, an Italian, and a Black are in the bathroom during recess and they decide to have a weenie contest to see who has the biggest weenie! The Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian goes next and it's about average. Then the Black Boy pulls his out and it's clearly the largest, but the other boys say "Well you won, but it's because you're black!"

So that night when the black boy goes home, his mom asks him what he did in school that day. He tells her how they did coloring, and reading, and what they learned, and how he played recess, but then he says "And mom, today me and my friends had a weenie contest, and I won! But mom, the others boys said I only won because I'm black". To which his mom replies "Tyrone, you didn't win because you're black, you won because you're 17!"

A poor guy sitting in a bar

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back,

points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"

Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"

A little boy wants his toy,

A little boy wants his toy, so he walks up to his mother and says "Mom, give me my toy." His mother responds by saying, "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words and his mom gives him his toy.

The next day, the little boy starts kindergarten. At snack time, the little boy wants some juice, so he walks up to his teacher and asks for a juice box. The teacher says "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words. But the teacher gets upset, and calls the little boy's mother and asks her to come in.

When the three of them are sitting in the room together, the teacher asks the mother; "Have you been teaching your son sarcasm?"

"No," the mother says, "Why, what did he do?"

"Well, he asked for a juicebox," said the teacher, "and I asked him to say the magic words, and instead of saying please, he said 'you're thin and you're beautiful.'"

My mom told me my first dirty joke.

Why didn't Cinderella go to the ball?
She didn't want to choke!


I'm twenty three now, I was fourteen when she said it but always stuck with me because my mom was always very polite and didn't tell dirty jokes.
Thanks for all the comments;)!

Did you hear about the woman who had 100 kids?

Well she sucked at naming children, so she decided to just number them in birth order. One, Two, Three, etc. Well, one day, her and all of her children were in a tragic plane accident and the only one who survived was 90. After years of grief and growing, 90 got married and had some kids of her own. One day, they found a stray dog and decided to keep it. But, just like her mom, she sucked at naming things. So they decided to call the dog, "That". After years, and years of a happy life, 90 and her husband became old and ill, eventually losing their memory. They didn't know who their children were or what their dogs name was. Only 90's kids will remember that.

There are three moles at the bottom of their mole hole

The first mole, daddy mole, wakes up, climbs to the top, sticks his nose out and says, "Mmmmm...I smell bacon!"
Mommy mole wakes up. She climbs to the top, sticks her nose out and says, "Mmmmm....I smell pancakes!"
Baby mole wakes up. He climbs up, but gets stuck behind his mom and dad. He takes a big whiff and says, "All I can smell is molasses!"

My mom told me this joke the first time she met my gf.

What are three 2 letter words meaning small?

Is it in?

A child asks his father what the difference between "in theory" and "in practice" is.

The father responds by saying "go ask your mother, sister, and grandmother if they would sleep with a man for 1 million dollars."

The child asks his mom who says yes, his sister who says yes, and his grandmother who says yes.

The child returns to his father and says "all three agreed that they would sleep with a man for 1 million dollars."

The father replies "you see son, in theory we have 3 million dollars, but in practice we have 3 whores."

Three guys are drinking at a bar.

Suddenly, a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"

The guy ignores him, and eventually the drunk wanders off.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"

The guy is starting to look annoyed, but once again, he just ignores him.

Once again, the drunk wanders off.

Ten more minutes pass, and once again the drunk walks in and announces, "Your mom liked it!"

Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"

Daddy and His Son's Three Wives.

The innocence of a 5 year old

A 5 year old son after been read the story of a king.....

Son: Mom, I also want 3 wives; one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me.
Mom: And one will put you to sleep.
Son: No mom, I will still sleep with you.

Mom's eyes filled up with tears. God bless you son, Mom said.

Mom: but who will sleep with your 3 wives?
Son: Let them sleep with Daddy.

Daddy's eyes filled up with tears. God bless you son, Daddy said.

Mom glaring at Daddy

The Fat Dad

A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."

His mom is taken by surprise and says. "Oh ... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."

The boy says, "That won't work."

His mom says, "Why?"

The boy replies. "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"

A woman pregnant with triplets......

