Three Men In A Bar Jokes
57 three men in a bar jokes and hilarious three men in a bar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about three men in a bar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Three Men In A Bar Short Jokes
Short three men in a bar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The three men in a bar humour may include short three men walk into a bar jokes also.
- Three men walk into a bar The fourth one asks "You guys ok? Didn't you see that low hanging bar?"
- Three men walk in to a bar. One of them is wearing a hat Oops!
Your current data plan doesnt cover this feature. Click here to upgrade. - Three Men Downtown Three men were taking a stroll downtown.
Two of them walked into a bar.
The third one ducked. - Three men are walking to the bar... The first one says "It's pretty chilly out here, isn't it?"
The second one says "No it's not! It's Tuesday!"
The third one says "So am I. Let's get a beer..." - Three men go into a bar... but the fourth guy cleared it. Looks like he's taking home the gold medal!
I love a good track & field competition. - Three men are walking along, two of them walk into a bar... The third one ducks.
I'm sorry. I'm sure many have heard it before. But I haven't seen it here. - Three men finish up a hard day at work and walk into a bar They do the same thing the next day. And the day after that. On the fourth day, they duck.
- three men walk into a bar; only two walk out. what happened to the third? he stayed inside.
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Three Men In A Bar One Liners
Which three men in a bar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with three men in a bar? I can suggest the ones about three guys walk into a bar and two guys walk into a bar.
- three straight men walk in to a bar... and come out.
- Three men walk into a bar It's the shittest game of limbo I've ever seen.
- Three men walked into a bar ....and it all ended with a tedious inevitability.
- Three men walk into a bar The bartender says: how'd you get in here
- Three men walked into a bar Thought one of em had seen it.
Three Men In A Bar Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about three men in a bar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean three men jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make three men in a bar pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three desperately ill men go to their docter seeking help.
One is and alcoholic, One is a chain s**... and the other is gay.
The doctor tells the men if you indulge in any of your habits again you will die.
So the three men leave and then the alcoholic sees a bar and hears its loud music and can't resist.
He orders a shot of whisky drinks it and suddenly drops down dead the other two men walk out side realising how serious this is, but then the chain s**... sees a half a ciggarette on the ground still burning so the gay guy says to the chain s**... "if you bend over to pick that up were both dead"
Three men were at a bar discussing coincidences.
The first man said, "My wife was reading A Tale of Two Cities and she gave birth to twins."
"That’s funny," the second man remarked, "My wife was reading The Three Musketeers and she gave birth to triplets."
The third man shouted, "Oh my, I have to rush home!"
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, "When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man.
o**... said he was going to bug him.
He walked over to the Irish man and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a s**...."
"Oh really, hmm, didn’t know that."
Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a s**... and he didn’t care!"
"You just don’t know how to set him off, watch and learn."
The second English man walked over and tapped the Irish man on the shoulder. "I hear your St. Patrick was a t**...!"
"Oh, wow, I didn’t know that, thank you."
Shocked beyond belief, the English man went back to his buddies. "You are right, he is unshakable!"
The third English man said: "No, no, no, I will really big him, you just watch."
The English man walked over to the Irish man, tapped him on the shoulder and said: "I hear your St. Patrick was an English man!"
"Yeah, that’s what your buddies were trying to tell me."
Three men walk into a bar.
The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever."
The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there."
So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour.
Finally, the third man goes down.
When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it.
He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men are on an airplane...
One of them has a knife, one has a gun, and the other has a bomb. The first guy with the knife, realizes that he cannot go through with h**... the plane, so he throws the knife out the window.
The second guy, with the gun, also decides that he cannot go through with h**... the plane, and throws his gun out the window.
Alas, the third guy also makes this decision, and throws the bomb out of the window.
Their plane lands sometime later and they decide to grab a drink at the bar. Upon walking up to a bar they notice everyone is gathered around the tv, watching intently. It shows 3 children...
"what happened?" the men ask the fellow patrons.
"shh, just watch"
On TV:
Reporter: "Son, why are you crying?"
Kid 1: "My daddy got stabbed by a knife from the sky!!!"
The man that threw the knife out realizes that it was his knife and feels horrible...
Reporter: "Little girl, why are you crying?"
Kid 2: "My daddy got shot from a gun falling from the sky!!!"
The man that threw the gun out realizes that it was his gun and feels horrible...
Reporter talking to the final child: "Kid, why are you... laughing?"
