Thousand Jokes
122 thousand jokes and hilarious thousand puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about thousand that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is about the hidden humour in everyday life and features one thousand jokes. It discusses 30 hive-mockingbird jokes and explores the topics of comedy, wit, and wisdom in modern day life. Learn to identify and appreciate the humour in everyday life with this article!
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- Short Thousand Jokes
- Thousand One Liners
- One Thousand Jokes
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- Fifty Thousand Jokes
- Thousand Suns Jokes
- More Thousand Jokes
Funniest Thousand Short Jokes
Short thousand jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The thousand humour may include short hundred jokes also.
- Every "yo momma" joke has been done thousands of times, by thousands of different people. Kinda like yo momma.
- Some of us live thousands of miles away from most of our relatives and can't be with them this holiday season... ... Please don't be jealous
- The US is having so many disasters and tragedies Youd almost think it was built on top of thousands of ancient indian burial grounds.
- If you ever feel useless...
Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, Trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with...
the Taliban - I've asked thousands of people what LGBTQ+ stands for. Nobody has given me a straight answer.
- Breaking News: A movie theatre has just been robbed of over two thousand dollars The theives took a large soda and two bags of popcorn
- Give a man a fish you'll feed him for a day Teach a man to fish and he'll spend thousands of dollars on equipment and go once a year
- What's the difference between rock and jazz? Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people. Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people.
- Say what you want about Trump's wall But China has had a great wall for thousands of years and you still don't see any Mexicans
- A dear friend of mine passed away this week. This was one of his jokes: What do you call half of a thousand native American insomniacs? The Indian nap-less 500.
Share These Thousand Jokes With Friends
Thousand One Liners
Which thousand one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with thousand? I can suggest the ones about countless and numerous.
- How do you say goodbye to a thousand Japanese people? A big wave
- How do you say good bye to two hundred thousand Indonesians? A big wave.
- I can sum up 2016 in four words Two thousand and sixteen
- How heavy is a hipster? One thousand instagrams
- How do Chernobyl kids count to one thousand? With their fingers
- Quitting drugs is easy... I've done it like a thousand times.
- Never feel worthless! Your organs are worth thousands.
- For school I had to write a thousand word essay So I drew a picture
- What do you call a thousand dollar door? A grand entrance.
- How do you make a tiramisu? With a thousand Gigamisous
- What do you call a Rabbi with a thousand thousand foreskins? A Mohelionaire.
- Trump recommends injections with disinfectant to save thousands True if he does it first.
- Once you've seen a thousand stores under one roof… You've seen theMall
- What kills thousands of smokers a year? Natural Causes
- If you meet a person who own a few thousand bees, marry them. They're a keeper.
One Thousand Jokes
Here is a list of funny one thousand jokes and even better one thousand puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Remember men, no means no, but one thousand no's and one yes is YouTube Premium's entire marketing scheme.
- A woman walked into a bank and took off her top and pulled out a gun she stole thousands, shame no one could remember her face.
- There's this band called one thousand and twenty three megabytes They haven't had any gigs yet.
- As I lay in my new girlfriend's bed, I noticed four lines carved into the headboard. Is that how many men you've slept with? , I asked.
Yes , she replied, One thousand, one hundred and eleven. - How many North Koreans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A hundred thousand. One to screw in the lightbulb, and the rest for holding the parade.
- What's the difference between COVID-19 and Donald Trump? One is a ruthless force hellbent on killing hundreds of thousands, and the other is a virus.
- Funny how when other people repost a joke, they get thousands of upvotes, but when I repost one... It's this one
- This one's mainly for Mexicans and Texans. What did Daniel Boone say to Davey Crocket when thousands of Mexicans charged at them at the Alamo?
"Davey.... are we pouring concrete today??" - The saying goes that the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. This must be very frustrating for a fish.
- A little girl runs to her mum "Mummy, I just saw a rat as big as an elephant!".
Her mum starts shouting angrily at her: "I told you one hundred thousands billions times not to exaggerate things!"
Ten Thousand Jokes
Here is a list of funny ten thousand jokes and even better ten thousand puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Do you know what we would call 'COVID-19' if the first ten thousand people killed were politicians? A good start.
- By then end of my lifetime, I will have cause tens of thousands of ejaculations. Single-handedly.
- The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want ten thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."
- Germany sets a new record in the world cups. They arrive in Moscow with ten thousand men. 40 km further than the old record in 1942.
- I gave my wife ten thousand dollars to have plastic surgery; now I can't get the money back and I don't know who to look for.
- A gospel choir leader with a lisp embezzled tens of thousands of dollars from his church. But eventually he got caught and had to faith the music.
- According to finnish sources there are tens of thousands of Russian soldiers at their border. The only issue is that they're buried six feet deep.
