JokoJokes

Three Brothers Jokes

79 three brothers jokes and hilarious three brothers puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about three brothers that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Three Brothers Short Jokes

Short three brothers jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The three brothers humour may include short four brothers jokes also.

  1. When i was a boy, i had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to stay alive... It's a good thing my brother told me about it
  2. Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december? The specific ocean.
  3. When I was younger, I had a horrible condition that meant I had to eat soil three times a day. I'm lucky my older brother told me about it, really.
  4. When I was a child I had a condition where I had to eat mud three times a day in order to survive... It's lucky my older brother told me about it, really.
  5. Why did the Wright brothers turn their aircraft 90 degrees west when their dad walked in the cockpit? because three Wrights make a left.
  6. I asked my brother how long he could hold his breath underwater for. I'm amazed. It's been three hours and he's still going.
  7. My brother plays soccer for a team called the Musketeers They've started the season well with three wins and a draw, all 4-1 and one 4 all.
  8. As a child, I had a medical condition that meant I had to eat soil three times a day in order to survive. I was lucky my older brother told me about it, really.
  9. My brother's in the circus - he gets £500 a week for swallowing a four-foot sword. What's so good about swallowing a four-foot sword? He's only three feet tall.
  10. One of my three brothers is an influential member of the congress. Guess you can call him my 'significant brother'.

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Three Brothers One Liners

Which three brothers one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with three brothers? I can suggest the ones about three men and three guys.

  1. My dad had six nuts Me, my two brothers, and three sisters
  2. Did ya hear the one about the three brothers Hop, Skip and Jump ? They were very close
  3. What do you call three brothers taking acid together? Triplets

Three Brothers joke, What do you call three brothers taking acid together?

Hilarious Fun Three Brothers Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about three brothers you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean three young boys jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make three brothers pranks.

Three brothers wanted to give their blind mom a birthday gift.

The first got her a big beautiful house. The second got her a brand new luxury vehicle with a driver. The third got her a talking parrot to keep her company. When they all got together, they wanted to know which gift she liked best. She said they were all great but she thanked her third son because she liked the chicken dinner best.

Two guys are driving down 5th Avenue in Manhattan when they come up to a red light.

The guy driving slams the gas pedal and they go zooming past the red light. His friend looks at him and says, "Hey, you just went through a red light." The guy driving says, "Don't worry about it. My brother does it all the time." So they keep driving and they come to a second red light. The guy driving slams on the gas pedal and zooms past another red light. His friend is pretty mad, looks at him and says, "Hey man, you just went through another red light. What the heck are you doing?" The guy driving tells his friend, "Don't worry about it. My brother does this all the time." They come to a third red light and the guy driving slams on the gas, zooming past the red light. His friend starts screaming at him, "What the heck? You're going to get us killed! Pull over and let me out." The guy driving screams back at him, "I'm telling you: don't worry about it. My brother, he does it all the time." So they keep driving and they come to a green light. The guy driving slams on the brakes. His friend looks at him and says, "Are you out of your mind? What the heck is wrong with you? You go flying past three red lights, almost getting us killed, and then you slam on the brakes when you have a green light?" The guy driving looks at his friend and says, "I had to stop; my brother might have been coming."

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you did not give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um, no." The lawyer interrupts, "Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about.


He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain.
Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?"
Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card.
He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about.


He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain.
Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list.
He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card.
He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.


You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You own a homemade fur coat.
The people on j**... Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.

Two brothers, Bob and Tom, both work for a lumberyard.


One day, Bob tells Tom that he can tell what any piece of wood is just by smelling it.
Unbelieving, Tom blindfolds Bob and proceeds to test the theory.
The first piece of wood Bob smells, he instantly identifies as maple.
The second piece Bob instantly identifies as walnut.
Tom cannot believe Bob can really do this, so he takes an old piece of wood and whispers to the secretary to rub the wood between her legs. She happily runs it up in her c**....
Tom hands the piece of wood to Bob.
Bob smells it three times.
"I am stumped. But I would have to guess that this wood is either a pussywillow or a shingle from a s**...."

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically', we’re living with two h***s and a future congressman."

Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses.
He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see."
He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells,
"Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"
The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having coffee
listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says,
"I sure hope I never get that forgetful." He knocks
on wood for good luck. He then yells,
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see
who's at the door."

Best knock knock joke ever..

Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells, "Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"
The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having coffee listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." He knocks on wood for good luck. He then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

Best knock knock joke ever.

Three brothers age 92,94 and 96 live in a
house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath,puts his
foot in and pauses.He yells down the stairs,
"Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back,"I don't know,I'll come
up and see."He starts up the stairs and pauses,
then he yells,"Was l going up the stairs or
coming down?"
The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table
having coffee listening to his brothers.He shakes
his head and says,"I sure hope I never get that
forgetful."He knocks on wood for good luck.He
then yells,"I'lI come up and help both of you as
soon as l see who's at the door."

Once upon a time, three brothers named...

f**..., Shut Up, and Respect robbed a bank together. f**... was unlucky and got caught, so Shut Up and Respect decided to try to bail him out of jail. They went to the prison, but Respect was tired; he stayed in the car, so Shut Up went to talk to the guard. The guard said,
What are you here for?
so Shut Up says, To release f**....
The guard then says, Umm... ok. So what's your name?
Shut Up.
The guard, bewildered, says, Hey,hey,hey, watch it! Where's your respect?
So Shut Up says, In the car.

Meaning of... 'potentially' and 'realistically'

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother
if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask
your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,
and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that
money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would
sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million
bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three
million dollars, but 'realistically', we're living with two h**...
and a future congressman."

An Irishman goes into a bar and orders three beers.

He takes a sip out of one beer, then the second, then the third, then he starts over and repeats until they're all gone. Next week he comes in and orders another three beers. The bartender says, "If you like I can bring them to you one at a time, then they won't sit there getting warm." The Irishman says, "No, these are in honor of me and my brothers back in Dublin. The three of us used to go drinking together every Friday, and when I left I promised I'd carry on the tradition. This goes on every week for months, until one Friday night the guy shuffles in looking kind of glum. The bartender brings him his usual three beers, but the guy hands one back and says, "Only two from now on, I'm afraid." The bartender gets all concerned and says, "Gosh, did something happen to one of your brothers?" The guy says, "No, they're fine, it's me. My doctor told me I had to quit drinkin'."

A man walks into a bar

He orders three beers before he walks to a booth where he sits by himself. He continues to do this for a while before the bartender finally asks:
"Why are you always ordering three beers? Wouldn't it be better if you ordered one at a time?"
The man replied:
"I used to come in here with my two brothers and drink with them. But now they are at seperate places around the world, so I come in here and drink to the memory of them."
This all seemed fine and he kept doing this for a while longer. But one time when he came in he asked only for two beers before he went to the booth. It immediatly became quite in the bar and noone dared say a word. Finally the bartender went up to him and asked:
"Is everythink okay? How are you're brothers?"
The man replied:
"Oh! No they are both fine! I just stopped drinking."

p**... Quits Drinking

An irishman walks in to a pub in Dublin and orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The barman says: 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it. Wouldn't it be better to buy one at a time?'
And the Irishman replies: 'Well you see, I have 2 brothers. One lives in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we left home we promised that we'd drink this way, to remember the good old days when we could drink together.'
The barman is quite touched.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the pub, always drinking the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. But one day, he comes in looking a bit sad and orders just two pints. The regulars notice and fall silent, When he comes back to the bar for another round, the barman says:
'Look, I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I know we all want to offer condolences on your great loss.'
The Irishman looks puzzled for a moment then he laughs. 'Oh no,'he says, éveryone's fine. I've decided to quit drinking."

The grace of the hunt

Two brothers, who are hunters, get invited to a very famous Hunting club by their father. Once there, they mingle with the members and have an awesome time. Tons of drinking, lots of stories about big game hunting. As the night was nearing it's end, the young men's father asks them if they would be interested in speaking to the club's oldest member, and they, of course, jump at the opportunity. Their father points them to a very frail looking elderly man sitting in a recliner. The young men introduce them selves, tell the old man some of their stories, and all three of them clearly enjoy each other's company. Just as the young brother's were about to leave, the old man starts to tell them his greatest story.
" I was hunting alone in the African wilderness. I found myself with no food, water or shelter. As the day was coming to an end, i barely managed to gather enough wood for a fire. I start to doze off with my rifle in hand, when i hear a rustling sound behind me. I jump to my feet and, just as i turn around, a 600 pound, male lion jumps out at me and lets out a great big ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! And, i just crapped my pants"
The young hunters look at one another. Finally, one of them says " I mean, sir. Given the circumstances anyone would have done so".
"NO!" the old man replies, "Not then, just now when i said ROOOOOOAAARRRR!!!"

