The Best 45 Threat Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Threat jokes. There are some threat isis jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these threat racist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Threat Jokes and Puns

David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'...

David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'.

We're leaving that country in a state of poverty and despair, where half the population can't read and daily life is blighted by the ever-present threat of needless violence.

Yes, we've brought the British way of life to them all right.

I'm not worried about Muslim suicide bombers

They can only do it once. Those Hindu suicide bombers are the real threat.

What's the difference between an Iraqi school and an Iraqi Army base?

One poses a significant potential threat to ISIS and its continued existence.

The other is an Iraqi Army base.

Threat joke, What's the difference between an Iraqi school and an Iraqi Army base?

Some acids walked into the enemy base...

Threat Neutralized.

I'm a triple threat.

My singing, dancing, and acting are all threateningly terrible.

While at our wedding, I pointed out to my wife-to-be...

that her her veil wasn't nearly opaque enough. She responded by discreetly implying she would hit me.

It was a thinly-veiled threat.

Which is more threatening?

A big sword or a small sword?

The small sword - it's a little rapier

Threat joke, Which is more threatening?

A bride brought an AK-47 to her wedding, hoping no one would realize that she was dangerous.

She was a veiled threat.

Pakistan makes nuclear threat in response to fake news

The struggle Israel

No one talked about it but the threat level was raised on January 20th, 2017

They raised it to orange.

A five year old boy was detained at a US airport for hours because he posed a security threat.

Makes sense. What better assassin to kill a 5 year old president?


You can explore threat extremists reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean threat dumbass dad jokes. There are also threat puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What's the difference between Betsy DeVos and a Grizzly Bear?

Betsy DeVos is an actual threat to school children.

What do you call three disabled people fighting?

Cripple threat match

Terrorists have been saying they'll horizontally expand images of their foes.

The threat is being blown out of proportion.

After living in fear for years, Gloria Estefan's threat became a reality...

I opened my door this morning and was brutally attacked by the rhythm.

How do you threaten a fan of classical music?

You tell him to watch his bach.

Threat joke, How do you threaten a fan of classical music?


The following headline appeared in the daily newspaper and threw the city hall into an uproar: "Half the city council are crooks."

A retraction in full was demanded of the editor under the threat of a libel suit. Next afternoon, the headline read, "Half the city council aren't crooks."

North Korea is a lot like Hurricane Harvey

The biggest threat in the ocean until some bigger issue comes from the East.

A man was filling a form...

This was the form he filled

Sex: 2 times a week.

Strength: My wife, Amy.

Weakness: John's wife Selena.

Opportunity: When John is on tour.

Threat: When I am on tour!!!

A rhino walked into a bar...

Everyone left the bar in an organized matter as to avoid the potential threat.

Don't you love it when you get beautiful texts from someone that cares about you?

So eloquently written, it ties your stomach in knots. Writing so succinct and captivating it gets your heart pounding and racing. Using words that convey such great ideas. I got one like that one today. It read

"Ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill."

Truly powerful words. They **blew** me away

What is Kevin Spacey's favorite punk rock band?

Minor Threat

Insane people on rollerblades are a threat

They are always on an unstable platform.

A threat

An elderly man was on the operating table awaiting surgery to be performed by his son, a renowned surgeon. Just before they would put him under, he asked to speak to his son: "Don't be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife. No pressure, seriously."

The real threat

Police officer: Sir, I don't understand. You lost the credit card a year ago, why are you reporting it now?
Guy: The thief wasn't spending nearly as much as my wife used to…
Police officer: But why report it now?
Guy: I think the thief's wife got hold of it now.

Once a blind man got a death threat in the mail

He could feel it!

A man is sitting next to woman on a bus

The woman is trying to breastfeed, but the baby refuses to suck on her breast. She warns her child, if you don't start sucking, I'm going to give it to the man next to me , but the baby still refuses.

After 20 minutes, the woman repeats the threat several times to no avail. The man finally clears his throat and says, look here lady, you need to make up your mind, I was supposed to get off 6 bus stops ago!

South American families are a real threat to American national security...

They draw their power from nuclear families. That's why the president is disarming them at the border.

Little kids at the airport act like they're going to the dentist

I don't get what they're so afraid of. No ones going to dig at your cavities at the airport, unless you look like a threat.

A cop, a firefighter, and a bureaucrat are at a elementary school career day...

The cop brags, I'm the fastest one out of the three. I can respond to a threat in one minute

The firefighter says, That's nothing, I can run into a burning building and rescue someone in 30 seconds

The bureaucrat responds, pfff, I can work 9-5 and be home by 2

I just discovered the woman I'm dating is a triple threat

She has a UTI, an STI and a DUI.

There was a bomb threat where I live.

This kid on Call of Duty just screamed, "Defuse it or I'll kill you!"

Breast Feeding

A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on the bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, "If you don't eat I'll give it to the man next to me." The baby refuses. After 20 mins the mother repeats the threat. The man clears his throat and says, "Hey woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off the bus 6 stops ago!"

A cat walks into a bar

And it is then rescued and killed by Peta. Stray animals are a threat in all situations

Yo momma is so stupid...

... she single-handedly became a threat to literally millions of people by deciding not to vaccinate you or your siblings.

Do you know who my father is?

A threat from a rich white kid.

A question from a poor black one.

It's 2020. We need to WAKE UP. The biggest threat to humanity is here. This world is dying. We NEED to do something about this. We can't let this virus take over humanity.

Someone delete TikTok ffs.

I threatened a cop and then he cut my electricity

It was a real abuse of power

I recently got a death threat from my calendar

It said that my days were numbered

Was always of the opinion that bad posture didn't pose a threat to my physical well-being.

But after an appointment with my physiotherapist, I stand corrected.

Netflix and Disney should just join forces to create the most controversial movie ever: a young girl becomes infatuated with makeup and skimpy outfits, but first she must save China from the threat of the Uighur.

Call it *Mulan Rouge*

What do you call a trio of disabled people?

Cripple threat...

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day.

Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.

Teach 100 men to fish, you're the single biggest threat to our ecosystem.

Nothing is more threatening than an intelligent woman

Oh, really?

How about an intelligent woman, with a knife

Don't use Cops to protect the Capitol building!

Use barbers and hairdressers, the threat of a shave, shampoo and haircut should have most of them running for the hills!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the threat evil jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working threat explosives piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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