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Three Lions Jokes

19 three lions jokes and hilarious three lions puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about three lions that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Three Lions Short Jokes

Short three lions jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The three lions humour may include short 3 lions jokes also.

  1. I have the heart of a lion, feet of a kangaroo, and the spirit of a wild stallion. The heart and feet were easy to get, but it took three witch doctors to help me with the last one.
  2. Breaking news! The England team makes the knockout stages! Together, the Three Lions, Howard Webb and his 2 assistants, have made the knockout stages! Go England!

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Three Lions One Liners

Which three lions one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with three lions? I can suggest the ones about tigers lions and big cats.

  1. How many poachers does it take to fill up a lion? At least three.

Three Lions Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about three lions you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pride lions jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make three lions pranks.

Three expatriates are drinking in a NY City bar

.
 "As good as this is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth.
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "at my local pub in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
The Irishman swore every word was true.
"Did this actually happen to you?" they asked.
"No not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman,
"but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

A man looking for work

A man was looking for work. In fact, he was desperate. He heard the circus was in town and so he went and asked the ring master if there was a job for him. The ring master said, "We're lucky you showed up! Our tiger just died and he was a big part of the show. What we need you to do is put on this tiger costume and pretend to be a real tiger. Nobody will know the difference." So the man put on the tiger costume, and he had to admit, it was a very realistic costume. Soon the show started, and the time came for the tiger act. The man, eager to do a good job, lept out into the ring, snarling just like a real tiger. The crowd cheered. He did all the things the tiger was supposed to do: let the trainer stick his head in his mouth, balanced on a ball, and finally walked across a tightrope. The crowd loved it. But then a lion and a bear entered the ring. The ring master announced, "Now you will see these three ferocious beasts enter one cage together!" The man had no choice as he was herded into the cage with the lion and the bear. The two animals roared and snarled, and the man became afraid for his life. He began running around the cage, shouting, "Let me out! I'm not a real tiger! Help!" Then the lion grabbed him and said, "Shut up! Do you want us all to lose our jobs?"

There are 500 bricks on a plane...

- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
499
- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge
- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge
- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?
Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.
- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
The alligators are all at the birthday party.
- Sally dies anyways. Why?
She got hit in the head by a flying brick

Three blondes were hiking in the woods when they came upon some tracks...

The first blonde said "We'd better be careful, I think these are bear tracks!"
The second blonde says "No, I'm almost certain these are mountain lion tracks!"
The third blonde says "Your both wrong, these are wolf tracks!"
They were still arguing 20 minutes later when the train hit them.

Three blondes are out on a hike...

when they come across some tracks. The first one quickly says "Let's get out of here, those are mountain lion tracks." The second one says "Don't be silly, those are deer tracks." The third one says "I think you're both wrong, but I'm no expert" right before they all got hit by a train

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home.


In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?”
The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.”
“What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter.
“My ex-wife” replied the hunter.

A hawk, lion, and skunk are gathered in the woods...

A hawk, lion, and skunk are gathered in a forest arguing over who is the mightiest of the animals.
The hawk said "I am the mightiest for I can fly way up high and see my prey from far distances."
The lion said "No, I am the mightiest! For I can run the fastest and I am king of the jungle!"
The skunk then said "No, I'm the mightiest! I can release such a stench it would force you both to run and hide from me!"
Just then, a bear came out of nowhere and swallowed all three in one fell swoop hawk, lion, and stinker!

A Turtle,Hippo, and Zebra are told to tell a joke to a Lion....

The Lion tells the three animals if he doesnt laugh at their jokes then he will kill them
The Turtle steps up and tells his joke, the Lion doesn't laugh, so he kills the Turtle
The Hippo, nervous, steps up and tells his joke, the Lion doesn't laugh, so he kills the Hippo
The Zebra, completely scared to death, steps up and tells his joke, the Lion bursts into uncontrollable laughter
"Did you really find my joke funny?"
The Lion responds, "No, I just finally got the joke the Turtle told me."

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are camping...

After dinner, they drink some whisky and fall asleep in their tent. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and asks Watson if he sees anything particular.
Watson: Holmes:
Watson:
Holmes:
Sorry for the poor english, but it's not my native language.