Chinese Immigrants

Three Chinese brothers tried to migrate into America. The first brother was name Bu, the second was name Chu and the third was called Fu. Bu changed his name to Buck, Chu changed his name to Chuck and Fu got sent back to China.

Lawyer joke

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Old corny joke from my childhood.

Once upon a time there were three brothers.
There names were Shadhap, Traboule and Mannars.
One day Traboule was lost so the two other brothers went to the police.
Then Mannars had to go to the washroom and told his brother to talk to the policeman.
The policeman asked, "What is your name?"
"Shadhap." the remaining brother answered.
The policeman was shocked and replied, "My word! That is quite rude! I will ask again, what is your name?"
"Shadhap!" he replied again.
"Look here son, are you looking for trouble?"
"Oh my gosh yes! How did you know?"
The policeman now furious, "Where are your manners?"
"In the toilet sir!"
~~And the policeman fainted~~
And the cop shot him.

A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot

with three bullets to her w**.... Miraculously she and all her children survived. However, a bullet had embedded in each of the three children. The doctor decided it would be best to leave the bullets. A few months later she gives birth to two beautiful daughters and a son, with no health complication.
~~~13 years later ~~~
The mother had decided that it would be best for the children if she never told them about the shooting. One day when one of her daughters was using the washroom she peed out the bullet. She freaked out and ran to her mother, "Mom, mom I was just using the washroom and I peed out a bullet, what is going on?!" And the mom decided it was time to come clean. "I was shot 13 years ago, and a bullet has embedded in you and your brother and sister..." A few days later her other daughter comes running "Mom, mom I was just using the washroom and I peed out a bullet, what is going on?!" and the mother responded "I was shot 13 years ago, and a bullet has embedded in you and your brother and sister..." A few days, not to the mothers surprise her son came running "Mom, mom..." "Wait, let me guess , interrupted the mother, you were using the washroom and you peed out a bullet?" "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"

An Irishman is new to town.

He walks into the local pub and sits at the bar he order three pints of Guiness. All at once. He sits at the bar drinking the three pints alone. The bartender thinks it is strange but doesn't ask questions. This happens every week for a few months until curiosity get the better of the barkeep and he asks about the three pints of Guiness.
The Irishman answers, "one is for my brother in Dublin, one is for my brother is Kilkenny, and the other is for me. I miss them terribly and I like to think I'm having a pint with them as if we were together back at home."
After about a year of this routine the barkeep sees the Iriashman come in and starts to pour the three pints. The Irishman interrupts, "Just two today." And he sits at the bar and drinks only two beers.
The barkeep is very concerned and after a few weeks of this finally asks, "Are your brothers are they okay, was there a death?"
"Oh no, nothing like that. I decided to quit drinking."

A small boy has homework..

A small boy has a school home work question to answer, so he asks his father: "Hey Dad, what's the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'?" His Dad thinks for a while and then says "Right-o son......go and ask your mother if she'd sleep with David Beckham for a million quid."
The boy t**... off and comes back saying "Dad, dad, she said she would! She would sleep with David Beckham for a million pounds." "OK son," says his dad. "Now go and ask your sister the same question."
The boy toddles off, and comes back saying "Dad, dad, she said she would too!" So then his dad says "Right, son, now go and ask your elder brother if he'd sleep with David Beckham for a million pounds." The son comes back excitedly saying "Dad! Dad! He said he would too!"
"Well there you have it, son," said his dad. "Theoretically we could be sitting on three million quid. Realistically we're living with two tarts and a p**...."

Remembering Brothers

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of brew and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it so it would taste better if you bought just one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin and I'm in Texas. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we were together. So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders only two mugs! All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.......
"It's just that my wife and I joined the m**... Church and obviously I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though."

A cowboy...

... walks into a bar in Texas and orders three beers. He sits at the bar, drinking a sip out of each glass in turn.
This goes on for a few weeks till the bartender says " You know beer goes flat after pouring - why don't you just buy them one at a time?"

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado . When they left our home we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.