- The Romans executed tens of thousands by crucifixion, and... you're just gonna assume the guy on my necklace is Jesus?
- My mom said if I get ten thousand upvotes she will tuck me in Come on. She really wants a daughter.
- The recession really has hit hard. Hundreds and thousands are now known as "ones and tens".
Fifty Thousand Jokes
Here is a list of funny fifty thousand jokes and even better fifty thousand puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do fifty thousand abused blonde women all have in common? They just don't listen.
Thousand Suns Jokes
Here is a list of funny thousand suns jokes and even better thousand suns puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why didn't the sun have to attend university? It's already got thousands of degrees.
- Why didn't the sun go to college? It already had 10 thousand degrees.
Quirky and Hilarious Thousand Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about thousand you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dozen jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make thousand pranks.
Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
A large group of Russian soldiers...
A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russians."
Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians!"
The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... Then silence.
Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander,
"Don't send any more men......it's a trap. There are two of them."
Three men die, and go to the pearly gates...
St. Peter walks up to the firsts, and he says: "You have lived a good life, but you have cheated on your wife many times. Confess here before your friends, and you will be allowed into heaven."
The man says: "I slept with a different woman every week of my ten-year marriage. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a bicycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The second man says:"I was married for five years, and I slept with a different woman as a lover each year. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a motorcycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The third man says: "I was married for a month, and stayed faithful throughout. Then my wife died, so I committed s**... so I may be with her."
St. Peter tells him: "I know. Follow me." He then leads him to a helicopter, and tells him to enjoy the ride. The man soon enough passes the other two men, who see him land a short distance away. They eventually catch up to him, and see he is crying.
The first two men ask him: "Why are you crying? You have no sins to atone for!"
The third says: "I just saw my wife... She was skateboarding."
A little help with your math
A businessman is getting a 17% discount on an order worth $20,000.00, but can't figure out the total in his head. He asks his secretary, "Betty, if I were to give you twenty thousand dollars with a 17% discount, how much would you take off?" She thinks for a minute, then says, "Everything except my earrings."
Tom had been a compulsive worrier for years...
...until he found a way to overcome this problem.
His friends noticed the dramatic change.
"You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore."
"I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week, Tom replied.
'I haven't had a single problem since."
"A thousand a week," said Doug. "You can't afford that, how are you going to pay him?"
"Tom replied, "That's his problem."
Wishes
A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out.
"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."
"But I hate my husband," the woman protested. "He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."
The genie shrugged and told her it was genie law. "OK, whatever," she said, "Give me a hundred million dollars." *p**...!* There were stacks and stacks of newly minted $100 bills piled in front of her. "So, does that mean my husband has *two* hundred million now?"
"Yep," the genie said.
"OK... for my second wish, I want a 100,000 square foot mansion." *p**...!* There was a huge mansion right up on the bluff, and the deed was in her pocket. "So, does that mean my husband gets *two* mansions?"
"Yes indeed. Now, what would you like for your final wish?"
She thought about it for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, "Genie -- scare me half to death!"
A black dude walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bar tender goes "Awesome, Where'd you get that?"
The parrot replies "Africa, there's thousands of them there."
Overcrowded church
The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were only three people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."
For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid.
Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
The dog is dead.
My dog wanted to go out and do his business, but I didn't have time to walk him. So I let him out to run around on his own. A few minutes later I heard screeching tires and a thud. I ran to the window and yelled "NO!". A thousand times I had told that dog not to drive my car. I'm going to kill him.
Edit-spelling.
Short, but good nonetheless
Every "yo mamma" joke has been done thousands of different times, by thousands of different people.
Just like yo mamma.
Three engineering students.
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Seriously guys, every 'yo momma' joke has already been done thousands of times by thousands of people..
just like yo momma!
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...
...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.
"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."
My priest told a joke during his homily today.
A man says to God, "God, how long is a thousand years to you?"
God says, "A thousand years to me is like a second to you."
"Oh. God, how much is a million dollars to you?"
"A million dollars to me is like a penny to you."
"Oh. God, can I have one of your pennies?"
"Sure thing. Just hold on a second."
So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!
There was a Jewish businessman
There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the synagogue!" Suddenly, a car left exactly in front of him. Relieved, the guy looked again at the sky and said: "It's okay, forget it, I got one."
a teacher asks students
Teacher asks students to tell about their dreams, one of them raises his hands and says: 'my dream is to get 100 thousands dollars monthly like my father'.
teacher got shocked, 'does your father get 100 thousands dollars monthly?' teacher says.
student replies: 'no, my father dreams too'.
(sorry for my English)
U.S. Navy Seals just freed thousands of ISIS s**... slaves ...
All the goats have been moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their respective farmers.
The United States has such bad luck
It's almost as if it was build on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
What do you call a man under a pile of leaves? - Russell. What do you call a man under a pile of leaves for thousands of years?