Kid 3: "My daddy f**... and the house blew up!!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
late night...
A drunken old man walked into a bar. He yells at the bartender, "Bartender get me a tequila!" The bartender gets him a tequila.
The old man drinks it as fast as he can.
Then he looks around the bar and sees three large men at a table having some beers.
He points at one of them and says "You! I have slept with your mother!" The man looks at the old man then goes about drinking his beer.
Then the old man yells "Bartender! Get me another tequila!"
The bartender gets him another tequila. The old man drinks it as fast as he can.
Then he looks over at the three men. He points at another man and shouts
"You! Your mother gives me a b**...!"
The second man looks at the old man, then goes about drinking his beer.
Then the old man yells "Bartender! Get me another tequila!"
This time the bartender says "No, old man, you have had enough."
"Just one more!!" yells the old man.
So the bartender gets him one more tequila.
The old man drinks it as fast as he can.
Then looks at the three men. He points at the third man and shouts
"You! I eat out your mother!" The third man looks at the old man then looks at the other two men.
All three of them get up and start walking over to the old man.
Then they say "Come on dad, you have had too much to drink..."
The London Philharmonic is getting set up to play Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.
Everybody's practicing their parts, except for the bass players - they barely have any notes at all, just at the very beginning and the very end. So they hatch a plan: during the performance, they'll all sneak out and go to the pub for some brews. The lead bassist ties a string to the last page of the conductor's score, to alert them so they can get back in time.
Performance night rolls around, and the curtains roll up to a magnificent opening segment. The bassists duck behind the percussion and run to the nearest bar. They order a couple of drinks and joke to themselves about how ridiculous they look in tailed, double-breasted tuxedos when suddenly they are approached by a man dressed even more formally, wearing a crown and long gown. He introduces himself as the Count of Bavaria, a true regal fellow. Before they know it everybody is chatting it up and the Count orders a *huge* plate of nachos. This is a massive plate - big enough for three men - but the Count, he must be starving because he eats every last bite. The bassists are enjoying their drinks and starting to get a bit drunk, when they notice they've got to rush back... Meanwhile, back at the performance, the conductor has turned the last page. He sees the string, and it dawns on him: it's the bottom of the ninth, the bassists are loaded and the count is full.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men are sitting at a bar
Three men were sitting at a bar talking about their lives. They get to talking about there kids and how great they are.
The first man brags " My son is the greatest! He is CEO of a big company. He makes so much money that he just bought two new sports cars, one for himself and the other for his lover."
The second father, trying to show up the first, says "Oh Yeah? Well my boy created a huge internet company and makes millions he just bought two mansions, one for himself and the other for HIS lover".
The third guy is sitting quietly drinking his beer. The other two guys look at him and ask what about his son? Does he make a lot of money?
The third guy says " Nah, My son doesn't make millions or anything like that. He's a male e**.... Although, his two best clients did just buy him a new car and a new mansion."
Three Men Brag About Their Sons.
Three men are in a bar. They are talking about how great their sons are to their respective girlfriends. The first man says my son is an amazing pilot. He gave his girlfriend a plane as a gift he is the best. The second man says well my son happens to be a great carpenter he actually built his girlfriend a three story house. The final man says my son is gay but his boyfriend must really like him, he got a plane and a three story house from him.
Travel
Two old men meet at a bar one night and start talking about their wives. The first of man says, "I just got married for the third time maybe this one will work out. How about you how many times have you been married?"
The second man replies "I've only been married once. In fact this year makes fifty years and we are as happy as ever."
"Wow," says the first man, "that's quite an achievement. What's your secret?"
The second man thinks for a minute then says "Well I would have to say it's all the travel. We've been all over the world. In fact just last week I took her to London and in three or four years I'll go pick her up."
Jesus walks into a bar....
..He sees a Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor sitting next to each other at a table. Jesus notices that the three men all looked quite sad. He approaches them and asks, "What is wrong my children?". The Pastor says, "I just found out i have an inoperable brain tumor and i only have months to live". Jesus then decides to heal the Pastor. He thanks Jesus and leaves. He turns to the Priest and says, "What is wrong my son?". The Priest replies, "Jesus, I just found out that I have type two diabetes." Jesus then heals the Priest. He thanks Jesus and leaves the bar to pray to God. Jesus then turns to the Rabbi and says, "Let me guess, You also have a health issue that you would like me to heal?". The Rabbi turns to Jesus and says "Yes i do, but you stay away from me. I'm on disability benefits."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three are guys sitting around in heaven..