One day, he comes in and only orders two beers. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife made me quit drinking but it hasn't affected my brothers though."

A man walks into a bar......

An Irishman man walks into a bar in New York City. He orders three whiskeys. The bartender pours him one and says, "Lemme know when you want the next one." But the man says, "I think you've misunderstood me. I'd like all three at once." The bartender pours two more drinks. The man drinks down the three drinks, pays, and leaves.
This goes on almost every night for a couple of weeks. Finally the bartender asks the man why he orders three drinks at a time, since there's no real advantage to it. So the man tells him, "When I left the auld sod I promised my two brothers that whenever I sat down to take a taste of the creature, I'd order one for me and one for each of them. That's why I order three at once." It makes sense to the bartender, so he's satisfied.
The man keeps coming back almost every night for more than a year. He and the bartender get to know each other pretty well. Then one day, the man orders only two drinks. This goes on for a couple weeks, but the bartender is afraid to ask if anything happened to one of the brothers. Finally, the man comes into the bar and only orders two drinks, again. The bartender figures he has to ask, and summons up the courage to say, "I noticed you've been ordering only two drinks for the last few weeks. Is everything allright with your brothers?" The man looks at the bartender, puzzled, then realizes what he is implying. He smiles and says, "Yes! My brothers are fine, but I've given up drinking for Lent."

A cowboy walks into a bar...

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

God enjoys a good laugh!!

(found on my FB newsfeed)
**There were three good arguments that Jesus was Black:**
* He called everyone brother;
* He liked Gospel;
* He didn't get a fair trial.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:**
* He went into His Father's business;
* He lived at home until he was 33;
* He was sure his Mother was a v**... and his Mother was sure He was God.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:**
* He talked with His hands;
* He had wine with His meals;
* He used olive oil.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:**
* He never cut His hair;
* He walked around barefoot all the time;
* He started a new religion.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:**
* He was at peace with nature;
* He ate a lot of fish;
* He talked about the Great Spirit.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:**
* He never got married;
* He was always telling stories;
* He loved green pastures.
**But the most compelling evidence of all - three proofs that Jesus was a woman:**
* He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food;
* He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it;
* And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.
Can I get an AMEN!!

Three brothers eating soup

A mom has three sons and she's making them soup, While she's not looking a cupboard above the stove opens and a box of beebee's falls in the soup. She keeps cooking, serves them lunch and they go back outside to play. Ten minutes later the first boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee came out.' She doesn't believe him and he goes back out to play. Ten minutes later the second boy comes in and says 'Mommy I was peeing and a beebee came out.' She doesn't believe him and he goes back out to play. Ten minutes later, the oldest boy comes in and the mom says 'Let me guess, you were taking a pee and a beebee came out?' He says 'No, I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'

A little story told by our parish priest.

A man goes to the pub and orders three beers. Everyone expects he's waiting for someone, but he drinks all the beers himself. The next week he does the same, and the next, until he becomes a regular. Eventually the other regulars get curious and ask him what his story is.
"Well," he says "I have two brothers. One has gone to England and the other has gone to Canada, but before they left, we made a promise to have one drink for each of us every Friday so that we can celebrate together no matter where we are."
One day the man comes in and orders only two beers. A fellow patron comes up to him cap in hand, looking distressed, and says "We are all very sorry for your loss."
The man smiles and replies "Oh, no! My brothers are still alive and well. But I gave up drinking for Lent."

Brooke Gladstone told this on "On The Media" today. Told it to several people and no one else thought it was nearly as funny as I did except for my brother and my wife.

Okay. So a guy is going down the street and he sees his friend. He hasn't seen him for I don't know how long. And he has this big orange head. And, and he goes up to him and he goes, hey, what's with the big orange head? And he goes, you know, it's a funny story. I was, I was in an antique shop and I found this lamp and I, I rubbed it and a genie came out, it gave me three wishes. And so, I wished for a gorgeous house and, and you see behind me this huge mansion. Yeah, it's really nice. That's the house. And then I wished for a beautiful wife, and, and you see that really lovely blonde coming down the street. That's my wife! And, and then here's where I think I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.