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily, the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.
All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened....you were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog..."

Time to go to school

Mom: Time to wake up and go to school!

Son: No, I don't wanna go to school today!

Mom: But you have to go to school.

Son: But, I don't wanna go to school.

Mom: Give me three good reasons why you should stay home, and I will give you three reasons why you need to go to school.

Son: Well, all the students hate me…and…All the teachers hate me…and… I just don't wanna go to school.

Mom: Well I have a lot to do today, and I can't take care of you today…

Two, you are over 40-years-old…

And three, you are the principal.

Your mom's the best lay in town

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, *Your mom's the best lay in town.*

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders off and stands at the far end of the bar.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, *I just screwed your mom, and it was swe-e-et!*

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off. Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, *Your mom even let me...* Finally the guy interrupts: *Go home, Dad - you're drunk!*

One saturday morning,three boys came down to the kitchen and sits around the breakfast table. Their mother asks the oldest boy what he'd like to eat.

I'II have some fuckin' French toast, he says. The mother is outraged at hid crude language. She hits him and sends him to his room.

When she calms down, she asks the middle child what he wants. well, I guess that leaves more fuckin' french toast for me, he says. The mom is livid. She smacks hum and sends him away.

Finally, she looks at the youngest son and asks him ehat he wants for breakfast.
I don't know, he says meekly, but I definitely don't want the fuckin' french toast!

The worst birthday present I ever got...

...was from my grandma when i turned 5. She gave me three socks. When asked why, she responded "because your mom said you grew a foot."

Three Daughters

One day a girl comes up to her mom and asks her, "Mother, why did you name me Rose?"

"Because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head."

Her second daughter comes up to her and asks, "Mother, why did you name me Daisy?"

"Because when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head."

The third daughter comes up to her and asks, "GHLSARGHLARGHLARG."

"What did you say Brick?"

Three brothers eating soup

A mom has three sons and she's making them soup, While she's not looking a cupboard above the stove opens and a box of beebee's falls in the soup. She keeps cooking, serves them lunch and they go back outside to play. Ten minutes later the first boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee came out.' She doesn't believe him and he goes back out to play. Ten minutes later the second boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee came out.' She doesn't believe him and he goes back out to play. Ten minutes later, the oldest boy comes in and the mom says 'Let me guess, you were taking a pee and a beebee came out?' He says 'No, I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'

A guy goes to the pharmacy to buy a condom for tonight's dinner at his girlfriends house

Pharmacist at counter: " just one condom? You sure?"
Guy: "actually, my girlfriend's sister is pretty hot...lets make it two condoms."
Pharmacist: "just two then? That's it?"
Guy: "let's make it three. The mom is really hot too."
That night he goes to dinner and her whole family is there. He sits at the table not saying a word, his face red as a tomato. His girlfriend takes him in the bedroom after they eat.
Girlfriend: "what's wrong with you? You didn't say a word all night. Did something happen?"
Guy: "no, I just didn't know your dad worked at the pharmacy."

Hispanic Joke

Three kids are in school...

A white, a black, and a hispanic kid. The teacher tells them to make a sentence with the words liver and cheese.

White kid says: "My mom made me a liver and cheese sandwich and it was sooo good."
Black kid says: "Pops told mom to go get the Government cheese And she didn't, so pops punched her in the liver."

Hispanic kid says: "Some kid was trying to look under my sister's dress and I told the cabron, "Hey!!! Liver alone, cheese my sister!!"

My Irish mom always told jokes about wee Paddy. This one was always my fave.

There was an Englishman, a Scot and wee Paddy from Ireland all stranded on an island. They found a genie lamp and they rubbed it and a genie appeared and said they had three wishes. They quickly decided they would each get one. The Englishman wished to be back home with his family. *Poof* he was gone. The Scot made the same wish. *Poof* he was gone. It was Paddy's turn and he thought long and hard about what to wish for. And then it came to him: "Ach, I'm awful lonely...I wish I had me friends back"...

