Three Men Jokes

Three men were about to be executed by the firing squad.

The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.
The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he was brought forward for his execution, he yelled "earthquake"! Again, the firing squad panicked and the second man took advantage of it to jump over the wall and into freedom.
The third man thought he saw the pattern: yell a disaster and jump over the wall. When he was finally brought forward, with a smirk on his face he yelled "fire"!

Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"
The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."
The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accused me of wanting to be favored and promoted over my fellow workers."
Then they turn to the one who asked the question: "How about you, then?"
"Well, I arrived at the factory right on time, and so they accused me of having a watch from the West."

Recent political joke circulating in China

Three men who don't know each other sits in a prison cell. Each explains why he was arrested.
The first man said: I opposed covid testing.
The second man said: I supported covid testing.
The third man said: I administered the covid tests.

A lawyer named Strange died.

His friends asked the tombstone inscriber to write "Here lies Strange, an honest man and a lawyer" on the headstone. The inscriber suggested this would confuse people, who would think three men were buried there. He suggested "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." "Whenever anyone walks by," he explained "they'll be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"

Three men died and as soon as they arrive in heaven they meet Jesus

'To enter heaven you must do what I say' said Jesus
He goes to the first man:
'Fernand, kiss my hand, and you're free to go.'
the man kisses Jesus hand and enters the paradise
'Pete, kiss my feet and you're free to go.'
the man kisses Jesus feet and got into the golden gate
When Jesus goes to talk to the third one, he sees the man running away
'Hey Brock, why are you running?'

Three men are chatting when the first says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber.

"I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A pipe."
"I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician," says the second. "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A box of fuses."
"I think my wife is having an affair with a horse," says the third man.
The others stare, shocked and bewildered.
"How can you tell?" they ask.
"Because," replies the third man, "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A jockey."

Three men are discussing what they think is the fastest thing in the world

The first man says The fastest thing in the world is a thought... I think something and pops into my head
The second man says The fastest thing in the world is light... I turn on the light switch and the room lights up instantly
The third man thinks for a second and says you are both wrong... it's actually Diarrhoea
Confused, The two friends as him how could diarrhoea be the fastest thing in the world?
The third man replies well, the other day when I woke up, before I could even think or turn on the light, it was already too late!

Three men are standing before a judge.

The judge asks the first man why he was arrested. " I blew bubbles in the park.", the man said.
"That is not a crime. You are free to go.", the judge replies. He then asks the second man why he was arrested.
"I also blew bubbles in the park.", he said. The judge said that he didn't break the law and was free to go. The judge then ask the third man why he was arrested.
"I'm Bubbles."

An architect, a lawyer, and a hunter were sitting at a bar.

The three men were having a debate about whose job was the oldest.
"Obviously it's my job," bragged the hunter. "Cavemen got their food by hunting, which makes my job older than civilization."
"Yes," the architect replied, "but if you read the Bible, it says God created the universe out of darkness and chaos. This technically makes God the architect of the universe."
The lawyer simply smirked. "True, but who do you think invented darkness and chaos?"

Three men die and go to heaven.

God tells the men that if they do not step on a duck, he will give them a hot wife. The first man goes and steps on a duck and is taken to his ugly wife.
The second man does the same and is also taken to an ugly wife.
The third man was determined not to do anything so he didn't move. Eventually God came back with a hot woman and the man asked, "What did I do to deserve this?"
God replied, "You did nothing, she just stepped on a duck."

There are three men walking in the desert

The first man is carrying a glass of water. The other two men asked him why?
The man replied if we get thirsty, we can drink it.
The second man is carrying a bowl of rice. The other two men ask why.
The man replied if we get hungry, we can eat it.
The third man is carrying a car door. The other two men asked him why.
The third man replied if we get too hot, we can roll down the window.

Three men applied to put up telephone poles.

The foreman sent them each out with a truck and 20 poles, telling them to come back after 8 hours.
The first man returns and says "I put up 12 poles."
The second man returns and says "I put up 15 poles."
The third man returns and says "I put up 3 poles."
"Three?" asks the foreman. "These two guys put up nearly thirty between them and you only put up three?"
"Yeah," the third man says, "But you should see how much they left sticking out of the ground!"

Another three nuns joke....Three nuns are walking home late one night when suddenly they are attacked by three men.

