Threat Jokes

63 threat jokes and hilarious threat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about threat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article explores the different types of threat jokes and their implications. From triple threat jokes about school to insider threat jokes about torture or xenophobia, we examine the potential for jokes to become extremist in nature, and the implications this has for society.

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Funniest Threat Short Jokes

Short threat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The threat humour may include short danger jokes also.

  1. What's the difference between an Iraqi school and an Iraqi Army base? One poses a significant potential threat to ISIS and its continued existence.
    The other is an Iraqi Army base.
  2. I was watching the Dyslexic news channel earlier.
    Apparently North Korea are making unclear threats to the US.
  3. Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.
    Teach 100 men to fish, you're the single biggest threat to our ecosystem.
  4. Was always of the opinion that bad posture didn't pose a threat to my physical well-being. But after an appointment with my physiotherapist, I stand corrected.
  5. Don't use Cops to protect the Capitol building! Use barbers and hairdressers, the threat of a shave, shampoo and haircut should have most of them running for the hills!
  6. The dyslexic general was trying to determine if the reports he read indicated a nuclear threat or not In the end, he said it was unclear
  7. The uprising of the machines When the machines finally rise up and access my fitness bracelet data, they will realize that I am not a threat.
  8. Hate Trump all you want, but after seeing him make his threats to North Korea, I realized he really had a pair. Of chins.
  9. Do you know who my father is? A threat from a rich white kid.

    A question from a poor black one.
  10. What's the difference between Betsy DeVos and a Grizzly Bear? Betsy DeVos is an actual threat to school children.

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Threat One Liners

Which threat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with threat? I can suggest the ones about risk and enemy.

  1. Some acids walked into the enemy base... Threat Neutralized.
  2. I tried to send Sean Bean a death threat He mistook it for a job offer. :(
  3. Pakistan makes nuclear threat in response to fake news The struggle Israel
  4. What do you call a trio of disabled people? Cripple threat...
  5. What' the biggest threat to the Vatican? Weapons of Mass destruction
  6. What do you call a threat of violence posted on a bulletin board? Under a tack.
  7. I recently got a death threat from my calendar It said that my days were numbered
  8. What do you call a death threat sent by telegram? A kilogram!
  9. What do you call three disabled people fighting? Cripple threat match
  10. What do you get when you win a theological debate with a muslim? Death threats.
  11. What do you get after a religious debate? Death threats.
  12. Insane people on rollerblades are a threat They are always on an unstable platform.
  13. They thought the Night Kings threats were a bluff But he was dead serious
  14. Once a blind man got a death threat in the mail He could feel it!
  15. What is Kevin Spacey's favorite punk rock band? Minor Threat

School Threat Jokes

Here is a list of funny school threat jokes and even better school threat puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When your school takes tposing seriously When a kid tposes - 6 days suspension
    When a kid calls in bomb threat - 5 days suspension
    True story

Triple Threat Jokes

Here is a list of funny triple threat jokes and even better triple threat puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I just discovered the woman I'm dating is a triple threat She has a UTI, an STI and a DUI.
  • I'm a triple threat. My singing, dancing, and acting are all threateningly terrible.
Threat joke, I'm a triple threat.

Threat joke, I'm a triple threat.

Cheerful Threat Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!

What funny jokes about threat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean angered jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make threat pranks.

David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'...

David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'.
We're leaving that country in a state of poverty and despair, where half the population can't read and daily life is blighted by the ever-present threat of needless violence.
Yes, we've brought the British way of life to them all right.

I'm not worried about Muslim s**... b**...

They can only do it once. Those hindu s**... b**... are the real threat.

While at our wedding, I pointed out to my wife-to-be...

that her her veil wasn't nearly opaque enough. She responded by discreetly implying she would hit me.
It was a thinly-veiled threat.

A bride brought an AK-47 to her wedding, hoping no one would realize that she was dangerous.

She was a veiled threat.

How do you threaten a fan of classical music?

You tell him to watch his bach.


The following headline appeared in the daily newspaper and threw the city hall into an uproar: "Half the city council are crooks."
A retraction in full was demanded of the editor under the threat of a libel suit. Next afternoon, the headline read, "Half the city council aren't crooks."

