Three Guys Jokes
131 three guys jokes and hilarious three guys puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about three guys that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Three Guys Short Jokes
Short three guys jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The three guys humour may include short 3 guys jokes also.
- For my cake day, I'd like to share my favorite joke of all time. Three guys were walking down the street.
Two of them walked into a bar.
The third guy ducked. - A Three legged dog walks into the old wild west saloon He says to the bartender, "I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot my paw."
- A guy died and his three friends all owed him $100 each 1st and 2nd friends both put $100 on his coffin and declared repayment even in death. 3rd guy wrote a check for $300 and took the $200 change.
- Three guys are drinking methanol. "Quickly, let's finish the bottle, it's getting dark already," one of them observes.
- My grandpa would always tell me girls have two knees but guys have three You have your left knee, right knee, and your WEEknee
- Trading gold for a good consulting / corporate or office joke... Guys, it's been a long day, I need a laugh and I've got three months of gold to give away. Help me out?
- ILMMIL I told my wife I saw three guys beating up her mother.
"Did you stop to help?"
"Nah, I figured three oughta be enough." - I was on a golf course once and heard a guy yell "FOUR!" I ducked and the ball narrowly missed my head. But the other three beaned me good.
- I saw my ex-girlfriend get jumped at a club by two guys this weekend, so I had to jump in I knew she couldn't take all three of us
- Three old guys are out walking... Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
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Three Guys One Liners
Which three guys one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with three guys? I can suggest the ones about three men and three people.
- Three guys walk into a bar... Honestly the third guy should have seen it.
- A Polish guy bought a toilet brush.. three days later he went back to paper..
- What do you call three average white guys? A podcast
- Its not gay if its a three way The two other guys promised.
- I am pretty humble guy I've got my three legs on the ground
- So three guys walk into a bar... You would've thought the third one would have noticed.
- What do you call a Five Guys Burger ran by black people? Three Guys Burger
- What do you call two white guys? A podcast.
What do you call three?
A start-up. - What did the guy say when he saw three Japanese flags in a row? Nothing
- Have you guys heard the one about the three eggs? Too bad.
- What do you call 10 black guys playing basketball ball? Three on three.
- Three guys go to a bar They do pull-ups
- Three guys Three guys walked into a bar and stopped
- What three letters do guys want not to hear most in bed? R U N!
- What's got three thumbs and is bad at maths? THIS guy!
Three Guys Walk Into A Bar Jokes
Here is a list of funny three guys walk into a bar jokes and even better three guys walk into a bar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Three men walk into a bar The fourth one asks "You guys ok? Didn't you see that low hanging bar?"
- So a three legged dog walks into a bar... He looks around and asks, "who's the guy that shot my paw?"
- Three brunettes and a redhead walk in to a bar. A guy at the bar says "Hey, what's going on?"
- Three guys were in a bar Three guys were in a bar, then a drunk walks in and say:
"Aww beautiful, the Fantastic Four"
"But man, we are only 3"
"Because the woman is invisible". - So there's a three-legged dog who walks into a saloon He sits at the bar and orders a drink, and tells the bartender,
"I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot mah paw" - Three guys walk into a bar Three guys walk into a bar
A mexican
A Jew
and an Irishman
the irishman says something foolish i cant remember! - There are four guys walking down the sidewalk. The first three walk into a bar. The last one ducked.
Cheerful Three Guys Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about three guys you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean three friends jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make three guys pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The best in town!
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best s**... in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys are talking about their families (likely a re-post)
Three men - Bob, Joe, and David - are bragging about their families. Bob and Joe are Catholic, and David is m**....
Joe says "I've got four athletic daughters. One more and I'll have a championship basketball team."
Bob responds "I've got eight athletic sons. One more and I'll have an all-Anerican baseball team."
David answers "I've got five beautiful wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
136 days!
Three guys are celebrating in a bar.
They keep high-fiving each other and yelling, " " " "
They are so excited, the bartender can't stand it any longer.
"Hey," he says, "what are you guys celebrating?"
"We finished a jigsaw puzzle!" says one of them.
"You finished a jigsaw puzzle???" says the bartender. "How come that's so exciting?"
