three hookers Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious three hookers puns

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Apparently not three. It's still dark in my basement.

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A guy meets a hooker in a bar

And buys her a drink. She says to him "For $300, I'll do anything you want as long as you can ask for it in 3 words." So he thinks about it for a minute, reaches into his wallet, pulls out three Benjamins, slaps them on the bar and says "Paint. My. House".

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A guy is approached by a hooker in a bar. She says, "This

A guy is approached by a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I've got a special for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three one hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint...my...house."

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A guy picks up a hooker

She says, This is your lucky night. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300.00. as long as you can say it in three words.

The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays $300.00 on the table and says slowly.

Paint…my….house.

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How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

It sure as shit ain't three...my basement is dark as fuck!

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Vietnam veteran comes back from a tour of duty...

only to find out he has some kind of exotic STD. his dick burns when he pisses and has lumps and bumps on it that are red, green, blue and purple. He goes to the V.A. hospital and the doctor says he's never seen anything like it, but he's pretty sure he's going to have to amputate.

"Fuck that" the vet says, "I'm going to a real doctor".

The next doctor doesn't have any better news for him and also recommends amputation. Being so attached to his member, he thinks about it and comes up with an idea. "Since I got this funky crotch rot from those Asian hookers I was fucking, maybe an Asian doctor can help me.

After the Asian doctor examines him he come to a conclusion; "No Mr. Smith, we no have to amputate".

"Really? That's great news Doc, thank you!"

"Yeah, three maybe four day, it fall off by self."

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A guy is sitting in a bar when a great looking woman comes over to him.

He's really excited, but it immediately comes clear that she is a hooker. She says, "Hey, handsome. Want to play a game? Here is how it works. I'll do absolutely anything you want for three hundred dollars, as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy thinks for a minute. Then he pulls his wallet out of his pocket, lays three hundred dollar bills on the bar, and says, "Paint my house."

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The Bar Challenge

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer. As the bartender is bringing his drink, he notices a large unlabeled jar full of money. His curiosity is piqued, and he asks the bartender what it's for. The bartender explains that there is an ongoing bet that no one will complete a challenge set by the owner. Whoever completes the challenge gets all of the money in the jar and an unlimited bar tab for life. The man asks what the challenge is. The bartender explains that there are three parts, the first is to chug a bottle of tequila without stopping. The second is to pull a tooth from the stray dog that hangs out in the alley outside. And the third is to fuck the resident dirty old hooker. The man ponders it over a few beers, and finally decides to try and complete the challenge. He pays the $20 entry fee, and is handed a bottle of tequila, which he manages to down without too much trouble. He then proceeds outside, and everyone in the bar hears a series of yelps and growls, and about 15 minutes later the man comes back inside, a little beat up, but still standing. The bartender points upstairs, and the man disappears. The bar is silent for a few minutes, and soon they hear the hooker screaming bloody murder. The man comes down stairs, holds up a tooth and says "I got the whore's tooth!"

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Two midgets go into a bar,

where they pick up two hookers and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first midget, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE.. UUHH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second midget asks the first, "How did it go?" The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get a hard-on."
The second midget shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the fucking bed"

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Drunk Money

A drunk walks into a bar and notices a banner that says "win $10,000; ask bartender for details".

He asks and the bartender says "well, you see that man at the end of the bar?". The drunk looks over and sees a huge, burley dude. The bartender says "if you can knock him out with one punch, you go to the second step...
The door right behind that big guy opens into a room containing an alligator with a sore tooth. If you can pull his tooth and come out alive, you move on to step three...
Those stairs next to the door go up to an eighty year old hooker's apartment. She has never been satisfied by any man. If you can satisfy her, you win the money!"

The drunk says ok and orders a double shot of whiskey. He belts that down, walks to the end of the bar and POW!, knocks the big dude out. He orders another double, belts it down, walks to the door, steps inside and closes the door. BAM, CRASH, GROWL is all the bartender and patrons can hear for a few minutes and then total silence. Five minutes later, the drunk walks out of the room bloody, clothes shredded. He orders another double, drinks it and says "o.k., where's the hooker with the sore tooth?"

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Meaning of... 'potentially' and 'realistically'

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother
if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask
your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,
and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"

The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that
money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"

The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would
sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million
bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three
million dollars, but 'realistically', we're living with two hookers
and a future congressman."

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Norman, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake and some hot sex...

He engages a lovely hooker and takes her up to his room.

He's going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks 'how am I doing?'

The hooker replies 'well Norman, you old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'

'Three knots?' He asks. 'What's that supposed to mean?'

She says 'you're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're definitely knot getting your money back!'