A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot

with three bullets to her womb. Miraculously she and all her children survived. However, a bullet had embedded in each of the three children. The doctor decided it would be best to leave the bullets. A few months later she gives birth to two beautiful daughters and a son, with no health complication.

~~~13 years later ~~~

The mother had decided that it would be best for the children if she never told them about the shooting. One day when one of her daughters was using the washroom she peed out the bullet. She freaked out and ran to her mother, "Mom, mom I was just using the washroom and I peed out a bullet, what is going on?!" And the mom decided it was time to come clean. "I was shot 13 years ago, and a bullet has embedded in you and your brother and sister..." A few days later her other daughter comes running "Mom, mom I was just using the washroom and I peed out a bullet, what is going on?!" and the mother responded "I was shot 13 years ago, and a bullet has embedded in you and your brother and sister..." A few days, not to the mothers surprise her son came running "Mom, mom..." "Wait, let me guess , interrupted the mother, you were using the washroom and you peed out a bullet?" "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"

A woman pregnant with triplets catches three stray bullets from a drive-by shooting.

In the emergency room, a doctor tells her she and her unborn children will be fine but they could not remove the bullets. He informs her all is well and the children, two girls and a boy, will pee the bullets out in around 16 years.

So around the 16th year, the mother is in the kitchen making her morning coffee when one her daughters runs in, frantic and concerned.

"Mom! Mom! I was peeing and a bullet came out!"
Her mother tells her there's nothing to worry about and tells her the story.

Then around noon, the mother is in the garden watering some flowers when the other daughter comes outside and says

"Mom! Mom! I was peeing and a bullet came out!" The mother explains everything and goes back to watering.

That night the mother was laying in bed reading when her son burst into her room.

"Mom! Mom! I was-"
"Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"

"No, no!" says the son, "I was jacking off and I shot the dog!"

"I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!"

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk. β™¦β—Šβ™¦β—Šβ™¦β—Šβ™¦

A pregnant mother of three is walking down a alley...

The Mother gets shot 3 times and each bullet gets lodged in each of the babies with no serious damage done to the mother or the babies. Months later the babys are born, two beautiful girls and a boy. One day the one of the little girls goes to the bathroom and comes out and says to the mother "mommy! mommy! Guess what?!" And the mom asks "what?" And the little girl says "I went tinkle and the bullet fell out!" And the mother says "wow that's great!" A few hours later the other little girl goes into the bathroom and comes out and says "mommy! Mommy! Guess what?" And the mom goes "what, you went tinkle and the bullet fell out?" And the girl goes "yeah!" Hours later the little boy runs up the mother and says "Mommy! Mommy! Guess what?" And the mom says "what, You went tinkle and the bullet fell out?" And the boy says "No I was jacking off and I shot the dog!!"

There were three sisters

One named Lilly, one named Rose, and the other named Cinderblock. One day Lilly went to their mother and asked, "Mom, why did you name me Lilly?"

"Well, when you were a baby, a lilly petal fell on your head," mother replied.

So then Rose went to her mother and asked, "Mom, why did you name me Rose?"

"Because when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head," mother replied.

So then Cinderblock went to her mother and asked, "der der duh der duh"

How much does a midget stripper with three kids get paid?

Mini-mom wage.

Your mom is like a bowling ball.

She's round, heavy, gets picked up, fingered in three holes, tossed in the gutter and she still comes back for more.

A Brazillian Classic

There was a family with three kids. One day, the eldest kid, Dropey, came up to his mom and asked:

Mommy, why am I called Dropey?

It's because when you were born, a drop of water fell onto your forehead!

Oh, okay!

Then Flowey, the middle kid, got kinda curious, and decided to ask too:

What about me mommy, why am I called Flowey?

It's because when you were born, a little flower fell on top of your head!

Ah, I see!

Then, the youngest kid, Bricky, seeing all this, thought he should ask too:

HURUUUURR AHAHAUHEKAGDKAMNSSS?

A brick, Bricky. That's what fell right onto your face.

Back in the day, I 'member me and my mom going to the store with two dollars in her purse and coming back with a big bag of spuds, two loaves of bread, a pound of cheese, three gallons of milk, half a dozen eggs and coffee…

You can't do that anymore…too many security cameras…

Three mothers see a psychologist

They've brought their kids with them. The psychologist says, "It looks like you all have obsessions, and you've named your children after them."

He says to the first mother, "You have an obsession with cars, which is why you named your daughter Mercedes"

He moves onto the second mom, "Your obsession is money. Your child's name is Penny, which reflects that."