"Well, it said on the box 'Four to six years'!"
Three guys show up in heaven
Three men end up at the pearly gates at the same time. St. Peter remarks that he was behind schedule and needed each to explain how they died.
The first guy said he was driving to work and he suddenly got the feeling that his wife was cheating on him. He turned around and went straight home and made a complete search of his house. His wife continually denied the affair, and with each denial he grew angrier. Finally, he pushed his refrigerator out his apartment window. His wife was suddenly scared and confessed her affair. The guy was so distraught, he jumped out the very same window to his death.
St. Peter said the death was understandable and let him in.
When the second guy steps up, St. Peter asks how he did. The second guy says, "I was just walking down the street, minding my own business when a refrigerator fell on me. St. Peter lets him in.
The third guy is asked the same question. His response: "I was just sitting in a refrigerator, minding my own business..."
Four guys are at a high school reunion and one of them goes to the restroom..
Four guys are at a high school reunion and one of them goes to the restroom.
The other three guys start talking about how succesful their sons are.
Guy 1: My son is so successful he owns a cardealership and just gave his best friend a Ferarri.
Guy 2: Thats nothing, my son owns an airliner and just gave his best friend a private jet
Guy 3: Well my son is more success than that, he owns an architecture firm and just gave his best friend a castle
Guy 4 walks out of the bathroom and walks over to the other 3 guys
Guy 4: Hey guys what are we talking about
Guy 1: Oh, we are talking about how successful our sons are
Guy 4:Well, my son is a Gay stripper
Guy 2: You must be so dissappointed with what he's done with his life
Guy 4: Actually, he is doing very well for himself. He just got a Ferrari, a jet, and a caste from his three boyfriends.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A poor guy sitting in a bar
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best s**... in town!"
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back,
points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"
Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys meet in class after a superbowl sunday, still super hungover from the night before.
The first guy pipes up and says 'Fuck. i got so drunk last night I blew chunks.' The second guy cuts him off nearly immediately screaming 'oh yeah? I was so drunk I emptied my bank account at the s**... club after. I have no money to pay rent now.' The third guy laughs at both of them and said 'that's nothing. I was so wasted last night, I sold my car to a homeless guy for 50 cents.' Finally the first guy cuts them both off. 'You guys don't understand.....Chunks is my girlfriends golden retriever.'
Three guys are stranded on a desert island
Suddenly a good fairy appears and tells them: "I will grant each of you one wish".
The first guy says: "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, I just want to be home." His wish is granted.
The second guy says: "I've always wanted to see the world so I wish to be in Paris." His wish is granted.
The third guy says: "Oh man, now I'm all alone :(.
I wish the two other guys back!"
Three guys just met eachother and they have a conversation about different sorts of paste
The first guy says: "I know everything about tomato paste, because I own an Italian restaurant."
The second guy says: "I know everything about toothpaste, because I am a dentist."
The third guy says: "I know everything about copy-paste, because I am a Redditor."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys are on a motorcycle. The guy in the middle is a stutterer.
All of a sudden the stutterer says: "F-f-f-f-f-"
Driver: Faster?
Stutterer: F-f-f-f-f-f-f
Driver: "You want me to go faster?"
Stutterer: "F-f-f-f-f-f"
Driver: I can't go any faster.
Stutterer: F-f-f-f Frank f-f-f-f-fell off.
Three guys are competing to see who is the best swordsman in the world.
The first guy throws an orange into the air and chops it into 10 pieces before it hits the ground.
The second guy throws a grape in the air and chops it into 20 pieces before it hits the ground.
The last guy sees a fruit fly and takes a massive swipe at him. The fly doesn't even budge and flies away.
The other two start laughing and declare him the loser
"Ah he says but that fly will never be a father"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A german, a french and a turkish man on a plane
The plane is about to c**... unless the passengers drop some weight. The pilot tells the three guys to drop something which they have enough of in their country.
The french man throws a baguette out of the window.
The turkish man throws a kebap out of the window.
The german throws the turkish man out of the window.
Three guys go to Heaven.
At the pearly gates, St Peter asks the first one:
"What did you do on Earth, son?"
I was a lawyer for public interest, i helped people keep their jobs"
"Come in, son!"