A Drink for Each of My Brothers

Patrick walked into a pub and sat down at the bar. He asked for three individual shots of whiskey, and the bartender said "you know, I can put that all in one glass for you." Patrick said, "no no, see, I have two brothers who live far away. This drink is for Finnigan, this one is for Fergus, and this one is for me. And when I drink them, it's like we're all together again." So a few months go by, Patrick having his three drinks in the bar on a regular basis, and one night he came in and said "I think we'll only be needing two glasses today." The bartender stopped, cold, and said "What happened? Did something happen?" Patrick said, "oh no, my brothers are fine, it's just that I've decided to quit drinking."

An Irishman walks into a bar...

...and says to the bartender, "Give me three pints of Guinness, lad". The bartender obliges, and the Irishman lifts two of the three glasses to the air, as if toasting some invisible person. He then set them down, and finished all three glasses by sipping from one, then the next, and the next until it was empty. Bartender, naturally curious, asks what's up.
"Oh, me two brothers all live about. Since we can't meet and have a pint together, we do it from afar like this."
This continues for a few more months, until finally, one day, the Irishman only orders two pints of Guinness. Bartender notices this and says solemnly, "Only two today? I'm sorry. Did one of your brothers pass away?"
"No, no, nothing of the sort. I've quit drinking!"

Two friends meet up and one says: "So I've heard you formed a band?"

\- Yes, a quartet!
A quartet? That's four of you, right?
\- No, three.
Three!?
\- Yes, me and my brother.
You have a brother?
\- No, who do you ask?

Katie Price's first task in Celebrity....

Katie Price's first task in Celebrity Big Brother is to not get pregnant or married in the next three weeks.

Triplet Trouble

A pregnant woman was shot three times in the stomach during the war. After the war, she gave birth to three beautiful sons. The years went by, and the kids became teenagers. One day, the first son comes to his mother and says:
"Mom, mom! I was peeing, and a bullet came out of me!" he says "That's fine, you had an accident when you were a baby." she explains.
A couple of days later, the second son comes screaming:
"Mommy! I was peeing and I peed a bullet!" he sobs "It's okay, that happened to your brother, too. Nothing to worry about." she comforts him.
The next week, the third son comes slowly walking to his mom, his face completely red, and says:
"Hey, mom... remember how bullets came out of my brothers last week?" he asks quietly "Yes, it's completely normal." she replies with a smile "Yeah, well, I was m**... and I shot grandma."

A businessman decides to go on vacation to NY !!!

A businessman decides to go on vacation to NY but he wants to fly cheap.
He goes to the airport and buys a ticket from brothers airlines, and halfway to New York the plane blows out an engine.
The captain lets them know they can make on three engines then a second engine blows out.
Again the captain says they can make it on two engines.
Then a third engine blows and the man starts to panic.
The captain comes on to say: "*We are approaching new harbor, to the right is the Statue of Liberty and to left is the Empire state building and directly below in the life raft is the captain and crew, thanks for flying brothers airlines*."

Three Chinese brothers went to illegally live in America...

The brothers decided to change their names to seem american. Bu changes his name to Buck, Chu changes his name to Chuck and Fu gets sent back to China

Man walks into a bar and orders 4 beers.

Drinks them, and leaves.
Next week same time does the same thing: orders 4 beers, drinks them, and leaves.
The third week; same thing. The bartender is curious so he asks. "well, I moved here few weeks ago. Back home my 3 brothers and I met every Thursday after work for a beer. Since I was feeling homesick I figured I would keep up the tradition even if I had to do it alone."
This goes on for several weeks until one week the man comes in and orders three beers and a coke. Bartender says, "I hate to pry but what happened? Did one of your brothers pass away?"
The man chuckles and says, "No nothing like that. I decided to quit drinking."

For my brothers back home in Ireland.

An Irishman walks into a bar one night and orders three beers from the bartender. After drinking them he pays and goes home. The next night he comes back and orders three beers again, pays and goes home.
This continues for a couple weeks before the bartender finally asks "why do you always buy three beers?" The Irishman replies "One for me, and two for my brothers back home in Ireland." He then drinks his three beers and goes home.
After a month or so, the Irishman walks into a bar and tell the bartender "I'll have two beers, please!" The bartender, confused, asks him why only two. "Did one of your brothers back home die?" he asks.
"No," replies the Irishman. "I quit drinking."

The Irishman and the three beers

An Irishman moves to the us, on his first day he goes looking for a bar and finds one he likes once he enters he orders three beers, he drinks the beer, pays and leaves. He keeps doing this for a week then the bartender asks him:
* Sir why do you always drink three beers at once instead of ordering one beer at a time?
To what the Irish answers:
* Well my brothers and I used to have a daily beer back in Ireland and now that live here I drink mine and one for each of my brothers
The bartender leaves the man alone and he becomes a regular going daily for years, everyone who visited the bar knew about the Irishman and his three beers but one day he enters the bar and orders 2 beers, everyone gets quiet and the bartender says:
* I'm sorry for your loss, your brother is in a better place now
To what the Irishman responded:
* My brothers are fine I just quit drinking

A man walks into a bar and orders three drinks.

The barman serves him and then watches as the man alternates between each drink until all three are empty.
"Why do you drink them in that fashion?" asks the barman.
The man replies "I have two brothers, and they've both recently moved away. One is in Portugal, and the other is in Peru. But we've decided that we should still all drink together once a week, so right now my brothers are doing the exact same thing."
The barman, thinking it a wonderful idea, happily prepares the three drinks week in week out.
Then, one day, the man walks in, picks up two of the drinks, walks slowly to his table, and starts drinking.
The barman instantly knows exactly what this means and approaches the man's table and says "I'm terribly sorry for your loss."
The man replies "Don't worry, my brothers are fine. I just decided to quit drinking."

The three of us have never been so insulted.

My little brother told me "YOUR mom is also MY mom!"

When I was a little girl, I had a unique medical condition that required me to eat play-doh three times a day to survive.

I was very lucky that my older brother informed me about it and made sure I did it, or I might not be here today.

An Irishman goes into a bar in America and orders three whiskeys.

The barman asks: "Would it be better for if I put all three shots in one glass?"
The Irishman replies: "No! I have two other brothers back at home, so every time I come into a pub, I order a shot for them both."
The following week, the Irishman orders just two whiskeys.
The barman asks: "Did something happen one of your brothers?" "Oh no," replies the Irishman. "I just decided to quit drinking!"

The three travelers.

Three brothers are traveling along a road, and their car dies. They all get out of the car, and start walking to a barn that's a little ways away. When they get their, the farmer comes out of the barn, and offers them a room for one night. He says to the first one, "You can sleep with the pigs," the second guy," you can sleep with the cows", and the third guy, "I like the cut of your jib. You can sleep with my 18 daughters." The next morning, he asks everyone how they slept. The first man said, "I slept like a pig." The second man said ,"I slept like a cow." The third guy said, "I slept like a rabbit. I jumped from hole, to hole, to hole."

A boy was nervous about his first date

A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, and so went to his father for advice.
"My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time. The boy's nervousness builds, but he then remembers his father's advice and asks the girl,
"Do you like potato pancakes?"
"No," comes the answer, and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.
"Do you have a brother?"
"No."
After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card:
"If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

A guy sits down at a bar and orders 3 beers

The bartender says, "Three beers for just yourself?"
The guy says, "Well, I'm drinking one for me, and the other two are for me brothers back home."
So a year goes by, and the guy had become a regular always ordering 3 beers, but one day he comes in and orders just 2 beers.
The bartender says, "Oh dear lad, what happened to your brother?"
The guy looks at the bartender confused.
"You only ordered two beers. Did something happen to one of your brothers?" The bartender asks.
The guy says, "Oh no, they're okay. I quit drinking."

There was three brothers: Little Tear, Little Feather and Little Brick

One day, Little Tear asked their mom:
— Mommy, why I'm called 'Little Tear'?
Then Mom said:
— That's because when you were born, a tear dropped in your head.
......
So Little Feather asked:
— And why I'm called like that?
— That's because a feather fell on your head when you were born, son.
......
Lastly, Little Brick asked:
— *ANNNNNNNNNNHHHHAOAOAOOA*

A Rabbi becomes the head of a synagogue in a new town.

One of the old men in town dies and it comes down to the new Rabbi to hold f**... services for the old man. He begins the service, but soon realizes he did not know the man at all so he has nothing to say. He says to the audience: "I am new to this town and I did not know this man's life, you here all knew him well, is there anyone among you who has a fond memory or something nice to say about him in his passing?" A minute of deafening silence passes as the audience says nothing, two minutes, three, and the Rabbi begins to get nervous. Finally, before he is forced to speak, from the back of the room a person shouts, "HIS BROTHER WAS WORSE!"

