threatens Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious threatens puns

A woman threatens her boyfriend

A woman threatens her boyfriend :

"If you won't stop telling me that I'm fat, I'm going to leave you !"

- "Don't do this darling ! Think about our child !" says the boyfriend, trying to convince her to stay.

- "But we **don't** have any child !" eructs the woman.

- "Wait, what ? You're not 8 months pregnant ?"


On a bus one day.....

.....a man was sitting next to a woman who was trying to breast-feed her child. The child however refuses to suck on the breast.

Being frustrated, the mother threatens the child, "If you don't suck on, I will give it to the man next to us!" The child still refuses to oblige. After about 10 minutes of failed effort to get her child to breastfeed, the woman threatens her child again.

Finally the man clears his throat and says, "Look here woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off 6 stops ago!"


North Korea threatens to start nuclear war

France surrenders just in case


A White guy, a Black guy and a Mexican are out in a boat fishing

when a big storm blows up and threatens to sink them.

The men begin praying, and the storm disappears.  They look up and see Jesus walking towards them across the water.  Jesus says to the men, "Because of your faith, I will heal each of you."

Jesus turns to the White man and says, "Your arthritis is cured."  The White man rubs his hands and exclaims, "It's true, my hands don't hurt any more!"

Jesus turns to the Mexican and says, "Your vision is restored."  The Mexican blinks and says, "My cataracts, they're gone!"

Jesus turns to the Black man, who throws up his hands and says "DON'T TOUCH ME, I'M ON TOTAL DISABILITY!"


If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit suicide...

is it a hostage situation?


I'm not afraid of someone who threatens to open up a can of whoopass on me...

I'm much more afraid of the people who can the whoopass to begin with.


Multiple personalities

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves is it considered a hostage situation?


Hacker Group Anonymous Threatens to Release Iggy Azalea Sex Tape


A guy came up to me once

He said: "The pen is my weapon."
I said: "So if someone comes up to you and threatens you with a gun do you spray him with ink?"


Roses are red, Logan Paul is gay,

FAU student threatens to kill professor for scheduling 7am final exam, police say.


Canada and Saudie Arabia walk into a bar

Canada raises the bar to see if Saudie Arabia is hurt.

Saudie Arabia looks angry and threatens Canada to mind it's own buisness.


A robber comes up to a man in a suit and threatens him...

-Give me YOUR money!

-But, I'm a ... politician.

-Okay then,give me MY money!


What do you call it when an incel threatens to kill himself when someone doesn't respond to his desperate and creepy messages?

Fake noose.


What are the most funny Threatens jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Threatens? Well, here are the best Threatens dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Threatens pick up lines to share with friends.


Joko Jokes