"And you?" to the second guy.
"I was a doctor, i helped people be healthy"
"Please come in, son"
Third guy answers: "I was a musician"
St Peter: "Oh, there's a door in the back"
Adultery
There were three guys that died and went to heaven.
The first went up and then God said, "You have committed adultery so you shall own a bike."
The second guy comes up and God says, "You have almost committed adultery so you shall own a motorcycle."
The third guy goes up and then God says, "You have only thought about adultery so you shall get a Porsche!"
The first guy comes up to the man in the Porsche and starts Laughing and the man in the Porsche asks, "Why are you laughing? You only got a bike!"
The guy on the bike says, "I just saw your wife on a skateboard!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys are aboard a jet as it's about to c**... and there are only two parachutes...
The first guy has the parachutes and gives both of them to the others, the second guy says thank you and jumps. The third guy before jumping asks "Wow, why would you do such a thing, why not save your own life?". The first guy then looks at him and says, "What are you crazy, I gave the second guy an empty backpack".
swimming pool wishes
At a swimming pool: Three guys climb a high-dive tower and meet a good fairy who offers to fulfill a wish for each of them. One jumps and says, "Beer!" - and the pool is full of beer. The other one jumps, says, "Money!" and the pool is full of money. The last one starts to jump but slips and, falling, yells, "SHIIIIIIT!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys in a bar
Three guys sit in a bar and talk about their s**... life.
The first guy tells his friends: my wife screams so loud during s**... that the entire building can hear her.
The second guy said:my wife screams so loud during s**... that the entire neighborhood can hear her.
The third guy said: wife screams so loud during s**... that I can hear her from the bar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys are talking, the first guy says "I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn."
And the second guy says, "Well, I am a p**..., so I drive a cheap e**...." And the third guy says, "I got you both beat. I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Pope, Billy Graham, and o**... Roberts were in a three-way plane c**... over the Pacific Ocean.
They all died and went to heaven together. "Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter. "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready... We can't take you in and we can't send you back..."Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "l**..., this is St. Peter. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a few of days. What d'ya say?" Reluctantly, the Devil agreed. However, two days later... St. Peter got a call. "Pete, this is l**.... Hey, you gotta come get these guys. This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody, and that Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning.
Three guys go to a bar
They get really, really, really drunk.
They meet up the next day. Guy #1 says, "I got so drunk last night that I passed out right in the bar."
Guy #2 says, "That's nothing. I got so drunk last night that I went home and blew chunks."
Guy #3 says, "That's nothing. I got so drunk last night that on the way home I got pulled over by a cop and got arrested for DWI."
Guy #2 says, "That's nothing. Chunks is my dog."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A genie and an idiot
Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: 'I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here.'
Three guys were hiking took a short-cut across a farmer's field, where the found a pig stuck halfway through a fence.
"I wish that was my Nancy, my girl friend" said the guy from Florida.
" I wish that was my cousin Mary-Lou" said the guy from Georgia
"I wish it was dark out" said the guy from Alabama
Three Guys Are Getting Ready For Their Dates
The first guy pops a breath mint for his date so his breath smells good. Then the second guy starts chewing some gum so his breath smells good. Then the last guy starts eating onions and garlic. The others say "Don't you want to have nice smelling breath for your date?"
"Nah" he says, "The lips I'm kissing tonight already stink."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Felony laws are rediculous...
Three guys were talking about how they ended up in an Arizona prison.
Guy 1: what are you in for?
Guy 2: selling w**... to my 23 year old cousin with anxiety.
Guy 1: I can beat that, I was playing bioshock and the radio in game played some 1950s s**.... I got a copy right strike and here I am.
Guy 3: I got you both beat. I'm in here because my a**... fall asleep in the bathtub.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys enter a steakhouse
o**... orderes a sirloin. Another guy the Porterhouse. The third the New York s**....
Once the plates arrive, the three men lift their meals above their heads.
The waiter asks "What are you all doing?"
The men replied "Raising the steaks."
Three guys were traveling on a helicopter.
Suddenly, their engine stops and the chopper falls. The first guy hangs from the leg of the chopper. The second guy hangs from the first guys leg. The third guy hangs from the second guys pants.