Finally he turns to the third mother. "At first I was puzzled by your choice, but I realized it was so simple. Because another name for..."

She then stands up, bolts out of the room as fast as she could, "LET'S GO RICHARD WE'RE LEAVING!"

Three young boys are walking home from school one day...

when they decide to stop and check out the new neighbors who moved in on their block. They walk over to the tall fence surrounding the yard and the first boy looks through a hole. He finds himself staring at a beautiful, naked, sunbathing woman. He wildly gestures for the second boy to look, and then the third boy. However, when the third boy looks through the hole, after a few seconds he screams, and runs down the street towards his house. The other two boys look at each other in bewilderment and go home very confused.

The next day, the boys stop by the house in hopes of seeing the same woman, and again find her sunbathing naked. Yet again, once the third boy looks through the hole he screams and runs down the street. The other two boys are still extremely confused as they walk home.

The following day, they stop by the house again, and lo and behold, the woman is out sunbathing naked again. When the third boy gets his turn and screams, the other two grab him and prevent him from running off.

The first boy says "Look! Every time you take a look at that lady, you scream and take off! What is wrong with you?!"

The third boy turns and replies "Well...my mom always told me that if I ever looked at a woman naked, I would turn to stone...and I felt a part of me getting reeeallly hard...."

A guy wants to introduce his girlfriend to his mother.

And he decides to have a little fun with it. He calls his mom up and says, "Ma, you know me so well, how about we play a little game. I'll bring three women over, and by the end of the night you see if you can figure out which one I'm dating." The mom reluctantly agrees.

That night, he shows up at his mother's house with three women. She asks them to come have a seat on the couch. As soon as they sit, she says, "it's the one on the right."

And he says, "Holy cow, how did you know?"

And the mother says, "Because I hate her!"

I shot the dog...

A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a
masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate.

All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asks the mother.

"I was having a pee and this bullet came out" replies the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears.

"Mom, I was having a pee and this bullet came out". Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago. A week later the boy walks into the room in tears.

"It's okay" says the mom, "I know what happened, you were having a pee and a bullet came out."

"No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog."

There was three brothers: Little Tear, Little Feather and Little Brick

One day, Little Tear asked their mom:




β€” Mommy, why I'm called 'Little Tear'?

Then Mom said:

β€” That's because when you were born, a tear dropped in your head.



......




So Little Feather asked:

β€” And why I'm called like that?

β€” That's because a feather fell on your head when you were born, son.




......




Lastly, Little Brick asked:

β€” *ANNNNNNNNNNHHHHAOAOAOOA*

Shot the dog

A mother has three children, two girls and a boy. The boy has a BB gun and when he shot and broke a window the mother took the BB's and put them over the fridge. The children's hard of seeing grandmother lived with them and when she was cooking one day she accidentally baked the BB's into a cake, witch the children ate. Later one of the girls ran up to her mother crying and said "MOM MOM! I peed out a BB!" Then the other girl also came running up crying "MOM MOM! I peed out a BB!" The boy then came running up saying "MOM MOM!" The mother interrupted saying "Let me guess, you peed out a BB?" "NO!" He said "I was out behind the shed jerking off and I shot the dog."

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.

The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy? Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really want to make the sound of a frog now."

So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Will you please make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa again says, "No, not now. I don't really want to do that. I'm in a grumpy mood. Maybe later."

Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please... Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?"

"Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa asked.

The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that when you croak we get to go to Disney World!"

Three moms are talking and having lunch together...

One mom had black hair, the next was brunette, and the third was blonde.
The black haired mom says "You guys won't believe what I found in my daughters room yesterday. A cigarette! I've never even smoked."
The brunette mom says "You won't believe what I found in *my* daughters room yesterday. Whiskey! I've never even drank."
The blonde mom says "Well guess what I found in *my* daughters room yesterday. A condom! I've never even had sex before."

Her mother tried to warn her

Mrs Napolitano was not at all happy about her only daughter marrying a Greek fellow, particularly since she was only sixteen and hadn't dated anyone else, like some of the nice Italian fellows in the neighborhood.