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A koala bear and a hooker...

A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for three hours straight. She has multiple orgasms! After three hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion.

"Oh God, that was great! Now I need my money." The koala bear just looks at her and shrugs.

Then the hooker says, "No, I need my money. I'm a hooker and this is how I make a living."

The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his clothes. Then the hooker gets up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a dictionary and thumbs through it to "hooker." She hands it to the koala bear and it reads:

"HOOKER: person who has sex for money."

Then the koala bear turns the page to "koala bear" and walks out the door. The hooker reads:

"KOALA BEAR: Furry Mammal That Eats Bushes and Leaves."

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Just three words . . .

A middle-aged man meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I've got a special game for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $100 as long as you can say it in just three words."

The guy replies, "Hey, why not?"

He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays $100 on the bar, and says slowly, "Paint . . . my . . . house."

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Three Hookers are applying for a job on a nightclub

The manager asks them, "If you found a 100 dollar bill on the ground, what will you do?"

The first hooker said, "I will give it to the management of this club."

The next hooker said, "I will ask around if anyone lost it."

The last hooker said, "I will keep it. I consider it to be a tip."

Who do you think got the job?

The one with the biggest tits.

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Three hookers were sitting on a bar.

They chat for a while about work, when one of them ssays. "I can fit a glass up in my (you know)" the other one replies. "thats nothing, i can fit a bottle up in my (you know)" thats when the third starts to giggle. "whats so funny?" the other two ask. "ohh nothing" she says as she slowly glide down on the barstool.

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Realistically and Potentially . . .

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?'

The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.

Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a Million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'

So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'

The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt - I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'

The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million Bucks would buy?'

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'

The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on Three million dollars .

But 'realistically', we're just living with two hookers and a queer.

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Bar Bet

A man walks into a bar. He walks up to the bartender and asks him if he has any bar bets that he could try out. The bartender says "Yes, in fact I do. I'll give you $10,000 if you can do three tasks". "That sounds reasonable, what do I have to do", the man replies. So the bartender tells him the three things he has to do. "The first thing you have to do is make the extremely tough biker gang sitting at the back of the bar leave. Next, you must go outside where you will find an alligator with a bad tooth. You need to wrestle the alligator, and rip out his tooth. Finally, your last task is to go upstairs in the attic and fuck the old lady up there until she orgasms." Reluctantly, the man agrees, deciding that the $10,000 would be worth it. First, he walks calmly up to the leader of the biker gang and tells him that if he leaves the bar now, he'll come out in a while and give him $1,000. The biker, realizing the potential for some quick cash agrees. Easy enough, the man thinks to himself. One down, two to go. He walks outside to deal with the alligator, and the entire bar hears a huge commotion. After almost an hour of hearing the man yell and shout, he finally walks back into the bar caked in sweat and mud.

"Now where's that hooker with the bad tooth?"

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How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently more than three, because my basement is still dark.

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Three Generations of Hookers

There were generations of hookers, a daughter hooker, a mamma hooker, and a grand-mamma hooker.

One night, the mamma and daughter hooker came home to the grand-mamma hooker and started to complain.

Daughter Hooker: What a bad night! I only got $50 for a blowjob!

Mamma Hooker: Well, I only got $5 dollars for a blowjob tonight!

Grand-mamma Hooker: Ladies, when I was still working, I was just happy to have something warm in my belly.

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How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

At least three so far...

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Guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. While he sits there he notices a jar full of money on the bar. Next to the jar is a sign that reads, "complete the challenge win the prize." Curious, the guy asks the bartender about the challenge. The bartender explains there are three parts that must be completed. First: Down a gallon of tequila straight in under five minutes. Second: An alligator out back has a terrible tooth and ache and the tooth has to be pulled. Third: Have sex with the dirtiest hooker in the place. The guy thinks it over and he accepts the challenge. He downs the tequila in no time. Then he staggers out back and everyone in the bar hears an awful commotion. Then silence. The guy stumbles back in the door his clothes torn to sheds. He yells, "Now! Where's that hooker with the tooth ache?"

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Three generations of hookers were sitting around the kitchen table one morning.

The youngest moans "the economy is so bad, I can only get $20 for a blowjob.
The middle aged hooker says "shit, you think that's bad? In my day $5 was a good trick"
The oldest says "shit, back in the depression we was just happy to have something warm in our bellies"

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How many dead hookers do you need to replace a lightbulb?

Atleast not three since my basement is still dark.

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What are the most funny Three Hookers jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Three Hookers? Well, here are the best Three Hookers dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Three Hookers pick up lines to share with friends.

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