As they were falling they agree to sing a last song. The first guy asks to sing and the other two agreed.
"If you're happy and you know it..."
Three guys are talking about things they can't stand...
The first guy is a police officer and says "One thing i can't stand is people who speed."
The second guy is a fireman and says "One thing i can't stand is when people play with matches."
The third guy is in a wheelchair and says "One thing i can't stand is up."
I saw an autistic kid being beat up by three guys. I couldn't just stand there.
There was no way he stood a chance against all four of us.
Three guys are praying in front of the altar...
First guy: "God Please give me 5,000 $. Please just 5,000$"
Second guy: "God Please give me 10,000 $. Please just 10,000$"
Third guy: He goes to the first guy and gives him 5,000 $, then to the second guy and gives him 10,000 $. Then he looks at Jesus and tells him "God now concentrate on me. I want 1,000,000 $".
Old joke from East Germany.
Three guys work at a factory:
1st guy comes 5 minutes too late for work. Gets arrested for sabotage.
2nd guy comes 5 minutes too early for work. Gets arrested for espionage.
3rd guy comes to work on time. Gets arrested for possessing a West-Uhr. (a watch from the west)
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?
A: She went looking for the three guys.
My friend seemed sad. He told me his wife cut him down to once a week
Apparently I was wrong. He didn't cheer up at all when I told him I know three guys she cut out altogether.
So, a three guys are working with imported meats
The team gets three crates. One of French steaks, but the best before was yesterday. One of English pork ribs: best before a week ago. And one of Germain snags: best before a month ago. They draw straws to work out who has to deal with which meats. The longest straw gets the steak crate, the middle gets the ribs, and geting the short straw is the wurst case scenario.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys see a European man stretching across a lawn...
The First says: "That guy looks like Swede."
The Second says: "No no no, he is definitely Italian."
The Third says: "C'mon guys! He's definitely a SpanYard!"
I'll see myself out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Jewish, Catholic, Buddhist, and an atheist each walk into a bar.
You'd think the last guy would know not to hurt himself after watching three guys walk into a bar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys are stranded on a remote island when a native appears out of nowhere and says, "I will grant you one weapon with which to kill yourself so I can make a boat out of your skins." The first guy wishes for a p**..., shoots himself, and dies. The second guy does the same, but the third guy wishes for a fork, stabs himself everywhere, and says, "Ha! Try making a boat out of that!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys enter a bar and kill 4 people
Shortly after o**... goes on his phone, the other goes to the bathroom, the third guy sighs and says to himself: I guess they went afk
My girlfriend and I went for burgers, and she was very disappointed that there were only three guys running the whole restaurant
"The sign outside says Five Guys!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys go to h**....
One from California. One from New York. One from Louisiana. Upon arrival they are brought to a phone. The guy from California calls home and talks for an hour and the devil says That will be $150. The guy from New York calls home and talks for 3 hours and the devil says That will be $500. The guy from Louisiana calls home and talks for 5 hours and the devil says That will be $5. The other two guys asked angrily Why was his call so cheap? The devil responds, That was a local call.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day God came down and said to three guys
One day God came down and said to three guys that the less you cheat on your wives the better the cars you'll get in heaven. So the first guy went to heaven after cheating on his wife 67 times and he got a Mercedes. The second guy went to heaven and had cheated on his wife 2 times and he got a Ferrari, then the third guy went to heaven and said that he had never cheated on his wife and he got a Bentley. Then one day the third guy was all sad and depressed and the first and second guys asked him what was wrong and the third guy said, "I saw my wife the other day" and the first guy said "yeah, so" and the third guy said " she was riding a skateboard."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys are stranded on a deserted island
One of the guys finds a lamp with a genie inside.
The genie says: Thank you for freeing me. In return, I will grant you a wish each.
The first guy says: I wish I was at home with my wife and kids!
"As you wish" the genie says. p**... and the guy is at home with his wife and kids.
The second guy says: I wish I was at the p**... mansion surrounded by lots of beautiful women!
"As you wish" the genie says. p**... and the guy is at the p**... mansion surrounded by beautiful women.
"And what about you?" The genis asks. "What is your wish?"