Three guys are in heaven, each sharing the story of their death. The first guy, propped up on his cloud recalls his ultimate demise. "Well, I had been sent home from work early one afternoon, and when I got home my wife was half n**... and obviously surprised to see me. I found a pair of men's pants in the lounge, and in my rage smashed the TV. Then I found a necktie in the bedroom, and overturned the dresser. THEN I found all the empty beer bottles on my bar, and threw the bar fridge out the window. In my rage I had a heart attack, and here I am.
The second guy frowns, and exclaims how strange that was. "Well, that is bizarre. I was taking a walk one day and was minding my own business, when out of nowhere I was struck by a falling fridge. I died instantly and here I am."
The third guy thinks for a second and says "Well, I'll tell my story but you ain't gonna like it. I was hiding in this fridge..."
So 4 guys are talking in a bar.
So 4 guys are talking in a bar, one leaves to go to the restroom while the others continue to talk. They start talking about the success of their sons, the first man says "my son's car company is so successful he was able to get his best friend a new Ferrari for his birthday." The second man boasts "well my son's real estate company is so successful he was able to give his best friend a new house for his birthday." The third man says "my son's airline company is so successful he was able to give his best friend a private jet for his birthday. The forth man comes back from the restroom and asks what everyone is talking about, they reply back "we're just talking about the success of our sons." The forth man says "oh, my son is a gay stripper," the other three men feel sorry for him and apologize, but the forth man simply says "don't worry about it, it's not that bad, for his birthday he got a new ferrari, house, and a private jet from his three boyfriends."
An architect, a lawyer, and a hunter were sitting at a bar.
The three men were having a debate about whose job was the oldest.
"Obviously it's my job," bragged the hunter. "Cavemen got their food by hunting, which makes my job older than civilization."
"Yes," the architect replied, "but if you read the Bible, it says God created the universe out of darkness and chaos. This technically makes God the architect of the universe."
The lawyer simply smirked. "True, but who do you think invented darkness and chaos?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bad night of drinking...
Three men walk into a bar and sit beside each other with their hands over their faces, obviously in distress.
Bartender - "Looks like you guys had it rough."
Man 1 - "Could we please just have some water, our wives are coming to meet us later but we drank so much last night that I can't even look at alcohol right now. I don't even want to be in here."
Bartender hands them all glasses of water, "Tell me about this big night you had, I'm bored out of my mind."
Man 1 - "Well, we all met after the game last night to celebrate and drank way too much. In fact, I got so drunk that I blew chunks!"
Man 2 - "That's nothing, I got so drunk that I stole a cab and picked people up for rides. Lucky I didn't get arrested!"
Man 3 - "Psh, I beat you all. I got so drunk that I picked up a p**... and had s**... with her in my bed, while my wife was there! Luckily she's a deep sleeper."
Man 1 - "You guys don't get it! Chunks is my dog!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mean when drunk
Two men are drinking at a bar.
One man goes to the other "did you know if you jump out that window you will fall three stories then the wind will blow you around the building and in through a window."
The other man says "b**..."
The first man goes "look I will show you." He then jumps out the window. Sure enough three stories down he got blown around the building and in through a window. He goes back up to the other man and goes "Your turn".
The second man jumps and falls to his death. The bartender who was watching the whole ordeal says to the first man "God you're mean when you're drunk Superman."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men compare how they control their wives...
Three friends are sitting in a bar after a day of work, discussing their lives when the topic of conversation turns to how often they fight with their wives. The first guy says, "I just put my foot down and tell her what's what, and there's no more arguing after that. Then I get the TV to myself all night."
The second guy says, "I just keep repeating my point until she sees the light. Then she always makes my favourite dinner and gives me a back rub."
The third guy says, "Every time we argue, my wife is always on her hands and knees by the end of it."
The other two look at him, impressed. "Then what happens?" The second one asks.
"Well," the third says, " then she says 'Get out from under the bed and fight me you p**...!' "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys walk into a bar, an air force pilot, a marine, and a police officer...
The pilot says "I'll have a pint of your finest lager." The bartender serves him some beer. The marine says, "Line up three shots of r**...." The bartender obliges. Finally the cop says "Give me a glass of cabernet." The bartender gives the cop his wine. The three men pay, have their drinks and leave.
The bartender looks bemused as though he expected something different. He sets out some tumblers, and starts pouring gingerale into each one. He follows with some orange juice. The old wino at the end of the bar asks him what's up. He says "After all this, I felt we needed a punch line."
Three men and a phone
there are three men in a bar who are all just a bit drunk but in their senses. Their names are Billy, Nicholas, and Josh. A phone rings and Nicholas picks up. it was his girlfriend. she asks Nicholas if she can buy a brand new TV set with his money and he says why not, go ahead. she then asked if she could get a new pool built outside her house with his credit card. Nicholas says it's fine with him. She finally asks if she could buy the latest car with the credit card and he says why not? go ahead. the girlfriend says "thanks, and you left your credit card at my house so i dont need to come and get it." he then hangs up. When he puts the phone down Billy and Josh immediately ask him how drunk is he because he just let his girlfriend spend all his money. Nicholas says lets answer that question after we answer mine first. he asks "Who's phone is this?"
"Now then" said the warden addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot.....
"I would like to know two things: First: why did you revolt? Second: how did you get out of our cell?" One of the three men stepped forward "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful". "I see. And the cell, what did you use to break the bars?" "Toast" replied the leader,
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An alcoholic, a s**... and a gay guy go to a psychiatrist
An alcoholic, a s**... and a gay guy go to a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist evaluates their addictions and warns them, "If you indulge in your bad habit ONE MORE TIME, you will drop dead."
So the three men acknowledge his warning and leave the clinic.
As they walked down the sidewalk, discussing their fate, the Alcoholic proclaims, "I don't care what happens to me! I need a drink!" He runs into a bar, takes a shot of whiskey, and drops dead.
The s**... and gay guy--shocked that the psychiatrist was telling the truth--continue walking.
A few minutes later they see a full cigarette burning on the sidewalk. The s**... starts to sweat. And looks over at the gay guy. "I just need ONE MORE drag!"
The gay guy says, "Honey, if you bend down to pick that up, we're BOTH gonna drop dead!"
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar
They walk up to the bar and order a drink, but the bartender refuses; "We don't serve jokes in here". The men walk off in disappointment. Next, a Priest, a Rabbi and a Vicar walk into the bar. "We don't serve jokes in here", repeats the barman. So the three walk out in disgust. Finally a chicken walks into the bar. "We don't serve jokes in here". The chicken replies "What? Why not? Well where am I supposed to get a drink?". The bartender answers "Try the pub across the road".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men of different ethnicities walk into a bar. The first two say something smart. The third completely embarrasses his countrymen by saying something s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Bills at a bar
Three men, one from America, one from Australia and one from Russia where sitting at the bar. To show off, the American picks up his revolver, shoots the cap off his bottle of beer, and proudly exlaims:
"My name is Bill. Buffalo Bill."
The Australian, not wanting to be any less of a man, picks up his boomerang and gives it a swing across the bar. It does a big circle, and on its way back it knocks the cap off his beer as well. He then says:
"My name is Bill. Crocodile Bill."
The Russian looks around nervously, then pulls his pants down, and shows that he has two p**.... He then says:
"My name is Bill. Chernobyl."
Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.
- When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
- We will do that for you, said one of the younger men. But do you mind if it passes through our kidneys first?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blind cowboy walks in to a bar
A blind cowboy walks in to a bar, and says to the bartender do you want to hear a blonde joke? The bartender says before you say your joke, i would like to inform you that the women siting next to you is a black belt in taekwondo, and is blonde. The man next to you is a power lifter, and is blonde. I to am blonde and i have thrown quit a few men out for making blonde jokes, that being said do you want to say your joke? The cowboy says no i would hate to have to explain it three times.
[Long]Two men sitting at a bar, one asks the other "Do you want to hear a blonde joke"?
The other guy says "Yeah sure, I could do with a laugh".
The first guy is just about to start when he is tapped on the shoulder, and turns round to see three bulked up blondes. The one who tapped him on the shoulder says to him :
"I am the worlds premier female bodybuilder, and a blonde. My two friends are world champions at kickboxing and Judo respectively - they are both blondes. Are you sure you want to tell a blonde joke in this company?"
The guy says "Not if i have to explain it three times".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer. One of the guys says to his buddy, Man, you really look tired..
His buddy says, Dude, I'm exhausted. My girlfriend wants s**... all the time, three, four, even six times a night, every night. She wakes me up at all hours. I just don't know what to do.
A fellow about 65, sitting a couple of stools down overheard the conversation.
He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says... Marry her. That'll put a stop to that nonsense.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men are in a bar
Three men are in a bar, talking about the Red Sox. "I think they'll win it all this year," said the first man. "No way, the Yankees are too good", said the second man. "Well, I've converted to several versions of Christianity and still belong to all of them!" declared the third man, before walking off.
"That was a strange guy," said the first man. "No," said the second man, "that was just a non-sect-quitter."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There are three men who walk into a bar, one says Kachow another says Kachigga. What did the third one say? He said Are you guys s**...?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Bills at a bar
Three men, one from America, one from Australia and one from Russia were sitting at a bar. To show off, the American picks up his revolver, shoots the cap off his bottle of beer, and proudly exlaims:
"My name is Bill. Buffalo Bill."
The Australian, not wanting to be any less of a man, picks up his boomerang and gives it a swing across the bar. It does a big circle, and on its way back it knocks the cap off his beer as well. He then says:
"My name is Bill. Crocodile Bill."
The Russian looks around nervously, then pulls his pants down, and proudly shows his two p**.... He then says:
"My name is Bill. Cherno Bill."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband hires a private detective to find out if his wife is cheating on him.
The detective reports back and says he discovered, unfortunately, that she is.
"What happened?" asks the husband
"She went to a hotel and waited in the bar area. On three different occasions men came up to her, handed her $50 and she would give them a key. 5 minutes later she would disappear upstairs somewhere and then return after a while."
"Oh my god, d... do you think... Shes a p**...? " asks the husband.
"I thought it was pretty obvious", says the detective, "but after the last fella came back down, I made sure."
"You confronted him?"
"No, I gave her $50."
Control Over Your Wife
Three men were sitting at a bar. Two of them were boasting about their control over their wives, while the third one remained quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, 'Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?'
The third fellow says, 'I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.'
The first two men were amazed. 'What happened then?' they asked.
'She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!'
Three guys sit at a bar, and tell each other the same jokes again, and again on repeat.
One of them gets the idea to start numbering the jokes, so they don't have to repeat the entire joke, so for example, someone would say "number 6" and they would laugh at that joke. Then one of the guys says "number 11" and they all start laughing again. Shortly after, one of the men says "number 23", where they all laughed again, one longer than the 2 others. A minute or so after the first 2 stopped laughing, while the last man still laughs hysterically, one of the other asks, "why are you still laughing?", to which he replied "I hadn't heard that one before".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three gay men are at a bar.
The first one says, I'm so loose, my boyfriend can fit his fist inside me without effort! Second one says, Oh yeah? I'm so loose that my bf can fit his whole arm inside me without effort! Third guy laughs and the stool beneath him disappears.
Three men at a bar
Man one turns to the other two and says:
Fellas I think my wife is cheating on me with a Doctor
Man two and three reply:
How do you know?
Man one says:
because I found a Doctor's-medicine bag under the bed
Man two says:
Well Fellas I think my wife's cheating on me with a construction worker
Man one and three reply:
How do you know?
Man two replies:
Because I found construction tools under our bed
Man three says:
Fellas I think my wife is cheating on me with a horse
Man one and two say:
A horse?
Man three says, yeah because I found a cowboy under our bed
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four men are at a bar bragging about how successful their sons are
One says"my son is a successful brick layer and he bought his friend a Lamborghini just because"...the second man says"my friend is a successful real estate agent and he bought his friend a yacht just because"the third man says"my son is a great lawyer and he bought his friend a mansion just because"....their was a minute of silence and the second man asks the fourth man what his son does ...the fourth man replies"he's a gay stripper"..the third man says"oh you must be ashamed I'm sorry"which the fourth man says"not really his three boyfriends bought him a Lamborghini,a yacht,and a mansion just because"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men walk into a bar…
They have no money, so the bartender makes a deal with them:
I hear that the punch served at that party over there is really good, go get me some, and your drinks are free.
So o**... goes over and gets the punch. When he returns, the bartender is a bit surprised.
Well that was fast
Well, yeah, the guy replies there was no punchline.
So who's winning?
Two men talking at the bar:
\- So, whats new?
\- NATO is at war with Russia
\- Oh, so how it's going?
\- Russia lost couple thousands of their soldiers including their elite squads, over hundred helicopters and planes, couple hundreds of armored vehicles and tanks, three vessels, capability to exchange currency, Ikea, McDonald's and it's possible their whole country will go bankrupt in couple of weeks.
\- And how's NATO doing?
\- NATO didn't entered the war yet