Pete.
The inventor of the air conditioner has died
Thousands of fans are attending his f**...
Christians always go on about the time Jesus fed five thousand people with five loaves and two fishes...
What about h**...? He made 6 million jews toast.
A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**...
A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**... are each sentenced to thirty years in prison. Each man is given one request that will be honored by the jail warden.
A woman, asks the Frenchman.
A telephone, says the Jew.
A cigarette, says the p**....
Thirty years later the Frenchman walks out with the woman and ten kids.
The Jew strolls out carrying a ten thousand dollar commission he has made during the time.
The p**... walks out and says, Has anyone got a match?
An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband...
An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband to lean in, and whispers, "I'm sorry, forgive me..
in the chest in the attic is one million two hundred thousand dollars and five cents.. I earned it hooking, while you were busy working your entire life."
The husband is mad, but forgives her, and asks, "but which cheapskate gave you the nickel?"
She replies, "They all did."
Credit goes to u/umm_umm_
"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.
"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.
Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"
Mr. Smith is on vacation with his wife and mother-in-law in Jerusalem
One day, his mother-in-law dies quite suddenly. An undertaker proposes to bury the deceased there in Jerusalem.
'No, thank you,' says Mr. Smith. 'I'd rather have the body shipped back to New York.'
'But why not?' asks the undertaker. 'Shipping a body is expensive, and I could organise a beautiful ceremony here...'
'Look, sir! We're talking about my mother-in-law... Two thousand years ago, they buried a young man here who was resurrected three days later; I'm not taking any chances!'
People think Jesus was so great...
But all he did was give fish to a thousand people.
You forget that h**... made 6 million people toast.
A thousand years is a minute to God
A man was speaking to God and he asked him, "God is it true that to you a thousand years is a minute?"
"That's true," God replied.
"And is it true that to you $1,000,000 is like a penny?"
"That's true," God said.
"Well, you see I'm a poor man and I was wondering if you could give me a penny," asked the man.
"Sure," said God, "in a minute."
So much has been going wrong in the USA
You would think it had been built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
A beautiful blonde walks up to a craps table...
She bets ten thousand on one roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel luckier when I'm n**...."
She strips down and rolls the dice. When she sees the dice she jumps for joy screaming "I won! I won!" She hugs the dealers, takes her winnings and leaves.
Finally, one of the dealers asks, "What did she roll?" The other says, "I thought you were watching!"
It goes to show: Not all blondes are dumb, but men will always be men.
TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.
Whoops, wrong sub.
During the Vietnam war, if you reported one communist...
You would win one thousand dollars.
If you reported 2 communists, you would win 2 thousands dollars.
If you reported 3 communists, you would go to jail because you knew too many communists.
I almost bought a pen because it wrote underwater, but the biggest selling point for me was...
It wrote thousands of other words!
A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor
A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor. (Russian Joke)
P: "Doc, I just can't fall asleep. Thousands of thoughts enter my mind and I stay awake through the night."
Doc: "here take (MiraLax - or alternative strong laxative) and it should help you"
P:" will this help me fall asleep?
Doc: "No, but you will only have one thing on your mind"
Sorry, translated this from Russian, may not be as funny in English
Did you hear the department of transportation is laying off thousands of workers?
They invented a shovel that stands up by itself.
With all these natural disasters happening,
Its almost as if the USA was built over thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
Why was Portugal the best colonial power?
Spain had thousands of colonists, Britain had millions, but Portugal had BRAZILIANS.
Why is obesity not a problem in Japan?
Because the last time they had a fat man there. Several thousand people died.
Imagine how someone from a thousand years ago would respond if you told them that in the future there will be giant metal birds that fly people around the world?
Don't you mean across?
A Guy walks in an Irish Pub
I guy on vacation in Ireland walks into a pub and says
"I hear you Irish can drink, I'll give a thousand bucks
to the guy who can drink 10 pints of Guinness in under 5 minutes"
Everyone is quiet but one of the Irishmen gets up and leaves.
In a few minutes the Irishmen walks back in and says
"Line me up 10 pints of Guinness" and he drinks them in 4 minutes flat.
As the guy is paying him the $1000 he asks the Irishmen
"If ya dont mind me askin, when you left earlier, where'd ya go"
The Irishmen says "I had to go to the pub next door
cuz I wanted to make sure I could do it"
A priest dies and goes to the gates of Heaven
The priest approaches the bouncer aka St. Peter.
After perusing the list, Peter can't find the priest's name, and tells him to go downstairs to the waiting room until further notice.
Meanwhile, a taxi driver who died at the same time approached the gates.
St. Peter welcomes him with open arms and lets him straight into Heaven.
The priest is dumbfounded. I've preached to thousands of people throughout my life! I've baptized children and converted many to the church! I've lived a holy life!