The third guy looks around and says: It's quite lonely here now. I wish the other two guys where back!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys go on a skiing trip.
The lodge they check into only has one room available, so they decide to all sleep in the same bed. They go skiing and have a lot of fun, and come back to the lodge and go to bed.
The next day the guy who slept on the right side of the bed said, I had the most vivid dream that I was getting a h**... last night! The guy who slept on the left side said, That's incredible, I had the same exact dream!
The guy who slept in the middle said, That's funny, I had a dream I was skiing.
Three guys - Steve, Bill and Charlie were working on a high rise building.
Steve falls off the rise and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Bill says "Ok, I'm pretty good at handing such sensitive stuff; I'll do it."
2 hours later he comes back carrying a six pack of beer.
Charlie asks "Where did you get that Bill?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me."
"That's unbelievable. You told the lady that her husband is dead and she gave you the beer?"
Bill says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her 'You must be Steve's widow.
She said, "I'm not a widow.
and I said, "wanna bet me a six pack?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys are doing h**... in a back alley...
The first guy takes an alcohol swab and wipes the needle down, then injects the h**... into his arm. He then passes the needle to the next guy, who swabs the needle, then injects the drug. After taking his drug, he hands the needle to the third one, who grabs the needle and jams it into his arm, without even sterilizing the needle with the alcohol. The other two scream at him, Are you crazy!?? You're gonna get AIDS. The third man merely chuckles and replies, Don't be s**..., I'm wearing a c**...!
Three guys sit at a bar, and tell each other the same jokes again, and again on repeat.
One of them gets the idea to start numbering the jokes, so they don't have to repeat the entire joke, so for example, someone would say "number 6" and they would laugh at that joke. Then one of the guys says "number 11" and they all start laughing again. Shortly after, one of the men says "number 23", where they all laughed again, one longer than the 2 others. A minute or so after the first 2 stopped laughing, while the last man still laughs hysterically, one of the other asks, "why are you still laughing?", to which he replied "I hadn't heard that one before".
A dad's three daughters are all going on their first dates.
Obviously he is a little worried, so he asks for the three guys to come to his house so that he can see that his daughters are in good hands.
The first guy comes along. He says, Hey I'm Jake and I want to take your daughter out for steak.
The father thinks that this guy has good intentions and lets the two date.
The second guy comes along. He says, Hi I'm Will and I want your daughter to see a fine film.
The father thinks that this guy has good intentions and lets the two date.
The third guy comes along. Hey I'm Chuck...
Father: Get out!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys go on a skiing trip together.
When they get to the ski lodge, the attendant informs them there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
The men reluctantly agree to share, and get settled in.
After a long day of skiing, the men wash up and get ready for bed.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, "Wow, I had this amazing dream about this beautiful lady giving me a h**.... It felt so vivid!"
The guy on the left side of the bed suddenly wakes up, and goes, "Wow, I had the same dream!"
The guy in the middle says, "Wow, that's funny. I was dreaming that I was skiing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys are fishing in the Carribean.
o**... says, I had a terrible fire and lost everything. Now the insurance is paying for everything, and that's why I am here.
The second guy says, I had a terrible e**.... I lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I am here.
The third guy says, What a coincidence! I had a terrible flood; I lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here!
The other two guys turn to him with confusion and ask, Flood? How do you start a flood?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!"
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best s**... in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys are drinking at a bar.
Suddenly, a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best s**... in town!"
The guy ignores him, and eventually the drunk wanders off.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"
The guy is starting to look annoyed, but once again, he just ignores him.
Once again, the drunk wanders off.
Ten more minutes pass, and once again the drunk walks in and announces, "Your mom liked it!"
Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys are lined up to be executed by handgun.
The executioner ask the first one, "Any last words?"
"Tornado!" He exclaims, pointing behind the executioner, who turns around in t**.... While the executioner is distracted, he runs away.
So the executioner moves on the the next guy. "Any last words?"
"Tsunami!" He yelled, pointing towards the nearby seashore. Again, the executioner turns around and the second guy gets away.
Frustrated, the executioner goes the the last guy. "Any last words?"
"Fire!"
So the executioner shoots him in the face.
Three guys are in a hospital waiting room
Each of them has a wife in labor and is anxiously awaiting the arrival of their bundle of joy. The nurse comes out and says to the first man, "Congratulations...your wife has given birth to twins!" The man says, "Wow, that is such a blessing. Twins! Imagine that! You know what's funny, though? I work for the Minnesota Twins, so that's kind of a coincidence!"
Five minutes later the nurse returns and says to the second guy, "Congratulations! Your wife was carrying triplets, and they are all healthy...two boys and a girl!" The man is thrilled. "Triplets! Imagine that! Wow, two boys and a girl! You know what's funny, though; I work for 3M, so that's kind of a coincidence!"
The third man then suddenly reaches for his coat and starts to head for the exit. Confused, the nurse says, "Wait a minute! Your wife is in labor...don't you want to stay and be with her??" The guy replies, "No way. Forget it. I'm outta here. I'm a truck driver for 7up!"
A french guy, an italian guy and an amarican on a plane.....
Among others, there are three guys on a plane. One is french, the other is italian and the third one is american.
The american says: "I bet I can guess where we are without looking outside, just by extend my arm out of the window". The other two go "Well, lets see". So he puts his arm outside the window and sais "we just passed New York". "How do you know?" "Because I touched the Liberty Statue".
The French guy says "I can do this too", stretches out his arm and says "We are in Paris, I just touched the Eiffel Tower".
The italian, unimpressed, puts his left arm outside, gets it back in in a second and says "Well, we are in Naples" The other two are surprised "How do you know? What did you touch?"
And he answers: "Nothing, my watch was just stolen".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys walk into a hotel...
They walk up to the front desk and ask what they have available. The man at the desk tells them they only have one room available, but there is only one bed. The three men aren't bothered by this and they decide to share the bed. In the morning the man who was sleeping on the far right of the bed says "it was so weird, last night I had a dream someone was giving me a h**...."
The man on the far left of the bed said he too had a dream that he received a h**....
The man who was in the center said "That is weird, I just had a dream that I was skiing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your mom's the best lay in town
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, *Your mom's the best lay in town.*
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders off and stands at the far end of the bar.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, *I just s**... your mom, and it was swe-e-et!*
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off. Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, *Your mom even let me...* Finally the guy interrupts: *Go home, Dad - you're drunk!*
Some recent grads having a beer..
Three guys, Mike, Dave, and Doug were at a table in a bar enjoying some beers and conversation. A stranger came by and asked if he could join them and was immediately welcomed. After about an hour of lively conversation the stranger said, I can tell you are all recent college grads. I bet I can guess where each of you went to school.
That would be interesting, said Doug, I'd like to see how you could do that.
Well, Mike here, he's Harvard. That's easy. He's got the Haavard accent. He also made reference to some obscure points of business law and his stylish business suit seals the deal.
And Dave has got to be MIT. The smudged glasses and black t-shirt are a clue. He also made some references that show he has a good grasp of quantum theory and computer science.
That's amazing, said Doug. What about me?
Oh. You went to West Virginia University.
How do you know? asked Doug.
I saw your class ring while you were picking your nose.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Guys Stranded on a Cannibal Island
So one day, a boat carrying many people c**... on a cannibal island. There are three survivors, an Englishman, a Frenchman, and a New York-er. They are told by the cannibals that the may kill themselves in any whey they like, and that their skins will be used for canoes. So the Englishman pulls out a gun, says, "For my Queen!", and shoots himself. The cannibals use his skin for a canoe. The Frenchman pulls out a bottle of poison-laced whiskey, says, "For my country!" and takes a swig. The cannibals use his skin for a canoe. The New York-er pulled out a fork, says, "Screw your canoes!" and stabs himself repeatedly with the fork.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys and a woman are playing golf...
The woman is having the round of her life as she steps onto the 18th green after hitting a beautiful shot 10 feet from the pin. If she makes this putt, she will beat the course record that has been around for over 50 years.
So she says the guys, "If one of you help me make this putt, I will give you a b**...."
This lady is drop dead gorgeous so they are all excited.
The first guy steps up and says, "Okay you want to give it a soft touch, it's downhill and to the right."