But her daugher was in love with the guy, so what could she do?

So she gave her daughter her blessing and one warning: "If you're in bed with him, and he asks you to turn over, DON'T!". And the daughter promised she would remember, and NEVER turn over.

So fast forward about three months into the happy marriage and the couple are canoodling in bed when the husband says: "Honey, why don't you turn over now?"

But Mrs. Napolitano's daughter remembers her Mom's warning and says quite firmly "NO! I don't want to!"

Whereupon the husband says "I don't understand, honey - don't you want to have a baby?"

A mother had three sons...

The first day the oldest boy ran up to her and asked: "Mom, why am I named Feather?" The mother replied: "Well, son, thats because when you were a baby a tiny feather landed on your head."
The next day the second boy ran up to her and asked: "Mom, why am I named Leaf?" The mother replied: "Well, son, thats because when you were a baby a tiny leaf landed on your head."
The third day the youngest boy ran up to his mother and said: "Moaaah, whaaa yu chueehhe bluahrehbah!".
The mother sighed and replied: "Please be quiet, Refrigerator."

What do your mom and a hockey team have in common?

They both go three periods without a shower.

Triplet Trouble

A pregnant woman was shot three times in the stomach during the war. After the war, she gave birth to three beautiful sons. The years went by, and the kids became teenagers. One day, the first son comes to his mother and says:

"Mom, mom! I was peeing, and a bullet came out of me!" he says "That's fine, you had an accident when you were a baby." she explains.

A couple of days later, the second son comes screaming:

"Mommy! I was peeing and I peed a bullet!" he sobs "It's okay, that happened to your brother, too. Nothing to worry about." she comforts him.

The next week, the third son comes slowly walking to his mom, his face completely red, and says:

"Hey, mom... remember how bullets came out of my brothers last week?" he asks quietly "Yes, it's completely normal." she replies with a smile "Yeah, well, I was masturbating and I shot grandma."

A woman is walking home with her three daughters- Rose, Lily, and Cinderblock.

Rose asks her mother, Mom, why did you name me Rose?

To which her mother replies, Well sweetie, when we were coming home from the hospital with you a rose fell on your head!

Lily, curious now, asks her mother Mom, why did you name me after a flower too?

To which her mother replies, Well sweetie, when we were coming home from the hospital with you a lily fell on your head!

Cinderblock says to her mother, hghghdnbgh!!? dnbgh!??!

A mother had three sons: Leaf, Feather and Brick.

Leaf came one day to his mom and said: "Mom, why did you call me Leaf?"

"Well son, ", replied his mom, "When you were born a leaf fell on your head and it was so cute and I couldn't hold myself from naming you like that".

Years passed and Feather came one day to his mom and said: "Mom, why did you call me Feather?"

"Well son, ", replied his mom, "When you were born a feather fell on your head and it was so cute and I couldn't hold myself from naming you like that".

More years passed and Brick came one day to his mom and said: [email protected][email protected]@qwrtn!

"Mommy, mommy..."

One day a pregnant woman was walking home from work and decided to cut through an alley. A mugger was waiting and said "Give me all your money!" She complied, but then the mugger shot her three times in the stomach. At the hospital the doctors managed to save her and her three babies. Now fast forward 12 years.

"Mommy Mommy, i just peed out a bullet!" said the first daughter.
"Sit down, i will tell you the story..." replied the mother.

the next day the same thing happened with the other daughter.
"Alright sit down, i will tell you the story." said the mom.

3 days later the son comes running up to his mom.
"Mommy mommy" said the boy.
"Let me guess you peed out a bullet?" asked the mom.
"No! I was jacking off and i shot the dog."

Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctors.

Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctors waiting room knitting. Mom 1 checks her watch and takes a pill "Vitamin C, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 2 takes a pill and says, "Vitamin A, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 3 takes a pill and says, "Thalidomide...I can't knit sleeves."

There were three sisters and all were wondering how they got their names

So the first one goes, mommy, why is my name rose? Mom says, because a rose fell on your head when you were born second sister says, mommy, why is my name tiara? Mom says, because a tiara fell on your head when u were born . The last sister goes, BLAHWARADURGABAAAA!! And the mom says, shut up BRICK!!

The first thing that landed on your head when you were born.

A mother has Three children, two girls and a boy. One girl ask her mother "Mom, why am I named Lilly?" The mom said "Because when you were born a Lilly landed on your head." The second girl ask "Mom, why am I named Rose?" the mother replied "Because when you were born a Rose landed on your head." then the boy sais "MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" "SHUT UP BRICK!"

And that's how people get their names.