North Korea is a lot like Hurricane Harvey

The biggest threat in the ocean until some bigger issue comes from the East.

A rhino walked into a bar...

Everyone left the bar in an organized matter as to avoid the potential threat.

Don't you love it when you get beautiful texts from someone that cares about you?

So eloquently written, it ties your stomach in knots. Writing so succinct and captivating it gets your heart pounding and racing. Using words that convey such great ideas. I got one like that one today. It read
"Ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill."
Truly powerful words. They **blew** me away

A threat

An elderly man was on the operating table awaiting surgery to be performed by his son, a renowned surgeon. Just before they would put him under, he asked to speak to his son: "Don't be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife. No pressure, seriously."

The real threat

Police officer: Sir, I don't understand. You lost the credit card a year ago, why are you reporting it now?
Guy: The thief wasn't spending nearly as much as my wife used to…
Police officer: But why report it now?
Guy: I think the thief's wife got hold of it now.

A man is sitting next to woman on a bus

The woman is trying to breastfeed, but the baby refuses to s**... on her breast. She warns her child, if you don't start s**..., I'm going to give it to the man next to me , but the baby still refuses.
After 20 minutes, the woman repeats the threat several times to no avail. The man finally clears his t**... and says, look here lady, you need to make up your mind, I was supposed to get off 6 bus stops ago!

South American families are a real threat to American national security...

They draw their power from nuclear families. That's why the president is disarming them at the border.

Little kids at the airport act like they're going to the dentist

I don't get what they're so afraid of. No ones going to dig at your cavities at the airport, unless you look like a threat.

A cop, a firefighter, and a bureaucrat are at a elementary school career day...

The cop brags, I'm the fastest one out of the three. I can respond to a threat in one minute
The firefighter says, That's nothing, I can run into a burning building and rescue someone in 30 seconds
The bureaucrat responds, pfff, I can work 9-5 and be home by 2

Breast Feeding

A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on the bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, "If you don't eat I'll give it to the man next to me." The baby refuses. After 20 mins the mother repeats the threat. The man clears his t**... and says, "Hey woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off the bus 6 stops ago!"

Yo momma is so s**......

... she single-handedly became a threat to literally millions of people by deciding not to vaccinate you or your siblings.

It's 2020. We need to WAKE UP. The biggest threat to humanity is here. This world is dying. We NEED to do something about this. We can't let this virus take over humanity.

Someone delete TikTok ffs.

I threatened a cop and then he cut my electricity

It was a real a**... of power

Netflix and Disney should just join forces to create the most controversial movie ever: a young girl becomes infatuated with makeup and skimpy outfits, but first she must save China from the threat of the Uighur.

Call it *Mulan Rouge*

Nothing is more threatening than an intelligent woman

Oh, really?
How about an intelligent woman, with a knife

Somewhere over Belarus a pilot just had a radio call

Pilot to crew: We are requested to land immediately.
Please prepare the cabin.
Crew: Why, what is happening?
Pilot: Threat of an explosive.
Cew: What? What explosive?!
Pilot: The one they will fire at us if we don't.

"Hello police? I'd like to report a m**..."

"For the last time sir, a bunch of crows sitting in a tree isn't a threat to your security"

What's the difference between pop punk and h**... punk?

A h**... band is a Minor Threat. A pop punk band is a threat to minors.

Vladimir Putin was being briefed by one of his top generals.

"I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir."
"Let's hear the good news," the president replied.
"Intelligence reports indicate that the latest additions to the Ukranian arsenal are damaged and outdated, and many won't pose any threat to us at all."
"That's excellent! Finally, things might be starting to turn our way! What's the bad the news?"
The general shifted in his seat and looked down at the table. "A large amount of our best weapons and munitions have just been captured, sir."

Do you know why no one tells Chuck Norris "Chuck Norris" jokes?

They don't want to risk him perceiving the "punchline" as a threat!

How do you threaten a calender?

Say "Your days are numbered."

Threat joke, How do you threaten a calender?

jokes about threat