The second guy pushes him out the way and says, "No No! Give it a firm tap, it's flat and slightly left."
The third guy is standing there not doing anything so the lady asks, "Don't you have any advice for me?"
He looks over at her and says, "I say it's a gimme."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
b**...
Three guys are captured by a tribe of natives in a far off land. They are brought before the tribal leader who gives them a choice. He says, "what will you have, death or b**...?".
The first guys thinks, hmmm wonder what b**... is. "I'll take the b**...". The tribal leader says, "good". Then a dozen tribal members line up and give it to him in the rear. The tribal leader turns to the second guy and gives him the choice, death, or b**.... The second guy thinks, hmm, that b**... thing is pretty n**.... But death is permanent, "I'll take the b**...". Tribal leader says, "good", and a hundred tribesmen line up and give him the b**....
The tribal leader gives the choice to the third captive. He thinks for a while, hmm, first it was a dozen, then it was a hundred. Heck with it, "I'll take death". The tribal leader says, "good, death .... by b**...".
Three guys walk into an exotic bar...
Three guys- Sam, Jim, and Mike- walk into an exotic bar and see something strange. Every single person in the bar is standing in four separate lines. The three guys approach the bar and asks the bartender what is going on. "If you want to get served, ya gotta get in a line. What do you boys want?"
"I'll have a beer", Sam said and the bartender pointed to the beer line.
"I'll have some bourbon", Jim said and the bartender pointed to the whiskey line.
"I'm not drinking tonight, so do you have any fruit punch?" asked Mike. The bartender stares blankly then signals over his bouncer.
"Hey Bobby, kick this man out!"
"Woah, woah, what did I do wrong?" cried Mike.
"There is no punchline!"
Three guys are stranded at a deserted island.
A Canadian, an American and a China man are stranded on a deserted island. The Canadian tells the others that he will be in charge of food. The American will be in charge of water and the Chinese man get the task to be in charge of supplies. They split up to do their jobs and decide to meet up later. When the Canadian and the American return, there is no sign of the Chinese man. Days pass by, but they still can't find their friend. One day as they are walking along a path, the Chinese man jumps from the bushes and yells
"SUPPLIES!"
Three guys are at a firing squad...
...and they will be shot in public. The first guy, not willing to die, thought of a great way to trick the squad. Just as the guns were raised to shoot him, the guy pointed behind the squad and shouted, "Avalanche!" The firing squad was tricked, and as they looked behind them, the guy ran away. The second guy decided to try the same trick himself. So as the guns were raised again, he pointed behind the squad, shouting, "Flood!" Again, the squad fell for it, and as they looked behind them, the second guy ran away. The third guy was utterly impressed by what the first two guys did to save themselves, so he decided to try out the trick himself. As the guns were raised once more to shoot him, the third guy shouted out, "Fire!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cross-country skiing.
Three guys check into a ski resort hotel. The hotel only has one single room vacant so the guys agree to share the room and the bed. On the next day, the guy sleeping on the right said, "What a wonderful dream I had! I dreamt that a cute blonde chick was giving me a h**...."
The guy on the left replied, "That's the exact same dream I had! I also dreamt that a cute blonde chick was giving me a h**...." Finally, the guy sleeping in the middle said, "I had a boring dream, I was just cross-country skiing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hall s**...
Three guys were standing around the golf course talking about how often they have s**... with their wives.
The first guys says, "I'm lucky if I get s**... once a month. and if we do its just regular old m**... style s**...." The other two guys shake their heads in understanding.
The second guy says, "I get to have s**... with my wife a couple of times a month and she lets me do it m**... and d**...." The other two guys again shake their heads in understanding.
The third guy says, "me and my wife have s**... every day." His two buddies look at him in amazement and one of them asks, "What kind of s**... do yall have?" The guys looks at him and says, "We have hall s**...."
His buddies look at him and one says, "Hall s**...? I've never heard of that."
The guy looks at him and says, "When we pass each other in the hall we look at each other and say, 'Fuck You'."