Beth has three children.
One day, the youngest asks his mother: "Mom, why is my name Leaf?"
"You see son, when you were born, a leaf fell on your head."
The second child comes in. "Mom, why is my name feather?"
"You see, when you were born, a feather fell on your head."
The third child then comes in to his mother: "HNGHENENNENNEFSJNGDND!!!"
"Be quiet please, Refrigerator."

Three young daughters.

The three young daughters were hanging out with their mom. They're 8, 7, and 5. The eldest one asked the mom, "Mom, why is my name Paris?". The mom replied "Oh it's because you were made in Paris honey. We had our honeymoon there". The second one curiously asked the mom "is that why my name is Brooklyn mom? Because you guys were in Brooklyn when I was made?". "Yes honey, that's right. It's a very nice place and your dad is from there". The third child was so overly excited to ask about her name so she yelled "what about me mom?". The mom angrily yelled back "shut your mouth Honda"

Naked lady

Three boys were walking home from school one day...all of a sudden.. they see a naked lady sunbathing so of course... they stopped to look.
Then... right out of the blue... one of the kids takes off running.

The next day...they see the same lady... and again...the same kid takes off running.

On the third day they stop to see the lady...and she is still there... but this time...before the kid can run away... his two friends grab
him by the arm... and they ask him... "What's the matter... don't you like looking at naked women?"
And the kid replies... "Yeah... but my mom told me that if I look at a naked woman too long... I'll turn to stone... and I felt something getting hard."...

A teacher asked three students what causes war.

The first student said, "Knives." The second one said, "Guns." The third one drew a dot on the board. The teacher asked, "What's that?" The student replied, "A period." The teacher asked "How does a period cause war?" The student replied, "If my sister misses one, my mom will kill her."

Three brothers wanted to give their blind mom a birthday gift.

The first got her a big beautiful house. The second got her a brand new luxury vehicle with a driver. The third got her a talking parrot to keep her company. When they all got together, they wanted to know which gift she liked best. She said they were all great but she thanked her third son because she liked the chicken dinner best.

Cows

What do you call a cow on no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow on three legs?

Tri-Tip.

What do you call a cow on two legs?

Your mom.

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.


Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks, "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"

A three year old little boy was examining his testicles while he was bathing.


"Mom", he asked, "is that my brain?"
"Not yet", she answered.

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?"
The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."
"Okay," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?"
"They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," "Thanks Mom," replies the son.
After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?"
The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without water for long periods."
"That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom ..." "Yes son?"
"What good does all that do us here in the San Diego Zoo?"

Three boys are walking home from school and they see a naked woman.


One of them runs away the other two stay to watch.
The next day they are walking home from school and they see the naked woman again, and again the same boy runs away.
Another day later they are walking home and they see the naked woman again, as the boy tries to run away the other boys grab him and ask, "What are you gay or something don't you like looking at naked women?"
He replied, "Yeah, I love looking at naked women but my mom said that if I see one I'll turn into stone and I feel something starting to get hard."

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings.
As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.
Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea.
On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming.
The mother thought to herself, β€œThat’s normal, especially on her wedding night.”
She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing.
β€œThat’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself.
Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.
The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises.
β€œWell Mom,” she replied, β€œyou always said if it hurt I should scream.”
β€œYou’re absolutely right sweetheart,
”the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter.
β€œNow why were you laughing?” she asked.
β€œYou always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered.
β€œTrue enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days.
β€œNow it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter.
β€œWhy was it so quiet in your room last night?”
β€œMom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”

What are the funniest three moms jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Three Moms? Well, here are the best Three Moms puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Three Moms pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes