Three Moms Jokes

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?"
The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."
"Okay," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?"
"They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," "Thanks Mom," replies the son.
After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?"
The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without water for long periods."
"That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom ..." "Yes son?"
"What good does all that do us here in the San Diego Zoo?"

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.

Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks, "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings.
As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.
Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea.
On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming.
The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.”
She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing.
“That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself.
Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.
The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises.
“Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.”
“You’re absolutely right sweetheart,
”the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter.
“Now why were you laughing?” she asked.
“You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered.
“True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days.
“Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter.
“Why was it so quiet in your room last night?”
“Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.

The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy? Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really want to make the sound of a frog now."
So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Will you please make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa again says, "No, not now. I don't really want to do that. I'm in a grumpy mood. Maybe later."
Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please... Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?"
"Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa asked.
The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that when you croak we get to go to Disney World!"

A little boy wants his toy,

A little boy wants his toy, so he walks up to his mother and says "Mom, give me my toy." His mother responds by saying, "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words and his mom gives him his toy.
The next day, the little boy starts kindergarten. At snack time, the little boy wants some juice, so he walks up to his teacher and asks for a juice box. The teacher says "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words. But the teacher gets upset, and calls the little boy's mother and asks her to come in.
When the three of them are sitting in the room together, the teacher asks the mother; "Have you been teaching your son sarcasm?"
"No," the mother says, "Why, what did he do?"
"Well, he asked for a juicebox," said the teacher, "and I asked him to say the magic words, and instead of saying please, he said 'you're thin and you're beautiful.'"

A woman pregnant with triplets catches three stray bullets from a drive-by shooting.

In the emergency room, a doctor tells her she and her unborn children will be fine but they could not remove the bullets. He informs her all is well and the children, two girls and a boy, will pee the bullets out in around 16 years.
So around the 16th year, the mother is in the kitchen making her morning coffee when one her daughters runs in, frantic and concerned.
"Mom! Mom! I was peeing and a bullet came out!"
Her mother tells her there's nothing to worry about and tells her the story.
Then around noon, the mother is in the garden watering some flowers when the other daughter comes outside and says
"Mom! Mom! I was peeing and a bullet came out!" The mother explains everything and goes back to watering.
That night the mother was laying in bed reading when her son burst into her room.
"Mom! Mom! I was-"
"Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"
"No, no!" says the son, "I was jacking off and I shot the dog!"

Her mother tried to warn her

Mrs Napolitano was not at all happy about her only daughter marrying a Greek fellow, particularly since she was only sixteen and hadn't dated anyone else, like some of the nice Italian fellows in the neighborhood.
But her daugher was in love with the guy, so what could she do?
So she gave her daughter her blessing and one warning: "If you're in bed with him, and he asks you to turn over, DON'T!". And the daughter promised she would remember, and NEVER turn over.
So fast forward about three months into the happy marriage and the couple are canoodling in bed when the husband says: "Honey, why don't you turn over now?"
But Mrs. Napolitano's daughter remembers her Mom's warning and says quite firmly "NO! I don't want to!"
Whereupon the husband says "I don't understand, honey - don't you want to have a baby?"

I shot the dog...

A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a
masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asks the mother.
"I was having a pee and this bullet came out" replies the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears.
"Mom, I was having a pee and this bullet came out". Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago. A week later the boy walks into the room in tears.
"It's okay" says the mom, "I know what happened, you were having a pee and a bullet came out."
"No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog."

Three young daughters.

The three young daughters were hanging out with their mom. They're 8, 7, and 5. The eldest one asked the mom, "Mom, why is my name Paris?". The mom replied "Oh it's because you were made in Paris honey. We had our honeymoon there". The second one curiously asked the mom "is that why my name is Brooklyn mom? Because you guys were in Brooklyn when I was made?". "Yes honey, that's right. It's a very nice place and your dad is from there". The third child was so overly excited to ask about her name so she yelled "what about me mom?". The mom angrily yelled back "shut your mouth Honda"

The Fat Dad

A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom is taken by surprise and says. "Oh ... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
The boy says, "That won't work."
His mom says, "Why?"
The boy replies. "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"

A woman's three daughters are going out on dates...

"What are your date plans?", the mother asks the daughters.
"I'm going out with Pete; we are going to eat" says the first daughter.
"Great! have fun" says the mom
"I'm going with Lance. We are going to dance" says the second daughter.
"Have a ball!" says the mother
"I'm going out with Chuck" says the third daughter
"NO YOU'RE NOT" yells the mother

Three mothers see a psychologist

They've brought their kids with them. The psychologist says, "It looks like you all have obsessions, and you've named your children after them."
He says to the first mother, "You have an obsession with cars, which is why you named your daughter Mercedes"
He moves onto the second mom, "Your obsession is money. Your child's name is Penny, which reflects that."
Finally he turns to the third mother. "At first I was puzzled by your choice, but I realized it was so simple. Because another name for..."
She then stands up, bolts out of the room as fast as she could, "LET'S GO RICHARD WE'RE LEAVING!"

A Brazillian Classic

There was a family with three kids. One day, the eldest kid, Dropey, came up to his mom and asked:
Mommy, why am I called Dropey?
It's because when you were born, a drop of water fell onto your forehead!
Oh, okay!
Then Flowey, the middle kid, got kinda curious, and decided to ask too:
What about me mommy, why am I called Flowey?
It's because when you were born, a little flower fell on top of your head!
Ah, I see!
Then, the youngest kid, Bricky, seeing all this, thought he should ask too:
HURUUUURR AHAHAUHEKAGDKAMNSSS?
A brick, Bricky. That's what fell right onto your face.