St. Peter shakes his head and responds:
When you preached, people slept...
When he drove, people prayed.
A business owner is interviewing an attractive young lady...
A business owner is interviewing to hire a bookkeeper, and in walks an attractive young lady. To make sure that she understands money and math, he asks her "If I were to give you ten thousand dollars, minus 15%, how much would you take off?"
She thinks a moment and answers "Everything but my earrings!"
My sister bet me a thousand dollars that I could not build a car out of noodles.
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face. The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...
"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, 60, who died of heart failure while making love to his mistress, hence the enormous smile." says the coroner.
"Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars in the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Ok, so what about the third body?"
"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the r**... from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is *he* smiling then?"
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
Poor planning?
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "it was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "no, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
For my chemistry homework, I was supposed to write a thousand words on acid.
I tried, but my pen turned into a rainbow-coloured giraffe and then the desk melted.
Who designed the human body?
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints!"
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through the recreational area?"
Three rich guys bury a friend
First throws a thousand bucks into the coffin, saying "I want you to never need anything in the next life".
Second one, richer than the first, throws 5000 behind it.
All look to the third who is even richer than the other two. He writes a check over 100 grand, throws it in the coffin and remarks "Cash it if you need any".
In honour of my first cake day, here's a few of my favourite riddles. Feel free to try them on your friends.
Q: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?
A: A hole
Q: What two words have thousands of letters in them?
A: Post office
Q: The maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it and the user doesn't see it. What is it?
A: A coffin
Q: What travels all over the world, but stays in the corner?
A: A stamp
Q: What runs all around a field, but doesn't move?
A: A fence
Q: What starts with E, ends with e and only has one letter in it?
A: Envelope
Tell a woman she's beautiful a thousand times and she'll still act like she's never heard it before. Call a woman fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget.
Can we ban yo momma jokes in this sub? They old, s**... and been done by like literally everyone a thousand times
Just like yo momma
Psychic: I'm sorry to say that you are going to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on your education.
Man: How do you know this?
Psychic: Mostly in tuition.
Give a man a fish and he will have a meal,
Teach a man how to fish and he will spend thousands of dollars on fishing equipment.
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that
If you ever feel useless...
Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, Trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with...
the Taliban
An ancient Chinese joke, at least a thousand years old.
A man visits his sick friend, and finds him to now be well and energetic. "How wonderful!", his friend says, "What happened?". "Dr. Chang is the cause of my health.", he says gratefully. "Dr. Chang, what did he do?". "Well, Dr. Li came and gave me a special diet. And I got sicker. Then Dr. Wong came and gave me bitter herbs, and I got even worse. On death's door I called for Dr. Chang." "And what did Dr. Chang do?", his friend asks in wonder. The man replies happily, "Dr. Chang did the best of all, he didn't come, so I got well!"
Old Finnish WW2 joke
Finnish general Adolf Ehrnrooth was visiting in England after the World War II.
British general asked him how many Russian troops were stationed in Finland.
"A few hundred thousand" answered Ehrnrooth.
"Where in Finland are they stationed?" The British general asked.
Ehrnrooth answered: "Two meters underground around the border."
What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?
The rock musician plays three chords for thousands of people, the jazz guitarist plays thousands of chords to three people.
A Russian comes home after fishing trip
A Russian comes home after fishing trip and hears the news that Russia is at war. He asks another Russian what is going on, and he tells him:
"We are at war with NATO!"
"Oh wow, how many troops have been lost?"
"Well, we have lost 45,000 troops, almost 2000 tanks, a thousand artillery pieces, several hundred helicopters and aircraft, several generals have been captured, our economy is in shambles, and the Moskva was sunk.
"And NATO?"
"NATO hasn't showed up yet."
Two old jews are talking in Odessa.
-What's the news?
-Have you not heard? There is a war!
-who is fighting?
-Russia says it is at war with NATO.
-How's is it going?
-70,000 Russians are dead, they have lost thousands of tanks, used up most of their missiles, and their economy is collapsing.
-and NATO?
-NATO hasn't shown up yet.
Cr
Not vaccinating your child is like owning a PT Cruiser
You're spending thousands a year on something that'll probably be dead in less than five.
God must be an engineer.
Three engineering students are discussing what sort of God
must have designed the human body. The first says, 'God must be a mechanical engineer.
Look at all the joints."
The second says,"I think God must be an electrical engineer. The nervous system has thousands of electrical connections." The third says, "Actually, God is a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
Thousands of people have made it to the finals of the world limbo championship
Apparently the bar was set too high
You can paint a thousand paintings and not be called an artist...
You can run a thousand marathons and not be called an athlete...
You can cook a thousand meals and not be called a chef.
But as soon as you kill ONE PERSON...