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499
Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door
Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
A. Open door, take elephant out of refrigerator, put giraffe in refrigerator, close door
Q. The lion throws a huge birthday party. All the animals but one go. Which is it and why?
A. The giraffe: he's still in the refrigerator
Q. Sally swims across an alligator infested river and doesn't get eaten. How?
A. The alligators are at the lion's birthday party
Q. Sally is found dead within the next 5 minutes: why?
A. She was hit by a brick falling from the sky

There's 500 bricks in a plane. How many are there if you throw one out?

"499"
There are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator. What are they?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge.
There are four steps to putting a deer in the fridge. What are they?
Open the fridge, take the elephant out, put the deer in, close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals are there but one. Why is that?
The deer is in the fridge.
A woman wants to cross an alligator infested swamp. How does she do it?
She crosses normally because the alligators are at the Lion King's party.
She dies anyways. Why?
She gets hit in the head with a brick.

A Chicago Bears' fan, a Minnesota Viking's fan, and a Detroit Lions' fan find a genie in a bar...

The 3 fans are sitting at the bar when suddenly, a genie comes out of a bottle of v**... the bartender opens.
[](/sp)
The genie says to the bartender: "Congratulations, you have released me from my prison, and to repay you for that, I shall allow you to make 3 wishes your heart most desires and make them come true." The bartender faints from the sheer sight of a real genie in his bar.
[](/sp)
Seeing this, the genie says: "Well, it looks like he's not waking up. You three gentlemen are the only here, so you'll have to split the wishes to 1 each. What do your hearts most desire?"
[](/sp)
The Chicago Bears' fan says: "I want all Minnesota Vikings' fans were shot and thrown out of a bridge."
[](/sp)
The Minnesota Vikings' fan says: "Oh yeah, well I want all Chicago Bears' fans were lynched and choked to death."
[](/sp)
They kept battling each other, throwing one insult after another. Meanwhile, the genie turned to the Detroit Lions' fan and asks the same question: "What do you wish for ?"
[](/sp)
The 3rd fan says: "Me? I want a cup of coffee."

Interview with the 3x Widow (Clean Joke)

A journalist for a local newspaper was an interviewing an old woman who had been married three times before and was about to embark on her fourth marriage at the ripe old age of 90.
**Interviewer**: "Please give me a quick run down of the men you married in the past",
**Old Lady**: "We'll my first husband was the CEO of a bank. He died from a heart attack from stress. God bless him.
My second husband was so much different. He was a circus performer. He could s**... swords, walk a tight rope, and tame lions. Unfortunately, one of the lions wasn't fed one day, and I was single once again.
My third husband was the minister for my past two husbands funerals. I'm happy to say that he passed away peacefully surrounded by his friends and family.
And my soon to be fourth husband is the mortician who buried all three of my former husbands. He has always been there for me and is a kind man. I love him dearly.
**Interviewer**: Wow, that's a quite variety of men. So how would you summarize your love life?
**Old Lady**: Well, I guess you could say, I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.

Three expatriates are drinking in a NY City bar. [copypasta from digitaldreamdoor]

"As good as this is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth.
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "at my local pub in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
The Irishman swore every word was true.
"Did this actually happen to you?" they asked.
"No not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman,
"but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

The grace of the hunt

Two brothers, who are hunters, get invited to a very famous Hunting club by their father. Once there, they mingle with the members and have an awesome time. Tons of drinking, lots of stories about big game hunting. As the night was nearing it's end, the young men's father asks them if they would be interested in speaking to the club's oldest member, and they, of course, jump at the opportunity. Their father points them to a very frail looking elderly man sitting in a recliner. The young men introduce them selves, tell the old man some of their stories, and all three of them clearly enjoy each other's company. Just as the young brother's were about to leave, the old man starts to tell them his greatest story.
" I was hunting alone in the African wilderness. I found myself with no food, water or shelter. As the day was coming to an end, i barely managed to gather enough wood for a fire. I start to doze off with my rifle in hand, when i hear a rustling sound behind me. I jump to my feet and, just as i turn around, a 600 pound, male lion jumps out at me and lets out a great big ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! And, i just crapped my pants"
The young hunters look at one another. Finally, one of them says " I mean, sir. Given the circumstances anyone would have done so".
"NO!" the old man replies, "Not then, just now when i said ROOOOOOAAARRRR!!!"