The men pull them into the bushes and begin to assault them.
The first nun, clutching her rosary beads says, "forgive him Lord, he knows not what he does."
The second one closes her eyes and says, "forgive him Lord, he knows not what he does."
The third nun says, "this one does."

Old genie joke...

Three men find themselves stranded on a deserted island. After several years, despite their differences, they become close friends out of necessity. One day, they find an old lamp. On rubbing it clean, they release a genie who grants them each one wish.
"I wish to return to my old life!" Two of the men shout, disappearing in a puff of smoke.
The third man, a little slow, looks around at the empty island. Overcome by loneliness, he mutters, "I wish my friends were here."

Three Men Brag About Their Sons.

Three men are in a bar. They are talking about how great their sons are to their respective girlfriends. The first man says my son is an amazing pilot. He gave his girlfriend a plane as a gift he is the best. The second man says well my son happens to be a great carpenter he actually built his girlfriend a three story house. The final man says my son is gay but his boyfriend must really like him, he got a plane and a three story house from him.

"Now then" said the warden addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot.....

"I would like to know two things: First: why did you revolt? Second: how did you get out of our cell?" One of the three men stepped forward "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful". "I see. And the cell, what did you use to break the bars?" "Toast" replied the leader,

Three men from the same country enter a competition to see who has the most children.

As they enter the stadium, the enormous crowd starts cheering in excitement. The first man comes up, and his family of 20 accompanies him on stage. The second man comes up, revealing his enormous family of 60 members. The third man comes up on the stage, but nobody comes up with him. The crowd then starts chanting:
DADDY! DADDY! DADDY...

Three men are walking in the desert.

Three men are walking in the desert, all dehydrated.
They approach a slide with an empty paddling pool beneath it with a wizard standing nearby.
Wizard: This slide is magical. When you slide down it, you can say a drink of your choosing and the paddling pool will fill up with that drink.
The first guy slides down and says "Water!" and the pool is full of water.
The second guy slides down and says "Apple Juice!" and the pool is full of apple juice.
The third guy slides down and says "Wee!"

Three men are arguing 'when does life begin'

The first man goes, "At the time of conception."
The second man argues, "No, it is when the baby is born."
The the man tells them all, "No, no, no, no -- You have it all wrong. Life begins when the wife takes the children and they all leave for vacation."

Three men walk into a car part store...

I need taillights for a Mustang the first one says. What year? the employee asks. 2015 he answers. There you go , the worker hands in the parts. The second guy goes to the counter, saying I need a steering wheel for a Mustang . What year?
1997 he answers. There you go . After he payed, the third guy comes to the counter. I need rear suspensions for a Mustang . There you go .

Three men stand before a judge.

What crime did you commit? He asks the first one.
I threw peanuts in the elephant pen at the zoo, he replies.
That doesn't sound so bad. the judge says in confusion before addressing the second man, What crime did you commit?
I threw peanuts in the elephant pen at the zoo, the second man replies.
Again that doesn't sound so bad, the judge says, his confusion building. He turns to the third man, What crime did you commit?
The third man steps forward and says, Well, my name is Peanuts….

There's a Mexican, An American and a Canadian on a blimp...

The blimp starts falling out of the sky, so the three men start throwing anything they brought that they don't need.
The Canadian says, "there's too many of these in my country," and throws a bunch of hockey sticks out of the blimp.
The Mexican says, "There's too many of these in my country," and throws out his sombrero.
The American says, "There's too many of these in my country,"...
And throws the Mexican off the blimp.

Three men were waiting outside the labor ward...

A nurse came out to tell the first man: "Congratulations. You are the father of twins." "Twins!"he exclaimed "How about that? I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Co!"
Five minutes later, a nurse came out to tell the second man: "Congratulations. You are the father of triplets." "Triplets!" he said "What a coincidence! I work for the 3M Organization!"
Upon hearing this, the third man stood up & muttered: ''I need some air, I work for 7 up!"

Three men were sentenced to death.

The day of their execution arrives, the first man was hanged but fortunately the rope loosens and he fells into the water below the platform. The same happens with the second man. It was now the turn of the third man, but before reaching to the pole he requests the person in charge, "You better tighten that rope of yours because I don't know how to swim."