Perils of Hunting
Three guys are out hunting. They are sitting around the fire when one say's I have to go. He goes out to find a place to relieve himself. He suddenly yells back to camp. "Did anyone bring TP?" No the others yell and tell him to use some leaves. He yells back "there are no leaves" One of his friends tells him to use a dollar. He comes back to camp in a few minutes. One of the hunters can't help but notice the smell and brown on his hands. He asks him what happen. He replies is disgust. "Have you ever tried to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel?"
Three guys are at a firing squad...
...and are being shot in public. The first guy, who is not willing to die, thought of a great way to trick the firing squad. As they were getting ready to shoot the guy, he pointed behind the squad and yelled, "Avalanche!" The firing squad and the crowd fell for the trick, and as they turned their back, the guy ran away. The second guy did the same thing, but this time, shouting, "Flood!" Again, the firing squad and the crowd fell for it, and the guy ran away as they turned their back. The third guy was impressed, and decided to try the trick himself. As the squad was about to shoot him, he shouted out, "Fire!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys walk into a bar, an air force pilot, a marine, and a police officer...
The pilot says "I'll have a pint of your finest lager." The bartender serves him some beer. The marine says, "Line up three shots of r**...." The bartender obliges. Finally the cop says "Give me a glass of cabernet." The bartender gives the cop his wine. The three men pay, have their drinks and leave.
The bartender looks bemused as though he expected something different. He sets out some tumblers, and starts pouring gingerale into each one. He follows with some orange juice. The old wino at the end of the bar asks him what's up. He says "After all this, I felt we needed a punch line."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys at the pearly gates
Three guys at the pearly gates, St Peter asks them why they are here. The first guy says "I got home from work and I found men's clothes on my bed, I asked my wife if she was cheating on me and she said no. I didn't believe her and I tore my house apart looking for the guy. I got so frustrated I picked up the fridge and tossed it out the window, the stress was too much and I had a heart attack and died."
The second guy says "I was walking down the street, and out of no where a fridge fell from the sky and struck me, killing me instantly."
The third guy says "So there I was, n**..., sitting in a refrigerator..."
Three guys are kidnapped
Three guys are kidnapped and stuffed in a van blindfolded, without knowing where they are.
The van has an open window, and so, one of the guys moves closer to the window and says :"Hey guys, I think we are in Italy, I smell pizza".
The second guy moves closer to the window and says :"No man, we are in Mexico, I can smell the tacos".
The third guy goes like :"We are in New York, you morons".
The other two men ask : "How do you know that for sure?"
The third guy answers : "I put my hand out the window and someone swiped my watch!"
Russian prisoners
Three guys find themselves in the same cell in a Soviet prison. They ask each other what their crimes were.
The first guy says that he used to report 15 minutes late to work everyday. He was charged with laziness and thrown in jail.
The second guy says that he used to report 15 minutes early to work everyday. He was accused of being a spy and thrown in jail.
They look at the third guy who says, "I used to arrive exactly on time at work every day."
"What sort of a crime is that?" the other two ask.
"I was accused of owning an American watch."
So three guys arrive at the Pearly Gates...
St. Peter says "Guys, we're almost at our limit for the day, so... you three tell me your stories, and the best one can go through."
So the first guy says "Well, I thought my wife was cheating on me, so I doubled back home on the way to work. My wife was sitting in bed with the covers around her, so I took a look around. I ended up finding a guy hanging from the balcony, so I pushed him off. He fell off, but landed in a tree, so I grabbed our refrigerator and threw it down at him, but just after the deck collapsed and I died."
The second guy says: "So, some lady called me to come fix her deck, so I showed up to fix it. Unfortunately, I slipped, and started hanging from the deck, but then some crazy guy came over, pushed me off and threw a refrigerator at me!"
The third guy says: "So there I was, hiding in a refrigerator..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys die in a car c**......
At the pearly gates, the angel says, I'm sorry, gentlemen. You were taken before your time. We can't send you back, but we'll give you one last request. You can have your family and friends say anything you want at your f**..., and it will become true. What do you want it to be?
o**... says, I want them to say that I was a very successful stockbroker with lots of cars and beautiful women.
The second guy says, I want them to say that I was a beloved man with lots of children, an adoring wife, and hundreds of friends.
The third guy says, I want them to say, 'Hey, he's moving!'"