My girlfriend was a p**......

So I decided I wanted her all to myself, and finally popped the question.
I brought her out to the woods with my brother, father and grandfather, it was a family tradition to bring all the men.
I got down on one knee and asked her in front of a beautiful sunset. She said yes!
So overcome with my joy, I broke into song:
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
She did. Three times over.
If you're happy and you know it, stop your feet!
She did again.
If you're happy and you know it...
We have very different definitions of do all three.

Three Chinese brothers

Bu, Chu and Fu came to America to live their American dream.
Bu changed his name to Buck, went into banking and became very rich.
Chu changed his name to Chuck, got a car dealership and also became rich.
Fu decided to go back to China.

Three brothers moved to America from China.

The brothers names were Chu, Bu, and Fu. These brothers decided they wanted more American sounding names so they went to City Hall to change them.
Chu decided to go by Chuck, Bu decided to go by Buck, and Fu went back to China.

After a night out partying, my brother shows up with a huge bandage on his nose. His girlfriend said,"His nose was broken in three places."

Turns out it was exactly the same three places I had warned him not to go when he'd been drinking.

A woman who is a month pregnant falls into a deep coma. Three months after giving birth, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby...


Doctor: Well, I have good news and bad news for you. Which would you like to hear first?
Woman: Of course, the good news.
Doctor: You had twins, both girls, and they're both fine. Luckily, your brother was here to name them.
Woman: Oh, that drummer... What did he name the girls?
Doctor: Anna 1, Anna 2

I gave my friend a set of alphabet letters.

He lost a letter a few days later.
So I told him to give the set back to my baby brother.
He asked me why, so I told him to look into the box.
He takes them out and counts how many of each letter there were.
"four 'A's, four 'B's, four 'C's, ... four 'T's, three 'U's, four 'W's,..."
When he finished counting, I told him it's not 4 U anymore.

There were three brothers Feather, Pillow and Brick.

One day Feather went to his mother and asked:
-Mom, why is my name Feather?
-Because when you were born and we brought you home from the hospital a feather fell on your head.
-she replied.
Next day Pillo asked the same question.
-Mom, why is my name Pillow?
-Because when you were born and we brought you home from the hospital a pillow fell on your head.
The third day Brick went up to her mom and goes:
-The Earth is flat!

There are three skunks. Mama, In, and Out.

In always stays inside, and Out always stays outside.
One day In went out and Out went in.
Mama soon called for the boys, but only Out came.
"Go find your brother." she ordered.
Out came back with In in less than five minutes.
"How did you do it so fast?" Mama asked.
Out simply replied, "Instincts."

(if you dont get it, read it aloud.)

But what he really wants ...

While my mother was pregnant with me, my parents warned my three-year-old brother not to get his heart set on either a brother or a sister, as they didn't know what I would be. He seemed to understand but added this caveat: "Well, if it's a dog, I hope it's a Boxer".

Joke my grandpa told me.

So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bar tender for three shots. The bar tender asks why 3? The guys says he has 2 brothers. one who lives in England, one who lives in Scotland. He says he has a shot for all 3 of them, so it feels like he's with the. The bartender give the guy his three shots. The guy continued to do this for a while. One day, the guy comes in and the bartender says, three shots? The guy says only two. The bartender asks the guy what happened to his brother, or if he's ok. The guy says that his brothers are fine, he just quit drinking.

Three brothers and the lights

Three brothers are arguing about whom will turn the lights off. The first orders the second, and the second orders the third to turn the lights off. In the end they agreed if someone talks he'd turn the lights off.
Days past and the neighbours are starting to get worried about them so they decided to break in. They found the three brothers all dead!
The neighbours saddened by their lost bury the brothers next together. But the third brother starts to shout that he isn't dead and the other two tell him to go turn the lights off.

There are three brothers. One is named Shut-up, the next is named c**..., and the last is named Manners

Shut-up was driving home when he was pulled over by a cop for speeding. The officer asks for his name and he says "Shut-up."
The officer gets mad and said "Sir I need your name!"
"Shut-up."
Officer "That is very rude! Tell me your name right now!"
"I said Shut-up!"
Officer "That's it, I've had enough with you! Where are your manners!?"
"At the gas station picking up c**...!"

A blonde is thinking:

How the h**... does my brother have four sisters when I only have three?

Three Brothers joke, When I was a child I had a condition where I had to eat mud three times a day in order to survive...

jokes about three brothers