A perfect robbery

Three men are being chased by the police after robbing a store
They find a barn and run into quick, where they find 3 barrels
They each jump into a barrel
The police come into the barn and tap on each barrel
On the first barrel the officer taps
He hears "woof woof"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a dog"
On the second barrel, the officer taps tree times
He hears "meow, meow"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a cat"
On the third barrel, the officer taps again
This time he hears "PO-TAY-TO"
The officer says "it's just an Irish parrot"

What's an Amish girl's greatest fantasy?

Two or three Mennonite

Three men and the Fly that fell in the Scotch they were drinking

A Frenchman, a German and an Irishman were drinking Scotch. Suddenly a fly fell into each man's drink. The Frenchman says, I cannot drink this! The German flicks the fly out and downs his drink. The Irishman reaches into the glass, grabs the fly, turns it upside down over his drink and yells at the fly: Spit it out, spit it out!

The racing driver

The racing driver can't work out why he's come in last in a race despite using the fastest, most technologically advance car.
With his support team, he checks the vehicle and finds three men in large dresses, full make-up and wigs sitting on the roof.
"There's the problem," says the engineer. "Too much drag."

Three men die and go to heaven...

And God says,"You each get a vehicle but the amount of times you cheated on your wife,your vehicle becomes worse"
The first man cheated on his wife 8 times so he got a BMX bike.
The second man cheated on his wife three times so he got a Mercedes.
The third man never cheated on his wife so he got a Lamborghini.
A few days later,the second man who got the Mercedes goes to the one with the Lamborghini and sees that he's crying. He asks,"Why are you crying? Didn't you get the best car?"
The third man said,"I just saw my wife riding on the field with a scooter!"

Three men are on a train.

One is an economist, one is a logician, and the other is a mathematician.
They are riding into Scotland, as they pass a brown cow.
The economist says, "Look, the cows in Scotland are brown."
The logician says, "No, there are cows in Scotland of which at least one is brown"
The mathematician says, "No, There is at least one cow in scotland, of which one side appears to be brown from this distance"

3 Men's Afterlives

Three men get into a horrible car accident, and all three die together. As they are waiting in limbo, they start talking about the Afterlife. As it turns out, one man is Muslim, one man is Buddhist, the last is Christian.
The Muslim says, "I'm going to enjoy my 40 virgins until my wife shows up!"
The Buddhist says, "Reincarnation is going to be a blast.. until I find my wife again."
The Christian man starts laughing, and the others seem puzzled.
"My wife's an athiest."

Three men walk into a bar.
The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever."
The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there."
So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour.
Finally, the third man goes down.
When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it.
He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"

Three men go to heaven

St. Peter looks in the book and says to the first man, You spent your whole life trying to get drunk. You even married a woman named Ginny, and he points him to the down escalator.
To the next man he says, You spent your whole life trying to get rich. You even married a woman named Penny, and he points him to the down escalator.
The third guy turns and heads for the down escalator. St. Peter says, Where are you going? The man says, My wife's name is Fannie.

Three men meet in a Soviet gulag.

They ask each other the reason for incarceration.
"I spoke in favour of Fyodor Antonovich.", says the first.
Surprised the second remarks, " I spoke against Fyodor Antonovich."
With a sigh the third one says,"I am Fyodor Antonovich."

Three men were at a bar discussing coincidences.
The first man said, "My wife was reading A Tale of Two Cities and she gave birth to twins."
"That’s funny," the second man remarked, "My wife was reading The Three Musketeers and she gave birth to triplets."
The third man shouted, "Oh my, I have to rush home!"
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, "When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!"

A tourist returning from an extended trip was about to cross the last river on the way to the railroad station for home

"Say, cap'n," he said, as he stepped timidly into the rickety old craft, "this boat seems very shaky; was anybody ever lost in her?"
"Not to my knowledge," replied the boatman. "There was three men drowned from her last Thursday, but we found them all the next day."

Three men were talking about what their children would be saying about them thirty years from now.

"I would like my children to say, 'He was successful in business'," declared the first man.
"Thirty years from now," said the second, "I want them to say, 'He was a loyal family man'."
Turning to the third man, the first one asked, "So what do you want them to say about you in thirty years?"
"Me?" the third man replied, "I want them all to say, 'He certainly looks good for his age'!